I don’t blame you if you don’t. Yes, it’s me, CeCe, signing in after MANY months. And though I know it would entertain you to hear all the excuses I could muster up, I’m just gonna stick with the boring details: I was knee deep in Algebra. yup. I was in math hell for many months and just as soon as I could get my head above water, that’s when the bridge would break and I’d be over my head in mathematical problems all over again. I was barely logged in, and when I was I was often times distracted or called away from business to tackle yet another ruthless word problem. This is the time that you should all start playing violins for me. Thank you.

So now I have a month off from school and I have ever intention of catching up on some things around here. Things are starting (finally) to look up around here, and I am proud to have not given in to the panic that surrounded me. I guess the paid mails are even working fine as of late. See? Patience IS a virtue!

Some of you remembered my birthday and thank you, but I’ve stopped celebrating them. If you call me, you’ll notice that I’m 19 again. I figure it’s a good year, and that way no one has to wonder why a 20 somethin’ year old is still going under “teenwetdream”. It will be our little secret. I still have my braces on, so as far as I’m concerned, I still look like a teen, and well, I’m still fighting to keep myself well with in your dreams. Yeah, I’m still corny.

So this is really just a quick update. If I make it too long it will be another 2 months before I post it. It is Monday, the 28th of December, and I will be logging in around 8:00PM this evening (that’s California Pacific time) and staying logged in until I can’t keep my eyes open. You should call me and say hi, if you haven’t had the chance. I definitely look forward to reconnecting with some of you AND meeting new and kinky/interesting men, too! Thank you for your patience these past few months, not only with niteflirt’s issues, but with my school schedule and stuff. I’m back. I promise.

I realize that a bunch of time has lapsed since my last confession entry and I’m sorry.  It had to be that way because things were literally just crazy for a few weeks there.  First, I was a victim of an online crime of gi-normous size and consequence (lol!) that resulted in my having to change my direct deposit bank and call up and wait long periods of time for everything to right itself after the horrible wrong that was done.  Then I had finals: a huge final in geography covering 7 chapters of wind patterns, clouds and rain stuff, erosion and other weathering stuff, and a few map quizzes thrown in for good measure.  And I almost forgot about the currents.  Ah, the lovely currents and trade, easterly and westerly winds.    I also had a final with my English Pervie Professor From Hell (EPPFH) which consisted of an in class essay on The Kite Runner and a 75 question extra credit grammar test.  Yeah.  It was a busy week.  After I survived finals I then crashed, only to log in and take a few calls between bouts of consciousness for about a week or so.  Then it was Christmas and shopping and wrapping and in between those things I still was trying to log on and work when I could.  I was also going to the gym because it was the only way I could regulate my anxiety during the finals and Christmas Shopping.  And then it was Christmas and now … almost the end of the year.  I had to come in and wish everyone "Happy Holidays" and hope for everyone a prosperous and enriched New Year.  Let’s save the New Year’s Resolutions, shall we?  Let’s just hope this next year is a bit more hopeful and a whole lot healthier for not only the Earth, but each other.  I fuckin sounded like Jerry Springer just then, didn’t I?

So as you can tell by this entry - I survived finals.  I tried to start early with my Geography Final - but I was still organizing my notes up until the moment I sat down to do the test.  I have this ritual, you see, of redoing all of my notes and reorganizing everything.  Before analysis (lol - doesn’t that sound so mature?!) I thought it was just another procrastination thing I did, but now that I’ve spoken to the good Dr for several months I realize that organizing and rewriting things is my way of remembering things.  The whole different color pens and pencils and illustrations and teaching other people about things I am learning, etc. is just my way of committing these things to my memory bank.  Apparently it works.  But not with out a whole lot of drama.  Because I am so visual with my learning, I made a trip to Office Depot, Staples less popular and rather geek-y younger brother.  Sorry, it’s true.  I walked into Office Depot because it was close to the gym I go to, with a goal in mind: Sticky notes.  50 dollars later I make my way to the counter where I start reassessing my purchases.  "Do you really need this, CeCe?  Nah.  Put it back.  What about these pens?  Yeah - definitely need to keep them.  But what about these?  Nah … put those back, too…"  So I set aside a few things and tell the Office Depot Clerk that I won’t be needing them but I’ll take the still substantial pile of things that looks like a good 40 bucks still, even after the "save".  This little clerk looks me in the eye, I kid you not!, and asks, "Can I ask you why you won’t be taking these items?"  …

"Pardon?!"

"Why don’t you want these?" He asks again, more boldly this time, his beady little cashier eyes burying their way into my very soul as if looking for the answer there.

