I cried when I moved to California. My boyfriend at the time had broke up with me and I remember when he broke up with me it was the first time I had ever felt… destroyed. I had had other “boyfriends” before – but this is the first boy that I ever really loved. He stuck by me through all kinds of harsh realities of my teen life – and we would sit by the river and I’d watch him take pictures. Yeah – he was a photographer who drove a grand am. *sigh*. Beyond all that – he just was a really sweet person. He was quiet, like my favorite brother, and drank mountain dew that he kept in the trunk of his car. In a cooler. I’m not lying. He was cool. And he had a car. That bears repeating. It was a nice car. Had to say it again.

Somehow he knew I needed to leave, though, and he figured that if he broke up with me I would leave quicker. I think he thought it would be easier for me.

The day I was going to make my decision he confessed that he didn’t really love me. It felt like some scene from Pretty In Pink – when Molly Ringwald confronts Andrew McCarthy and calls him a liar when he says that he doesn’t love her basically. I hit Ken. I hit him so hard my hand hurt. I hit him right in the chest – unknowingly aiming for his heart because I felt at that moment that he had broken mine. I swear that was the first time I had ever cried over a boy. I just existed for days and when I remembered to breathe this pain would just fill my body and I’d start to cry all over again.

I was homesick for years. But I never went back to Minnesota. I never went back to the little mini apple – and I never spoke to Kenneth G. again.

Minneapolis is a little town that should be painted purple. Purple for Prince. You gotta know and love Prince to understand all that. The city I lived in had a “downtown” but I had never been downtown until I went to the Twin Cities. Once I was there – I thought I would never leave. The Mississippi River acts like some sort of border that meanders through that city quietly and steadily. The winters are horrible there (which is part of the reason I moved to warmer state) and the winds that come off of the lakes and the river could freeze hell in an instant. I remember walking over bridges in Minneapolis in the winter time and praying that I wouldn’t freeze by the time I reached my destination. Wind in Minnesota can chill your bones in a matter of a moment.

But I felt safe there. Broken hearts, and cold ass walks across bridges, and purple rain be damned – I have never loved a city as much as I loved Minneapolis – and I doubt I ever will.

When I heard the news that a bridge had collapsed in Minneapolis my heart felt like it was breaking all over again. I stayed up all nite last night – calling frantically and finally reaching my family that had just left for Minneapolis Airport a little less than a week ago before. Having reached them, I read to them the chilling news from the internet; they had recieved news but surprisingly the news from my little lap top was more complete than the news from the local television station. I have cousins that cross that bridge monday thru friday on their way to work. I have teachers who live in that city and uncles that work across the river at the Universities. I have memories shot through a camera lense by a boy who broke my heart just a few short years ago. It is a tragedy that hasn’t quite hit me yet – but I feel myself a bit numb because of it.

Earlier today as I left for school a neighbor ran out to the street to speak to me. He’s from Minnesota, too. Surprisingly there are a lot of people here that lived there once upon a time. Before he opened his mouth to speak I told him that my family was fine. Yes – I spoke to them. No they were miles away from the bridge when it collapsed. Yes, I would tell them he asked about them. Yes, there are a few people we haven’t heard from yet, but I’m sure they are going to be fine. Yes – it is horrible what happened. Yes – I understood that they were now RECOVERING bodies and no longer RESCUING them. Yes, it’s important to live each day like it may be your last. Yes, I need to tell people more often that I love them. Yes, I love you too. Yes, I’ll tell you if I have any more news from Minnesota. Yes, if I need anything I’ll be sure to call. Yes, I’m still in shock and can’t believe it happened.

No, I can’t believe that it happened.

Minneapolis – my heart aches for you.