I realized a few nights ago that I had thought I was logging in at midnight – but had actually written 10:00PM. I meant to change it to midnight after I realized that I need to get up late – spend time with my family until they go to bed – and then log in afterwards. For a while I was content to be away from everyone … but recent events has made me appreciate family time. I almost hate to admit it…I’m in my independent I don’t really need anyone sort of stage, I think. So anyways – I spend time with the family – wash dishes with my auntie – and sit down and watch SYTYCD on Wednesdays and Thursdays – Top Chef on Tuesdays (I think?) and other various television shows that I realize are scripted and staged for our entertainment but still the same give me much happiness (takes a deep breath after that long ass sentence!)

So yeah – back to the 10:00PM plan for Monday – Thursday… I don’t think that is going to work for me. Didn’t I say Midnight though until school starts? Didn’t I? I thought for sure I did. Oh well – it’s midnight till 4:00AM for the rest of this month…or until further notice I should say. Staying up till 4:00AM is sort of kicking my ass right now – but it’s what I need to do for the time being. Most of you are catching me. Thanks so much for the effort…I know I’m not an easy girl to catch. So I covered the time shift/schedule thing. That’s been bugging me now for the past few days. Sticking to a schedule is so necessary for me and it feels so much better to know what my shift is – etc. etc. I don’t know why (with all these positives!) actually doing a schedule is so hard. Must have something to do with my not wanting to disappoint anyone – so figuring if I never say what I’m going to do or when I’ll be on no one will get hurt – or something equally as illogical. A friend of mine told me the other day that these little neurosis’ of mine are actually charming. I hope to God the majority of people feel that way about me. *wink*

Everything I’ve read about my “condition” points towards exercise as the key to a “cure”. I have never been the kind of person where exercising makes me feel all tingling and high and blah blah blah. I worked at a gym for a little over a year, I ran track and did a bit of gymnastics in high school, I was on the dance team and was a closet tennis freak most of my life and I absolutely love swimming and water-skiing when I go back to MN to visit during the summers. But exercising really doesn’t “thrill” me as much as I would like it to. After not smoking for (counting on my fingers … ) almost 4 months now?!?, I’ve slowly been putting more exercise into my life as a sort of … “patch” let’s say. After my recent diagnosis I’ve been encouraged to add 10,000 steps on my pedometer daily in addition to strength training and my usual cardio at the gym. The other day Jackson and I attacked the mall near my home – walking from one end of the mall to the other (outside) and then crossing the street to go to our favorite pet store. All in all a good 30 minute brisk walk. While in the Pet Store we met a nice doggy and his owner who invited both Jack & I (good thing as Jackson does not drive yet) to a doggy park near my house. I decided then and there that Jackson and I would walk to the doggy park from my home – probably a good 2 mile walk round trip. OMG. Jackson is passed the hell out at my feet right now – and my body feels like it’s been working BIG TIME! After dropping Jackson off after our romp at the doggy park – I still went off to the gym afterwards. Talk about following the Dr’s orders! Such a great little patient I am. So my pedometer says 26,628 – just a little under 4 thousand steps shy of my goal of 10,000 steps each day – but I’ll make it up I’m sure tomorrow. Hopefully.

So is all this busting my ass working? I’m not exactly sure. Medication definitely helps – and walking… yeah – I feel like I’m burning off a little bit of frustration and blues by exercising and working up a sweat. I feel better when I’m moving actually – or just doing something. And as much as I hate to say it – as I was walking today and my neck was getting a bit damp from the exertion of exercising in 80 degree heat (lol!)… I felt a surge of something. I actually FELT better. I felt like I was doing something productive and working off some extra stress or blues or something. It felt good. We’re going to do the same walk tomorrow. Might as well. I really would like to have a walking partner though so if any of my callers wants to join me in the 10,000 steps a day challenge … let me know and I’ll let you know where you can get a nice pedometer. And don’t worry – no one will see it. Well – maybe they will – but it will be a good conversation starter.

I’m going to head to bed for the last hour of my shift here … and read something interesting or watch a bit of Will & Grace on DVD. I’ll talk to you all tomorrow ’round Midnight. I have a writing class that usually ends around 11:00PM with out fail – so I definitely won’t be any earlier than 11:30PM. I’ll think I’ll pop some corn in some healthy nutritious canola oil for the group tomorrow evening. Been craving it now for the past few nights but have made a promise to limit my popcorn binges to one night a week. I gave up cigarettes, skittles, icecream and pancakes. I will NOT give up my popcorn!! Fiber is good, right?