I once kept a dream journal at the advice of an English teacher. I never showed it to anyone – because I have those types of dreams that are absolutely with out a doubt revealing to the point of indecent exposure. There is no need for interpretation – or experts – or anything like that. My dreams have always been clear as a bell.

For instance, the other night I had a dream that I found a little polar bear wandering around in the woods. (Hey – no comments about my lack of geography knowledge…my dreams don’t know any better!) He was so cute. All white – with a little button nose and big black eyes and white eyelashes. He snuggled right up to me and I carried him home. We were such a cute pair – my little polar bear and I (lol!) and everyone was amazed at how cute he was. He was really well behaved too, considering. He would sleep in bed with me and snuggle up all nice and close and keep me really warm and his breath smelled like fresh fruit. He was absolutely with out a doubt adorable! Friends would come to visit us and at first they were all really positive about our relationship (grin) but later they started to give me these little comments like, “You know – bears are cute when they are cubs – but when they grow up they will be bears – and he may eventually maul you.” I would shrug off their comments, thinking them jealous more than concerned and continue on with my plan. But the bear began to grow up very fast. Every day his paws would get bigger – and though he was still as gentle as a lamb, I couldn’t help but wonder if my friends were correct. Could this bear grow up to forget about our relationship and go back to his “bear” tendencies? Could my bear be a threat to my safety and eventually kill me with out even realizing what he was doing? I started to look at my bear a bit more cautiously. And I started, too, to think of ways that I could “ditch” him. I thought of maybe bringing him to the local zoo but was not sure he would fit in with the others and was very concerned about how well he would be treated there. I thought about releasing him back into the woods from whence he came, but I worried that some hunters would come along and kill him for his fur (??). And then I woke up. Took Jackson out for his morning pee – and thought about how cute he was with his soft white fur and his little button nose and his big black eyes with white eyelashes. And as soon as Jackson was done watering his favorite tree, I got on the phone and called around for some dog trainers.

It’s not that Jackson is bad and I’m afraid of him mauling anyone. But he hasn’t outgrown his biting yet. He doesn’t bite you out of dominance or whatever, he just hasn’t realized that there are humans and there are dogs – and dogs can not play with humans the way they do with other dogs. He will run around your feet – play hide and seek with you – jump out at you with a silly grin on his face, toss you his favorite toy and dare you not to play with him. If you refuse his advances, he will lick your hand – then nip you. Then lick you. Then nip. I’ve taken to saying NO or OUCH to him as loud as possible and tapping him on the nose and he “gets” it but will still lick nip lick nip you until he grows tired of the nose batting he gets from it. He pushes the limits. Constantly. And if he wasn’t so damned adorable I would be more irritated than I am. One thing is clear though, this little nipping he does needs to be taken care of immediately. It is not attractive. He’s been doing it since he was way little and I’ve tried time outs, loud noises, squirting him in the face, etc. Nothing seems to break his spirit like the ass whooping I want to give him. I took a little test on line and realized that Jackson is a F student in obedience. Quite alarming after the 100 something bucks I paid for him to be socialized and learn basic manners when he was a puppy. He is willful, stubborn, and clearly all alpha omega, that dog. And something needs to be done, immediately. My dreams are telling me so.

The other part of my dream that I found very insightful was the whole polar thing. I’ve been learning about Phospholipids in biology lately. Yeah. Pretty dang interesting, right? It seems that in that class I’m always about 2 days behind in the learning curve. My professor will talk about phospholipids on Monday and by Friday I’m waking myself up after a dream about polar bears as pets thinking – Ooooooh! The LAYER is made up of the fatty part of the phospholipids and thus forming a BARRIER that water can not penetrate! Ooooooh. I get it. So yeah – interesting things, right? One part of that little thingee is polar and the other nonpolar. I think that’s a good balance, right? I think it’s also a really great insult to give to people who are unstable… “You’re like a phospholipid with no tail.” Clever right? Especially when the person has no idea what the hell one of those little phospholipids are! Anyway – all that to say I think that is the other reason why I was dreaming about polar bears. Some part of my life is extremely …out of balance, let’s say.

