So now that the smoke has settled - things are getting back to normal around here. Halloween went on with out a hitch (I didn’t dress up - and Jackson outgrew his Harley Davidson outfit much to my horror - so he didn’t dress up either) - Midterms happened and I survived (Say hello to my little friend A.) and I’ve been feeling pretty darned good. I got flowers the other day from a secret admirer…really pretty ones - roses, carnations, babysbreath…so pretty!!!, a new printer/photocopier/scanner from a friendly nazi, and a play pen from Dr. Feel Better himself. On top of the amazon gifts I’ve also received some great cash prizes from some adoring fans (thanks mr. cum69, chair, gun, matty, fit, and sexaddict ), and then some of the sweetest compliments/feedback comments ever! You all sure know how to cheer up a little girl, don’t you! Thank you so very very much from the bottom of my heart! MWAH!!!!!

So why the title? Well - a funny thing happens in Southern California after a fire. Animals start appearing that use to stay far away in hills and on mountain sides. Animals like - cougars. yeah. I’m not lying.

About a week ago a cougar hopped over a 6 foot fence in an adjoining neighborhood - mauled a little puppy - and ran off with a 50 lb (or was it 60?) dog in it’s mouth. The owners were eating breakfast and didn’t hear the doggies in the yard and went to investigate and found one puppy badly injured, and the other doggy was missing. They ran up the hill behind their house I guess and found a little bit of fur lying in a pool of blood. After the Vet had examined the other puppy that had managed to escape the cougar - they realized that the injuries were cougar related. There is a law in California that you can not hunt cougars (looks out the window nervously.) So anyways - Jackson is not allowed out in the yard with out supervision. Supposedly cougars are okay until they are surprised (or hungry) but um - yeah. Jackson would be like some finger food before the bigger meal (me?) so I’m a bit nervous at the present moment. Gotta love LA. Writers strike, Santa Ana winds, Fires, Arnold S. for governor, and now Lions running amuck.

Tonight we fall back - so I’m going to be on for a bit tonight. I’ll at least be on alerts for awhile - because, well, I can be. And I wasn’t on very long yesterday (just long enough to speak to my sweetie “chair” - HI Sweetie !! - Thanks for the call) due to Puppy School Fridays.

And since you asked - Puppy school is going alright. I do wish, however, that children were not allowed unless they could behave. There were five more children there this past Friday. They seem to be multiplying. Also - Jack was one of 2 of his breeds last week. This week - there were 2 other doggies - and the rest were all Maltese. I don’t know how that happened, either. Jackson was tortured by 3 boys. The two girls were on the other side of the training area. Jack would have been better off next to the girls. The little boy (the California Strangler) was better behaved, too. But the 3 boys, Satan, Damien, and Lucifer, were horrible: dropping treats everywhere, bouncing balls in front of Jack, and grabbing his tail attempting to distract him from his lesson.

We learned how to walk on the leash, how to sit (Jack learned that weeks ago), and received tips on how to stop biting. I walked by the snack aisles, walked past the really cute t-shirts (Nearly Famous - how cute is that!?!), and even managed to walk by the really cute blankets and cute beds. TAH DAH.

I better go … I’ll talk with you later on this evening. Tomorrow I will be on in the evening, too - but have a date with the Tiffers. What time was that date again, Tiffy? midnight? Last call of the evening? Make an appointment before then because after Tiffy I’ll be hitting the hay. School on Monday, remember.

Talk soon…

I wrote up a huge long post - it was huge.. .it was long… honest! And it went poof when I accidently hit a wrong key. It’s almost 11:40PM right now - and I have school tomorrow. I also have homework that I didn’t touch all weekend. I was busy on the phones - and I was napping and enjoying my life (to answer your question as to why I didn’t do my homework) and so what that means is that tomorrow I will be busy catching up. Once a procrastinator - always a procrastinator.

