My old bedroom had these floors that had the appearance of wood, but I think it was some imitation cheaply made substance instead. I had roomed with my brother for many years until it became apparent to my mother that I was ready for my own room. The boys were shoved into a smaller room down the hall with bunk beds and one closet shared between them that smelled slightly of old tennis shoes and wet socks, and I - the darling little girl got my dream bedroom: pink curtains, closet with mirrors on the doors, and a window dressed up in lacey curtains with a perfect view of our front lawn. I was in heaven.

I can not remember how I first discovered it - and I have several stories that involve the act I performed under my covers - but the details of how these activities entered my head is all one big blur. What is exceptionally clear, however, is that I was an active masturbator and I knew that what I was doing was very, very bad.

I mentioned the floors in my old bedroom because it is important to the story, believe it or not. I have only told my one true friend this little fact that I’m going to share with the universe (lol) so pay very close attention. Somehow - somewhere - and sometime I discovered that if I put a little marble inside of my panties and rubbed it around on my clit - that it felt good. Then I discovered that I could somehow squeeze it inside and move it in and out of the opening with the my vaginal muscles I didn’t know/realize I had - and it would feel EXTREMELY good - then I discovered that if I placed a pillow inbetween my legs with the marble inside of me - and squeezed the pillow that I could move the marble in and out, too. And finally, I discovered the sound the marbles made in the middle of the night as they rolled out of bed and onto the floor. Sometimes it would wake me up - and often it would wake up my parents. My mother would come into my room and pick up the marbles and never return them back to me. I’m pretty sure she knew what I was doing with them…but she never ever ever ever mentioned it to me - just picked up the marbles and went about her business I think. The next evening I would find another marble, usually in the game closet, and again fall asleep - and in the morning, once again, the marble would be gone. My brother’s bag of marbles quickly diminished, the chinese checker game never had enough marbles to play again - and no one ever confronted me about my marble fetish.

Isn’t it a bit odd that in a family that never talked about masturbation - here I am on NF encouraging, promoting, and faciliating masturbation? Maybe it’s relief that I can now finally talk about sex so openly with my callers that makes this job not only interesting and rewarding, but also just … therapeutic. Maybe it’s the talking about it that makes me not feel like such a freak, makes me open my eyes a bit wider and take in different points of views. I’m not going to elevate myself to a sex therapist or anything like that, especially since alot of the time I feel my callers are more sane than I am - and you’ve all been my therapists. This whole experience on NF has helped me re-write alot of my past and helped heal parts of my past that I never really got to speak to anyone about. I find acceptance here.

Imagine instead of my actual experience something like this instead: my marble rolls across the floor and stops short of your foot. You bend down and pick it up. Okay - maybe you’d smell it or something (lol) but eventually you’d hand it back to me. Okay - maybe you’d pocket it - and replace it with a new one. You’d probably take a mental note of the size of marble and the next time you were at a toy store pick me up another bag of them - because you, dear readers, would understand…(You see it coming, don’t you? *sigh* I can’t resist) Losing ones marbles is never a good thing. *wink*

I start school tomorrow… tuesday-thursday I will not be available until after 6:00PM PST. I may be on a bit earlier in the afternoon for a few hours here and there (would be around 3:00PM PST) but that’s not for certain… Monday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday I’ll be available in the mornings if need be. I’ll keep you posted.

Off to bed I go!

The girl was about my age. Her black hair hung in those wet stretched out types of curls - and a few of them were a dyed horrendous blonde. She wore a black shirt over a pair of too tight black pants - and she had painted an interesting patch of pink, silver and black on her eyelids. Her smile, as she greeted me, was one of the most endearing smiles I had ever seen. She was scared - it came out in her eyes - pleading at me to ask her a question that she knew the answer to…and if I had been a mind-reader I would have asked it, just so I could see her smile erase the fear in her eyes. “I’m new” - she said to me - and I understood. “It’s my first day”. she added, and I understood that, too. “You’ll be fine”, I offered, and waited for the manager.

I was in search of a new phone - a replacement for the phone I lost 3 months ago on my first ever cruise. I had been using my uncle’s black, masculine, industrial phone temporarily and was animate in my search and purchase of a feminine, cute phone. I have to admit also, that I was shopping to replace a void in my heart. At the moment that I walked into Radio Shack, a friend of mine who shall remain namless, was in the apple store, picking up his I-Phone. I had to shop. It was the only thing that would take away the pang of jealousy.

