Oh My gosh… This week has flown by!

I really only have time for a quick update here… and a bitch or two thrown in CeCe style. LOL. Kidding. Sort of.

Ok - because I’m trying hard to implement things back into my schedule I’m getting a bit behind here. I don’t understand how I had time to do things before - but then I remembered the other day I also smoked (which did help, people… seriously!) and I also was hyper focused on work/blog/school and didn’t really see to much else. My days as of late have consisted of Exercising (10,000 steps a day has been my goal now for the past week - and so far I’m 4 thousand steps behind…but … I think I’ll make it by the end of the week), Jackson’s school (his homework is due in a few days … have to get my ass in gear about that, too!), cleaning/organizing my family (since I couldn’t make them do it I decided that for my health and well being I needed to help them do it by giving them an example to follow… lol) and working on several projects in between calls … which is hard! I’m currently working on my niteflirt database - which I believe will optimize my work and help me organize my customers/run reports unavailable to me through niteflirt’s “database” they have for us already and will help me organize the tasks I need for each individual customer. The data base will also keep track of the times I’m called which will help me with setting up a schedule that not only works for me but also works for the majority of my clients. Access is hard to do but I’ve found a great many tutorial to read for free on line and have successfully made a few sample data bases for practice. I’m amazed that I have actually followed a tutorial along in order to do this … trust me - it’s difficult for me to focus on detailed instructions that are technical like that for very long.

I’ve also discovered Microsoft Outlook - which has a program in the calendar section that will keep track of my tasks and appointments and contacts and things like that, too. It looks promising however the big main obstacles for me to overcome are first - filling out all the information so that it can do its job and two - remembering to update the thing which I’ve always really sucked at. The calendar system (writing it down) has helped a great deal but I still am only doing half of what I was doing before. I don’t understand my brain right now. (sings “Getting to know you” from The King And I softly to herself)

Alright - so … I’m working on it is what I wanted to “report”.

Tonight I have a writing group to attend so I will have another late evening of it. I’ll be logging in around midnight once again - (sorry!) but I am going to TRY to log in a bit before hand … I really can’t promise anything so please don’t be entirely surprised if you don’t see me until Midnight, ok? Please? Then it’s Friday already! Can you believe it!! Friday I will be here - working … it’s my work day and I have plenty of it to do! I’m counting on logging in a bit earlier - sometime after my evening walk around 9:00PM I’m guessing. I have an early class with Jackson on Saturday so I can’t stay up too late. On Saturday I will be logging in a bit earlier than normal, too… I’m trying to get myself back on track for school so eventually my hours will fall back to the 9PM - 1:00PM schedule. At least 3 days out of the week … Keep an eye on my diary though. Seriously. Keep an eye on it. I’m just not saying that… keep an eye on my diary. LOL!

See you around midnight tonight …

Thought I would be done with mommys day celebration - however, I’m stuck doing the dishes … which I don’t mind. It’s kind of therapeutic. I’ll be on closer to 11:00PM - and will be staying up late late late tonight (as long as I’m needed … )

Sorry … but I’m sure you were all busy celebrating mommy day with either your mommy - or a stand in mommy - or your wife who is a mommy or something else totally kosher and sweet for this holiday. Now that everyone is tucked in bed I’m sure you’re running around looking for some trouble to get into. I know how you feel… I’ve been tip toeing around all day too - on my best behavior. I’m about to burst.

I’ll hurry up and log on as soon as I am able. Sorry for promising something - I really thought it would happen…

xoxo

I know I probably should be writing about something like school - or my no smoking (3 weeks - thank you VERY much!) - but all that is coming to mind is Atticus. My newest brain crush.

As many of you know - I’ve been trying to watch To Kill A Mockingbird now for the past … I dunno - YEAR? I finally sat down and watched it the other night (it was a hard decision - A movie - or haploids, mitosis, meiosis, etc. But I FINALLY made a decision and buckled in and went for it!) What a lovely movie that was. And what an absolutely adoring father Atticus was. He was just so gentle and kind and strong and … wise. He is definitely the kind of father every father should strive to be. So yeah - brain crush and then some. Not to mention - Gregory Peck. Holy cow was that guy hot! He was so hot I couldn’t even fantasize about him. I know that sounds really strange - but - there it is. I use to think that Michael Landon was hot too - and could never have a fantasy about him, either. I would watch Little House on the Prairie and honestly just want to be Laura and curl up in his lap in a very innocent non sexually deviant way. I have those moments…that’s why you all love me.