…

…

Yeah.  That’s silence from me.  Because I can’t believe that in all my life I have never been questioned on my "go backs" before in a store, and I’m now considering whether or not this is a new practice in lieu of the "R" word (recession).

"Um.  It was an impulsive moment — and I realized I didn’t need those after all."

"Oh."  He says, still looking me in the eye uncomfortably while making no move to ring up my purchases I DO want, "because I was going to offer you a discount."

It’s now apparent that we’re having a little stare down.  I uncomfortably hold his gaze.  I don’t say a word.  He hasn’t offered me a discount, I don’t think there is a discount that exists, truth be told, and if there is a discount, I should have been aware of it when I walked in the store.  I’m not buying a car, here, I’m fuckin buying sticky notes and note cards and pens!

I win. He breaks my gaze, needing both eyes to locate the scan gun and the bar codes on my items. "Okay," he says with a nervous laugh,"Your total is 40.03."

I couldn’t get the hell out of that store fast enough.  Later, at the gym, I tell my Nazi trainer what has happened and her eyes get as big as mine must have been as she wonders, too, what will happen when she goes shopping later that evening.  Her shopping experience has been, in a blink of an eye, altered.  Ruined. "It’s a different world out there."  I warn her looking at her ominously. "I would suggest hiding the things you don’t want and not bringing them to the cashier with you to be put in the ‘go backs.’"  I say "go backs" making the quotation marks in the air as if to suggest that "go backs" is a historical word like cassette tapes — something that exists only as a fond memory in the corner of your mind.

"Yeah."  She says in a quiet scared voice.  "I don’t know what to do…"

Today I was in the area and I glanced over at The Office Depot Store.  For a moment the thought of pens lined up in their little shiny plastic containers called to me and just as I found myself weakening and answering to the call of the pretty ink, I was snapped into reality by the windows covered in ugly brown paper.  STORE CLOSED was written in black sharpie on the paper.  Maybe the question was just a sign of desperation and not a new adopted method of cashiering as I had feared.  I felt a bit bad for Office Depot.  But I’d be lying if I wasn’t a little bit relieved, too.

I didn’t even use my supplies from the store.  I didn’t get to the note cards, I was still copying over my information onto my notebook paper.  I did look up my grades for both English and Geography, however, and I managed to get 2 A’s.  :)  Yeah me.  Perverted English teacher and Wind Patterns, Wave formations, and currents couldn’t stop me from achieving my A’s I so desperately wanted!

I also survived Christmas.  I managed to survive not giving everyone everything they wanted for Christmas, and even though I still have a few presents left to mail (Hey - there ARE 12 days of Christmas, are there not?!) I didn’t do so bad.  I realized this year that I so badly wanted to show the people I love how much I really did love and care for them and sometimes you just can’t do it with money because even if you had all the money you wanted (this is a long ass sentence that is need of a comma somewhere but I’m out of school right now so I’m not gonna bother, k?) you still couldn’t show someone how much you cared and loved them with a present.  It’s just not possible.  I use to think it was.  But it isn’t.  I mean - I don’t think there is one thing on my wish list that anyone could buy that would tell me exactly how much I mean to them.  I’ve had some great presents, don’t get me wrong, but I think that presents don’t transform their way into a feeling easily.  I tried to give gifts that represented a little bit of what I felt and how the other person made me feel, but … it’s hard.  Tiffy had to remind me several times that it’s the THOUGHT really — knowing that you crossed someone’s mind on a special day — that matters most.  I thought Tiffy was full of shit — but then I started to think of the things you all have given me and the fact that no matter the size of the gift or the price of the gift - the fact that you thought enough to send me a word, picture, tribute, gift, or smile made a huge impact on my life and did my spirit wonders. :)  Believe that.  So thank you all for the tributes, gifts, notes, calls, and "business" this year.  You have impacted my life with things you have said, delighted me with secrets you’ve entrusted me with, cheered me with gifts of your friendship, lusts, and fantasies (giggles), and truly impressed me with your courage in trusting me to hold your secrets safe.  I hope you never have to say "Pardon" to me (wink); that you know you can always "go back" and try something different or not at all.  Most of all, I wish you a very safe and blessed New Year full of every delight you can ever imagine.  If I’m invited to be a part of that in some part next year - great - but if you discover and hold tight to the delights you receive …. all the better.

Happy New Year, Friends!

