I don’t blame you if you don’t. Yes, it’s me, CeCe, signing in after MANY months. And though I know it would entertain you to hear all the excuses I could muster up, I’m just gonna stick with the boring details: I was knee deep in Algebra. yup. I was in math hell for many months and just as soon as I could get my head above water, that’s when the bridge would break and I’d be over my head in mathematical problems all over again. I was barely logged in, and when I was I was often times distracted or called away from business to tackle yet another ruthless word problem. This is the time that you should all start playing violins for me. Thank you.

So now I have a month off from school and I have ever intention of catching up on some things around here. Things are starting (finally) to look up around here, and I am proud to have not given in to the panic that surrounded me. I guess the paid mails are even working fine as of late. See? Patience IS a virtue!

Some of you remembered my birthday and thank you, but I’ve stopped celebrating them. If you call me, you’ll notice that I’m 19 again. I figure it’s a good year, and that way no one has to wonder why a 20 somethin’ year old is still going under “teenwetdream”. It will be our little secret. I still have my braces on, so as far as I’m concerned, I still look like a teen, and well, I’m still fighting to keep myself well with in your dreams. Yeah, I’m still corny.

So this is really just a quick update. If I make it too long it will be another 2 months before I post it. It is Monday, the 28th of December, and I will be logging in around 8:00PM this evening (that’s California Pacific time) and staying logged in until I can’t keep my eyes open. You should call me and say hi, if you haven’t had the chance. I definitely look forward to reconnecting with some of you AND meeting new and kinky/interesting men, too! Thank you for your patience these past few months, not only with niteflirt’s issues, but with my school schedule and stuff. I’m back. I promise.

It’s official. You are hearing it here first. I am no longer a teen. I turned the big 20 yesterday and sorry for not making a big deal out of it – but I just felt that it was an ending of sorts and definitely not one I wanted to face. I’ll try to explain a bit later in this post, but first I do need to say thank you for the boys who actually did remember my big day with out my typical pomp and circumstance I usually throw around here on my bday and Christmas’. I say that somewhat sarcastically… I just have not been one to announce the big day like that. It isn’t even a chance to test you guys to see if you will remember – I just think that bdays aren’t that big of a deal anymore – and I actually feel funny asking for things on that day, especially in today’s economy and so close to Christmas. I figure I’d prefer a Christmas gift anyway (grin). That’s what my family basically did: waited until Christmas and then made up for there somewhat pathetic bday gifts, always done at the last minute while shopping for the turkey. Not that I’m complaining. Much. So thank you: Tiffy, SBJ, Karl (VERY sweet gift, sweetie!!), Uncle Randy, and those of you who wished me happy Bday on our calls together. **MUAH**

But this year it was really one of those things I did not want to mention on here because I knew that if I announced it, I would have to figure out what I was going to do about the big departure from TEEN wet dream into the world of just wet dreams. I thought for awhile that I would retire once I reached the point where I could no longer call myself a teen. And I’m aware of the fact that there are some characters on Niteflirt who never age, and no one really cares … but just as my braces will eventually come off (less than a year and counting) so must I lose the “teen” in my name. How will it sound when someone calls me up and asks me how old I am, and I say “twenty.”? *click* I figured that retirement was as good an option as any. I wasn’t going to go suddenly. I would have had a party. Balloons, ice cream cake, a big candle in the shape of a penis. You know the kind. *wink* But yeah, I figured turning twenty was a sign to hang up my phone and headset and go into retirement.

I’m not going to retire. Come on. I’m not even done with school now, and there is a recession going on out there — and retail is not having a great time. Retail is what I’m best suited for, being a ‘young adult’ and all. So I’m going to sit still for a bit longer. I may change over to a different domain, but more than likely that will happen once my braces come off and I’ll turn into a young adult and leave the teen thing behind me. Even Peter Pan had to face growing up , you know.

So school is going. I got a perfect score on my Geography Map Quiz by the way. Ask me where the Canary Islands are. Go ahead, ask me! Geography is about to hit an intense level. We’re learning all about currents and wind patterns and other stuff I can’t even repeat…that’s how lost I am. But as lost as I am, I’m still getting a solid B+ in that class. After our field trip this weekend, I’m sure I’m getting an A+. We went to see the butterfly um .. what is it called? Farm? Reserve? and it was by far the prettiest thing I had ever seen. Then we went and looked at wave patterns on the beach. I’m not lying. We looked at wave patterns and then we also picked up rocks and tried to figure out what caused what topography. I kept on looking around this certain bend after hearing that that is where Santa Barbara University was. Can you imagine going to school on the damn beach? Come ON! Is it possible to get any work done at all? I saw quite a few students out tanning and surfing that day and also quite a few walking through the forests where the Butterflies hung in their little pods from the Eucalyptus trees. I have to go back there with Jackson. He’d freak out over the waves, but he’d really dig the Monarch butterflies, and the hike would wear his ass out big time!