After finally deciding on a phone that would fit my budget, I stood waiting for Sprint customer service to unlock the phone. I stood in the store for 45 minutes. I’m usually not an impatient kind of person. But I was tired, having stayed up all night cleaning and sorting - and had just had a work out earlier that morning, too. I could feel my patience subsiding - and in its place my temper began to rise. Even the interesting characters that came into the store didn’t help - and they were interesting; A woman came to the counter with a camera hanging around her neck. She looked like she had just gotten back from some safari with her bermuda shorts and hankerchief tied around her neck. Then there was a father and his 3 sons (all under the age of 7, I think) that came in looking for some stereo equipment. The baby he held in his arms was content to flirt with me and the newest employee of Radio Shack - burying his head in his father’s shoulders after his chubby little fingers formed into a sort of wave. At the very end of the line to the cash register was a couple - and the woman was quiet and withdrawn next to her boyfriend. They stood apart from one another and I imagined that they had had some sort of a fight before they got into Radio Shack. She noticed me looking at her and held my gaze for a moment before fixing her eyes on her boyfriends right shoulder blade. She looked so sad.

Do you ever do that? Do you ever watch people so closely and intently that you begin to hear their stories inside of your head? Do you ever make yourself available to listen to stories that people tell you?

“There is a guy that works here - and he’s so fiiiine!” The girl behind the counter told me. “But I don’t think I’m going to stay here. I don’t know how to do anything!” “I really like kids, though.” She added, smiling at the little boy and his father. “See, kids like me!” The father seemed to pick up on some cue - standing at the counter a moment longer than he needed to and introduced his children. They politely asked her how she was, told her their names and ages, and when turning to leave said in perfect unison, “Nice to meet you!” My heart melted. The vibe in the store absolutely shifted. With the one thing that she knew how to do demonstrated to the customers in the store, Ms. Radio Shack began to work. She moved from the comfortable place behind the counter and started to actually look for things that people needed, she rang people up under the watchful multi tasked eye of her manager all the while politely refusing the obvious come on from Mr. “What do you mean I need to put a deposit down - my credit is good, Man!”. I felt that I had witnessed her complete orientation.

Anyways - I got my phone. 45 minutes after I walked into the Radio Shack - but I got my phone. And it’s cute - and pink. And even though it’s not the I-Phone I’m coveting like a well manipulated sheep, I’m pretty satisfied. An I-phone from Apple will run you about $500 bucks. But a baptism by fire at Radio Shack? … mmhm. Priceless.

So, as my last post stated, I have been busy de-cluttering my life. I figured I’d start in my room and have been going strong for the past 2 days. You would think my room was huge, huh? It’s not - I just havehad a lot of stuff that I just wasn’t using anymore. I’ve packed up a few boxes to bring to Good Will tomorrow - and I have my loft left to go. I’m thinking that by Monday I should be pretty much in the clear. Thank God. This has been a bigger task than I had initially anticipated.

I so enjoyed opening up drawers and tossing things into the trash, though. I figure if I haven’t worn something in the past 2 months I’m not going to start now - summer clothes the only exception to the rule. Mismatched socks I keep waiting to be reunited with their better half? Toss. Panties that have holes in them? Toss. Tank tops that have seen better days? Toss. Lingerie that reminds me of my last boyfriend? Burn then Toss. LOL! I am a tossing fool. I also went thru my books and decided which books to keep and which to give away - and I decided to part with a few of my books from the courses I took at a nearby college this summer. I know that I could sell them back for a fraction of the price I paid for them - but many of my books aren’t even going to be used next year. I figure SOMEONE will want them at the Good Will. Let them collect them and bring the “stuff” back to their home - I’m finished with it.

So after a few last hours of sorting (this time thru markers, pens, and colored pencils) I’m done. The rest of this is going to have to wait until tomorrow. The good news? I think I’ve done enough that I finally feel like writing. I’m not completely over my writer’s block that has been sitting on my shoulders for the past … what? 3 days now? But I feel it decreasing in size quite a bit. The stuff has been cleared and has made a way for inspiration, I think. I feel it coming… mmmmm…. YEAH!!!

Before I go for the evening - let me just give a few “howdies” and “how do you dos” to a few people who have gently interupted my whole clean sweep mission with some great calls/tips/letters.

