I know I probably should be writing about something like school - or my no smoking (3 weeks - thank you VERY much!) - but all that is coming to mind is Atticus. My newest brain crush.

As many of you know - I’ve been trying to watch To Kill A Mockingbird now for the past … I dunno - YEAR? I finally sat down and watched it the other night (it was a hard decision - A movie - or haploids, mitosis, meiosis, etc. But I FINALLY made a decision and buckled in and went for it!) What a lovely movie that was. And what an absolutely adoring father Atticus was. He was just so gentle and kind and strong and … wise. He is definitely the kind of father every father should strive to be. So yeah - brain crush and then some. Not to mention - Gregory Peck. Holy cow was that guy hot! He was so hot I couldn’t even fantasize about him. I know that sounds really strange - but - there it is. I use to think that Michael Landon was hot too - and could never have a fantasy about him, either. I would watch Little House on the Prairie and honestly just want to be Laura and curl up in his lap in a very innocent non sexually deviant way. I have those moments…that’s why you all love me.

I know it’s been like forever since I’ve written anything in here. Thankfully you’re all very understanding and you know that I have very good reasons - but it doesn’t make me feel any better that I’ve somehow neglected this blog. It’s deeper than that, though. I haven’t written anything lately - nothing in my journal, nothing on scraps of paper, nothing at all. And I’ve somehow been okay with that. I miss writing, but I don’t miss the - struggle. Writing to me is like - Gregory Peck and Michael Landon and all the other brain crushes I’ve ever had: It’s so perfect that sometimes I feel better leaving it alone and not tainting it with bullshit. We’ve all been down this road with CeCe before - but there it is.

My family is still in town and they are scheduled to leave soon. That should free up a bit of time - but school is still kicking my tender ass from one side of the state to the other. My biology teacher likes me now - and I’m pulling a rather disappointing C+ in biology right now - inches away from the B+ I would long to have but feel a sort of ambivalence to achieve. I have her figured out though. I had a feeling we would have a quiz today and we did. She is encouraging though, handing me back my tests and quizzes with notes on them like “Keep up the good work, CeCe - you’re improving” and all that other kind of stuff that typically propels me forward to get that A just to prove my worthiness. And Biology isn’t all that boring right now. For instance, did you know that as soon as the earth began to cool - and water appeared - there was life? Just like that. Reminds me of this story my father told me after reading the paper a few months back. Apparently there was a river - pretty big river - that was filled to the rim with fish and life and … well whatever else lives in rivers. This river suddenly dried up. Life around the river just died - along with everything in it. The big environmentalist people were concerned and knew that they needed to bring the river back. The scientists predicted that it would take years before life returned to the river and the surrounding area. They slowly filled the river back up again and with in months - not years - but a few mere months - BAM! Life. Birds and fish, and plants and flowers and animals - in abundance. So - yeah. I find that all very interesting and very … symbolic. I can get into that sort of biology.

So Atticus is my irrigation. Ok, ok - literature is my irrigation. I guess I need to do a bit more reading/watching and those types of things will literally wash over me and bring me back to life again. My writing coach told me that I need to write for at least 2 hours every day. It should be my “job” he said. I should just sit down and do it - and there should be no alternative. I worry about silly things - like what I will say - or what will come out of my head - or whether or not anything I write will make much sense and whether or not I should print any of it here - but I guess all that worrying does is prevent me from doing anything at all. So - I will try to write more and “worry” less. Words, after all, are my water.

It’s 10 minutes till Tuesday and I haven’t even started my podcast for the day. I’m banking on doing it tomorrow but I hate to make promises. You know how I get. What I will say is that thanks to “Mr. d” - I have a question for the podcast - and thanks to Atticus I have a topic, and thanks to my callers I have some feedback to share - and thanks to some super sweet and generous callers and friends I have some gifts to brag about that have recently made their way to my wish list’s “purchased” list.

Take care - and talk to you tomorrow…