“Where have you been, CeCe?”

“Oh - busy with school - trying to train Jackson, trying to get a handle on what I’ll be doing this summer - and well - trying to keep out of trouble.”

“Well - you must have been REALLY busy … usually even when you are busy you find time to update your blog…”

“Well there is just SO much to talk about I tend to get overwhelmed…”

“What is SO much, CeCe?”

“well - school, for one… ”

“Yeah - well - you got that under control don’t you?”

“Well, now that I can see…”

“Now that you can see?”

“Yeah - I’m kinda blind - got my eyes checked lately and now I have some mighty fine glasses coming to me that should help me be able to see better. I hope.”

“Well - yeah - surprised you weren’t getting any headaches!”

“Actually I was. I just didn’t let it bother me - too many other things to worr… ”

“So what else is there that is bothering you?”

“Well - let’s just leave it at I recently got a diagnosis… and it makes things a WHOLE lot clearer… it explains quite a bit about me…”

“Ok - that just sounds scary. You’re not dying or anything are you? You don’t have cancer or some other illness that is going to kill you ….”

“As tempting as that is to take off with and get plenty of sympathy for … no. I actually am feeling pretty well. I just have a condition that makes it hard for me to concentrate - stay on schedule - not procrastinate - and a few other things… no big deal but pretty big discovery. I mean - I had no idea. And now that I know I have to make some decisions and some plans on how to live my life a bit differently to allow for this … thing I have. I’d rather not get into the specifics of it … but it explains an awful lot about me and I’m looking forward to having my life improve now that I’ve had the diagnosis for it and am now receiving treatment for the … um … disorder, we’ll call it. Actually I’m going to call this thing I have “Ed”. ”

“Why Ed?”

“It just seems like an Ed. Short name - kinda doesn’t have time to be called EDWARD - just wants something quick and to the point. At first glance Ed seems like the guy next door - you know - a neighbor or whatever. But when you start talking to Ed you realize he has many layers and is pretty complex. That is - if you give Ed a second glance… ”

“Hmmm … I’m trying to follow you here. Are you doing some sort of analogy?”

“Not really an analogy - just a … well - ok. I guess I’m doing an analogy. But my disorder’s name is Ed. I’d just like to refer to it as something - give it a name, you know? An identity. Things are easier to figure out once they have a name attached to them. So let’s call this “thing” I have “Ed”. ”

“Ok - so Ed it is. How long did you and Ed - um - … ”

“Fuck?”

(laughing) “Ok - fuck. How long have you and Ed been fucking?”

“I guess my whole life. I never knew though. I thought it was something else. ”

“You didn’t know Ed was fucking you?”

“I had no idea… ”

“Then what….”

“I thought this whole time that I was fucking with myself…”

“Wow. That’s deep.”

“Yeah - it is… ”

“So now that you know Ed is fucking with you… Did you tell him to stop?”

“Well - it’s not that easy, turns out.”

“Really?”

“Well yeah. I just know now that someone - well ED is fucking me - but that doesn’t mean that now that I know he’s fucking me he will stop fucking me.”

“Well, did you ask him?”

“Sure I did.”

“And he didn’t stop?”

“No. He thinks I’m a pretty good fuck, turns out.”

“So what can you do?”

“Medicine.”

“Medicine… seems like that’s the answer to every problem on the face of the earth. Feeling blue? Here’s a pill. Feeling edgy? Here’s another pill. Need help not missing the pill you can no longer take? Here’s a pill for that… ”

“Who are you? Tom Cruise?”

“No seriously - I just think there is too much pill popping going on around here!”

“I tend to agree…”

“But?”

“But - I don’t know what to say. I’m taking a pill.”

“Is it working?”

“It takes the edge off…”

“Oh - well - so does coke. ”

“Yeah - seriously many people who have relationships with Ed find that Coke does a body good, too. I just happen to think the pill I take is a bit less habit forming than coke - and well, it also doesn’t carry with it a prison sentence if caught with it.”

“I am trying to understand… ”

“So am I… ”

“Will you be around - write about it… ”

“Ed.”

“Ok - write about Ed - get it out in the open - and then I don’t know, maybe do a podcast sometime soon?”

“Yeah. I’ll write about Ed. Sometimes it’s difficult writing about stuff like that. But I’ll write when I can in a way that is safe for me to do so… I do have some sort of reputation/image to uphold…”

“Fuck an image - most people have come to care about you and could care less about the image. You know that…”

“I know .. sometimes Ed just makes it appear as though … it’s one more thing that’s overwhelming…”

“Yeah - well Fuck Ed.”

“I’ll let him know you said so.”

“Take care CeCe…”

“Thanks… I will… ”

“Oh and Ed? Go easy on her … try some lube every now and again, would you?”

“That’s what the medicine is for, I think. Lube.”

“Oh - ok. makes sense. Love you CeCe…”

“Love you too.”