That’s all I have for you. No – really. That’s all I have. There is nothing left up there. *taps head so you can hear the empty hollow ring* I have TONS of homework this weekend. A lab test in Biology – along with about 5 chapters or so to read because I have a big test next week on all 8 chapters of Biology and I still have to work, sleep, play, and pee. I also have a government class that I should attend tomorrow morning bright and early. And I still am half way entertaining my relatives from out of town. Let’s not forget finding a trainer for my polar bear, finding some balance between life, work, school and stuff, and thinking of a topic for Monday’s topic. I will write more this weekend – but just wanted to check in really quick. I will be logged in for a few more minutes here – and then I’m going to take the rest of the afternoon off. If you want to speak to me please feel free to make an appointment with me. I will try logging on this evening for a few hours before bedtime. I just feel like having a little time to myself right now to enjoy the weather, catch up on some reading for school, and maybe even listen to some music.

Talk to you all very soon.

Oooooh – this is too close for comfort! I’ll be better next time guys – I promise!
Enjoy!

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The best laid plans of mice and … CeCe – often go astray, and yesterday was no exception! I had originally thought I would log in around 1:00PM and work my shift till about 6:00PM – but I was up late the night before and barely woke up around 10:00AM. Then I suddenly realized that my hours of operation would directly interfere with me running to my p.o. box, going to the bank, and doing all the other little things that would need to be done during business hours. So I logged out and ran my errands and logged back in – determined to work a little bit. As soon as I got all nice and settled in – I received a phone call telling me that my family was in from MN. So I had to log out and prepare for their arrival. As soon as my auntie and uncle and mom and dad were all settled in – I removed myself from the joyful family gathering to go to bed so that I could wake up and go to my Poli Sci class. But before I tucked myself in, I checked into NF to make sure I had not overlooked any emails. I found 2 people waiting very patiently for me to return. I decided to go ahead and log back in and take the calls – which resulted in my bedtime being delayed several hours. I was ok, though. I had 2 really terrifically long and intense and educational calls with Chris and Allen – and I was feeling a bit empowered…almost energetic. So I logged off, satisfied at having satisfied and been satisfied – and crawled into bed with my government book. I figured there really isn’t anything like reading about the constitution to put me into a coma. Not that I find my government class boring – on the contrary, it’s one of my most favorite classes this term (which may sound like a lop sided compliment being that I only have Biology to compare it to.) I stayed awake through all 30 pages of my reading assignment. And then I was a bit riled up. My brain had been ignited (lol!) and all this talk about Locke and his philosophies combined with the visual of the most brilliant of minds sitting together in a dark room in a Philadelphia building debating about how the constitution should be worded acted like some sort of high and sleep escaped me for several more hours. I finally passed out while watching Becoming Jane around 4:00AM. My class started at 8:00AM.

Thanks to several calls from Doc – I crawled out of bed around 7:00PM and drove my tired behind to class. Once in class, however, I was wide awake again. I was on fire! I knew all the answers the Professor fired my way – I debated about states power and the meaning behind the 3/5ths compromise. We discussed the theory of “democracy” and the reality of “republic” and 3 hours later I was on my way home to bed. Or so I thought. Jackson needed some attention, a walk, breakfast, and a belly rub (or 3), my Mother invited me to go work out with her and I could not pass up the opportunity to sweat, and then I found a pet store next to my home that carried Jackson’s brand of puppy food. While I was there I bought a brush. Then back home I decided to take Jackson for a little trot around the park. By this time it was now time to eat dinner. Then we had to check out the slides of snow in Minnesota. And by that time I realized that the nap idea that I had had earlier, that literally made me moist with excitement, was now pretty much just that … an idea. A fantasy. Like “democracy”. LOL! Oh – I forgot the bit about the glass of white wine that I had during dinner and pictures!

