This has been the BEST the very best vacation EVER!!! I swear it ranks right up there next to the cruise – and perhaps its even a tiny bit better…(the room service and room attendants cleaning up after you are very difficult to match).

There IS a dvd player – but more than that there is this little thing warner cable likes to call “dvd on demand”. T-R-O-U-B-L-E with a capital T that rhymes with … well you get the picture. On demand is this little thing that is a bit better than the tivo recorder that we have at home. What it does is eliminate (pretty much) the need to record anything. You can just go to the nice little menu and go to your television station of choice and watch a few episodes that you’d like. I don’t know exactly how it works – but it worked well enough for me that I was able to catch up on my charm school reality bullshit with Monique – my “bad girl club” reality series on Oxygen – and then finish it up ghetto bitch style with I Love New York. All these things I would NEVER do at home – and I might never ever admit to them (with out certain kinky torture devices) – but in the luxury of a new setting and while on “vacation” – HELL YEAH!!!! I figure – this is my chance to do all the kinds of things I wouldn’t normally do. I may need rehab after this vacation.

Remember me talking about snooping? Well – I noticed in the freezer these nice little treats called – chicken dumplings. Microwaveable. Need I say more? Then I noticed another little thing called – coke. Not Diet coke either – but the real battery cleaning get stains and rust off your floor COKE. How delicious!!!!!! THENNNNNN while I was partaking in all things sinful – I discovered that smoking really would be a great option – since my house sit – um … house sitee’ ? What do you call it? Anyways – the woman that I am house sitting for smokes everywhere – so … hey… why not? I know I know. Disappointment city.

While I was on my trip down “screw with CeCe’s body lane” – I decided that what I really needed was more sugar. The 6 cans of coke that I drank wasn’t enough sugar for me. So I went to the store. I bought cinnamon toast crunch and some 2 percent milk. Let’s really pick apart what I just wrote in that last statement. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. SUGAR. check. 2 percent milk. Not 1 percent. Not SKIM milk… but 2 percent. And hello – MILK. I’m lactose intolerant. Severely. And I’m so against the drinking of cow milk anyways. Not that I’m a vegan at all – but come on. My cat doesn’t drink my milk. And if it does it shits all over the place. Humans have no business drinking animal milk designed to make a baby animal fat. I don’t care what kind of hype the milk people are forcing down our throats … milk does NOT do a body good. It most certainly doesn’t do MY body good either. And last night was not an exception to that rule. When I say I was sick – it doesn’t even give honor to what I felt last night. If I had wanted to completely revert to past addictions, I would have forced a finger down my throat. TMI? So sorry. When I say that I’m heading on over to the gym today to work out – please believe me when I say I have at least 2 pounds of SOMETHING hanging from my gut and insides that need to be removed el pronto. But oh my goodness – the few days of absolute and complete gluttony did my spirit some good. I think.

As far as the reality binge I did to top off my fat, sugar, caffeine and nicotine binge – I think my IQ is now in the single digits. Those women on reality tv are just pathetic as fuck. Are there girls like that that actually truly exist? Or are they just a figment of some great script writers wet dream? And the bad girl club show? What a bunch of posers. I’m a sweetheart (until I get mad) and I’m more “bad” than they are. A bunch of cry babies sitting around leaving the show because people talked about them and shit? And then when the BAD girls actually hauled off and hit a girl they got removed? COME ON!!! They DEFINED bad beating each other’s asses. What kind of looney concept is that, really? Um – hello Ms. Bitch – I know you’re just getting out of jail where you served time for beating some bitches ass. I would like you to be on our show because you define BADNESS to the upteenth degree. But um – could you please not hit the other whores in the house? If you hit them – then you in all your bad ass ness will be asked to leave the house. Ugh. Who writes these things – and can I propose a REAL reality show? How about 10 or so Phone sex operators living in a house (with 10 phone lines)? How about THAT reality show? How about just 10 girls in the adult sex business living together in a home. THAT would be some reality!!! Just don’t let it be on the Oxygen channel – cuz the execs will probably put some rule in place like, “ok girls – you’re all allowed to do your sex thing – but if you actually FUCK in this house – you’ll be asked to leave.” !!!!!

Anyways – I have a few more days left to my vacation. I think I may be a bit more “calm” though. My stomach is still tossing and turning – and my patch is back on location doing it’s job. I know what it’s like to be “bad” – and the price I am paying for it just doesn’t seem to be worth it. There is no Monique offering me 50 grand – and I’m getting no publicity for my actions so I’ll just go back to being the CeCe we all know and love. With a flavorful “bite”.

Although, I may just have to partake in that gas contest NAKA was talking to me about – and skinny dip as hmmmm suggested, before I return to my reality Saturday morning…

It’s all about balance, baby.