I’m pretty sure that I went an entire month with out writing on my blog. An. Entire. Month. That’s just shocking. Seriously. I LOVE writing. I love writing so much that I’m intending on making a career of it. But yet I have not written in a simple blog for an entire month. Longer, actually. But no post whatsoever for the month of November. Which happened to be my birthday month even. But since I’m no longer getting older in the magic world we call “Niteflirt”, not calling attention to my birthday actually worked in my favor. Yup. I’m STILL barely legal and still just 18! Tah Dah!

I could write a post about that. But I won’t. Although at this point, I’m sure many of you are just happy to be reading anything I write about!

What I want to say is that I’m knee deep in finals week. Today will be my very first final. And if you all could just take a moment out of your day and say a little prayer for me (Dionne Warrick style) around 1:00PM PST, I’d appreciate it. I’ll be attempting to write 3 short essays in about 80 minutes for my English Literature class. Hopefully I’ll be successful, but I’m not good at writing under pressure (obviously).

All in all, this semester of school has gone extremely well. I’m sitting on a 100 percent right now in Math class. Yeah. 100 percent. Which means on every test I’ve done I’ve gotten 100 percent on. Can I say that any more times? Meanwhile in my upper level English class I’ve received a B on my last essay. Which really isn’t THAT surprising considering I suck at essays. Well, I don’t suck, they just aren’t my ‘thing’. I’ve really enjoyed this class though, and I’d love to nail the final and walk out of the class with an A. I deserve it. And then there’s the Anthropology class, that even with an excellent tutor (thank you Dr. Benway!) I’m still struggling with all the terms and stuff I’m forced to learn. Axis. Coccyx, Tarsus, Occipital, Gracile, Robust, Sternum, Calcaneus, phalanges, metatarsals, temporal, deciduous… seriously. It’s a damn 1 credit lab class and I feel like I’m in medical school. Haven’t been surrounded by that many skeletons and skulls in – well, forever, really. When I’m done cramming all of this information into my head I’ll impress you with some of the things I’ve learned (do you know why your clavicle is S shaped? I do. ). It really is fascinating, this human body. And I am really (despite my bitching and complaining) so excited to be in a position to learn all about so many different things. Going to school is by far one of the smartest things I’ve ever done and I’m so absolutely blessed and thankful to have a ‘job’ that allows me to continue my educational goals. That was what I would have written in November. A big huge Thank You to all of my clients and friends.
But yeah… I didn’t.

So I’m almost done. And then I’m going to take a little bit of a vacation. Twice. But more on that later. For now know that I’m thinking of all of you, and even though my schedule is a bit fucked at the moment, it should get a bit clearer in less than a week. I am still logging on during the evenings, and lately I’ve been staying on overnight. I can’t promise I’ll hear the phone ring at 3:00AM, but I have been getting up regularly around 5:30 thanks to my alarm clock (wink wink nudge nudge to you know who for being my alarm clock every morning practically!) I’ll update some things around here after Thursday’s last final and settle down long enough to put up a working schedule. At least. I hope.

Oh, and Manic Make up Monday became more of a Manic Finals Mayhem. I’ll postpone that until maybe next Monday. Or not. It’s Christmas time, maybe I’ll have every Monday in December be Make Up Monday! ahaha. Remind me to tell you all about my massive makeup collection. I make it seem all innocent and cute and in some little make up case with a zipper, but in reality my make up collection takes up more drawers than my t-shirt, panty, bra and sock drawers combined. Some people collect cars, dolls, coins, stamps, or bones (that’s a small nod to my Anthropology Professor who I think has a crush on me. She’s a girl. More on that later!). I collect lipstick, nail polish, eyeshadows, and other stuff. *shrugs* What can I say?

I can say bye. That’s what I can say. Gotta run and prepare for my final, and go to my prep for my math final that I can fail and still get an A in the class. It’s the small light at the end of a long tunnel – like many of you have been these past few weeks of cramming and studying and crying and moaning and screaming and … oh – wait – that was my last call. My bad. But in all seriousness, thanks for all you have done to make this semester a great one. You’ve kept me sane. I’ll make you proud.

Turns out Jackson is even LESS of a fan of fireworks than me. Didn’t think it was possible. I don’t like loud unexpected noises, and I’m always a bit freaked out by the displays of fireworks. Might have something to do with my childhood and the hand that I lost while lighting a cherry bomb…

Kidding.

I just don’t like loud noises. And fireworks take longer to prepare than actually seeing them. I don’t mean to sound like a brat (though I’m getting practice becoming more of one thanks to some of my callers who are holding classes in brat), I just don’t like the whole anticipation of fireworks for 10 minutes. Or even 15. It took longer for me to drive to an area to see these fireworks and then set up to watch them than it did for the actual show. It’s comparable to being prepared for a nice long sex session doing your favorite fantasy, and getting a minute. I understand quickies can be necessary and downright enjoyable guys, but I’m not wearing my sexiest lingerie for one. Did I get all off topic and lose the original point? Yeah? Original point: I hate fireworks.