These posts seem to get longer too the more I wait to write in them. I have some things to talk about that will take a bit longer than just a few moments - wait - did that last thing I said even make a bit of sense?

So here is a preview of the things I’m going to talk about in the next few days - in case I forget tomorrow and get writer’s block once more: Vitality. It’s a treat that Jackson loves. Seriously delicious by the way he licks his chops. Anal Butt Ring Toss. I was told about this by someone in the forums. I looked it up cuz it’s actually a toy - and the feedback is worth a blog entry. Go google if you’re dying to know and can’t wait till the post. I guarantee it’s pretty damn entertaining! I also need to talk about my issues with spoiling my dog. I have a problem - I am admitting to it. Of course I need to also discuss the tremendous outpouring of love I got this weekend - and the date of all dates with the Tiffers. Can I say - while I’m on the subject of “dates” - that I am so thankful to have the type of relationship with Tiffy that allows me the freedom of dealing with my child - Jackson. I can not think of any other customer (ok - that’s not quite true - I can think of several others that would laugh, one that would tell me to drug my dog, and another that would quietly suggest another time. LOL!) that would laugh with me as Jackson howls away in his crate during the most crucial of times with out completely losing it. Thanks Tiffy for finding the humor in all of that and helping me to see it, too. I guess Jackson isn’t the only one who is spoiled, huh? *wink*

I have so many things to say now that I risk another novel - but I will promise to break it up into bitesize morsels. I need to prioritize my entries I suppose.

Oooh - a few of my callers have birthdays this month. I am trying to figure out a few things to do for bdays - but I haven’t really thought of anything really cool. I think that my idea of a bday gift may not be what others think of as a gift - and vice versa. Until I know for sure though - here’s to M. (you know who you are!):

I had first started NF - and received a call from a man who had the most gentle of voices I had heard. From the first time we spoke it was clear that we really didn’t have to say much of anything. We would murmur little sweet nothings in each other’s ears and be content with the minutes we had together. Most of our communication came way of email or myspace or little notes sent back and forth. He also gave me a link to his blog - which I never told him - but I was honored. It is expected, you know - that I share my life like some open book I feel - but I am completely floored when my callers want to share themselves with me. I soaked up everything in his journal - I laughed at his little stories about the other side of the teacher’s desk - and admired his discipline when it came to writing. M. is a true artist - a completely sweet individual and a talented and gifted performer/actor. He is a gem of a human being, too. He has showered me with patience, understanding, and phone calls - even when it was difficult for him to do so due to other responsibilities in his life. He’s been a great friend to me - since the very beginning of CeCe on NF - and I wish for him a very very Happy Birthday. I’m sorry I’m a bit late on the wish. Hope the well wishes brighten your day.

I’ll write more later … have a great evening and see you tomorrow.

I went into the drug store today … for what I have no idea… and what should I see? Christmas decorations. They took away 2 aisles of merchandise and replaced the junk with Christmas lights, ornaments, cards, and boxed chocolates. It’s not even Halloween yet, people! Still in shock I gathered my purchases (christmas cards, and a few ornaments for some friends) and headed to the cash register prepared to give the clerks a piece of my mind. The words “are you fuckin kidding me, people?!” stayed lodged in my throat while I forked over 70 dollars. I’ve decided that every holiday I’m doing these quick little babysitting gigs and saving my pennies so that I am able to buy presents - I might as well take my hard earned cash from my first well paying job and get a head start. It’s the responsible thing to do. I sheepishly thanked the kind considerate lady at Long’s drug store and went on my way. The retail business has our (procrastinators) best interest at heart, after all.