It seems only yesterday… Jackson has now grown into quite the little man. His sexual appetite would give some of my customer’s a run for their money. The little Zebra Minx use to be his partner of choice - but soon she was replaced with an oversized dog that Jackson mounts every which way he possibly can. The other day Jackson was humping a pile of blankets - and just a few minutes ago I caught him eyeing my leg. I don’t want to give the impression that he’s a horn dog or anything that randy - but he is a feisty one. On top of his urge to hump everything that moves he also has the energy of a … 2 year old. The other day I opened up my little “room” to him. He came in after first going potty (Gooooooood Puppppppy!) and then proceeded to give the place a little look over. Everything to his satisfaction, he sat by my feet and went after the pig’s ear that makes me really consider becoming a vegetarian again. The little ear looks so sad - all pointy and hard and barbequed. Jackson lying down anywhere was a first. He usually goes goes goes until I put him to bed. It might appear that he’s slowing down somewhat and becoming a little bit of a young man (at least his budding hormones seem to indicate that) but I’ve been informed he will be very much a puppy for another year (at least.) But back to his testes. They need to go.

He hasn’t been “marking” inside as of yet - but he does spend about 30 minutes of his day of biting ankles, chasing his toys around the back yard, barking at the neighbors, eating pig ears and kibble and treats, and looking adorable - spraying every tree, shrub, bush and post in our yard. The vet told me 4-6 months, and after he graduated from Puppy School last Friday with honors (YAY JACKSON!!!!) I made the decision to go on and get it done. Friday morning I will take my almost 6 lb ball of white fluff to the vet where he will undergo surgery to remove 2 little balls. I am not sure I will be able to handle it. Jackson seems a bit oblivious to it all and hopefully he’ll stay that way and then quickly forget everything they do to him on Friday. *sigh* I’m a mess.

So anyways - I’m doing pretty good on my resolutions from yesterday. Still working on my “gift” but that should definitely be up and ready to go by the end of the evening. I logged in earlier this afternoon and was pleasantly surprised by my a lovely tongue bath, a naughty blackmail by my next door neighbor, a particularily kinky encounter with the Pastor in his office (tsk tsk!) and a few other naughty fantasies - too naughty to mention *wink*. I’m pretty free this January - classes aren’t going to be resuming until February for me - so I’ll try to set aside a few late morning/afternoons for you early risers. (!!) As a result of my taking calls this afternoon, though, I didn’t get to the gym until late - and didn’t run my errands until after that. I was 15 minutes late signing in this evening and so I kinda failed. Not totally failed - but sort of kinda failed on one of my “resolutions” I set yesterday. Hopefully though you all will forgive me and we can just count today as a successful CeCe followed through and actually did what she said she was going to do today day. How about it? Can I make a deal?

Talk with you later - still have work to do!!

Let’s face the facts, dearest readers, this will in all likelihood be the only post I do before Santa comes to town. Which is only a few short hours away. Can I just be the typical American here and mention that Christmas arrived way to early this year? I laughed a few months ago when I saw Christmas Decorations during Halloween. And then when I looked up again - it was the 23rd of December.

But not to worry - I’m on top of things, now. I’ve made my list - checked it twice - I found out who was naughty and nice and the nice children’s presents are underneath the tree.

You know what else is under the tree? Tons of presents (seriously - no exaggeration!) from my absolutely adorable customers. I haven’t opened up many of them (some of you are too stuck on this whole tradition of opening up presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and not when they arrive in the mail.) but the presents that I have been most fortunate of opening have been … incredible! Rolf sent me a gift certificate from amazon I haven’t had the pleasure of spending yet - and also sent me a few presents from my wish list (but as I mentioned earlier - there are some callers who are sticklers about the appropriate time when one can open them!), Tiffers totally blew me away by sending me a gold anklet (white gold - my fave!) and one of the prettiest leather bound journals I’ve ever seen. I have presents under the tree from the good Doctor, my favorite editor, my college sweetie, and a pretty good size gift is on its way from the computer technician of my dreams. There were some gifts that just made it into my bank account that deserve mention, too. CWF, JC, Rolf, T.H. and Julene.

I started to write a list of all the people who have just called to wish me Merry Christmas - or who have called to check up on me is way too long to mention here. Let me just say here that there are many of you - some of which leave me feedback professing their undying love and appreciation (*big grin* you know who all of you are!) and others who prefer to give me their feedback on line or by calling me more than their pocket books can probably afford. I wish all of you the best Christmas ever. I know hanging around the family can be tough around this time of the year, but hang in there. The wrapping paper will settle and the dishes will get cleared from the dinner table. Your relatives will go home (eventually) and toys will be assembled. When everything is said and done - I’ll be around to hear all about it and help to relieve a little bit of tension in whatever way we see fit.

