I hadn’t smoked for too long, but what I’m beginning to realize in my 18 years of life and living is that some things you can become addicted to instantly. Money. Good Sex (lol!), attention, being spoiled - and on and on we can go. One of the most powerful addictive drugs is Love (aaaaaaw - how sweet, CeCe) and close behind, I am SURE, is nicotine.

I curse the day I ever started. I can’t go into much detail, but what I can say is that I had a friend who was a bit “tougher” than I was, and at 13 she and I would go around the lake and talk to much older men who would give us, among other things, cigarettes. We thought we were so cool…sitting there outside next to a campfire and listening to the latest from our favorite Kurt Cobain song and feeling like tortured and persecuted preteens. *sigh*. With our hair slicked back and our noses a bit sunburnt, and smelling strangely erotic with Eau De Off Mosquito Spray - we would tantalize these older men thinking nothing of the danger we might have put ourselves in.

My family owned a lake home in the midwest - and every summer we would go there and I would come back with a wealth of maturity tucked into my training bra. I would go back to being the great student - oboedient daughter - and smoke free, but somewhere in the past 2 years I kept a hold of my little nicotine secret - and thanks to older brothers, kept up the daily supply. My parents found out and threatened to kick my ass - but nothing worked. I became a gifted closet smoker hiding it away from everyone - but when I found myself working for the gym, suddenly I started to feel guilty. How in the world could I eat junk food in front of clients who were coming to me as though I had the secret to weight loss? And how in the hell could I be puffing on cigarettes before going into work to help them with their cardio. It just didn’t make sense. So I went and got on “the patch”. And it worked. Maybe because I haven’t been in the mood lately to really get fucked - and so consequently have not had a really good orgasm - until the other night. And then I wanted a cigarette. It’s not a nagging feeling - the constant stream of nicotine into my body has taken care of most of the cravings - but there is the habit - and the FUN I use to have smoking. *sigh*. I don’t really feel cranky even - I would just like to have one and can’t seem to imagine feeling any different.

Enough of that, though. I am not going to start back up - so please - no UNCLES or DADDY’s coming into my blog lecturing me about lung cancer and bad breath and stinky clothes. I’m not going to start again - I’m committed to quitting - so save your lecture for the person coughing up a lung or something, please. I am just putting it out there that I would LIKE to have a cigarette. BADLY. But like many things I like - I’m not partaking in the exercise.

I went on and on about the smoking thing because I haven’t been really around as much this weekend because of some of the side affects of the patch. Mostly the dreams. The really WEIRD dreams. Some people have nightmares - and thankfully - I haven’t had them. I just have really STRANGE weird eccentric type dreams - and when I wake up to go pee pee (usually about 4 in the morning) I suddenly am WIDE AWAKE. Like I’ve had 10 cups of coffee at starbucks or something. It’s insane. And then I’m up for the whole day - until I crash early evening - sometimes afternoon if I’m not working. And I wake up and it starts all over again. I’m afraid that when I finally DO fall asleep - I won’t wake up to go on. And then I just feel, I don’t know, sort of tired and groggy all day, too. I guess it’s all part of the withdrawl process but it sure has messed up my schedule quite a bit. Thanks to all of you who have asked about me, though…or who have checked in and given me a call when you see that I’ve logged in for a minute or two. I think I’m on for the remainder of the evening - and will probably be on tomorrow morning - early - to see if I can catch you all before you take off for work. I know how *some* of you like getting off in your car before you go into the office. **wiggling my eyebrows up and down**. That’s so damn sexy to me. And - I’m beginning to think that Mr. Hitachi may be my new drug of choice. As long as I keep cumming I shouldn’t crave a cig after it, either. Right, Neal?

Ok - then. On to my favorite part of my blog update - which is compliments and presents! Compliments first, yes? YES!

I just have to say how much I love getting them. I love the way you all express yourselves - and it tells me an awful lot about your personality when you write to me after the call. It’s not a prerequisite at all, by the way - but yeah - I get a kick out of a good feedback note, I must say!!

Here are a few from the past few weeks:

• Babydoll, you are lethal!!! Like a vial of pure liquid testosterone shot directly into the central nervous system in the middle of an all-nighter spent in some deliciously sleazy Bangkok opium den. Have I made my point, gentlemen?
• Sweet voice, excellent roleplay. Hope to flirt with Celina again soon.
• A real joy
• The most incredible. I thought I had broken my Niteflirt addiction, but clever lil’ CeCe Knows the perfect hook for any perv old guy. Damn intoxicating. Darling body and a cute as all voice. She’ll own you easily.
• CeCe is one special young woman. She’s rare. I feel like I’m making love to her when we’re on together. She makes the fantasy as real as possible. She’s worth her price…I only wish I could afford the luxury of calling all the time.