Thanksgiving marks the day that the Christmas playlist comes out of hibernation. Babs, Julie Andrews, and even Kenny G in his god awful imitation of saxaphone playing makes my playlist at Christmas time. I play Christmas carols non stop from Thanksgiving onward and I enjoy every moment of it. And while we’re talking about Christmas holidays - white lights - not colored ones - and I’m not being racial about it, it’s just that white lights look pretty and the colored lights look gawdy as hell. No food on the trees either - that’s just obnoxious to me. Sorry. And while we’re at it - you can keep the tinsel (cats eat it and that’s so not attractive the day after!) - and snow men that are animated in the front lawn. I’m a minimalist when it comes to Christmas. It’s too bad that my family doesn’t feel the same way. The other year my father proudly put reindeer in the front lawn - and even though there is no one in my family that believes in Santa - the milk and cookies still sit by the fireplace with the stockings hanging by the fire (with care.) My father takes great pride in his decorating and if he had it his way he would put a Santa with a sleigh and all how ever many reindeer there are on the roof top while blasting carols through a loud speaker mounted to the side of the house for good measure. I keep telling him that Jesus is the reason for the season (his words - not mine) but he shushes me up with - “What would Jesus do? He would decorate decorate decorate - it’s his bday party for crying out loud!” My father, if you haven’t guessed, is a loon.

I bring up Christmas and the holidays because well - it’s almost here. I’ve been receiving quite a few calls in regards to my birthday (November 24th - thanks for asking! lol!) and my wishlist on amazon. Quite a few of you are wondering if I can update it a bit for the holiday season and well - I’ll try to. But honestly - anything on that list would make a great Christmas present. I’m REALLY craving the Gilmore Girls box set to be quite honest. I also am craving the Director’s series that is currently unavailable on amazon - but I did find it here. *double triple axel with a drool for good measure* This thing gives me absolute female wood. It’s majorly expensive though - so it’s like a dream, really. But man - I would love to have that orgasmic pile of dvds in my little capable hands! I’m not a perfume type of gal (except for this gorgeous stuff right here… yummy yummy in my tummy tum tum!) - and I really don’t have any need for jewelry or anything like that. I would love a gift certificate to petsmart, though (you can send it to my email address - Celinawetdreams@gmail.com.) A gift certificate to Barnes & Noble (nobel?) might be nice though - for school books next semester - and a few tributes towards my education would be swell, too (lol@my use of the word swell) - and well - if you’re a millionaire you could always buy me a mac desk top cuz I’m so over PC’s…other than that - nah. Everything I could ever desire (well almost) is on my wish list and at the risk of sounding like one of the characters in Little Women - I mainly just want it to be a good “season” of good calls - so that I can lavish my family and friends with wonderful gifts. Seriously - I have so much more fun GIVING gifts and wrapping them up and stuff. I love finding the just right present for someone and I love seeing their face when they open it up. It makes me extremely happy to give presents and wrap them up in pretty paper - and send out cards to relatives and friends and teachers and stuff. As much as I moan and groan about Christmas time - I really look forward to it and really get into the groove around um - December 22nd or so. (lol!)