Jackson totally freaked out during them. I don’t know what I was doing last 4th of July because I don’t remember him acting like this last year. Or maybe I just repressed the whole event. But tonight, Jackson was just pissed off. Not scared but he was in full protector mode. The neighbors started shooting off (fireworks) at about 5:00PM I swear! And then the theme park next to me started shooting them off hours later, and then a few drunk neighbors decided to test their luck and shot off fireworks an hour ago. During this long torture my dog the protector decided that all he had to do was bark at a high enough and loud enough decibel and the fireworks would stop. He’s now passed out on the rug acting like he’s responsible for restoring world peace. Next year he’s getting a doggy tranquilizer.

So enough of the whining, let me say I will take MY kind of fireworks over 4th of July ones any day of the year! You guys have kept me so incredibly busy and happy this weekend! I didn’t know that coming back would be so rewarding. I still have so much to do before I can sit back and ‘kind of’ relax, but I have until the 3rd week in August to complete some of the renovations I’m doing around here. I think I might just make it.

I decided to stay up late late and work to gain your favor (ahaha) and I guess it worked and you all forgive me. Glad we got that sniveling and begging out of the way so we can go back to how things were before I flaked for 4-5 months. And yeah, I mean MY sniveling and begging! So I spent the past few days not really sleeping and doing some serious calls. I also spent quite a bit of time thinking up an incentive program/reward system that will make sure I never sleep for more than 5 hours a night again EVER! But it will be totally worth it! I really like being able to do something for my callers who have supported me since I was 18 (wait – that was just 1 year since I’m only STILL 19!). I’ve had friends come and go since those beginning days, but …

Let’s not do this AGAIN. I always get all sentimental like I’m dying or something. Just thanks. And the incentive program is underway. I will be updating and sending you all emails in the next few days so watch your inboxes on niteflirt. If you don’t want to participate, please let me know. I hate spam and certainly don’t want to be contributing to mail you’d prefer to not be getting.

Um … I think that’s basically it. This week is pretty much mine to do with as I wish, so I’ll be available early evenings for calls every day except Monday & Tuesday evenings (spin class – won’t be home until about 9:00PM). So dreamers, tomorrow let’s dream a bit together! You’ll be glad you did!

It will be finals week on Tuesday. Luckily I should be done by Wednesday. It has been a very difficult semester for me. A lot of things have been going on and a lot of changes are happening in my life. What makes it difficult is that I have always been pretty forthcoming on the blog. Sure there are things (naturally) that I keep to myself for privacy reasons, but for the most part I’ve been uncomfortably (haha) open. When I feel that there is just too much going on and things that are just a bit too personal, I tend to – well, disappear. It might be my way of forcing some distance between me and my job. It’s an occupational hazard: remaining close enough for connection but distant enough for sanity. Some of you get what I’m talking about.

So with all that said, I’m still at a loss with how much to say and how much to keep close. What I know I can share is that this semester was by far the hardest semester I’ve ever dealt with. On top of that, I’ve gone through a very disappointing dissolving of a friendship that was completely unavoidable but nonetheless a heart break – especially after just now being able to breathe through a broken relationship almost exactly a year ago. ON top of the losses I’ve experienced, I’ve also experienced great beginnings of friendships. Not replacements to the losses, but definite blessings just when I needed them. I’ve recently experienced the joys of ‘cleansing’ and yeah, I’m still exercising – even planning on starting a running program once school ends. So yes – definite beginnings. But as I said earlier, I’ve also gone through one of the most difficult semesters of my life. I have to retake a math class I started because I just got so behind I wasn’t able to dig my way out of the hole. I’ve just about gotten to the point where I can not feel so ashamed about it, but failing/not completing things really breaks my heart. I really love school and love to learn. I love understanding how my brain works, but along with that I always have a struggle fitting into what the school system wants to pass off as education and teaching. I did manage to get high grades in both my upper level English and Anthropology class and am expecting to get high B’s (really I’m expecting to get A’s but I don’t want to jinx myself!) in both subjects.

I don’t know what this summer holds. I’m still trying to recover from this last semester. I will be thinking seriously about what will become of my life here on NF. I don’t know if I’ll venture into the “real” world and work or if I can somehow revamp my life here and make it fit into the kind of person I’m becoming. What I do know is that I have to do what feels right – and not something I feel I’m ‘suppose” to do because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. What I can promise is that I’ll keep you all abreast (I love that word!) as to what I’m going to do. You have all been so good to me over the years – and I consider many of you friends of mine who have supported me in my school work and my life’s goals with books, income, laughter, listening ears, etc. But this is not going to be that kind of a post. I’m not saying goodbye. I’m not even really saying “hello” – I’m just popping in to let you all know that I’m still here. I’m still thinking of many of you – and I’m trying my best to be on every now and then in between life that always has gotten in the way of my pleasure (haha).