I know it’s been like forever since I’ve written anything in here. Thankfully you’re all very understanding and you know that I have very good reasons - but it doesn’t make me feel any better that I’ve somehow neglected this blog. It’s deeper than that, though. I haven’t written anything lately - nothing in my journal, nothing on scraps of paper, nothing at all. And I’ve somehow been okay with that. I miss writing, but I don’t miss the - struggle. Writing to me is like - Gregory Peck and Michael Landon and all the other brain crushes I’ve ever had: It’s so perfect that sometimes I feel better leaving it alone and not tainting it with bullshit. We’ve all been down this road with CeCe before - but there it is.

My family is still in town and they are scheduled to leave soon. That should free up a bit of time - but school is still kicking my tender ass from one side of the state to the other. My biology teacher likes me now - and I’m pulling a rather disappointing C+ in biology right now - inches away from the B+ I would long to have but feel a sort of ambivalence to achieve. I have her figured out though. I had a feeling we would have a quiz today and we did. She is encouraging though, handing me back my tests and quizzes with notes on them like “Keep up the good work, CeCe - you’re improving” and all that other kind of stuff that typically propels me forward to get that A just to prove my worthiness. And Biology isn’t all that boring right now. For instance, did you know that as soon as the earth began to cool - and water appeared - there was life? Just like that. Reminds me of this story my father told me after reading the paper a few months back. Apparently there was a river - pretty big river - that was filled to the rim with fish and life and … well whatever else lives in rivers. This river suddenly dried up. Life around the river just died - along with everything in it. The big environmentalist people were concerned and knew that they needed to bring the river back. The scientists predicted that it would take years before life returned to the river and the surrounding area. They slowly filled the river back up again and with in months - not years - but a few mere months - BAM! Life. Birds and fish, and plants and flowers and animals - in abundance. So - yeah. I find that all very interesting and very … symbolic. I can get into that sort of biology.

So Atticus is my irrigation. Ok, ok - literature is my irrigation. I guess I need to do a bit more reading/watching and those types of things will literally wash over me and bring me back to life again. My writing coach told me that I need to write for at least 2 hours every day. It should be my “job” he said. I should just sit down and do it - and there should be no alternative. I worry about silly things - like what I will say - or what will come out of my head - or whether or not anything I write will make much sense and whether or not I should print any of it here - but I guess all that worrying does is prevent me from doing anything at all. So - I will try to write more and “worry” less. Words, after all, are my water.

It’s 10 minutes till Tuesday and I haven’t even started my podcast for the day. I’m banking on doing it tomorrow but I hate to make promises. You know how I get. What I will say is that thanks to “Mr. d” - I have a question for the podcast - and thanks to Atticus I have a topic, and thanks to my callers I have some feedback to share - and thanks to some super sweet and generous callers and friends I have some gifts to brag about that have recently made their way to my wish list’s “purchased” list.

Take care - and talk to you tomorrow…

So I finally posted this! Sorry for the delay. Slowly catching up on everything after taking a small hiatus to study for 8 chapters of ADT, ATP, Protein construction, functions and functional groups - not to mention also having to learn more than I ever really wanted to about phospholipids, mitachondria, and step by step production of atp through respiration and … never mind. You get the picture.
Anyways - here is Episode #7 - FINALLY - which is just a little bit of a rant on my adventures into the non smoking community and my discovery of the doggy park. 22 minutes of pure entertainment for your enjoyment.

I’ll be logging in for a bit this evening (8:00PM - 12:00PM). I’ll also be logging in in the evening on Thursday for a bit too. Maybe early evening - but days are reserved for all the day to day stuff that I haven’t been able to get to for the past week (recordings, laundry, studying, doggy park, etc.)

I’m planning on writing a longer more detailed post in a few days. We’ll see how that works. Sorry for being a bit “flakey” lately - blame it on Biology…my heart truly would have preferred to be here with all of you.

I once kept a dream journal at the advice of an English teacher. I never showed it to anyone - because I have those types of dreams that are absolutely with out a doubt revealing to the point of indecent exposure. There is no need for interpretation - or experts - or anything like that. My dreams have always been clear as a bell.