English is a joke. I had mentioned once that I loved my teacher, but that love has quickly turned into a hate I can’t even express. I’m going to mention something in here now knowing that my readers will be sensitive and not ask me to do some sort of warped fantasy. I can do a fantasy about any other kinky freaky professor except for this guy – because it’s just too real to the truth. This is what happened. I wrote a paper about milk and how it’s not a good thing to drink. It’s an argumentative paper, I’m not going to get into it because I’m bored with it already. It’s a good paper but … yeah. Anyway – so I’m talking about milk and the milk commercials and I mention that it’s kind of sexual in nature, the whole milk above the lip thing and sexy models in these tank tops and fit bodies drinking it and blah blah blah. I don’t mean anything other than “sexual” in a very LOOSE term. Why the fuck did my teacher write on my paper “some people call it cum shots?” ???!!! Why???!!! Can anyone tell me in what world is that appropriate? I’m so not even lying. Not only did he write this on my paper, but then he announced it in my class that he wrote it on my paper too. While I was busy trying to figure out why the fuck he felt he could write something on my paper like that (to my knowledge he is not a caller!) I started to feel the eyes of every fuckin male student in my class looking at me wondering what it is that I knew that made the teacher write something like that on my paper. Seriously, I could feel them assessing me – checking me out in a very uncomfortable fashion. There are fantasies and then there are realities, and this, my friends, is a most creepy and gross reality. Before that gross comment my teacher has had other stupid things to say, too. About the Holocaust: “Get over it – lots of people have suffered.” About Koreans, “I didn’t know my son was mine … he ate so much rice I thought my wife had an affair with the postman … he’s Korean.” About Black people, “I told my friend once – hey – at least I can change color!” you get the picture. I was getting a C+ in my English class after I got straight B’s on my papers and Essay – but then I missed handing in a paper and got a C+. I handed in my paper last week though and I got a A- on it, but got counted down to a B+ due to it being late. Hey – I’ll fuckin take it. But I won’t take comments of cum shots on my paper. I still feel dirty – and I have done/talked about far more dirtier things in my life, trust me. Just somethin’ about a comment like that outside of niteflirt makes me way uneasy. Strange, huh?

In order to process all this stress of school and work and life and the uncertainty of our futures – I’ve taken my stress to the gym. I hired a nazi, let’s call her Elsa, and she kicks my ass 2 -3 times a week. I went to see her today and my finger tips hurt. I stepped up and down on a platform holding on to a weight that made me immediately decide against breast implants. My goodness – I practically tipped over holding onto 10 pound wheel of a weight. How ever do you big titty women keep your balance? Elsa says things to me like, “Do you want the easy way to do this next exercise, or are you ready for a challenge?” Damn her. How quickly she learns. All you have to do is put “easy” in front of something and “challenge” in front of the other choice – and you know I will do it. “So CeCe – do you want to deep throat me on your knees which is the easy way? Or do you want the challenge? You’ll be on the bed – on your back – with your head over the edge – and I’ll lower my 10 inches down your throat and you try not to gag. Which way do you want?” Shit! 10 inches of course!!! lol. In all honesty, though, I’m competitive as hell. It’s a good thing most of the time, but often I just set myself up for pain. Which I am experiencing now. But I love it. I absolutely love it. I love lifting weights, and doing girl pull ups, and doing balance work and core work and going 4.2 MPH on the treatmill on a 6.0 incline for 45 minutes. I enjoy sweating like a pig – walking out of the gym past all the muscle dudes, and knowing that I kicked my own ass and that I’m strong and capable and sweaty! It’s a great, great feeling. It’s also a great way to release a whole lot of worry, anger, grief, pain, etc. with out hurting anyone!

