I’m still trying to work on my post about my “weekend”. It’s coming. It’s just difficult to find the right words…

So just a quick note to say – yeah, I’m still up. I’m writing a paper. I’m on page one. So I’m going to get back to that shortly. BUT – I couldn’t help but mention how blogging isn’t such a bad thing sometimes because it brings me that much closer to all of you. I have to talk about N. for a bit (I won’t use your whole name – don’t worry – and until I give you your own nickname – N. it is. ) So N. calls me up and tells me he’s been stalking me – waiting for a chance to talk to me. He shows me his CeCe collection that makes me blush. He has picture galleries, videos, and little voice samples – and direct quotes from my latest blog on sharing my bed. “have you kicked him off your bed yet?” he asks me during our conversation. It always takes me a second to realize that he’s actually talking about my journal and that this means that he has in fact read the whole bloody thing and remembered the important details. And then he tells me a few important details of his own. And so we talk about our pets – and then we have phone sex – and while he makes sure I’m going to be okay – we talk more about everything. Business and school and home and growing up and cats and dogs and mice and men. And then we have more phone sex. And before we leave we talk and cuddle some more. I feel fortunate that the “mundane” things that I feel I sometimes write about on here – are things that make me that much more endearing to all of you. I’m glad that you can get a glimpse into what type of person I am – and that you can use that glimpse to either wait for a time when we can talk, or move on to the less than mundane person down the block. I like that every now and then (more times than not!) I get a caller on the other end of the phone that has memorized the top 5 posts, knows the few who comment and doesn’t dare join in for fear of never leaving the comment section, and yeah, knows the name of my dog. I love that this freedom somehow lends itself to most of you having the freedom to share with me – your fantasies, your kinks, your plans for the day or a few laughs about …well, anything. So – yeah. Somebody’s watching me. I’m glad it’s you.

I’m not sure what this weekend is going to hold – but it is going to be an adventure. One of my callers (He is going to be called Edward Lewis – I just NOW decided. He’ll know why) treated me SPECIFICALLY to a night in a rather upscale hotel with the only conditions being… I must first have hot phone sex with him from the hotel. Movies. Room service. Sauna. Pool. An evening away from home. I invited a friend for a bit – and she will more than likely stay for a long time. She hates hearing people breathing when she sleeps (omg – I have the quirkiest friends!) so she won’t stay the night because I do happen to breathe when I sleep. If she does spend the night, am I wrong to worry about my safety? Anyway, I decided that when she leaves, it might be a great time for me to either catch up on my sleep and take a long hot bath or watch some tv naked on the bed…OR… I could share part of the great time with all of you and log in on Saturday night and have some loud don’t need to hold anything back lets get a little crazy phone sex on Niteflirt. What do you think? Yeah. I decided it was too good an opportunity to not share with you all. So – I’ll know better what the time frame will be but more than likely I’ll sign in sometime around midnight ready to play. Check out time is 10am, isn’t it Edward? If so I’ll probably work 3 hours … 4 if I am able to… and then I will fall into bed, happy, content, and relaxed. Of course I’ll be on sometime tomorrow, too. After first taking a nap as it appears to be one of those all nighters for me. Let’s finish this up.

I got another 100 percent on my Math test today. I got 49 out of 56, but my homework points boosted my 49 to a 56. *whew* See? Why was I so worried. Can I just say that 3 of the questions I got wrong were completely stupid mistakes. I’m not saying I’m stupid, Tiffers, I’m just saying that I made some really careless mistakes. I need to watch those errors. Even my professor was surprised when I got 2 wrong on the first page. “CeCe – you got two wrong on the first page?!?” He said. I took my medicine. I don’t know what happened. So that’s done with. Later today I’ll get my philosophy test back. I’m hoping for a B.