For instance, the other night I had a dream that I found a little polar bear wandering around in the woods. (Hey - no comments about my lack of geography knowledge…my dreams don’t know any better!) He was so cute. All white - with a little button nose and big black eyes and white eyelashes. He snuggled right up to me and I carried him home. We were such a cute pair - my little polar bear and I (lol!) and everyone was amazed at how cute he was. He was really well behaved too, considering. He would sleep in bed with me and snuggle up all nice and close and keep me really warm and his breath smelled like fresh fruit. He was absolutely with out a doubt adorable! Friends would come to visit us and at first they were all really positive about our relationship (grin) but later they started to give me these little comments like, “You know - bears are cute when they are cubs - but when they grow up they will be bears - and he may eventually maul you.” I would shrug off their comments, thinking them jealous more than concerned and continue on with my plan. But the bear began to grow up very fast. Every day his paws would get bigger - and though he was still as gentle as a lamb, I couldn’t help but wonder if my friends were correct. Could this bear grow up to forget about our relationship and go back to his “bear” tendencies? Could my bear be a threat to my safety and eventually kill me with out even realizing what he was doing? I started to look at my bear a bit more cautiously. And I started, too, to think of ways that I could “ditch” him. I thought of maybe bringing him to the local zoo but was not sure he would fit in with the others and was very concerned about how well he would be treated there. I thought about releasing him back into the woods from whence he came, but I worried that some hunters would come along and kill him for his fur (??). And then I woke up. Took Jackson out for his morning pee - and thought about how cute he was with his soft white fur and his little button nose and his big black eyes with white eyelashes. And as soon as Jackson was done watering his favorite tree, I got on the phone and called around for some dog trainers.

It’s not that Jackson is bad and I’m afraid of him mauling anyone. But he hasn’t outgrown his biting yet. He doesn’t bite you out of dominance or whatever, he just hasn’t realized that there are humans and there are dogs - and dogs can not play with humans the way they do with other dogs. He will run around your feet - play hide and seek with you - jump out at you with a silly grin on his face, toss you his favorite toy and dare you not to play with him. If you refuse his advances, he will lick your hand - then nip you. Then lick you. Then nip. I’ve taken to saying NO or OUCH to him as loud as possible and tapping him on the nose and he “gets” it but will still lick nip lick nip you until he grows tired of the nose batting he gets from it. He pushes the limits. Constantly. And if he wasn’t so damned adorable I would be more irritated than I am. One thing is clear though, this little nipping he does needs to be taken care of immediately. It is not attractive. He’s been doing it since he was way little and I’ve tried time outs, loud noises, squirting him in the face, etc. Nothing seems to break his spirit like the ass whooping I want to give him. I took a little test on line and realized that Jackson is a F student in obedience. Quite alarming after the 100 something bucks I paid for him to be socialized and learn basic manners when he was a puppy. He is willful, stubborn, and clearly all alpha omega, that dog. And something needs to be done, immediately. My dreams are telling me so.

The other part of my dream that I found very insightful was the whole polar thing. I’ve been learning about Phospholipids in biology lately. Yeah. Pretty dang interesting, right? It seems that in that class I’m always about 2 days behind in the learning curve. My professor will talk about phospholipids on Monday and by Friday I’m waking myself up after a dream about polar bears as pets thinking - Ooooooh! The LAYER is made up of the fatty part of the phospholipids and thus forming a BARRIER that water can not penetrate! Ooooooh. I get it. So yeah - interesting things, right? One part of that little thingee is polar and the other nonpolar. I think that’s a good balance, right? I think it’s also a really great insult to give to people who are unstable… “You’re like a phospholipid with no tail.” Clever right? Especially when the person has no idea what the hell one of those little phospholipids are! Anyway - all that to say I think that is the other reason why I was dreaming about polar bears. Some part of my life is extremely …out of balance, let’s say.

That’s all I have for you. No - really. That’s all I have. There is nothing left up there. *taps head so you can hear the empty hollow ring* I have TONS of homework this weekend. A lab test in Biology - along with about 5 chapters or so to read because I have a big test next week on all 8 chapters of Biology and I still have to work, sleep, play, and pee. I also have a government class that I should attend tomorrow morning bright and early. And I still am half way entertaining my relatives from out of town. Let’s not forget finding a trainer for my polar bear, finding some balance between life, work, school and stuff, and thinking of a topic for Monday’s topic. I will write more this weekend - but just wanted to check in really quick. I will be logged in for a few more minutes here - and then I’m going to take the rest of the afternoon off. If you want to speak to me please feel free to make an appointment with me. I will try logging on this evening for a few hours before bedtime. I just feel like having a little time to myself right now to enjoy the weather, catch up on some reading for school, and maybe even listen to some music.

Talk to you all very soon.