There are so many ways that we can deal with discomfort, hurt, stress, anger – and most of these ways that we use to cope will land us in the hospital soon enough. Cigarettes, overeating, stress, tempers, destructive lifestyles, not asking for help (or directions), etc. are just really counter-productive. One of the ladies I met while working at the gym a few years ago was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. I house sat for her – and she was so alive and energetic and … I can not even bear to call her up and talk with her. But I know I need to because she’s not going to be here for long. I promised myself that I would not be one of those x-smokers who nagged people to quit, and I’ve really kept that promise. But today I’m just going to end my long waited for post by saying that there are other ways to relieve stress. You could go look at some monarch butterflies or take a walk on the beach if you live in sunny southern California. You could join a gym – all the money you’d spend on cigs will surely pay for a membership, won’t it? You could also masturbate to a favorite movie or pictures (I will be updating my galleries very soon!!! I mean it this time!!!) or even call me for some release. However you decide to release some stress – I hope that you are able to release some so that you are more able to enjoy this holiday season coming up. You’ve all been such great gifts to me this year and I appreciate each and every one of you. Even calls that weren’t “perfect” or “five star” quality taught me a lot about myself and helped me to grow into the mature 20 year old I am today. Happy Holidays!! May your days and nights be Merry & Bright!

Tuesday: 11:00AM – 3:00PM, MIDNIGHT – 3:00AM – (later if needed)
Wednesday: 12:00PM – 3:00PM, off and on Wednesday evening – Thanksgiving preparations under way.
Thursday: Will try to log in once everyone passes out from the Turkey – but no promises. If I can make it it will be after 7:00PM PST.
Friday: TBA
Saturday: TBA
Sunday: TBA
*Feel free to make an appointment or email me if you need me to be available during a specific time for you. I will do my best to accommodate. *

Update to schedule: 11/26/08 — my late nites and school is catchin up with me! I’m actually going to take a nap. Yeah. A nap. It does a body good! I will be logging in and out intermittently throughout the next few days – but will try to keep you abreast of my comings and goings. How much innuendo can I use in a sentence?

Thanksgiving came and went with out a hitch – is that what “they” say? (who is THEY?) The turkey was absolutely delicious. My father found this recipe and he and the turkey grew quite close. Every day for 4 days he took the turkey (that was fresh) out of it’s frigid home in the refrigerator and slathered it inside and out with the salt. I was initially very concerned about the turkey being a bit salty – but surprisingly enough, it wasn’t. I don’t know enough about chemistry to really figure out what the salt did – but the juice in that little turkey was unbelievable…even the white meat was delicious – not dry at all! I had every intention of not over eating – but the food. Dear God The Food! The stuffing melted in my mouth. The pumpkin pie … God – it was heavenly. Then there was the mashed potatoes, which I created on my own with butter and milk and salt. Yum-my! My plan to eat well … well … yeah. After our 2 mile walk I had recovered. Recovered enough to have a 2nd piece of pumpkin pie. *sigh* I never learn.

I have a lot of things to cover. I know it’s been a long time between posts. Sometimes I think I do this on purpose – take days off between posts, I mean. If a lot of days go on by – then most of the time I have a plethora of topics of which I can choose from. I could, of course, write every day. I can write every second of every day – but the more I write the more real topics come out – topics that I don’t feel safe discussing in “here” all the time. Some things are private – too private for a blog, you know? But anyways – a lot of time has gone by between posts – and I’ve gotten quite a few remarks about it. Enough remarks for me to reconsider my posting habits on this blog. Also about a month ago I told a dear writer/editor friend of mine that I would take time out and write every day. I think that he might consider writing in this blog part of that writing assignment. I know I can just “check in” as Tiffy wants me to do – but nothing is ever “half way” with me. Even when I work … I have to put it all in there. Work the full hours. Or Not work at all. Though that has been getting better – I cut myself off by 12:00AM/1:00AM on most nights. But…well, I’ve discussed it before. Everyone who knows me knows my personality and discussing it doesn’t make my personality any less – well – manic. Like, take this paragraph for instance. All that needs to be said is that I’ll be writing in this blog at least 3 times a week. *sigh*

