I went into the drug store today … for what I have no idea… and what should I see? Christmas decorations. They took away 2 aisles of merchandise and replaced the junk with Christmas lights, ornaments, cards, and boxed chocolates. It’s not even Halloween yet, people! Still in shock I gathered my purchases (christmas cards, and a few ornaments for some friends) and headed to the cash register prepared to give the clerks a piece of my mind. The words “are you fuckin kidding me, people?!” stayed lodged in my throat while I forked over 70 dollars. I’ve decided that every holiday I’m doing these quick little babysitting gigs and saving my pennies so that I am able to buy presents - I might as well take my hard earned cash from my first well paying job and get a head start. It’s the responsible thing to do. I sheepishly thanked the kind considerate lady at Long’s drug store and went on my way. The retail business has our (procrastinators) best interest at heart, after all.

Thanksgiving marks the day that the Christmas playlist comes out of hibernation. Babs, Julie Andrews, and even Kenny G in his god awful imitation of saxaphone playing makes my playlist at Christmas time. I play Christmas carols non stop from Thanksgiving onward and I enjoy every moment of it. And while we’re talking about Christmas holidays - white lights - not colored ones - and I’m not being racial about it, it’s just that white lights look pretty and the colored lights look gawdy as hell. No food on the trees either - that’s just obnoxious to me. Sorry. And while we’re at it - you can keep the tinsel (cats eat it and that’s so not attractive the day after!) - and snow men that are animated in the front lawn. I’m a minimalist when it comes to Christmas. It’s too bad that my family doesn’t feel the same way. The other year my father proudly put reindeer in the front lawn - and even though there is no one in my family that believes in Santa - the milk and cookies still sit by the fireplace with the stockings hanging by the fire (with care.) My father takes great pride in his decorating and if he had it his way he would put a Santa with a sleigh and all how ever many reindeer there are on the roof top while blasting carols through a loud speaker mounted to the side of the house for good measure. I keep telling him that Jesus is the reason for the season (his words - not mine) but he shushes me up with - “What would Jesus do? He would decorate decorate decorate - it’s his bday party for crying out loud!” My father, if you haven’t guessed, is a loon.

I bring up Christmas and the holidays because well - it’s almost here. I’ve been receiving quite a few calls in regards to my birthday (November 24th - thanks for asking! lol!) and my wishlist on amazon. Quite a few of you are wondering if I can update it a bit for the holiday season and well - I’ll try to. But honestly - anything on that list would make a great Christmas present. I’m REALLY craving the Gilmore Girls box set to be quite honest. I also am craving the Director’s series that is currently unavailable on amazon - but I did find it here. *double triple axel with a drool for good measure* This thing gives me absolute female wood. It’s majorly expensive though - so it’s like a dream, really. But man - I would love to have that orgasmic pile of dvds in my little capable hands! I’m not a perfume type of gal (except for this gorgeous stuff right here… yummy yummy in my tummy tum tum!) - and I really don’t have any need for jewelry or anything like that. I would love a gift certificate to petsmart, though (you can send it to my email address - Celinawetdreams@gmail.com.) A gift certificate to Barnes & Noble (nobel?) might be nice though - for school books next semester - and a few tributes towards my education would be swell, too (lol@my use of the word swell) - and well - if you’re a millionaire you could always buy me a mac desk top cuz I’m so over PC’s…other than that - nah. Everything I could ever desire (well almost) is on my wish list and at the risk of sounding like one of the characters in Little Women - I mainly just want it to be a good “season” of good calls - so that I can lavish my family and friends with wonderful gifts. Seriously - I have so much more fun GIVING gifts and wrapping them up and stuff. I love finding the just right present for someone and I love seeing their face when they open it up. It makes me extremely happy to give presents and wrap them up in pretty paper - and send out cards to relatives and friends and teachers and stuff. As much as I moan and groan about Christmas time - I really look forward to it and really get into the groove around um - December 22nd or so. (lol!)