To 2 n’s who is in Scotland flirting with the lasses and wearing kilts for the next two weeks: Thank you so much for the gifts. I know they are on their way - and they are not yet in my capable hands - but THANK YOU. I have cleared the way on my bookshelf for them (lol! Come on - I KNOW you’re getting me books!) and I can’t wait to see what you have recommended for me this time!

To clue everyone else in on what has been happening: I have started to collect lists of books from my callers who love to read. What you can do (at any time and in any order) is send me a list of some books that you think are books that everyone should read. I don’t want to know what books are on the best sellers list or whatever - I want to know what books you find instrumental/noteworthy/important. I’m not saying that I will necessarily read every book on your list - but I’m curious to know what everyone is reading. I also need to read more so I’m starting a little CeCe book club of sorts. You can send the list you’ve created to celinawetdreams (gmail address) if you feel so inclined to do so. K. Thanks!

Um - I have officially become a little “band aid” I think! What should I name you? I think I’m going to name you, “gently weeps” - as in “my guitar gently weeps”. Yeah. GW for short, k? k.
So GW is on tour and has a roomie! (giggles). So my pictures are currently keeping him company since there is no way he can tell his roomie to get the hell out of the hotel room so he can phone bone his online band aid! I just find that so… Almost Famous-y. I’ve never slept with a band member before, either. Not an “official” band member. We (GW&I) became acquainted a few days ago and we hit it off rather nicely. He has the kind of fantasy that I love - and after our fantasy he actually held onto it by telling me that he was going to keep his eye on me from his house across the street. I love it when I can continue on with the fantasy even after the call has “ended”. “UNBELIEVABLE… I am breathless. I cannot speak, walk, or even stand. That was truly perfection. “ Thank you so much, GW. You’re perfect, too! Can’t wait to hear all about your tour when you get home!

To my somewhat disobedient panty boy (where are the measurements and stats, little one?) who I talked to nearly a week ago now: YOU are FUN! I have actually considered starting a new listing - even though “anything goes” pretty much covers all bases. I think a nice little feminization listing will do my spirit (and body) good!! If I can instruct little panty boys who dress up in women’s clothing as I’ve instructed you - the world will be a much prettier place. Like I said - I LOVE projects - and makeovers are my speciality! The thought of having you in front of me - and my M.A.C. products lined up in a row - and dipping my make up brushes into pretty colors that will transform you into the perfect little slut is more than I can stand! Now if you can just go ahead and send me your inventory so I can give you a shopping list - things can move on ahead to the next stage! Excellent call! She has an amazing voice and is very knowledgeable about various fetishes and kinks. i will be calling again. Thank You. Why thank you ever so much, pretty one. Now - stop procrastinating, say bye to your little girlfriend as she trots to work not ever guessing in a million years that you’ll be in her closet dick in hand, and get me my lists so we can go shopping!

Seems the piictures continue to be a popular “aid” (lol!) to our phone encounters, too! These are some of the BEST pics of CeCe I have seen. They are so fucking HOT. Seeing her use that glass dildo. Watching her open her sweet pink pussy wide open. I’m still shaking. I put on the slide show loop and just watched and jerked off. Her pics got me so hot. I came hard, I mean real hard. Just had to log back and tell you how great they were, but my hands are still shaking its hard to type. Joe sure liked them!! I didn’t even realize that one could put them on slide show - but now that I think about it … what a WONDERFUL idea!!! I happen to like the glass dildo set particularily well. I have to get some pics of me using my favorite toy, soon - but in the meantime all you boys should probably check out the picture set of the … month? lol! The glass dildo was an old favorite that I tend to neglect because of Mr. Hitachi - but I may just have to break him out of his cell (drawer) next time dear sweet Joe calls! You can put on the slide show again, Joe, while I play with that dildo on the phone with you at the same time. Won’t THAT be a good time?

Can I mention one more person before I close for the evening…? She’s amazing! Cece, I feel a level of intimacy with you that should be impossible in this format. Thank you!
I feel the same way, Sweetie! I say it so much that sometimes even I get sick of hearing it - but here I go again: I’m way lucky. I’m only able to give myself so intimately, G.L. because you’re able to give of yourself so intimately. You make it incredibly easy, absolutely fabulous, and tremendously exciting to have these fantasies with you. In addition to being one of my very first callers - you are one of my sweetest callers, too. Thank you so much for your sweet and generous feedback.

