I have this really interesting relationship with music … for those who have read me often you know my music tastes span from Bach & Beethoven & Clementi to Prince, Kanye West, Tori Amos, and most recently Charlotte Martin. There is a song on her Stromata album called “The Dance”. The chorus … oh my god. It has to be one of the prettiest things I’ve heard in a long time. The rhythm is intricate, interesting, haunting and poignant. Her voice sounds similar to Tori Amos which is a big huge plus for me, too. So yeah … I’m totally into Charlotte lately. I dig her. If you enjoy chick music (eyes Tiffy with a wink) you may really enjoy her, too.

So this post is going to be to the accompaniment of Charlotte Martin. Think Chick music with a certain depressing/yearning note and you’ll get the affect. *wink*.

I realize that I have written some pretty interesting and “deep” posts lately – and not that I need to explain anything in my blog to anyone …. I’d like to.

I’m a writer… I write all the time with and with out paper and pen. I write in my head – gathering up little bits of information that may come out in a story, role play, poem, journal entry, etc. I write on little pieces of paper while listening to lectures during school, or while waiting in line at the grocery store, or sitting in the really comfy chair with Jackson in my lap after breakfast. I’ve always written. When I’m not writing I’m buying things to write with or buying things to write on. Writing makes me feel … relief. Writing makes me feel better and sometimes (lately) it makes me feel slightly worse… I am a writer and I’m one of the most frustrating kinds of writers, I think. I’m not well organized in how I write and I know my punctuation leaves much to be desired. I’m also an emotional writer – which means (as you probably have guessed) I either write when I’m on some rant fest, or when I’m in love, or when I’m frustrated or sad or one of the other 50 or so emotionally charged feelings that cause me to write in here. I can be either very funny or extremely depressing, I can write and inspire you or write and completely frustrate the ever living hell out of you. I can write things that will make you want to know me better, or I could write something that could cut you to the core…leaving nothing unexposed and laying all your shit bare (tyt). I can use my words as little tiny daggers aimed directly at the most sensitive part of your soul and I can use words as soft delicate caresses – snake charming explosive orgasms from your body.

Writing – is how I dance. And the things that I write here … though some may see it as a sort of marketing genius – is really just an invitation to “you” to dance with me. It may not be the type of dance you are looking for all the time – but it will be a dance that is intimate. You WILL get to know me while dancing with me – or by reading what I write. You may not always like what I have to say, hell, sometimes I don’t like what I have to say, either! But you will get to know who I am … and if you just hang in there for a little bit you’ll get to the place where I make you laugh again, or give you a shiver down your spine from some delicate verbal caress I throw out onto the page. You may even hold some of the more intimate “CeCe-isms” hostage and unleash them during a call with me…making our time even that much more connected. If you want. It’s up to you.

I know that my “job” is often an escape from the real world … and sometimes I feel a certain amount of pressure to be that type of an escape for you all. I know that you have a wife that is telling you how she feels all the time maybe – or that demanding girlfriend who is always so caught up in her feelings and blah blah blah. Maybe you’d prefer to have a girl to sit back and drink beer with – trouble free – just another one of the guys…with tits. Maybe getting to know me is just a little too much information … a little too real when all you really wanted was a convenient 15 minute fantasy; a break from your own reality. I get it. I don’t blame you. Truth is … I’m that girl that you can sit back and drink a beer with. I’m that girl that can give you 15 minute breaks from reality. But I’m also pretty damn complex (or at least I’d like to think I am…). I’m “flighty” at times, a little demanding, spoiled, egotistical, self-loathing at times, hyper, imaginative, stubborn, sensitive, pensive, shy, eager… and a dancer. I like to dance. I live for that type of connection. That’s just who I am.

I’ll be dancing tonight from 9:00PM – 1:00AM.