Thank you so much - all of you - for making this more than a Christmas I could “bear” - but a Christmas I’m looking forward to enjoying. In your own way (big or small) you have all contributed to that.

Whatever it is that you celebrate (Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, or just a great sale - LOL!) - Celebrate and enjoy - as much as I’ve celebrated and enjoyed each one of you. Happy Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving came and went with out a hitch - is that what “they” say? (who is THEY?) The turkey was absolutely delicious. My father found this recipe and he and the turkey grew quite close. Every day for 4 days he took the turkey (that was fresh) out of it’s frigid home in the refrigerator and slathered it inside and out with the salt. I was initially very concerned about the turkey being a bit salty - but surprisingly enough, it wasn’t. I don’t know enough about chemistry to really figure out what the salt did - but the juice in that little turkey was unbelievable…even the white meat was delicious - not dry at all! I had every intention of not over eating - but the food. Dear God The Food! The stuffing melted in my mouth. The pumpkin pie … God - it was heavenly. Then there was the mashed potatoes, which I created on my own with butter and milk and salt. Yum-my! My plan to eat well … well … yeah. After our 2 mile walk I had recovered. Recovered enough to have a 2nd piece of pumpkin pie. *sigh* I never learn.

I have a lot of things to cover. I know it’s been a long time between posts. Sometimes I think I do this on purpose - take days off between posts, I mean. If a lot of days go on by - then most of the time I have a plethora of topics of which I can choose from. I could, of course, write every day. I can write every second of every day - but the more I write the more real topics come out - topics that I don’t feel safe discussing in “here” all the time. Some things are private - too private for a blog, you know? But anyways - a lot of time has gone by between posts - and I’ve gotten quite a few remarks about it. Enough remarks for me to reconsider my posting habits on this blog. Also about a month ago I told a dear writer/editor friend of mine that I would take time out and write every day. I think that he might consider writing in this blog part of that writing assignment. I know I can just “check in” as Tiffy wants me to do - but nothing is ever “half way” with me. Even when I work … I have to put it all in there. Work the full hours. Or Not work at all. Though that has been getting better - I cut myself off by 12:00AM/1:00AM on most nights. But…well, I’ve discussed it before. Everyone who knows me knows my personality and discussing it doesn’t make my personality any less - well - manic. Like, take this paragraph for instance. All that needs to be said is that I’ll be writing in this blog at least 3 times a week. *sigh*

My birthday was an absolute success! My family spoiled me and if there was any bit of spoiling left to do - well - all of you took care of that! The gifts just keep on coming! There really is no quick way to do this - so hang in there - glance through this long paragraph for your name and after finding it move quickly to the closing of this post - it’s the little paragraph where I tie in the title to the rest of the post. In no particular order: Thank you Ron for the Stephanie Plum Boxed Set (books 1-3), Thank you Doctor D for the Candy Fluff Dusting Poweder, Chocolate Whipstick Lip Balm, Sympathy for the Skin Body Cream, Creamed Almond and Coconut Shower Smoothie and Dream Cream Body Cream all by Lush. The stuff is delicious and you were so absolutely wonderful for spoiling me so! Thank you to Rolf for the All In One Printer, Someone named anonymous sent me the complete series Everybody Loves Raymond - so thanks Mr. A. Um - My dear friend Greg sent me his favorite movie Pleasantville (Thanks so much!) Thank you to my sweet Tiffy for sending me MAC Pink Poodle, The book Wicked, Marbles, and a great VS Gift Certificate which I promptly used to buy matching prison stripe panties, sweat pants and a sweat shirt. Mike B sent me Alicia Keys newest CD, Scott bought me Gilmore Girls which I love SO much!, Dan sent me the Rhianna album Good Girls Gone Bad and man. There may be more gifts on the way so I’ll update again with the Thank Yous. I PROMISE!
UR, Mr. PP, Mama Tee, Ray, ScottA, Dave, Mack, Mr. HingOfHearts, Bob, Joe, Beno, and Martin - thank you all so much for your Happy Birthday Wishes. It was so sweet of you to take time out of your phone calls with me to wish me well on my special day. *time to prepare for the big closing…*

I don’t feel a bit older, really. But I feel a LOT richer this year - and not for the obvious reasons, sillies! Your friendship through this past year, the gifts and laughs and the incredibly big ears that listen to me - soak up all my concerns and dreams and fantasies. You’ve all been blessings to me - delectable gifts that I treasure. Thank you.