Speaking of gifts - I really need to thank a few people for their generousity. Not only have I been completely blessed this past weekend (and the weekend before) with plenty of calls and great new callers whom I always enjoy breaking in (hehe) - I’ve also been greatly blessed with presents from my wish list. My dear Uncle Randy sent me the rest of the books that I needed for my screenwriting class - as well as a rather expensive computer program, Final Draft. I was so excited - I can’t even express it in words!! Final Draft is THE software that every great screenwriter uses - so to have my very own copy on my very own mac lap top is … A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I have already started to use it to write my first 30 pages - to develop my characters - to make little notes to myself about plots and so on … it’s just the best piece of software ever. Thank you so much UR for sending it to me. I couldn’t have afforded such a thing for a very long time and was almost getting prepared to use a cheapie free version that wouldn’t allow me half the freedom that Final Draft does. You seriously made my semester at school a much easier one! I also received the wizdog from my dearest sweetest doc in the whole wide world which Jackson has already used a few times so hopefully he catches on to it quickly. For those of you who have been following my puppy training dilemas - Jackson pees on pads at the moment because he is not able to go outside. Pee pads are these sort of diapers you place on the floor for your puppy to … eliminate on. Jackson does this part fine - but then sees to destroy the evidence of the pee pad by using his razor sharp teeth to destroy the pad - reducing his pen to some nightmarish sort of Christmas scene - complete with snow and piles of dog poop in the snow drifts. It’s like he can’t help himself and no matter how much tape I used he still would find the inside of the pads and go to town. This wizdog however will take care of the problem. Currently he is screaming like I’m killing him though while in his crate - so I don’t think he’s eliminated as much as he would like to. God help me. Anyways - fuck anyways - I’ll be right back - let me see if he has to go or if he just wants to play before bedtime. (the old “can i have a glass of water mommy” trick, you know.)
Ok - he has stopped for a moment. Fuck - I lied. BRB. Ok - I’m back. So this wizdog contraption is basically a tray that holds the pee pad - and then there is a plastic slab/grid that goes on top that holds the pee pad in the tray and beyond the reach of the little puppy claws and teeth. So far it has worked like a charm - though Jackson gave it the ole I’m stubborn just like my moms college try. Ha! The wizdog is too much for him - even his puppy teeth and ridiculous determination can’t break through that grid (though I did notice earlier today that his teeth HAVE broke through 2 of the grids on the baby gate - I give it another few months before he shawshank redemptions his ass out of that barrier.) Thank You so much, Doc for the wizdog. I really think that it will work wonders and save me the trouble of wading through a sea of poop, pee pad snow, and masking tape. *Muahz times a trillion!* In addition to these things I’ve also received through the weeks several dozen movies - a great cd and several books from sweetest nazi in the whole wide world, Rolf, (private joke moment - Rolf really is only a nazi in the movie The Sound Of Music - and in his spare time volunteers at several Lutheran Churches in the area…) and well - Jack, too, has been spoiled by some of you and he thanks you for the gifts and requests that you don’t stop. I’m just the messenger, here…

So yes, Christmas has already started around here it would seem, huh? *soft music begins to play* but the BEST Christmas/Bday presents this past month have absolutely and with out a doubt been the incredible feedback and tributes you’ve given to me. Oh My Goodness. Sometimes I read through the feedback and literally blush. I can’t believe that you all have such sweet things to say to me - and sometimes I really don’t feel that deserving of it. I mean - I KNOW I do a good job at what I do because in part I enjoy what I do alot. And I’m not talking about the canned response about masturbating. Sometimes I get horny, yes, and I do play a bit - but MOSTLY I enjoy pleasing all of you! I love the changes in your voices as you are about to “finish” - I love even the embarrassed laugh some of you give at the end of a call with your disclaimer that you’re really not half as nasty as you claim to be during the fantasies (lol!) - I love your hushed whispers as you hide in closets to get in your quick fix before joining the wife in bed - I love the sigh of pleasure you give before you say “thank you” at the end of the call. I love the surprise in your voice as you realize that I do (even if I forget initially) remember your fantasy and that I have (even if I ask that you call me back while I read it!) read your emails and taken your fantasy into my little fantasy factory and spun a new tale around it. These things give me pleasure - so when I get your feedback in addition to all these other things I feel totally and completely spoiled! Thank you for making me days and nites by taking the time to do that. A few days ago I sent out a over 20 home made thank you cards to those of you who took the time to say a little something on my listings. These cards will change once a month and will always feature a little picture of me in the graphic. Just a little “thank you” from me to you. At the end of the month I’ll also be sending a few of you something extra special - so keep a look out around Halloween, ok?