Speaking of gifts - I really need to thank a few people for their generousity. Not only have I been completely blessed this past weekend (and the weekend before) with plenty of calls and great new callers whom I always enjoy breaking in (hehe) - I’ve also been greatly blessed with presents from my wish list. My dear Uncle Randy sent me the rest of the books that I needed for my screenwriting class - as well as a rather expensive computer program, Final Draft. I was so excited - I can’t even express it in words!! Final Draft is THE software that every great screenwriter uses - so to have my very own copy on my very own mac lap top is … A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I have already started to use it to write my first 30 pages - to develop my characters - to make little notes to myself about plots and so on … it’s just the best piece of software ever. Thank you so much UR for sending it to me. I couldn’t have afforded such a thing for a very long time and was almost getting prepared to use a cheapie free version that wouldn’t allow me half the freedom that Final Draft does. You seriously made my semester at school a much easier one! I also received the wizdog from my dearest sweetest doc in the whole wide world which Jackson has already used a few times so hopefully he catches on to it quickly. For those of you who have been following my puppy training dilemas - Jackson pees on pads at the moment because he is not able to go outside. Pee pads are these sort of diapers you place on the floor for your puppy to … eliminate on. Jackson does this part fine - but then sees to destroy the evidence of the pee pad by using his razor sharp teeth to destroy the pad - reducing his pen to some nightmarish sort of Christmas scene - complete with snow and piles of dog poop in the snow drifts. It’s like he can’t help himself and no matter how much tape I used he still would find the inside of the pads and go to town. This wizdog however will take care of the problem. Currently he is screaming like I’m killing him though while in his crate - so I don’t think he’s eliminated as much as he would like to. God help me. Anyways - fuck anyways - I’ll be right back - let me see if he has to go or if he just wants to play before bedtime. (the old “can i have a glass of water mommy” trick, you know.)
Ok - he has stopped for a moment. Fuck - I lied. BRB. Ok - I’m back. So this wizdog contraption is basically a tray that holds the pee pad - and then there is a plastic slab/grid that goes on top that holds the pee pad in the tray and beyond the reach of the little puppy claws and teeth. So far it has worked like a charm - though Jackson gave it the ole I’m stubborn just like my moms college try. Ha! The wizdog is too much for him - even his puppy teeth and ridiculous determination can’t break through that grid (though I did notice earlier today that his teeth HAVE broke through 2 of the grids on the baby gate - I give it another few months before he shawshank redemptions his ass out of that barrier.) Thank You so much, Doc for the wizdog. I really think that it will work wonders and save me the trouble of wading through a sea of poop, pee pad snow, and masking tape. *Muahz times a trillion!* In addition to these things I’ve also received through the weeks several dozen movies - a great cd and several books from sweetest nazi in the whole wide world, Rolf, (private joke moment - Rolf really is only a nazi in the movie The Sound Of Music - and in his spare time volunteers at several Lutheran Churches in the area…) and well - Jack, too, has been spoiled by some of you and he thanks you for the gifts and requests that you don’t stop. I’m just the messenger, here…

So yes, Christmas has already started around here it would seem, huh? *soft music begins to play* but the BEST Christmas/Bday presents this past month have absolutely and with out a doubt been the incredible feedback and tributes you’ve given to me. Oh My Goodness. Sometimes I read through the feedback and literally blush. I can’t believe that you all have such sweet things to say to me - and sometimes I really don’t feel that deserving of it. I mean - I KNOW I do a good job at what I do because in part I enjoy what I do alot. And I’m not talking about the canned response about masturbating. Sometimes I get horny, yes, and I do play a bit - but MOSTLY I enjoy pleasing all of you! I love the changes in your voices as you are about to “finish” - I love even the embarrassed laugh some of you give at the end of a call with your disclaimer that you’re really not half as nasty as you claim to be during the fantasies (lol!) - I love your hushed whispers as you hide in closets to get in your quick fix before joining the wife in bed - I love the sigh of pleasure you give before you say “thank you” at the end of the call. I love the surprise in your voice as you realize that I do (even if I forget initially) remember your fantasy and that I have (even if I ask that you call me back while I read it!) read your emails and taken your fantasy into my little fantasy factory and spun a new tale around it. These things give me pleasure - so when I get your feedback in addition to all these other things I feel totally and completely spoiled! Thank you for making me days and nites by taking the time to do that. A few days ago I sent out a over 20 home made thank you cards to those of you who took the time to say a little something on my listings. These cards will change once a month and will always feature a little picture of me in the graphic. Just a little “thank you” from me to you. At the end of the month I’ll also be sending a few of you something extra special - so keep a look out around Halloween, ok?

