I am running out of good titles. Which is sad because I only write like what? 2 times a month as of late? I came upon this title when a friend of mine sent me a link to a great interview of a even greater British Editor. After listening I quickly went to Amazon and purchased her book Stet.

Main Entry:1stet
Pronunciation:*stet, usu -ed.+V
Function:transitive verb
Inflected Form:stetted ; stetted ; stetting ; stets
Etymology:Latin, let it stand, 3d person singular present subjunctive of stare to stand * more at STAND

: to annotate with the word stet or otherwise mark (as with a series of subscript dots) to nullify a previous order to delete to omit (a word or passage in a manuscript or printer’s proof)

The book is amazing. I’m actually reading the entire thing – not skimming – then going back and reading again the parts that I “missed”. Diane Athill writes with such clarity and humor …. !! So anyway – usually I commit to a title after the post has been written. Very rarely do I decide what to write with title announced before I even get to typing. Usually I just let it go – type/write whatever goes into my head. I figure there is a part of me that knows what I want to say and if I just get out of my way long enough to say it … then things will be alright. It’s scary vulnerable that way – but I’m all about risk taking. I figured Stet was appropriate for this entry. It’s a sort of note to myself to let it be – or let this be.

I realized a bit late that I have been emotionally drained the past month or so. Maybe longer. There have been so many things going on in my life that I’ve had to adjust to and figure out for myself and through it all I never really took time to let things … well … “stand”. I just kept on and on doing the school thing and work and wondering why I had less and less energy as each day went on. Truthfully at times I felt that I had such a huge appetite for everything – and when I would sit down to eat … nothing tasted quite right. As these moods progressed I started to find that I no longer even had the appetite. Translation: I was severely burnt out and didn’t know it. Because a part of me realized this very fact – while another part of me was completely and hopelessly stupid to it – my body sort of shut down and “made” me take a break…even though I didn’t feel I wanted to. So I made plans to write but did not – I made plans to log in and couldn’t/didn’t – I made arrangements for calls to take and then …well, you get the picture.

So a few days ago a friend of mine told me that maybe I had to really force myself to set aside time to work and do things all work related – and then when I wasn’t working not do anything that was work related. I know it sounds like such a novel idea – but um – yeah. What I would typically do – or what I found myself doing, typically, was to start working around 11:00AM in the morning. I would start writing posts – replying to emails, doing research on web design, podcasting, etc., get caught up in some website that had some really nifty information on I don’t know – tables or rss feeds or whatever – realize I had not stopped to eat lunch – grabbed a sandwich and went back to the computer where I would now be knee deep in technical bullshit I never had the desire (or time) to learn, then it would be time to work out or walk the dog or something – and after I would be done I would realize I would need to sign on – except at that point I seriously did not want to talk to a single solitary soul because I had been “working” up to 10 hours by then. So as time went by the part of me that did not want to work got stronger and stronger – and I would post pone logging on by telling myself that I had all these other things that I needed to do first – and then by the time I thought of logging in I just wanted to get away from it all. 4 hours a day ended up at an hour or two if I was (you were?) lucky. So yeah … not good. We both agree.

Back to my friend… where was I?

Ohhh! So anyway my friend suggested that whatever I do work related – I do while I’m “logged in”. I decided that blogging would be the ONE thing that I wouldn’t do while I was logged in. It’s easy somehow for me to do this mid day, cup of tea/coffee in hand – and the whole days activities before me. So that is what I’m doing today. Also – um – I’m not going to promise a thing in regards to this blog writing thing. I love writing too much to make this a disappointment for myself, you know? When it becomes something that my subconscious feels it “has” to do – then the joy just bleeds right out of it for me. I start to look at this whole blog thing as some marketing obligation I need to do in order to entertain my readers/callers instead of what I really wanted it to be – which was a little window into the life of CeCe; A way in which my callers could get to know who I am so well – honestly – our calls would be better.

Speaking of intimacy, I have to say for the record that while many many many of you get that about me (CeCe needs a bit of intimacy in order to have a good time and be able to give something back to the caller/call) there are many more who would prefer to just um – not give anything of themselves. I can handle that for about (counting the months) 12 months – and then I start to burn out. LOL! Who knew. So to prevent that from happening – I have a complete schedule change that may make a few of you unhappy which isn’t the point. Again – I hope that any of you who find this schedule unbearable will contact me and let me know. If you need my email address it’s: celinawetdreams at gmail dot com. Let me know the days that work out better for you or the hours or whatever and I will do my best to accommodate you on a case by case basis. I don’t think it would be a generalization to say that those who contact me probably have an intimate relationship with me anyways – and I will make it a point to be available for that kind of interaction. Connections is what I live for, truly.

For the summer I will be logging in no later than 10:00PM PST Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and yeah – probably Friday as well. Saturday & Sunday will be by ear – but I’ll be logging in both of those days. This week I logged in around 11:00PM on Saturday and Last night I worked from 12:00PM – 4:00AM. I’ll put in 4 hours minimum. I can do that. I will no longer be logging in and “hanging” out – I need a schedule so I know there is a beginning and an “end” to my work. Yeah – as much as I like it at times it’s still “work” and I still have other things that are deserving of my attention. Any recordings, stories, and email type games will be done during business hours. If you send me an email, please know that chances are I will not be looking at it until 10:00PM. If you want to set up an appointment or you need a story or you want to contact me about the types of fantasies I will do – know that I will not be anywhere near the computer (more than likely) until 10:00PM PST. Just count on that. That way if you hear from me before that time frame you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

So there you have it. My schedule for the next month. Towards July I will be changing to an 8PM – 12PM PST schedule M-Th, and 10PM – 2:00AM PST Schedule Friday – with the weekend hours on a “we’ll see” basis – due to summer session starting. I’ll review my schedule one more time for Fall Semester. I will be doing everything I can (legal) to ensure that I do not have any morning classes – so I probably will be keeping with the “June” schedule – but we will see. Again – if this impacts the time that we speak normally please give me a call. My guess is that you all are too busy picking yourselves off of the floor from the shock of seeing me on at all that you won’t ‘rock the boat’ until you see how it goes. And that’s fair. And appreciated.

I gotta go start the rest of my day here. Jack is in need of some exercise and I’m in need of some breakfast, coffee, and medicine. Oh – and for all of you who are wondering – I’m still smoke-free. It is indeed a miracle…I’ve wanted to have one at least a million times the past 2 weeks.