Ok - I’ll be on alerts for the rest of the nite. I’m a little bit pooped from the busy weekend and need to prepare myself for my next Algebra test. By the way - I got the horse, I passed my Math test (I got a B+) and Jackson is getting BIG! He now fetches - and “drops” it like it’s hot on demand. He also knows “down”, “sit” - and the sound of a can filled with coins when he does something bad. He is absolutely adorable and I can’t imagine my life with out that little guy. I can’t help but love him - even when he’s bad. Everyone that meets him falls in love with him. Anyways - I better run and tend to him. I’ll spell check and link up some of the things I talked about in an hour or so… so if you’re here before 12:00AM Tuesday - my apologies. Jack is less patient than most of my readers…

Happy Holidays - (just kiddin… you got a few more days…)

So … if I wait 4+ days before writing in my diary, will I have something of value to say when I finally open up my editor/word program and start writing? Stay tuned…

On Wednesday I attended my writing class and learned more about plot points. LOL. I’m not so bitter about it anymore though. Honestly. Tiffy - you can put your letter away - I won’t be needing it anymore. I realized that truthfully - my teacher is just doing what I need him to do right now and that is give me a handy dandy excuse as to why I’m not writing. We go through this a lot here on this diary, people … feel free to just power ahead - skip a few paragraphs and pick up around the time I talk about my favorite callers. I won’t mind.

See, my teach wants us to know about the whole plot point thing to the point that we recite them every time we see a movie. Hmmm .. that was plot number 14 me thinks! It impresses your friends and other movie goers. But for reals, he really does want it to sink into our skulls. The plot points are our mid-term and the 30 pages of script are our final. I should be a bit more, um … what’s the word I’m looking for? … oh yeah! I should be more appreciative (lol) of my teacher. The other reason why I should be thankful is that I have not written a thing. I really hate when Rolf is right (lord knows I do!) but he’s right. There is absolutely NOTHING that is getting in my way of writing. There hasn’t EVER been anything that has gotten in my way. Even when I didn’t have the right software (which now thanks to Uncle Randy I will - thank you SO much U.R. for buying me Final Draft! You are a Godsend and I absolutely love you for giving me such a great present with out me even HINTING at it. I’ve hinted to other people about that damn program but never to you *smiles* so it was really sweet that you saw I needed it for class and went ahead and got it for me!) I didn’t have an excuse for not writing SOMETHING. Even before I knew what plot points were I certainly had ideas in my head and I certainly could have written them down. The sad truth about me - when it comes to writing in particular - is that I have this fear factor that haunts my sweet ass whenever it comes time to really do that one thing that I really love. And truth be told I will find all kinds of excuses or reasons for not doing any of it. First I needed to de-clutter my home so I could think. Um - I decluttered and I still didn’t write. Then I thought - okay - I need to take a class or something - so I took a class. Still did not write (and this was before the current class I’m taking.) So then I thought what I really need is a writing partner - but then I sort of have sabatoged those friendships in various ways so they can’t hold me accountable for writing. Ok - so then I thought what I needed was books - paper - a printer - a lap top - um… a brain transplant. The truth is - while all of these things will help me TREMENDOUSLY (especially that brain transplant) I have had the ability to write every single day - at least something - and I haven’t done it. So ok, Rolf, you got me. Once again. I’m not even mad about it anymore, honestly. I’m too tired of my tired ass excuses to be.

Wow - that could be a downer of a paragraph, couldn’t it? I’m going to leave it as is, though. Summarizing things and giving some clever little solution makes for a tidy blog, I admit, but I’m tired of making promises I have no intention of keeping. What’s that saying about Bullshit walking? yeah. So…

On Thursday I took my Algebra test and I got 9/10. Right - for all you smart asses out there…(I can hear you now … 9 out of 10 wrong, CeCe?) There was one question that I really just freaked out about - but I worked it out and I still got the wrong answer though it made ALMOST good sense to me (my answer) - so hey - I’m happy that I at least got 50 percent of the process correct while solving the problem. Course there is no “almost” in math. Either it’s right or it’s wrong - but like most things in my life I’m realizing that there is some poetry to a process that really should be honored/appreciated. If you do things enough and there is a rhythm to it that seeps into your brain … hey … eventually you’ll grow some confidence, right? I’m trying to cultivate that in my relationship with this whole Math thing. It’s cool how sometimes you’ll do a problem and your fingers just fly about and you piece things together and you come up with the right answer and you wonder HOW the hell did I just do that? Practice hasn’t made 10/10 perfect but it certainly has helped me grow a bit more confident about a subject that use to give me panic attacks. Progress is a good thing.