Ok - I’ll be on alerts for the rest of the nite. I’m a little bit pooped from the busy weekend and need to prepare myself for my next Algebra test. By the way - I got the horse, I passed my Math test (I got a B+) and Jackson is getting BIG! He now fetches - and “drops” it like it’s hot on demand. He also knows “down”, “sit” - and the sound of a can filled with coins when he does something bad. He is absolutely adorable and I can’t imagine my life with out that little guy. I can’t help but love him - even when he’s bad. Everyone that meets him falls in love with him. Anyways - I better run and tend to him. I’ll spell check and link up some of the things I talked about in an hour or so… so if you’re here before 12:00AM Tuesday - my apologies. Jack is less patient than most of my readers…

Happy Holidays - (just kiddin… you got a few more days…)

From the phone calls, emails, and “how do you do’s” I take it that the majority of my ‘readers’ had a good, somewhat relaxing, and scrumptious 4th! Here’s to the red, white, and blue. (end required patriotic feelings here). Nah - I’m not going to go into a political thing here - had enough of that at the grown up table next to 3 fifty-something year old men the other day. Luckily we all were the basic idealist liberals/libertarians or whatever so there weren’t any fights going on - but we were lucky. Even I know that the cardinal sin to any party conversation is bringing up politics or religion.

I had a great 4th of July, though. I wasn’t expecting it to be good (as anyone who read my post the other day can suspect…) but I was pleasantly surprised and eternally grateful. I had a GLORIOUS time in the sun - and it was bright - and it was warm - but thank god not half as bad as it was inland. It was a nice bright get out your sunscreen before you burn 73 degrees by the beach and a hell on earth 108 back at home. Ridiculous. Being that we haven’t had rain here since Noah built the ark - there were cops supposedly patroling the beach waiting to confiscate fireworks that could potentially burn several homes. The threat of a 1000.00 fine didn’t stop the locals from giving us about 3-4 different firework shows, depending on which direction you looked.

The house was pretty close to the beach, so from the patio we could see just fine. I had no desire to go back down to the beach. I had already spent 4 hours prior jumping around in the sand and waves with my cousins, and walking about 3 miles for my daily cardio so I didn’t feel bad for eating the potato salad that was calling my name back at the house. In addition to tanning and chewing large amounts of sand with my pretzels, I also was a guest judge of several castle building contests. I kept looking at my youngest cousin (who is 12) like, “what is wrong with you and your friends? Why don’t you build a castle like the other children?” but she was too busy trying to fill out her bikini top. She and her 2 buddies have officially entered that age - the age where they are no longer sweet and covered in babyfat - but little pre-teen-adonnas one and all. *sigh* I should have built a castle my own damn self… hmph! (or at least got someone to bury me in some sand so only my head and toes peeked out).

The beach was busy - but it wasn’t half as crowded as some of the other more populated (and quite frankly NASTIER) beaches. Thank goodness. But there was the sound of the waves - and almost like punctuation, the sound of children’s screams. I don’t know what it is about waves that make children (and some adults, even) scream - but they are successful in illiciting at least 50 screams per minute or so every time the huge waves came crashing on the shore.