As always - to those I may have not named - you have not been forgotten. Check your emails later on (by the end of this weekend for sure) for something very special. I know I didn’t “have” to - but neither did all of you who saw to give me sweet words just because you were so moved to. Just a little “tit” for that. *slaps knee* I’m so clever sometimes!

Ok - I gotta get to bed. I have a trip to good will tomorrow with my family - and I have more last minute cleaning to do before I get to sit back and admire all my hard work. Then I also am going to work on a few recordings tomorrow - and finish up a few things here on the site, too. (Oh Teeeeeeeee… I’m finally handing in my homework!!!). (On an aside: Have any of you noticed who’s site is FEATURED on Tee’s designing page? Yup - that would be your cute little CeCe!! Coolio Beans!!!) And yes, I’ll be taking calls off and on tomorrow. More than likely in the morning - then back on again from the evening to late late evening. I’m NOT going to go out - I have to start organizing myself for 2nd summer session - and then Fall Semester at college. Maybe I’ll get to take more ORAL examinations tomorrow. (wink wink nudge nudge). I’m always game for playing school!

I parked myself on my couch earlier today and went thru my dvr programs - the programs I’ve recorded for some reason or another - that just collect until you only have 2 hours of your 50 hours left to record. Something needed to be done. While I was cleaning it out - I came across an Oprah episode on clutter. I had to watch it.

I can’t remember the name of the guy who does the TLC program called CLEAN SWEEP but he’s a genius. In CeCe speak I have a “brain crush” on him. He gets it. He goes into homes of people who have clutter and stuff everywhere - and he walks them thru a process where they can let go of their shit. I realized that I’m one of those people who has lots of stuff - and the worst part of it is that I have little space to put all the stuff I collect. I didn’t think I was such a stuff person - but I am. I throw away so much stuff it seems I should be the neatest person alive, but I’m not. I have stuff all around me - and though it’s not messy it’s just … just too much. I need to get rid of some of the stuff that is weighing me down so I can make room for the things that I really love and things that I really need.

So the guy says it’s really not about the “stuff”. And I gotta admit that my stuff is really an analogy for relationships in my life that are just clutter. Or relationships that I’ve in one way or another neglected. Or relationships in my life that are making it so other relationships that are important can’t happen.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one that thinks about things like this. I can’t be all that deep can I? Do normal people look at their lives and wonder what is important to them and what they need to clear out? Do other people have drawers they stuff their “relationship clutter” into - and never really open it up because they are afraid of what will fall out - or are concerned that they may never be able to get it closed again once it’s opened?

It’s difficult being open while staying private at the same time. I feel like I have one foot in and one foot out - and I’m not always sure of what I can share here and what I should just take to my private journal (the one I hide under my mattress). I’ve talked before about having a censor - and I hate that I have to have one here…it is after all my space. I guess I just haven’t ever been good at bullshit. If there is something that is bothering me or something that I need to talk about I always have felt that I should do it - and my diary seems to be the place where I can do it. But knowing that several people read this thing every day can sometimes feel as restricting as it is freeing. Maybe it’s just the kind of space I’m in right now - not sure. I just hope it goes away because it’s really uncomfortable! lol.

So on to other not so private things…

I think that I’m going to take tomorrow off. I need a break. I need some time to just clean up some things. De-clutter, if you will. But I will be back on Wednesday - possibly even Tuesday midnight - and will write about some of the latest feedback I’ve gotten. I’m surprised, truly, with the amount of calls I’ve gotten from people who actually read about me before they call. I’m surprised with all of the people who have written to me to tell me they enjoy my writing - and eternally grateful to those who have supported me in this whole writing thing. It’s hard to understand that what I write in here has any impact on anyone’s life other than my own - and I feel somewhat guilty for bouncing my emotions off of my readers, waiting for it to come back to me, and then deciphering what it all means…I mean, isn’t that what THERAPISTS get paid to do? I don’t know if I would have the same type of cleansing if I didn’t have ‘you’ to be the mirror and show me what it all means. Just one more thing to thank my callers/readers for.

I better go before I delete this post and start again turning what could have been a 30 minute post into a 3 hour one. Sometimes you just have to walk away from the clutter for a bit - buy some containers - and come back and tackle it when you have a place to put things away. Ooooh, good analogy, huh?