Friday - Saturday I signed in and took quite a few calls. I don’t remember having such a busy weekend since last month! I had a really great time - met some great new callers I’m looking forward to knowing/exploring/spoiling/being spoiled by/teasing/humiliating and seducing. Whew! I really like those calls that just fall in line with the types of calls I like to do - my personality - etc. It’s like meeting a new friend and you’re stumbling all over each other when you talk. It’s not due to your not knowing when they are done talking or whatever - it’s due to your “energy” really. The way in which you already know what the other person is thinking - what they need - and you’re so excited that your words are boiling over onto each other type energy. I sold some more pictures to a great admirer - and also got more feedback than I remember receiving in a long, long time. That’s always nice to see! Oh - and I also received a really nice tribute from a long lost caller who called me up for a great hour role play. If it was simply about the “money” and “job” situation I would call tomorrow a day of rest, go to church and absolve myself, and do some laundry - but um… I don’t wanna! *grin* I will be on probably late morning/early afternoon. At least I’ll be on alerts if nothing else. Then I’ll log in for a few hours before calling it a night and getting some rest for Monday classes. I gotta talk to Tiffy and Mama Tee about revising my schedule ONCE MORE - as I’m going to have to be available during Saturday DAYs more often. I had forgotten how much fun I have on Saturday mornings - in my pjs eating cold cereal and excusing myself to take calls and be naughty in between my favorite cartoons.

Ok - so yes - I still love my little man, Jackson. And yes - he’s still testing his limits every chance he gets. My Doc, hearing my anguish about the torn up pee pads (Jackson now tears 3 of them up daily whenever I leave him alone for more than 5 minutes in his play pen - which consequently has every toy imaginable from every Pet Store in Southern California!) bought me the wizdog I had mentioned a few posts back. That should help with much of my pain. Jackson is just a bit stir crazy. He is outgrowing his little cozy room in the kitchen and has gotten a taste of freedom and peeing on area rugs. He is not an easy one to contain any longer and often times, yes, I ask myself what the flying fuck I was thinking by getting a PUPPY at this point of my school year. But then I pick him up to take him to bed with me at the end of the night - and hold him on his back in the crook of my arm, you know? Like a baby. He looks up at me and kisses my arm, fingers, any bit of skin he can lick, and I just melt. He yawns and the smell of his puppy breath (which always gets me) intoxicates me. And then I remember the “why”. I got him because a part of me really needed it. Hopefully I didn’t get him as a further excuse for not writing - but more for a sort of inspiration that I so badly needed. It is indeed much more of a responsibility than I ever imagined but one that I’m happy to embrace. A lot of this is just him being a puppy and I really can’t take it personally - or like he’s some asshole that is setting out to make my life more difficult, you know? Jackson has… completed me by being something I can so easily give my affections to. If I was a guy with this cute puppy Jackson would also be getting me laid. Seriously - this dog is cute…everyone says so.

Alright … I’m going on alerts while I watch a movie and doze off for a few hours before I face the end of my weekend. I’ll speak with you soon - if not tomorrow then definitely Monday (12:00-2:00pm, 7:00-12:00 is my tentative plan) Thanks again to all those who gave me such sweet feedback - and for the new callers I had the pleasure of meeting. Looking forward to many more sweet encounters!

I have started and stopped and deleted and backspaced over thousands of words on here tonight. The thing is, I really don’t want to write something vapid just so that I write - but the things that are going through my head probably aren’t the type of things that one should share on a public blog. I just feel stuck again. I go through this every once in a while and there it is…again… that blank page staring back at me with TONS of stuff slamming into me like some pile up on the 405 Freeway during rush hour. I have so much to say and have no way of knowing or trusting in myself to edit it. It’s just annoying as hell. Really annoying.