I love watching people at the beach. I love watching girls walk from one end to the other in the skimpiest of bikinis and watch all the men sitting there with their wives, girlfriends, mothers, etc. Sunglasses shield your eyes, boys, but when your whole HEAD TURNS to watch a girl pass - you’re not really fooling anyone, ya know? I noticed something though on that beach. No matter how a person physically looked (because there were some women who were pretty damn brave to wear a bikini let me tell you) - if a woman carried herself with confidence and an almost superior type of attitude, all eyes (even women’s) were on her. If a girl walked by and was covering up her body (even if she had the fiercest body ever!) people acted embarrassed for her and didn’t even look twice at her with any sort of longing or whatever. It was interesting. I have no idea how I walk on the beach, by the way. The other day I walked with shorts on and a bikini top. I’m modest but I guess I like to give a little tease every now and again.

So after the beach we headed back to the house to eat - and like I hinted at earlier (is that alluded or ELUDED, I wonder?), I ended up at a table of 3 men who were about 50 or so. And I’m not complaining at all. Because I felt EXTREMELY comfortable. We talked about music, and lyrics, and Stevie N., and The Beatles - and a bit about politics, Woodstock, and MLK Jr, too. I just leaned my head against my hands and watched their expressions while they talked. I laughed alot - asked a few questions - and as the day started to cool off I just felt something deep inside of me. I was content. I had enough to eat but was not stuffed - I was warm - but not too hot. I was entertained, but not overly stimulated. I was just absolutely at that moment in time CONTENT. I wanted for absolutely nothing. I had everything that I needed and I think that has to be the first time I have ever ever felt that way. It was glorious.

The fireworks that nite were fantabulous - and long. Many families joined together and had a sort of firework you got served sort of thing going on. Everyone wanted to out do each other and I’m sure over 1000.00 dollars was spent on the chance to be crowned the Firework King of 2007. They weren’t afraid of a 1000.00 fine, that is for sure. Even when we packed up to leave at about 10:00PM - fireworks were still booming behind us - and they had started at 8:00PM. But I sat there in the front seat of the car on our way home and held onto the sun, the waves, the screams, the conversations, the music, the scenery and even the crackles of the fireworks I love the best. I remember how that felt that moment I was content. It’s like satisfied - only it lasts longer. It’s like the afterglow you feel after a big orgasm. It’s like looking at the best redesign for your site that your bff did for you and wondering if she just somehow tapped into your brain to bring everything you ever wanted to “paper”. It’s like finishing a workout - and for a moment enjoying the sweat collect in the small of your back and your heart beating wildly against your chest. It’s like coming home to several appointments, and well wishes and calls asking how your day was.

I’m so glad I went.

There are some holidays that make me nostalgic much more than others. I know that the typical holiday that would bring tears to eyes and cause people to break out the ole family albums and weep for yester-years would be Christmas - but Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Perhaps it’s the crowds that you have to fight thru - and the presents you have to figure out to buy for people - and trying not to look too disappointed when your grand mother gives you another pair of home made mittens (with strings attached to them so you don’t lose them - which was cute when you were 5 - but just plain obnoxious at age 15…). It could be that the holiday just isn’t any fun when you’re still too small for the grown up table and too old for the kiddie table and are forced to cut up the ham for your nieces and nephews at the not even stable card table that inevitably falls over at some point of the festivities. Nah - Christmas isn’t my most favorite of holidays - even though Silent Night sung in my father’s church in 4 part harmony over candle light does make up for everything I mentioned before (yes, even Grammy’s mittens).

The holiday that makes me the most homesick for MN has to be The 4th of July. Hands down. With a big huge slice of watermelon on the side. I LOVE the 4th. I love everything about it - even the loud fireworks and the smell of hair burning when it gets a bit too close to the sparklers.