Have a great weekend. I’ll check in later on tonight – and will probably be around tomorrow morning and evening for any of you wishing to work off your Memorial Day binges. Hugs and many kisses.

I don’t blame you if you don’t. Yes, it’s me, CeCe, signing in after MANY months. And though I know it would entertain you to hear all the excuses I could muster up, I’m just gonna stick with the boring details: I was knee deep in Algebra. yup. I was in math hell for many months and just as soon as I could get my head above water, that’s when the bridge would break and I’d be over my head in mathematical problems all over again. I was barely logged in, and when I was I was often times distracted or called away from business to tackle yet another ruthless word problem. This is the time that you should all start playing violins for me. Thank you.

So now I have a month off from school and I have ever intention of catching up on some things around here. Things are starting (finally) to look up around here, and I am proud to have not given in to the panic that surrounded me. I guess the paid mails are even working fine as of late. See? Patience IS a virtue!

Some of you remembered my birthday and thank you, but I’ve stopped celebrating them. If you call me, you’ll notice that I’m 19 again. I figure it’s a good year, and that way no one has to wonder why a 20 somethin’ year old is still going under “teenwetdream”. It will be our little secret. I still have my braces on, so as far as I’m concerned, I still look like a teen, and well, I’m still fighting to keep myself well with in your dreams. Yeah, I’m still corny.

So this is really just a quick update. If I make it too long it will be another 2 months before I post it. It is Monday, the 28th of December, and I will be logging in around 8:00PM this evening (that’s California Pacific time) and staying logged in until I can’t keep my eyes open. You should call me and say hi, if you haven’t had the chance. I definitely look forward to reconnecting with some of you AND meeting new and kinky/interesting men, too! Thank you for your patience these past few months, not only with niteflirt’s issues, but with my school schedule and stuff. I’m back. I promise.

I realize that a bunch of time has lapsed since my last confession entry and I’m sorry.  It had to be that way because things were literally just crazy for a few weeks there.  First, I was a victim of an online crime of gi-normous size and consequence (lol!) that resulted in my having to change my direct deposit bank and call up and wait long periods of time for everything to right itself after the horrible wrong that was done.  Then I had finals: a huge final in geography covering 7 chapters of wind patterns, clouds and rain stuff, erosion and other weathering stuff, and a few map quizzes thrown in for good measure.  And I almost forgot about the currents.  Ah, the lovely currents and trade, easterly and westerly winds.    I also had a final with my English Pervie Professor From Hell (EPPFH) which consisted of an in class essay on The Kite Runner and a 75 question extra credit grammar test.  Yeah.  It was a busy week.  After I survived finals I then crashed, only to log in and take a few calls between bouts of consciousness for about a week or so.  Then it was Christmas and shopping and wrapping and in between those things I still was trying to log on and work when I could.  I was also going to the gym because it was the only way I could regulate my anxiety during the finals and Christmas Shopping.  And then it was Christmas and now … almost the end of the year.  I had to come in and wish everyone "Happy Holidays" and hope for everyone a prosperous and enriched New Year.  Let’s save the New Year’s Resolutions, shall we?  Let’s just hope this next year is a bit more hopeful and a whole lot healthier for not only the Earth, but each other.  I fuckin sounded like Jerry Springer just then, didn’t I?

So as you can tell by this entry – I survived finals.  I tried to start early with my Geography Final – but I was still organizing my notes up until the moment I sat down to do the test.  I have this ritual, you see, of redoing all of my notes and reorganizing everything.  Before analysis (lol – doesn’t that sound so mature?!) I thought it was just another procrastination thing I did, but now that I’ve spoken to the good Dr for several months I realize that organizing and rewriting things is my way of remembering things.  The whole different color pens and pencils and illustrations and teaching other people about things I am learning, etc. is just my way of committing these things to my memory bank.  Apparently it works.  But not with out a whole lot of drama.  Because I am so visual with my learning, I made a trip to Office Depot, Staples less popular and rather geek-y younger brother.  Sorry, it’s true.  I walked into Office Depot because it was close to the gym I go to, with a goal in mind: Sticky notes.  50 dollars later I make my way to the counter where I start reassessing my purchases.  "Do you really need this, CeCe?  Nah.  Put it back.  What about these pens?  Yeah – definitely need to keep them.  But what about these?  Nah … put those back, too…"  So I set aside a few things and tell the Office Depot Clerk that I won’t be needing them but I’ll take the still substantial pile of things that looks like a good 40 bucks still, even after the "save".  This little clerk looks me in the eye, I kid you not!, and asks, "Can I ask you why you won’t be taking these items?"  …

"Pardon?!"