I haven’t written in my personal journal (and remember - I have tons of them) in such a long time. That probably would help a bit. If I wrote in there I would feel like I’m writing things and feel protected against writing things in here that I shouldn’t be writing about. It’s not that they are that kinky or sexy or whatever. You all know me better than that by now. I just have other people’s privacy to worry about and not sure how much of my life I feel like pouring out onto these pages right now.

I wanted to write about my mother. Then I wanted to write about my father. Then I wanted to tie up all the things I said about each parent and somehow have that explain why I am the way I am. I’m realizing now that if I were to put it that way it would be a Talk Show topic. My mother did this. I thought this. My father did this. I thought this. I now think this way about all women. I now think this way about all men. Thank you for being a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show, CeCe. Tomorrow we’ll discuss the men of Niteflirt - and the women who serve them. I mean … how absolutely deep and boring can I get? (don’t answer that).

I just can’t do it right now. Just know that there is a deep and spiritual post in me ready to be written at some point - but I can’t do it right now. It’s too - scrambled up. And I’m too - tired to place my tiles in a way to make the most out of my letters. I can’t help wanting to and I’m starting to force every single thing that flies off my fingertips. Makes for really lousy writing. There’s nothing worse than knowing you’re writing like crap and not being able to stop yourself from writing it.

Speaking of writing - I wish I would actually start to write something in my Screenwriting class. And if my professor is reading this right now: You’re killing me softly, Sir. You’re killing me. I woke up late today and I didn’t even miss anything. I’m trying really hard not to let that convince me to continue waking up late - and trust me, it’s hard. I walked in and we were watching upcoming attractions. I have watched so many movies now - and written so many plot points to those movies that I really feel … restless. I want to know the rules. I want to know what comes next. I want to start writing and I want to know how to pitch stuff. I want to be sitting here working on my screenplay - not struggling over how to introduce my parents in a blog entry with out it sounding drab, typical teenage angst-y, and boring. I don’t want to come up with any more “ideas” - I want to write. I find myself eyeing the people in my class, particularily one loud mouthed girl who always has an answer to whatever. I want her to shut up - and the only way I can think of that to happen is if we all start to write already. I’m beginning to think that God doesn’t exist because surely he would take pity on me already. Wouldn’t he?

I think I have a Math quiz tomorrow so I should end this. I’m inches away from deleting this - and maybe after I publish this entry I will instantly wish that I had… but I’m really needing to at least have some proof that my head is still attached and that my heart is pounding away in my chest begging to be let out, you know? If I just hang onto all of these feelings I start to slowly go a bit mad. I’m ready to blow, honestly, so I guess this post is just letting out a bit of steam. Keeping the pressure in to let everything soak in for a bit - but letting a little bit of steam out every now and again so I don’t lose my … head. lol. Good analogy? Ok - a bit weak … but it’s the best that I can do.

Such a cuddly kittenish voice makes the wild erotic fantasies you are hearing even more incredible. Email her first with what you need and she will amaze you.

Thanks so much to my darling sweet girl for this feedback. When we accidently got disconnected, sweet Scarlett said with a smile so wide I could FEEL it on the other end of the phone, “Well, now I’ll get to leave you MORE feedback!” Could anyone be any sweeter, is what I’d like to know! Scarlett did email me before our fantasy together and I had a bit of self doubt that I’d be able to to come through for her. I shoulda had more confidence because once we started I was off and running! I can not wait for next time, that’s for sure! Can I just further embarrass you, Scarlett, and say that um … when you said that you had … er… finished - you sounded so damn cute. It was like a confession more than a declaration of accomplishment! “um … oops… I’m done, CeCe…” I must have been on a roll and you hated to interupt my story, huh? Don’t worry … we can have part II next time, k?

I really need to go to bed now. I’m up way too late and no matter what time I close my eyes there will still be a math quiz waiting for me when I open my eyes. Math is like that.