At the lakes when I was younger, I would wake up as early as I could and just about jump out of my skin for the day to begin. EVERYONE came to our house for the holiday: Grandparents, Cousins, Aunts, and neighbors who knew that we knew how to throw a big party. When the cars were parked up and down the drive way and spilled onto our lawn - the kids would gather and change into our swimsuits. We would spend the rest of the day and evening in them, eating watermelon and corn on the cob and jumping into the lake to “wash off” afterwards. There would be waterskiing and “tubing” and swimming out to the raft that sat waiting for us in the middle of the lake. I have no idea what the grown ups would do - they wouldn’t even really watch us very much until we needed them to pull us in the speed boat and then only if my brothers, who were old enough to do it on their own, were otherwise occupied (smoking pot in the treehouse, sneaking beers from the cooler, or sneaking peeks at the always present gorgeous friend one of the cousins brought along for the holiday).

This 4th will be spent at a body of water - but nothing like the lake. I am not going to get into a whining type of fit here - but I just have to say a few things: The ocean is nothing like a lake. Oceans make waves that are angry. The waves crash up on the shore and deposit things on the sand while taking a bit of sand and debris back with it. The ocean - at least here in Southern California - is dirty, and having a mouthful of the ocean and accidentally swallowing a few cup fulls, could result in a few days of paranoia of what type of disease you’ve infected your body with. I’ve never seen a person swim in an ocean in southern California. I’ve seen people run into the ocean and just as quickly run back out again - but I haven’t seen a person actually swim and submerge themselves in it…at least not on purpose. No matter how many people pee in a lake the water is still clear. And we drink it often. Saves the trip up the steps to get a soda is our motto. The fish in the lakes in Northern MN are safe to eat and you can actually figure out what type of fish it is. Sunfish. Trout. Bullheads. I once was at the Santa Monica Pier and saw someone fishing. I waited while the fisherman and his son pulled and tugged and reeled in their catch. When they had finally succeeded in pulling their “catch” from the ocean’s depth - I gasped. I’m serious. I gasped. And then I said, “What is that?” and the fisherman answered me. He said, with this look of fear on his face, “I don’t know.” It seemed to be living, so it wasn’t a dead body, old shoe, or waste or anything like that. But it was some type of ocean creature that one could not eat - and I wondered how in the hell he was going to take it off his hook. Whatever “bait” he used, I hope he got rid of it. A simple worm in the lakes of MN would have yielded a fish big enough to feed a … you know what? Let me stop. Let me just stop.

So tomorrow my family and I will be going to a beach house about 10 feet away from the ocean. If that. It reached 108 today and at the beach it will be closer to 70. The sand will be hot - but the mist generated by those somewhat angry waves will make everything comfortable. The family that has invited us will have lots of delicious food like corn on the cob and watermelon and chicken and every flavor of chip imaginable. We’ll probably fight with the little kids over who gets to sit in the hot tub next, and I’ll have the seasonal fight with Mr. K who always threatens to pull me into the ocean while sand finds its way into orfices it has no business even seeing. I think I’ll bring along a book - or two, my journal and of course my ipod and all these things will stay in my beach bag (along with the sunscreen I wished I had pulled out) the entire time. I’ll probably bring along guitar hero which is like the best game E-V-E-R and we’ll wrap up the evening by playing Charades (which is a very competitive game among people who feel they should have been actors and actresses) and we’ll fall asleep on the drive back (but hopefully not the person who is driving) after 10 or more hours soaking up the sun and the ocean breeze. It isn’t quite like memories from growing up - but it comes mighty close and beats sitting inland gasping as the dry heat sucks up every bit of energy and compassion you have.

I hope that everyone enjoys their 4th - in whatever way you decide to celebrate it. Try not to get annoyed at the firecrackers that go off on your street long after midnight - and eat a nice piece of juicy watermelon and think of me. If you can. Let the juice just run down your hand and over your mouth until you are sticky and then either jump in a pool, lake, ocean, or shower to clean off. But more important than any traditions you may partake in - be safe. Be safe and be careful and return back home rested, tanned, and … well, horny. I’ll be back either late July 4th, or by the 5th. Look for me.