My birthday was an absolute success! My family spoiled me and if there was any bit of spoiling left to do – well – all of you took care of that! The gifts just keep on coming! There really is no quick way to do this – so hang in there – glance through this long paragraph for your name and after finding it move quickly to the closing of this post – it’s the little paragraph where I tie in the title to the rest of the post. In no particular order: Thank you Ron for the Stephanie Plum Boxed Set (books 1-3), Thank you Doctor D for the Candy Fluff Dusting Poweder, Chocolate Whipstick Lip Balm, Sympathy for the Skin Body Cream, Creamed Almond and Coconut Shower Smoothie and Dream Cream Body Cream all by Lush. The stuff is delicious and you were so absolutely wonderful for spoiling me so! Thank you to Rolf for the All In One Printer, Someone named anonymous sent me the complete series Everybody Loves Raymond – so thanks Mr. A. Um – My dear friend Greg sent me his favorite movie Pleasantville (Thanks so much!) Thank you to my sweet Tiffy for sending me MAC Pink Poodle, The book Wicked, Marbles, and a great VS Gift Certificate which I promptly used to buy matching prison stripe panties, sweat pants and a sweat shirt. Mike B sent me Alicia Keys newest CD, Scott bought me Gilmore Girls which I love SO much!, Dan sent me the Rhianna album Good Girls Gone Bad and man. There may be more gifts on the way so I’ll update again with the Thank Yous. I PROMISE!
UR, Mr. PP, Mama Tee, Ray, ScottA, Dave, Mack, Mr. HingOfHearts, Bob, Joe, Beno, and Martin – thank you all so much for your Happy Birthday Wishes. It was so sweet of you to take time out of your phone calls with me to wish me well on my special day. *time to prepare for the big closing…*

I don’t feel a bit older, really. But I feel a LOT richer this year – and not for the obvious reasons, sillies! Your friendship through this past year, the gifts and laughs and the incredibly big ears that listen to me – soak up all my concerns and dreams and fantasies. You’ve all been blessings to me – delectable gifts that I treasure. Thank you.

Yes – My birthday IS right around the corner. Tiffy seems to have been preparing for this day long before me … and to that I say – well, nothing. I just haven’t been that into my bday. I guess because my bday has always been some preliminary to Christmas. I never expected a lot on my birthday – I doubled up on the gifts during Christmas cuz of everyone’s guilty feelings for not having made such a big deal about it. My callers have proven themselves to be much more sensitive about my bday than my parents ever were… Thanks guys!

A while ago people were asking me what I really wanted for my bday. I even had a person who had never called me ask me what I wanted for my birthday. To use his words – what I “REALLY wanted” (ah tell me what you want what you really really want!) At first these requests after establishing an 8 page wish list seemed silly to me – but when I thought about it a few days ago I realized that my wishlist can read sort of like some crazy cryptic message. To me – it all makes sense. I can tell you by looking at any page of my wish list exactly what I was thinking about. I can tell you what classes I was taking – what caught my attention during that particular time of my life or school year or whatever. But from the outside I know it looks a bit – crazy and schizophrenic. So … here is the one and only bday post I will do (until next year.) I will put it on out there what gifts I would really like to have – above all the other presents on my wish list. I also went through my list today and removed a few things that no longer interested me (like the vibrators – cuz well – Mr. Hitachi wand and the little bunny makes all those other toys totally unnecessary!) Once again – these gifts are merely suggestions. Anything on my wish list will tickle me pink.

Ok … so here we go.

If you don’t mind the thought of me watching too much television when I should be working hard on my math homework – these dvd collections would thrill me completely! THE DIRECTORS- THE ESSENTIAL DVD COLLECTION is mega expensive – but hey… if you have a few hundred burning a hole in your pocket – you can indulge me and get it. Isn’t the case absolutely ADORABLE? THE BILLY WILDER COLLECTION is gorgeous, too. Also any MUPPET SHOW series – or best of collection would be cool beans! EVERYONE LOVES RAYMOND, I LOVE LUCY, GILMORE GIRLS or THE BRADY BUNCH would all be way cool too. Especially RAYMOND or BRADY BUNCH! If it would make you feel better to send me something to read – then THE COMPLETE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE, STEPHANIE PLUM BOXED SET (I don’t have any of them so please start at the beginning and purchase the first set first and so on… ), JANE AUSTEN COLLECTION or the ROALD DAHL Gift Set would be cool times a billion. There are also 3 (or is it 4?) POST SECRET books that I’ve been DYING to have. If you realize by now that I have plenty to read – and really want me to finish the recordings I’ve been promising for a year now – you can get me that really cool USB Microphone. If you want me to just write already and stop procrastinating my life away by watching too many movies – you can pick up any number of journals on my list – or hey – (a girl can dream!) buy me that Mac Lap Top I’m orgasming over. If you’d rather give me something more romantic or just want to spoil me a little bit – you can send me a gift certificate on Amazon and I can get some perfume or jewelry or lotion or whatever. And if you realize by now that music is my life – the new Itouch or the new Ipod 8 GB would suffice. *wink* Beyond these suggestions – anything that is on my wishlist (honestly) I would be happy to recieve. By now everyone knows what a movie freak I am – and how much I love Julie Andrews. A simple DVD of my absolute IDOL would be a sweet and truly appreciated present. Hopefully these suggestions will help all who asked. I see I’ve already received a few gifts from my list already and a few teasing emails from “secret” admirers telling me they are sending me things… and that I need to wait to open up the actual package on my bday. (yeah – right!)