"Why don’t you want these?" He asks again, more boldly this time, his beady little cashier eyes burying their way into my very soul as if looking for the answer there.

…

…

Yeah.  That’s silence from me.  Because I can’t believe that in all my life I have never been questioned on my "go backs" before in a store, and I’m now considering whether or not this is a new practice in lieu of the "R" word (recession).

"Um.  It was an impulsive moment — and I realized I didn’t need those after all."

"Oh."  He says, still looking me in the eye uncomfortably while making no move to ring up my purchases I DO want, "because I was going to offer you a discount."

It’s now apparent that we’re having a little stare down.  I uncomfortably hold his gaze.  I don’t say a word.  He hasn’t offered me a discount, I don’t think there is a discount that exists, truth be told, and if there is a discount, I should have been aware of it when I walked in the store.  I’m not buying a car, here, I’m fuckin buying sticky notes and note cards and pens!

I win. He breaks my gaze, needing both eyes to locate the scan gun and the bar codes on my items. "Okay," he says with a nervous laugh,"Your total is 40.03."

I couldn’t get the hell out of that store fast enough.  Later, at the gym, I tell my Nazi trainer what has happened and her eyes get as big as mine must have been as she wonders, too, what will happen when she goes shopping later that evening.  Her shopping experience has been, in a blink of an eye, altered.  Ruined. "It’s a different world out there."  I warn her looking at her ominously. "I would suggest hiding the things you don’t want and not bringing them to the cashier with you to be put in the ‘go backs.’"  I say "go backs" making the quotation marks in the air as if to suggest that "go backs" is a historical word like cassette tapes — something that exists only as a fond memory in the corner of your mind.

"Yeah."  She says in a quiet scared voice.  "I don’t know what to do…"

Today I was in the area and I glanced over at The Office Depot Store.  For a moment the thought of pens lined up in their little shiny plastic containers called to me and just as I found myself weakening and answering to the call of the pretty ink, I was snapped into reality by the windows covered in ugly brown paper.  STORE CLOSED was written in black sharpie on the paper.  Maybe the question was just a sign of desperation and not a new adopted method of cashiering as I had feared.  I felt a bit bad for Office Depot.  But I’d be lying if I wasn’t a little bit relieved, too.

I didn’t even use my supplies from the store.  I didn’t get to the note cards, I was still copying over my information onto my notebook paper.  I did look up my grades for both English and Geography, however, and I managed to get 2 A’s.    Yeah me.  Perverted English teacher and Wind Patterns, Wave formations, and currents couldn’t stop me from achieving my A’s I so desperately wanted!

I also survived Christmas.  I managed to survive not giving everyone everything they wanted for Christmas, and even though I still have a few presents left to mail (Hey – there ARE 12 days of Christmas, are there not?!) I didn’t do so bad.  I realized this year that I so badly wanted to show the people I love how much I really did love and care for them and sometimes you just can’t do it with money because even if you had all the money you wanted (this is a long ass sentence that is need of a comma somewhere but I’m out of school right now so I’m not gonna bother, k?) you still couldn’t show someone how much you cared and loved them with a present.  It’s just not possible.  I use to think it was.  But it isn’t.  I mean – I don’t think there is one thing on my wish list that anyone could buy that would tell me exactly how much I mean to them.  I’ve had some great presents, don’t get me wrong, but I think that presents don’t transform their way into a feeling easily.  I tried to give gifts that represented a little bit of what I felt and how the other person made me feel, but … it’s hard.  Tiffy had to remind me several times that it’s the THOUGHT really — knowing that you crossed someone’s mind on a special day — that matters most.  I thought Tiffy was full of shit — but then I started to think of the things you all have given me and the fact that no matter the size of the gift or the price of the gift – the fact that you thought enough to send me a word, picture, tribute, gift, or smile made a huge impact on my life and did my spirit wonders.   Believe that.  So thank you all for the tributes, gifts, notes, calls, and "business" this year.  You have impacted my life with things you have said, delighted me with secrets you’ve entrusted me with, cheered me with gifts of your friendship, lusts, and fantasies (giggles), and truly impressed me with your courage in trusting me to hold your secrets safe.  I hope you never have to say "Pardon" to me (wink); that you know you can always "go back" and try something different or not at all.  Most of all, I wish you a very safe and blessed New Year full of every delight you can ever imagine.  If I’m invited to be a part of that in some part next year – great – but if you discover and hold tight to the delights you receive …. all the better.

Happy New Year, Friends!