My old bedroom had these floors that had the appearance of wood, but I think it was some imitation cheaply made substance instead. I had roomed with my brother for many years until it became apparent to my mother that I was ready for my own room. The boys were shoved into a smaller room down the hall with bunk beds and one closet shared between them that smelled slightly of old tennis shoes and wet socks, and I - the darling little girl got my dream bedroom: pink curtains, closet with mirrors on the doors, and a window dressed up in lacey curtains with a perfect view of our front lawn. I was in heaven.

I can not remember how I first discovered it - and I have several stories that involve the act I performed under my covers - but the details of how these activities entered my head is all one big blur. What is exceptionally clear, however, is that I was an active masturbator and I knew that what I was doing was very, very bad.

I mentioned the floors in my old bedroom because it is important to the story, believe it or not. I have only told my one true friend this little fact that I’m going to share with the universe (lol) so pay very close attention. Somehow - somewhere - and sometime I discovered that if I put a little marble inside of my panties and rubbed it around on my clit - that it felt good. Then I discovered that I could somehow squeeze it inside and move it in and out of the opening with the my vaginal muscles I didn’t know/realize I had - and it would feel EXTREMELY good - then I discovered that if I placed a pillow inbetween my legs with the marble inside of me - and squeezed the pillow that I could move the marble in and out, too. And finally, I discovered the sound the marbles made in the middle of the night as they rolled out of bed and onto the floor. Sometimes it would wake me up - and often it would wake up my parents. My mother would come into my room and pick up the marbles and never return them back to me. I’m pretty sure she knew what I was doing with them…but she never ever ever ever mentioned it to me - just picked up the marbles and went about her business I think. The next evening I would find another marble, usually in the game closet, and again fall asleep - and in the morning, once again, the marble would be gone. My brother’s bag of marbles quickly diminished, the chinese checker game never had enough marbles to play again - and no one ever confronted me about my marble fetish.

Isn’t it a bit odd that in a family that never talked about masturbation - here I am on NF encouraging, promoting, and faciliating masturbation? Maybe it’s relief that I can now finally talk about sex so openly with my callers that makes this job not only interesting and rewarding, but also just … therapeutic. Maybe it’s the talking about it that makes me not feel like such a freak, makes me open my eyes a bit wider and take in different points of views. I’m not going to elevate myself to a sex therapist or anything like that, especially since alot of the time I feel my callers are more sane than I am - and you’ve all been my therapists. This whole experience on NF has helped me re-write alot of my past and helped heal parts of my past that I never really got to speak to anyone about. I find acceptance here.

Imagine instead of my actual experience something like this instead: my marble rolls across the floor and stops short of your foot. You bend down and pick it up. Okay - maybe you’d smell it or something (lol) but eventually you’d hand it back to me. Okay - maybe you’d pocket it - and replace it with a new one. You’d probably take a mental note of the size of marble and the next time you were at a toy store pick me up another bag of them - because you, dear readers, would understand…(You see it coming, don’t you? *sigh* I can’t resist) Losing ones marbles is never a good thing. *wink*

I start school tomorrow… tuesday-thursday I will not be available until after 6:00PM PST. I may be on a bit earlier in the afternoon for a few hours here and there (would be around 3:00PM PST) but that’s not for certain… Monday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday I’ll be available in the mornings if need be. I’ll keep you posted.

Off to bed I go!