So here is my new website/blog, etc. !! What do you think?

Now before I go any further I want to say that I am still the same fresh faced little teen that you have all grown to love, cherish and adore (lol!) - but I have grown up a bit and as time goes on I’m starting to settle into my own skin. “Whatever do you mean, CeCe?” you may be asking. Well, allow me to explain.

In the beginning I remember I felt a little intimidated by some of the girls who had been here (on Niteflirt) longer and knew the ropes of the business better than I. But I’m learning that what I don’t know business wise - I pick up quickly in regards to “customers”. Like, I know that it’s important to really have my heart in my work - and to really care about the customers that allow me to care about them. I know that part of my job is to make it not a “job” but more personal and um… maybe a labor of love (does that sound too contrived? I don’t mean it to…), but while not making it so much a JOB I also need to be dedicated and consistent in my work “habits”. So this site is more grow up for me because of that, too.

I also realized that I’m starting to really grow into my own. I’m making decisions that are best for me and not based so much on what others expect of me. I’m standing up for my decisions and also accepting that with that may come the need to apologize or do things in a different way. I guess I’m trying to say that I feel bold. I feel daring, and exciting, and as if I have a point of view that is not only worth expressing but also needs to be expressed.

So anyways - yes - this is a new look for me. Gone are the pinks and pastels and all the colors I love to wear and adorn myself in. In its place are colors like red, black and white. Strong forward colors that make no apology - and don’t even try to blend in. I think that this website best reflects where I’m at right now. Maybe at a later date I’ll return to a more traditional “barely legal” thing - but right now I’m enjoying the fact that I’m shaking things up a bit - and hope that you appreciate and love the new look, too.

:) Wow - that was very adult and professional explanation, huh?!

On a lighter note: YEAH!!! It’s finished - completed - and though there are a few little things that I need to do behind the scenes with my mama tee/designer - most of it is fit for human consumption - hence the grand opening here! Make sure you click on all the pretty little links above because there are some new things you may not have been aware of.

I have a gallery up, for example, and you can now actually see what you are buying. (blush). I know before with just random buttons you weren’t aware of what you were getting - but this way you can see what I’m wearing (for however a brief time!) and determine whether or not you have that set of pictures or not. I think you’ll appreciate the ease of the pictures much better this way. I know I do!!! I will have a story section up by the end of this week where you can get some custom made stories (if that suits you) or just some stories that have been invading my brain for a bit. You know I love writing - so if my writing brings you pleasure in the erotic sense, you’ll want to check out my stories for sure! I also will be adding additional recordings with some new software I found online - and I even created a short video clip that will be added sometime soon, too. I think when everything is set up my site will run so much more smoothly and will be an asset to my business - while making it easy for my customers to find out more about me or just get a CeCe fix.

Thanks for all the kind comments so far - and thanks again so so so much to my Designer/Bestest Friend Forever/2nd MaMa/Angel of Mercy (lol!) for doing this wonderful “re”(?)design for me. I can’t stop staring at it. I love you for all that you have done to create this, all you have “put up with” to make it happen, and beyond all that - your friendship. I know I’m not the easiest person all the time to befriend (Seriously - I’m not… I get hurt very easily - I tend to hold grudges when it’s not necessary - and I can be a bit “entitled” and take things/people for granted) - but I’m glad you’re able to let me know when I need to “grow” up - and love me INSPITE of all my shortcomings. You mean so much to me and I am truly BLESSED to have you as my friend.

*tosses the kleenex to the side*

Ok, then - back to business. I have so much to work on - but I also need to eat something. I’ve been up all morning and haven’t eaten a thing yet! Not a good thing. I know that a few of you may be wondering where the heck I am - now that I have no life for a few weeks - and the answer is: I’m doing stuff. (lol). I’ll be back on probably early evening for a bit. Not sure what plans I have tonight or if I’m up for anything other than getting some sleep and curling up and reading one of my new books.

I just had to give my heart (Tee) her own little “shout out”. You don’t really have to kiss her ass or anything - but a nice “congrats” on a great design would do wonders. (don’t take it too personally, Tee, if you don’t get many people saying anything. My readers mostly call to tell me their reactions to posts and don’t like putting themselves out there - so whatever comments I get I’ll just pass them on to you verbally. Yeah - that means you’ll have to answer your phone and take my calls for a LITTLE bit longer. hahaha!)