I must have mentioned before in this blog, that I’ve kept for — how many years now? Since I was 18? (lol), how many journals I have and how I like to collect them. I’m not particular about my journals, at least I never use to be, but I prefer something with a pretty cover. Probably because that is what I see most in my journals! (Meaning I never open them to write in them so I see the outside cover the most…did I just ruin the joke by explaining the obvious. Sorry ’bout that)

After a few challenging situations that happened in my life (Life is but a series of ups and downs. The secret is how well you handle the challenges you’ve been given. At least that’s what I’ve heard in some Eastern Religions), I came across a youtube video about Art Journals. Some people use books and “alter” them – paint over the pages and then journal on top of the pages type of thing. Other people use journals – water color paper journals, and others use the old school journals that I kind of collect, too. Some art journalists decide to make their own journals by binding together a number of water colored pages. Anyway – an art journal is exactly what it sounds like – a journal that you keep that features musings, stories, poems on top of a canvas (paper) that you’ve decorated with sketches, drawings, paintings, patterns, stamps, collages, etc. The art is made by using a variety of different tools: acrylic paints, water color pencils and crayons, markers, sharpies, fabric, paper, newspaper, ink…basically anything you can stick to a piece of paper. Eew. Not that.

There are a number of ways you can make a backdrop for your journal – and every new page is an opportunity to explore a new technique or just let your brain do what it wants. From the very first brush stroke I was hooked. Most times, with new ‘things’ I tend to get really excited about them and then as time goes on I get tired and move on to other things. An old client of mine use to joke with me that he had an expiration date. He figured people were on that same expiration schedule as the billions of new projects I try out each year. He’s quite wrong, by the way. It’s been my experience that customers often times outgrow me, seeking PSO’s on a greener pasture. Oooh – that reminds me of a caller I had a few weekends ago. Or just last weekend. Ugh. Time is blurring together with out school to act as the adhesive. Anyway – When I saw this project I immediately purchased everything I needed in order to take on this new hobby. And I’ve been purchasing things every since. Has this taken care of my make up obsession? Not really. But I am sharing my funds and deciding whether or not I’ll buy new water color pens or that new lip gloss I’ve heard so much about from MAC Cosmetics. Shocking I know.

But art journaling is ADDICTIVE! And more than addictive (which is really all anything needs to be in order for me to affix myself to it – permanently sometimes), it is also therapeutic and relaxing. I’ve done some great writing in my art journal and I’m learning to express myself using different mediums (don’t I sound like an artist?). I’m really not much of a scrapbooker. I’d like to be but I don’t have time for measurements and layouts and all that kind of stuff. I love the aesthetics of it, but I don’t enjoy the work achieving it. Art Journaling doesn’t use exact measurements or layout and doesn’t even appreciate pretty and cohesive. It doesn’t care about your mistakes; you just use them or cover them up and they become the texture or the “guts” of your canvas. It’s doodling meets diary. Scribbles meets scribe. Writer meeting the artist and working together to achieve something that can’t be reached by just painting or just writing alone. Ooooh! I just LOVE it!

So as I was saying earlier (I think), art journaling has helped me think of things I haven’t really thought about in a long time. It helps me work things out – helps me make sense of things. I get a chance to listen to what my soul is telling me – with out a censor. It’s quite different from writing in a blog on line. Though I’ve tried to exude a type of transparency in my writing, my privacy does demand a sort of decorum on what I discuss. So the best I can do is give bits and pieces here and there and hope that someone who craves connections as much as me latches on to the truth and rides it for as long as the current carries them. I might share some of my art journal drawings here. But I might need to password protect them. I haven’t quite figured out (and I hope I never do!) how to censor myself in there – so I’m bound to let a few details fly that you may (or may not) be aware of. Hopefully you all can respect my need for privacy and just ask me for the password (which I don’t anticipate I’ll have a problem sharing with ANYONE) and you can see anything I wish to share. It will be in my secret chamber (enter evil laugh here).

So enough about that…

I have received a plethora of gifts the past few weeks and I realized that I have not publicly thanked ‘you’ for them. Keeping in mind the need for people’s privacy… thank you MJ for the nail colors/art pens and things. Absolutely 100 percent love. Now I can also make mini statements on my toes and fingers. Brilliant! KIL – Thanks for the stockings (Betsey Johnson rules. I’ve received SO many compliments on them!) and for the ton of make up you’ve supplied my addicted soul with through out the holidays (and the years before…) Thanks to the wise old Prof for the sound of music things, and the perfume, make up, books and music. Thank you DL for the tribute that helped me pay for my phone bill, my speeding ticket, and a few trips to Sephora (can’t lie). I’ll miss you. I’m not just saying that because of the money aspect. Entirely. (he knows I’m kidding sort of!). Thanks to Kai who spoiled me way too much this past month. Not only did Kai spend time talking to me a few weekends ago, but he’s also absorbed more than his fair share of “CeCe Lashings”. And he didn’t deserve any of them. Or very few.:) Thanks also for the care packages over Christmas Vacation, as well as all the other surprises and treats you sent my way unselfishly. Thank you to my Sarah Nanette for the Tori Amos Cds and the wonderful book that I will start in the next few days! Totally surprised me with that one – and with your CD’s I think my Tori collection is pretty much complete! Thank you Jab, Beeto, holdem, chburr, afriendlyvoice and loserpig for your tributes. Whether these gifts were inspired by Christmas, My birthday, or just my sparkling personality (haha) – thank you. Thank you to everyone who wrote up feedback for me the past months, even though I haven’t rewarded you in like forever!, you still find time to leave me a ‘thank you’ and a great review, letting me know you’ve appreciated our time together. I’m so sorry I didn’t thank each and every one of you sooner.