I did have another test that I took. 4 hours of testing to see about my spatial and processing and memory skills. All my test scores came back above average except for my reading comprehension, writing, verbal, spelling (yeah – I’m laughing over that one, too) and … one other one I can’t remember (remember … aha. That will be funny in a few more sentences), in those areas I was far above average into the “gifted” realm. Yeah. Tiffy was fuckin right. I am brilliant. My memory and processing … a little below average. So you see. If I happen to forget who you are the next time you call, it’s not that I wasn’t paying attention, it’s that my memory really isn’t good! Ha! I have a very GOOD excuse/reason. Nah – it goes hand in hand with A.D.D. Bottom line? The Psychologist said I should aim to go to school and get my Master’s degree if I want. That I’m very capable and that I should have no problems with being a successful student. Even my Math competency was above average. yeah. Me and math – who woulda thunk.

So things are beginning to fall into place as far as my plan is concerned. I found out that I probably need to take a foreign language – and most English majors take Spanish for some reason. It’s recommended by one of the schools I’m considering – so… I also have a few more science classes that I need to complete along with my Math courses. Looks like another year and a half AT LEAST – probably 2 years due to the math requirement needed to transfer. Of course, I may get into the school with out having completed all of my math – but before I get a degree I gotta have it somewhere. I’m okay with the time frame. Slow and steady wins the race. Right?

So – I think I’ve pretty much caught everyone up on my life – and sufficiently dwindled more time away from having to write this essay that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not even an essay, really, because if it was, I’d be done with it already. It’s more of some kind of report. I don’t know what the bleep it is. It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. haha!

Spin tomorrow morning, then class, then training in the late afternoon with the Nazi. Will log in when I’m awake – hopefully before Midnight. Email me before then if you need to. Oh wait – I have an appointment with my D. before then – and THEN training at the gym, nap, then log in. One day I’ll update that schedule of mine. Just remember how you can legally stalk me on twitter and I’ll try to update my niteflirt plans as they become clearer to me.

Talk soon – and thanks all – for the great chats/talks/emails. Mostly, thanks for keeping close watch. It feels good.

I have actually shared my bed a few times. Or I should say – shared A bed a few times. My current bed is in my loft and unless someone wants to sleep sandwiched between the wall and me on my twin mattress – which sounds sexy in theory but could be a bit uncomfortable when you need to unwind yourself from the tangle of sheets, me, and dog (who at 7.almost 8 pounds takes up the space of a grown adult!).

Let me just get this out of the way before I continue: I’m procrastinating. I’ve written a long over due email, I’ve taken a couple of phone calls on niteflirt – and my math book sits next to me on my bed laughing. Even though one test grade (the lowest) can be thrown out – I do not want this test to be the one that I have to toss. There are much harder chapters ahead of me and I’d like to save that option for later. Even though there is an option between A and F – in my black and white mind only an A exists. And so since that scares me (the thought I may not succeed and get an F – cuz remember B and C is not an option. lol!) I avoid and write a blog post. Lucky for you – not a good habit for me.

Before I got Jackson I knew that he would sleep in his crate at night. He was way too little and I was worried that I might kick him to his death to the floor below (and since I AM in a loft – it’s a long way down to the floor below me). I also had heard it was the best thing to potty train a dog. Doggies rarely pee in their crates since they consider it their bed. From the time that Jackson was 9 weeks old he learned to hold his little bladder until morning when he would unleash more pee than I thought a dog could hold minutes before I placed him on the grass. While I typically do not fault anyone for their fetishes – having been peed on by Jackson for the first few weeks I can honestly tell you that I don’t get the whole potty fetish thing really – but warm pee (minus the smell of urine) is a not so unpleasant sensation. Kinda like a shower (oops – I get it now!). But I digress. As usual. Jackson has always slept in his crate. He likes it in there. And I get a great nights sleep.

A few days ago I left Jackson alone on my bed next to me and turned off the light. The feel of Jackson tucked behind my knees was the most comfortable feeling in the world. The steady rise and fall of his little furry body kinda started to lull me to sleep a little bit, too. I started to relax. And I didn’t feel quite as lonesome. That’s really the thing about chicks if you really must know, guys. In the end we just kinda like the company and the steady fall and rise of the guy next to us. The sex ain’t bad, don’t get me wrong, but when my girlfriends tell me of boyfriend they have just broken up with – the things they most often tell me they miss more than anything is the steady rise and fall of – the person that fits just right and finds you perfect. That’s what I miss most of all. And pillow talk. And laughing. And the moment before you reach that place of no return. And the open mouth breathe into my mouth while telling me how good it is… *sigh*. Even with all of that – I miss the steady rise and fall of – the person that fits just right and finds you … perfect.

