So the gray skies really cleared up. Literally and figuratively! California’s “winter” consists of rain – and boy did it pour. Over the past few days (um – probably about 4 days in a row) California has been dowsed in a heavy duty layer of wet. If I was the kind of kid who believed that rain was God’s tears – I would seriously start packing up and contracting a local carpenter to build an ark. I’m not exactly sure how much rain actually fell on us – but it was significant. Jackson, now 89 percent potty trained (LOL! I like the looks of that – 89 percent…), suffered from a few set backs. One day I brought him inside with a towel draped over his head and his furry body tucked inside of my sweat shirt – placed him down on the floor for about 2 seconds too long and he proceeded to unleash a stream equal to the streams that gushed in the street gutters outside. Had he not peed this stream on a visitor I would have been impressed. Picking him up in mid-stream only soaked me and his little body and by the time I placed him on his potty pad reserved for rainy days – he was pretty empty and just looked up at me like – “um … was that really necessary?” The thunderstorms – or flood – or God’s tears – meant that Jackson would have to be entertained inside. It also meant no walks – no freedom – no smelling the pee and poo of other dogs in the neighborhood. It basically meant jail – and from that moment forth, Jackson organized and led his own revolt against the establishment (me.) He chewed thru an important media hub, he made a hole in his play pen, he barked and growled at my computer screen – especially when my browser pointed towards Niteflirt. He found a way to unzip (I’m not lying) his little bed I bought for him at Petsmart months ago – reach in with his little snout – and pull out every bit of foam in that “puppy” and distribute it all over my office floor. Not at all sated, Jackson then spent the remaining part of his sentence humping everything in site. Pillows, stuffed toys, my shoes, and his blankets were no longer safe and probably all have to attend some serious counseling to get over the trauma of a little furry marshmallow jack-hammering away. I’m sure if there was a tin cup around – Jackson would have found a way to run it across the “bars” of his prison cell…he was so not happy.

Jackson was not the only one who was suffering though. I found myself slowly slipping into this dreary rain induced coma. I had lots of projects to do – lots of new ideas to implement – but I could not find the energy to break thru the huge amount of code hell that poured down relentlessly around me. Um – not around me – ON me. With each project I felt that there was more and more and still more to accomplish. I was rowing along not so gently down the stream and I wasn’t getting anywhere. It wasn’t the type of depression really that I sometimes drift into around certain days – it was more about being frustrated. Overwhelmed. Fed – up.
So I called on a few people to help me out – some who were experiencing their own weather-causing hell – and some who really had no idea what to do to help me because I was so drenched I couldn’t even effectively communicate what exactly I needed! The AGONY!

A few days passed – and a few patches of sunlight managed to make an appearance before the rain proceeded – but I had some relief. But then before any rainbow could appear, the rains would come again.

Then Monday happened. Not a cloud in the sky. Blue skies – smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies. I don’t know what changed besides the weather – but I felt just the tiniest bit of … hope. I sat down – I discussed what I needed with SBJ, Tiffers, and Doc. I googled till I couldn’t google any more – and then I did something that amazes even me. I fuckin did it. Fuckin’ is so necessary right now. I downloaded the fuckin plug in – I uploaded the fuckin plug in – I read the directions backwards and forwards – promised endless blowjobs to Doc if he could help me figure out what the hell I was doing wrong to cause the damn fuckin thing to not load – and together we did it. We absolutely did it. I did it. It was my last minute ditch attempt to find a work around to something that hopefully eventually will be better – but for now it looks pretty damn good to me. This morning I woke up – ok, ok, ok – this AFTERNOON I woke up (I went to bed at 7:00AM – installing that fuckin plug in and talking to my callers in between – thank you ALL!!!) and sat down and started again. I found the damn RSS feed – though I am afraid to even mention it out of fear I’ll lose it again!, I found a website where I can upload my podcasts and where they will give my podcasts meaning (rss feeds, etc.), I uploaded and linked my voice samples to my listings (I maybe should have done 1 individual one per listing – but for now it’s set up as a play list – each time you push play it will cycle thru 3 voice samples… ), I worked out in between my accomplishments – took some more calls – redeemed 2 gift certificates for lovely presents on my wish list, received a pretty fricken terrific tribute from SBJ along with 3 cds (Free To Be You And Me, Carole King’s Tapestries, Carole King’s Greatest Hits), a dvd of FTBYAM, a book (FTBYAM), and a packet of about the loveliest pens EVER!, Vday chocolates and candy from Doc (he just knew I needed sustenance to continue on my hell-acious journey!) and several dozen calls from Tiffy (resulting in orgasmic bliss) to power me along. I realized as I jumped over hurdle after hurdle (once I got momentum that is) that I was actually now having a little bit of fun.

So I’m good. I have miraculously (well – thru drive, tears, sweat and many long pm’s and emails from my support staff – lol!) installed a plug in that will allow you all to listen to my podcasts – right here on the diary. I have also signed up for half a dozen pod communities where my show – YTWD – Come Dream With Me – will air proud and strong every Monday – starting Wednesday (lmfao) January 30, 2008. I did purchase the domain: YTWD Radio, which is still in the works. Eventually that will be the home for my podcast – but it is no longer detrimental/crucial. It will happen when it happens…

I will post the podcast to this very post after I have completely edited it. It’s running a bit long at the moment – but it might be due to the fact that I had to use 5 minutes to explain a whole lot about NF – not everyone who hears it will be a customer of mine – but here’s hoping (with in reason and time restraints) that many will be. Thank you to EVERYONE for helping me endure this mighty huge hurdle. A lot of you shouldered a lot of my anger, frustration, tears and sweat and I’m so damned relieved that I have something to fuckin’ show for it! Thank you SBJ (for the books, mic, pens, cds, gifts, etc!), Tiffers (for the coding support, shoulder, ear, pm box, cheers of elation when I succeeded, and presents – you know the ones I’m referring to!), Doc (for the candy, chocolates, cds, reading the directions slowly and carefully and making suggestions even though I snapped at you plenty of times for giving them to me, and for finally stumbling on the message board/comments where we found the one who helped me the most. What is his name, again? And yeah – I know I owe you blow jobs and sex for the rest of my life.), and even Rolf who managed to call me from Spain for a few minutes and briefly listened while enduring food poisoning to my woes and tribulations. And thank you Mama Tee. Even though you push me endlessly to be more independent and rely a bit more on my own resources and reading comprehension – I never really understood (or appreciated) how that would be valuable to me at times like this – when life and other circumstances render you unable to be at my beck and call. I learned a lot – as painful as it was – and while there is still so much more to learn, I feel that I can handle it. I still need you, you know – but at least I have a great appreciation for the things you have done for me – and a greater appreciation for the things I can accomplish when I’m pushed to the limit. You’re still my bff and I love you.

So to everyone who helped me thru yet another CeCe drama… This podcast is for you.

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