So that’s it! Would you look at that!? 2 entries in January so far. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. But let’s not jinx it. Have a great week. I’ll be free until February so I’m trying to log in more during the day. Feel free to drop me a note if you’d like to make an appointment. I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Oh – and I know a few of you are waiting on some recordings from me. I have NOT forgotten. I am just waiting for the privacy to do them. I like for them to be authentic the Hitachi wand sounds like a small airplane landing – not exactly subtle – so I have to be careful and play when my family isn’t around. I’m not old enough to not care who hears me. Not sure I’ll ever be — but that’s another post.

Talk soon!

A good friend of mine reminded me the other day that I don’t really talk much about the good things that happen in school – the good classes or the moments that I’m really clear about. I don’t really mention the successes I’ve had but I’m all too quick to talk about the struggles in Algebra. Well, he didn’t exactly say all that, but I’m pretty sure this is what was alluded to. And he was right.

So allow me a moment (or five) to talk about one of the great classes I took this past semester–English Literature II. In this class we discussed American Literature from 1800′s – present time. I was in heaven from the word “Yawp”. There is nothing more satisfying to me than to submerge myself into a poem and find hidden – between the cadences and alliterations – a deeper and truer meaning. And then to be able to discuss all the new findings with students of like mind… OMG. Seriously amazing! Orgasmic really. I dig the whole relational thing. I like knowing I’m a part of something bigger than myself, and I enjoy finding the connectedness between me and people who endured things way before I was a thought in my parent’s mind. I like reading a short story about a blue heron, and understanding how the little girl feels. I like reading Tennessee Williams and having mixed feelings about Amanda -enjoying her spark and wit and humor but hating her sarcasm and manipulation and then concluding that she’s one of the best characters ever written for stage. I like discovering how the drive for the American Dream detours and confuses Willy Loman and realizing then that everyman at some point of his life IS Willy Loman. I love diving into poems about a red wheel barrel and struggling with what makes that a poem.

Some of my best gifts this Christmas centered around my love of literature. I received the entire collection of the Paris Reviews, for example, along with the entire collection of Jane Austen and the History of American Literature book. My room is lined with books anyway, but even more so now, and all the books I’ve read have specific passages that have made me let out my own version of a yawp. Seriously. I dig books. And I love digging for meaning in them. Words are deliberate. I find it a thrill to unearth the reason behind their placement.

So when the bell chimed the arrival of 2011, I found myself wondering about that song about old acquaintances. I always thought that it meant that you should let bygones be bygones. Out with the old, in with the new – that type of thing. I seriously thought it was a sucky song to be singing among a group of people you were “celebrating” the new year with. Nothing like telling some of your closest friends that you’re looking forward to forgetting them, right? Wrong. I’m so wrong. The song is so not about forgetting and so much about remembering. The NYE celebrations have turned everything into a “do it better” opportunity – and a discarding of the things that didn’t work out from the year before so we can have a much better year this year. Does that work for anyone ever? I’ve yet to meet a new year’s resolution I’ve kept. Should old times be forgot… Let’s take the time now to remember them along with the friends we’ve made is really what that song is suggesting. Should = unless. Should=just in case. Should does not equal “Should not”.

So I’m not saying goodbye to bad habits or bad relationships or bad friendships or bad choices this year. I’m remembering them and giving them honor for the things that I’ve learned by having them. But more positively, I’m remembering the good things that happened this year – and the good friendships I’ve gained and the great classes I’ve taken and the great teachers who have taught me great things. Just in case I forget all the blessings I’ve had this year – I’ll toast to them. And yeah, I am definitely toasting to the great callers I’ve had this year, too. While some of you might have to remind me of your names or fantasies, the experience of having had the opportunity of sharing a few minutes with you (or several hours!) has been a blessing too enormous for me to accurately express in a teen wet dream’s blog. But know that just because I have not yet learned the art of conveying what I feel – or at least not as eloquently as my dear Truman Capote or as tenderly and thoughtfully as Robert Frost, I still recognize (and should not forget) the significance of having every one of you a part of my life this past year.

Many many thanks. And happy happy new year.