Thanks to those of you who tucked me in this past weekend. It sure feels nice to share my bed again.

I’m not sure how coherent this post will be. In the past 72 hours I have had a total of 12 hours of sleep. Maybe a bit less. As a result, I am a little bit loopy, quite chatty (in a drunk gonna pass out telling you naughty secrets about myself kind of way), and unpredictable. Consider yourself warned.

The story of my insomnia is a long one. There is always (lately) the potential for no rest. It just kinda lurks there (this potential) and when something comes along like let’s say … stress over a philosophy test, the potential becomes actual. Yeah. I’m learning a little bit about metaphysical stuff in philosophy. I don’t understand a lot of it, but I get quantum physic potential and actual potential, etc. … … kidding. As I was saying – the threat of no sleep is there, and I expect it will be for a bit of time, but pair that with a test to study for and I am assured that there will be no sleep for the weary. Cuz I’m studying. Not. Because I’m frantically pacing inside of my brain and avoiding my notes and the whole study process because I’m afraid when I look at it it will be overwhelming.

Words getting blurry. Lap top slipping off knee. Focus.

So I stayed up all night and procrastinated. I’m serious. I looked around the net. Answered a few posts on a board incorrectly because … well… I was high on no sleep, tried to figure out my podcast buttons so I could post my Equinox podcast. Yeah. I know what that is. Thank you Geography! When all my surfing was done, I started exploring Mackenzie the new MacBook. She’s still beautiful. *sigh* I found garage band, and (damn I need to update my Ilife before it expires. Shit!) while I was exploring in garage band, I discovered that I could design my own little songs by changing the instrumentation and stuff like that. My mic is connected to my PC (I totally dozed off right then. Did you miss me? lol) but if it wasn’t (and yeah – I know I can connect it…but blah . So much bother. ) if it wasn’t – I would totally be using garage band. Cool shit that is. Do you know there is a piano keyboard that you can play little tracks on and things, too? yeah. Seriously fun. 2 hours of fun as it turned out. Finally at about 4:30 in the morning I decided I could actually sleep for a bit (2 hours) before I had to get up and go to spin. But right before that epiphany I realized that I could/should copy my notes from my lectures because at least by writing them down I would remember something. . I woke up 3 hours later, got prepared for spin, took my notebook with me – read while warming up, did class and off to school I went. And yes, I go all sweaty for the most part. Fuck it. I don’t have time to shower. I just change out of my wet t-shirt in the car, reapply my deodorant and call it a day. Is this grossing all of you out to the point you won’t be calling me? LOL. I always shower before we talk (unless you ask me not to – and yeah – there are some that do. Cuz I’m delicious like that. *wink* ). So where was I? Oooh – so I go to class and my teach says, “don’t worry about the test – it’s not gonna matter if you get an A, and it’s not gonna matter if you get an F. It’s only 10 percent of your grade so just take it in and get use to my tests for next time.

Yeah.

And when I got my test – and tried to focus on the writing (my eyes are shot right now… ) I was shocked at how absolutely simple it was. Straight from our notes – straight about what the philosopher was saying and what his themes were and stuff like that. Simply an easy f’n test. An easy test that I basically put too hours avoiding – when I could have spent an hour and tackled the one thing that potentially causes my sleepless nights. I’m pretty sure I got a solid B on the test. There were a few questions I had totally forgotten about from lecture, which tells me that I need to take more notes in class, but not too many more. So when my teacher started talking about Aristotle – and how we all need goals to be happy. And we all need to aim for those goals in order to feel productive. And that these goals can only be judged as “good” if they are virtuous. And that there is some kind of mean there. The “just right” Virtuous, as my book describes it. Hence, Virtuous Mean.

So I’m gonna be good this weekend. I’m going to play a little, work a lot, and sort through some things. I may bring some things to Good Will (hey – does that count as community service I wonder? Yeah – filling out my apps for scholarships is totally on my list of things to do, too. But I’m gonna be virtuous. In honor of my favorite philosopher.