I’m totally sleepy right now. NF went down right as I was speaking to Mr. Pink. (been a long time, mister!) – and it doesn’t look like NF will be up until way later. Jackson had another class today along with a grooming appointment and he wore me out. I hear him tumbing about in his crate right now – and if I stay up much later he’ll think it’s time to get up and play and ai won’t be sleeping until this afternoon. I’ll log in for a bit tomorrow – and Sunday – though I have a date with the Tiffers – and I think I have a date earlier in the afternoon with UR – Who is celebrating a certain um … Half a century event!

Have a great evening – thanks for the gifts and calls so far – and have a safe and wonderful day of Thanks – in case I don’t get back til after the blessed event. Hope the turkey isn’t dry – and that your relatives don’t drive you too crazy.

I have been so busy lately … I apologize for not staying on top of certain things. If it makes you feel better – I’ve been on the bottom all the way around. School work, House work, Laundry, Thank you notes, Wish list, Birthday announcements (yes – My bday is on the 24th of this month… presents are appreciated but not required) – etc. And then I looked at the calender and realized that Christmas is around the corner, too. How the hell did that happen? Maybe not so surprisingly enough – the only thing I seem to be “on top of” is Jackson’s training schedule.

I picked up some really horrible flu this past week. The flu left me with about a tablespoon of energy and about as much concentration. There was only one thing for me to do. I grabbed Jackson, a blanket, and the remote – and watched a 6 hour dvd special on the history of Broadway. I missed my calling. I shoulda been born a gay male dancer with a fabulous tenor voice. I know that’s probably a bit of unfair stereotyping there – but I think I’d have a much better chance on broadway if I were a tenor. Ok ok – a baritone.

This wonderous dvd special – courtesy of the original puppy before THE puppy Jackson was absolutely a godsend. Fosse, Chicago, Rent, Wicked, Chorus Line, ummm… Sweeny Todd (how horrible that musical is – and how absolutely SCARY! I MUST see it!!) West Side Story – and more! And the very best part? It was hosted by THE goddess of all Goddesses – Julia F’inAndrews!!! I suddenly felt life being returned to my limp body. As my feet started to dance along with the Jets in West Side Story this post came to mind. Music always has a way of transporting me back to reality somehow. Ok – I know that sounded really silly – talking about West Side Story and “reality” in the same sentence. I am well aware that the gangs in LA aren’t talking about “having their way – to niiiightttt” or some guy calling CeCe through the streets of some quaint Southern California suburb or whatever. I also know that most people don’t break out in song during crucial moments of their lives (though I can’t understand why they don’t!) – but musicals have always energized me somehow. They make things better. And musicals with great songs like “For Good” and “Glory” and “Seasons of Love” and even the corny “Climb Every Mountain”… well … if I’m lost and flailing about and overwhelmed…these musicals always bring me back to some pleasant day/time/feeling/situation or whatever.

So after the PBS church experience – I broke out my math homework and plotted points and solved for x and y in straight line inear expressions or whatever the fuck I’m doing in that class now. And you know what? I’m over it. I’m seriously over it. I’m over school. I’m over even trying to motivate myself to go. And I don’t think it’s because I’m depressed – I just … I just don’t want to do it. And I know that I should push myself to do things that I don’t necessarily like because life is hard and part of growing up is doing things you don’t necessarily like and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah times a trillion million – but GOD DANG. I hate that shit. It feels like such a damn waste of time. Would I feel that way if I were taking a class in let’s say – writing or something? I don’t know. Am I willing to try it out for a semester? I don’t know yet. But I’m tired of Math. Just thought I’d say that. I really don’t care what x and y are.

So anyways – the title of this post? I broke out the ipod the other day and listened to Cassandra Wilson’s version of Cyndi Lauper’s classic Time After Time. Cassandra sings it so eloquently – so dark and deep like thick fudge that is just starting to cool and harden. Her voice just wraps around you and that song is just so beautiful anyways. The song seems to echo the type of friendships I’ve learned to treasure. It comes so easily – slowly and deliberately, you know? Pretty soon you’re wrapped up in lovely tones and voices. Everything is just as it should be. And you wondered why it took you so long to listen.

No promises, ok? But I’ll try to write more often. I really will try.