It will be finals week on Tuesday. Luckily I should be done by Wednesday. It has been a very difficult semester for me. A lot of things have been going on and a lot of changes are happening in my life. What makes it difficult is that I have always been pretty forthcoming on the blog. Sure there are things (naturally) that I keep to myself for privacy reasons, but for the most part I’ve been uncomfortably (haha) open. When I feel that there is just too much going on and things that are just a bit too personal, I tend to – well, disappear. It might be my way of forcing some distance between me and my job. It’s an occupational hazard: remaining close enough for connection but distant enough for sanity. Some of you get what I’m talking about.

So with all that said, I’m still at a loss with how much to say and how much to keep close. What I know I can share is that this semester was by far the hardest semester I’ve ever dealt with. On top of that, I’ve gone through a very disappointing dissolving of a friendship that was completely unavoidable but nonetheless a heart break – especially after just now being able to breathe through a broken relationship almost exactly a year ago. ON top of the losses I’ve experienced, I’ve also experienced great beginnings of friendships. Not replacements to the losses, but definite blessings just when I needed them. I’ve recently experienced the joys of ‘cleansing’ and yeah, I’m still exercising – even planning on starting a running program once school ends. So yes – definite beginnings. But as I said earlier, I’ve also gone through one of the most difficult semesters of my life. I have to retake a math class I started because I just got so behind I wasn’t able to dig my way out of the hole. I’ve just about gotten to the point where I can not feel so ashamed about it, but failing/not completing things really breaks my heart. I really love school and love to learn. I love understanding how my brain works, but along with that I always have a struggle fitting into what the school system wants to pass off as education and teaching. I did manage to get high grades in both my upper level English and Anthropology class and am expecting to get high B’s (really I’m expecting to get A’s but I don’t want to jinx myself!) in both subjects.

I don’t know what this summer holds. I’m still trying to recover from this last semester. I will be thinking seriously about what will become of my life here on NF. I don’t know if I’ll venture into the “real” world and work or if I can somehow revamp my life here and make it fit into the kind of person I’m becoming. What I do know is that I have to do what feels right – and not something I feel I’m ‘suppose” to do because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. What I can promise is that I’ll keep you all abreast (I love that word!) as to what I’m going to do. You have all been so good to me over the years – and I consider many of you friends of mine who have supported me in my school work and my life’s goals with books, income, laughter, listening ears, etc. But this is not going to be that kind of a post. I’m not saying goodbye. I’m not even really saying “hello” – I’m just popping in to let you all know that I’m still here. I’m still thinking of many of you – and I’m trying my best to be on every now and then in between life that always has gotten in the way of my pleasure (haha).

Have a great weekend. I’ll check in later on tonight – and will probably be around tomorrow morning and evening for any of you wishing to work off your Memorial Day binges. Hugs and many kisses.