By the time Tiffy called me I was loopy. More than loopy I was in a strangely dominate state of mind. Tiffy’s little contributions to the conversation were not tolerated. I sweetly told Tiffy to shut the fuck up and pushed Tiffy into one of the kinkiest fantasies I could muster up … sort of while slurring my words and uttering 4 letter words like some petite sailor. “Get on your knees” I barked. “Did I ask you a question? I don’t want you speaking until I directly ask you a question, Tiffy!” I hardly recognized myself but the soft whimpers from Tiffy assured me that this new found personality of mine was very welcomed. At the very last “huff” I sighed and relaxed into my chair. I almost felt like I should have rubbed my hands together like some people do after a ‘job well done’. If Jackson had learned to pat my back in obedience school I surely would have ordered him to do so. I so deserved it. I had taken Tiffy – done with Tiffy what I wanted to – and would not allow Tiffy the satisfaction of even pleasing me in return. “Maybe in a day or so you can please me, Tiffy” I softly suggested. Tiffy could all but sigh and agree with my terms.

The wine was still combining with my lack of sleep and producing some sort of “silly” molecule as a result. I felt loopy. Free and easy. Finding some rather funny quotes of a particular leader I can not stand (Tiffy suggested that I keep politics off of my blog so I won’t mention this idiot by name. Besides, I’m too bushed to get into it all right now anyway), I started to read to Tiffy. What erupted out of our mouths was the kind of giggling that happens during church. Or during a lecture at school. The kinds of giggles that you try to hold in – only to have them burst out of you with that loud “BAHA!” type of laugh that is so not flattering or even cute. My stomach started to hurt – like really hurt. Tears starting rolling down my face at each quote I recited. Tiffy started responding to my laughter with giggles of his own which further fueled mine until we were gasping for air telling each other to “stop!” It was the type of laughter that can only be shared by those who really understand your sense of humor. The type of giggles that can only be infectious to those who find you utterly adorable. The kind of belly laugh that comes from not only whatever it is that is humorous – but the laughter at sharing it with the person who you feel so close to – intimate with.

It might be the wine. It may be the lack of sleep. It may be the hilarious blunders. It may be Tiffy. It may be one of the most hilarious sentences uttered after our steamy session (“I should have brought a towel.”) It probably is all of the above. But tonight I had the belly laughs of all belly laughs. And I just had to thank Tiffy for it.

I’ll be up for a little while longer. You may still catch me in my 1 glass of wine buzz I need sleep badly man my stomach hurts now moment. If you do not – no worries. I will be on tomorrow evening around 10:00PM. **edited 7:22PM 2/23/08** I have actually been logged on off and on since this afternoon and will be doing the same through out the evening. I’m juggling between homework, Jack, and company – so if you do not see me ‘available’ – set up an appointment. I will be logging out OFFICIALLY around 1:00AM Sunday morning. Talk with you soon! **end edit**

Don’t misunderestimate me!

Just wanted to post really quickly to let you know that I do have to run just a few tiny little errands and then will be logging in for calls. I was up pretty late studying and am not just awake enough to realize that I should take care of a few things during “business hours”. I also have a post to write today – Government terms to finish up, notes to type, and biology to review. A busy day.

So – I’ll be logging in today from 2:00PM – 8:00PM or so. It’s an early evening for me because I have school bright and early tomorrow morning remember.

I will talk with you later!

**edit – 6:00PM**

Looks like I’m going to be logging off. I have some out of town – well actually STATE visitors that requires a bit of my attention. *sigh* And I’m really awfully tired. I’m set to “set appointments” – so go ahead and make one for any time after 1:00PM PST. I’ll look it over and see what we can do. I’ll log in for my regular shift around 10:00PM tomorrow evening. xoxox – Ce.

Just in the nick of time! Enjoy!

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