It is so intoxicating talking with you guys! Neal - you are so sweet! Thanks for spoiling me, speaking often to me, and giving me “good face” - and you know what I mean by that. Ralph - thank you VERY much for everything that you have been to me and everything that you’ve been FOR me. You’ve given me a keen eye into the world of “taxes” and I’ll never quite look at tax returns in the same way. *wink*. More than that you’re just a sweetie - and a decent human being. It’s time you realized that. Kevin - you’re just a spoiled brat. Joe I miss you but I understand - I’ll be around. Nebbish - welcome to the meeting. Addictions are hard to break - but there is NO patch for me *hehehe* , Mr. “GreenLattern” - I wish you could afford me all the time, too. Our play time together is always intense, always intoxicating, and always real. Thank you for spending time with me. To all those I might have missed (either in feedback mention or orgasm mention) Thank you for helping me release some pent up …. aggression and frustration. I’ll need you even more in the weeks to come.

Cuz I’d really like a cigarette. *sigh*.

Perhaps you have something else for me to suck on, though. Call me up with any and all suggestions.

Thank you Howard - for ruining my guiltiest of pleasures - American Idol.
Thanks to you - Sanjaya will probably win the damn contest - and we’ll have to hear his irritating non talented voice thru out eternity.
I know that you probably find him attractive - and have secret fantasies of his twink’d ass riding your pole day and nite - and wouldn’t mind his screaming/singing up close and personal. But I really thought that you might want to keep that little secret of yours locked up tight - along with the secret you carry around with you of a little penis that seems bigger only to women who choose to look at your wallet instead of your outtie belly button posing for a cock.

Thank you Howard.

You’re probably betting that Heather Whats-her-name kicks off her leg on Dancing with the stars along with every other demented dim witted American you sorry excuse for a radio “personality”. And to think I had secret fantasies of being molested by you in your studio while millions of listeners listened in.
Eeew.

Most of all, Howard, I would like to thank you for insuring the stupid American stereotype that permeates all of society because of stupid little trickeries and assholes like you never dies. Like we don’t have enough to be ashamed about - now we can add you to the list. Sheeesh. Vote for the LEAST talented of the American Idols and see that he wins? Didn’t shit like this get old in like, 3rd grade for cryin out loud?
I detest you and all that you stand for.

Go jump off a bridge or somethin. Or better yet, why don’t you adopt Sanjaya and put him on your show so that you and all your listeners can be entertained and I can practice my option not to listen.
Grrrrr.

In other news: If anyone wants to play Howard Stern - so I can seduce him and fuck him in front of all his 2 listeners - and embarrass him severely when he ejaculates too soon from such a nice sweet tight pussy - give me a call. Just introduce yourself as HOWARD and I’ll take it from there. It will be the easiest call you’ve ever had. And I’ll feel much better.

Consider it public service.

I don’t find death funny. I mean, really - it’s no laughing matter. Usually. But this series 6 feet under (a present from my dearest sweetest Doctor!)has got to be some of the most funny, clever, sadistic type humor I have ever witnessed in all my 18 years of living! It is smart - hilarious, ironic, and just … sensitive. I love ALL of the characters - especially Nathanial/Nate. Claire is even growing on me a bit - and Nate’s gf I just want to sit around and have lesbian fantasies about her. She has this dark twisted type of edge - not goth (goth annoys me, sorry) but just - intelligent - and smart and witty and adorably messed up. I really like her. I’d do her.

There are a lot of movies and books that I read just to escape. I was a harlequin junkie when I was younger. Probably cuz “his throbbing manhood entered her ripe fruit and she squealed with delight as her back arched and perspiration dripped between her lovely mounds of breasts” was about as sexual as looking at porn now is to me. That stuff was hot as a pre-teen! My mother would often confiscate every harlequin romance book I ever brought into the house, and thanks to the thrift shop down the street from where I lived - it was QUITE easy to keep her busy! I once got in trouble with my grandmother for having a few harlequins under my pillow of the spare bedroom I stayed in for the summer. It didn’t help that there were also a few burn marks in the pillow - evidence of my experimentation with my first cigarette/s. *sigh*. But I said all of that to say this: I’m not against the dribble of non-intelligent conversation/television/books and people. (LOL!). I understand that everyone needs time to escape and sometimes escaping into the front page of the newspaper isn’t a person’s idea of a great time. Understood.

However, people can’t live on fluff alone. Fluffers - maybe - but not fluff!

Enter in such wonderful series as: West Wing, The L Word, and yes, 6 Feet Under - all series with impecable (is there another c in impecable?) writing - great character development - and actual real story lines where the writers actually CARE about the story and authenticity of their work. Yeah - I know - I’m smart and I like smart things. Please get use to it! 6 feet under, for those who have been living in a cave and have no idea what a television is! lol!, was a series on (of course!) HBO. It was about a family who owned a funeral home and is basically about their business - but more so about their relationships with one another. Each show begins with a person who has died. It’s a short little intro - usually introducing the victim and showing how that person died. My favorite episode to date was the story of the porn star - whose kitty (that would be the four legged kind - not the one between her legs!) accidently tips her rollers - which unfortunately were plugged in! - into the bubble bath that she (unfortunately) was enjoying. Emphasis on the word: WAS. The funeral - oh my gosh - or the visitation, really, was HILARIOUS!!! I almost peed my pants. Matter of fact, I think I might just have to watch that episode again! People come in and talk about her - like people do when you’re dead (I guess! lol!) and they are all saying these really nice things about her. Then um… this guy comes to the podium and says - something about how he first met her as a fluffer on one of the films he was in. He’s talking about her - and crying - and saying some really sweet things - but - instead of the things usually said at visitations it’s ” she really made me feel confortable during the anal scene”. Or when a fellow porn actress comes to the stage crying hysterically, “I was really scared about my first double entry - but she really made me feel at ease. I’ll always love her for that.” As I was busy peeing my panties - I thought to myself…