I’ll be logging in a little bit tomorrow when ever I wake up. I’d leave myself on alerts, but I really don’t think I’d hear the phone ring in a few minutes. Didn’t even need to take a pill to help me – feels like I’m going to go down very quickly. Look for me around 12-3:00pm probably. And then I have an appointment with a very kinky person who knows I have worked VERY hard today. I’ll be back on Saturday Evening. My parents should be gone for the better part of the evening so you’ll want to take full advantage of my ability to scream if I so desire and am so moved. They’ll be gone in the afternoon, too…

So I’ll talk to you later on today. Logging off now. Welcoming sleep. Finally…………

Mike, Karl, Dan, DocBen, Tiffy, Mack — and suddenly I started to wake up a little bit. not wake up like eyes open wide awake wakey wakey – but more like this thing inside of me woke up. The – “I need a plan” thing inside of me woke up. And while Tiffy was still sticky, I started to talk about Ohio State. Why? Because Ohio State happens to have a fricken hell of a writing program – one of the few colleges, actually, that offers a graduate school for creative writers to get their MASTERS. Mmhm. And they also have fricken awesome workshops held in the summer. And the college happens to be in a place that may actually be affordable in a few years. Sure, it’s Ohio, but I’ve lived in worse places (says quick apology to anyone living in Ohio). My Philosophy teacher is making my ears practically bleed talking about Berkeley. He asked me the other day if my GPA was a 3.0 (um – hello. Is my GPA a 3.0? Even with my earlier issues my GPA is well above a 3.0 thank you very much!) and if I would be interested in Berkley. “Apply for 5 schools” he told me. Ok. “Apply for more scholarships – you shouldn’t be paying anything for your education.” Okay – I still have to figure out some sort of a life so that I can fill out the application for the scholarships! Make a new plan, Sam. I swear I’ve said that before on here.

Even though I’ve continued going to school – and have managed 3 semesters with straight A’s — I need to step it up a little bit more and push myself just a little bit harder. I really don’t think that my philosophy teacher understands how unsatisfying a B is in PHILOSOPHY. I mean – seriously, dude. B’s are so not even last year for me. He thinks that 10 hours per paper is what is needed in order to squeeze an A out of him. I’m about to find 10 more hours to dedicate towards thinking and thinking and being confused which is basically, as I see it, the life of a philosopher. Move over How I Met Your Mother and make way for Hannah Arendt’s The Life of the Mind.

My friend recently alerted me to the fact that I don’t write about anything other than school, sleep, work, and my dog. I’m well aware that people my age should be out partying and having fun and living it up, etc., but as my callers know – I’m not typical. I don’t even pretend to be. I’m this ultra sensitive chick, that happens to enjoy listening to men cum, enjoys a great orgasm and some kinky age related, feminization, exchange of power, etc. play, loves a great book, a cool movie, and some sticky sweet soundtracks from some sickly sweet movie. I’m the girl who wears glasses, still has braces, adores Build A Bear Workshop, and still gets teary during the last chorus of Danny’s Song. The harmony is some of the best harmony ever, don’t front. You’ll get teary, too! I don’t care how that makes me look – it happens to be the truth! So sorry – I don’t have time to be typical right now. I have a plan. I gotta finish what I need to do — move on to a 4 year college – get done with what I need to do – and then go on to get my masters at a good graduate school. And time is a ticking. So what does this mean for you? You’ll be reading a little bit more because …well, I need to write more. I’ll probably be starting a new blog or at least adding a section to this blog for some of my extra writing things, AND – I’ll be heading back to work with my eye on the prize so to speak. No more time for moping this week, boys and girls. CeCe is on a mission!

My-Aunt-the-pharmacy has prescribed some heavy duty medicine for me the past few days to aid me with my sleeping issues – but I think I’m ready to try with out the aid. I’ll see ya tomorrow sometime. Until then … wish me luck. Keep me focused if you can. And if you aren’t able to do that, at least provide me with a great escape for as long as you are able (it will fuel my creativity, honest. )