What will some of you say in regards to my “services” rendered should I ever be placed - um… 6 feet under (oops - I guess that’s a given, right? I’m going to die - it’s just a matter of when!) should you ever attend my visitation? now please - don’t think I’m jumping off a bridge or anything. And please - I know that some of you are really my friends and our sexual relationship is merely the cherry on the top of our relationship that really means so much more than that - but indulge me for a minute.

Will my mourners from NF (niteflirt) say things like this?

• “CeCe was a real gem. She really made me feel like I was fucking the sweet innocent girl next door - and I’ll really love her for ever for that.”
• “CeCe was really well behaved. She was so much older than her years - but sweet and girly innocent at the same time.”
• “CeCe got me off in 3 minutes flat all the time. Even when her rate went up - she never tried to milk me (excuse the pun) for more minutes - but just went at it. She was a champ.”

Whew. What would my parents think? They would be talking about the time I lost my bikini bottoms and ran around the beach with a sunburnt ass when I was 3 - and you all will be talking about how red you made my ass during that one call when you made me spank myself or something!

Am I the only one that finds the humor in these types of things?

Oh well. If you’re as morbid as I guess I’m turning out to be - you may want to check out a season or two (or 5) of 6 feet under. I love it!

In other news: Thanks to all the new guys who found me in the past few days. Not sure if my advertising is paying off - or if it was just a lucky week - but thank you! It’s always nice to have demented, naughty, twisted fantasies with you! thanks also to Neal who never passes up an opportunity to tribute me with xxooxxx’s attached! thanks to my regulars, too, because it’s nice to be remembered and adored and appreciated for the enjoyable things I do! Ray & Mike & John & Wade & N.L. (back from his niteflirt addiction rehabilitation! *wink*) and all the naughty old men who have deflowered me yet AGAIN **wink** - thank you, too! You’ve kept me busy - happy - and mobile. Yup. My car payment can be paid again this month - hallelujah and pass the pickles and miracle whip!

I’m on for a little bit tonight - then I have to take my little but to bed before I eat yet again tonight. Don’t ask. Some things men just REALLY don’t want women to share. Enough said.
I’ll be on all day and evening (to my knowledge) on Saturday! Yipppppeee! no work for me this weekend! I need the mini vacation, too. Hope you all have the lube and nasty stories ready!!

It’s a bit too late for me to get into all of this - or to make a decision one way or the other tonight today - but - here it is:

I’m going to start selling my stories. I’m also going to start utilizing the private mode here on my journal. Part of having a blog is being out there in the open, I realize, and thankfully I have readers who appreciate my honesty and … um… wit? (LOL!) But - the time has come (and I knew it would) for me to think wisely about hiding certain um… facets of my personality (don’t I sound so grown up and mature and wise?!) from the immediate public. I’m not going to make my diary private in total - but I will be making some posts private. For some of my posts I’ll be emailing a few of you the password and for other posts I’ll be selling the password. For some of the meatier posts - personal - or particular fantasies/fetishes I’ll be locking those up nice and tight - like my pussy (hardy har har) and like I said, for other posts I’ll just be selling the right to view them.

The post below falls in the latter category. It’s a story that came to me suddenly while masturbating - seriously - no lie - and I stopped myself (and Mr. Hitachi Man) and wrote down the whole sordid fantasy - in as explicit detail as possible. I’m a writer by nature - so I have to work really hard sometimes to not be so precise as to lose the flavor of the story. It’s gonna be raw - but still well written - because I’m sorry - I can’t help it. I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to written word - and if I’m going to sell it for 10.00 on NF I figure it has to be of SOME quality, right? I’m sure some of you *ahem* *cough* *sputter* will have no problems letting me know how you like it.

There will be a button placed later on today on my anything goes listing - and on my main page listing (God Willing) - and all you need to do is click on that BUY NOW button and pay the 10 bucks - and you’ll get in return an email with the password to view the story. All I ask is that you let me know how you like it - and also let me know what other stories you might like me to write for you and for the pleasure of others. LOL. I will be taking your suggestions, also, on the stories I turn into recordings. Oh - and one more thing. These stories are out of my own twisted and demented imagination and sick psyche. I’d appreciate it if you read it for entertainment (jerk off) purposes only and not reprint or distribute with out the sole permission of author (that would be moi).

If you’re dying to read it and you don’t see the buttons yet - you can always tip me 10 bucks and in the email let me know your name on nf and that you tipped me and I’ll send you the password as soon as I see that your tip has been received.

Hope you like it. And now - kind gentlemen and ladies - I bid you ADIEU. (been watching the Sound Of Music Again)….

So long - Farewell…