It will be finals week on Tuesday. Luckily I should be done by Wednesday. It has been a very difficult semester for me. A lot of things have been going on and a lot of changes are happening in my life. What makes it difficult is that I have always been pretty forthcoming on the blog. Sure there are things (naturally) that I keep to myself for privacy reasons, but for the most part I’ve been uncomfortably (haha) open. When I feel that there is just too much going on and things that are just a bit too personal, I tend to – well, disappear. It might be my way of forcing some distance between me and my job. It’s an occupational hazard: remaining close enough for connection but distant enough for sanity. Some of you get what I’m talking about.

So with all that said, I’m still at a loss with how much to say and how much to keep close. What I know I can share is that this semester was by far the hardest semester I’ve ever dealt with. On top of that, I’ve gone through a very disappointing dissolving of a friendship that was completely unavoidable but nonetheless a heart break – especially after just now being able to breathe through a broken relationship almost exactly a year ago. ON top of the losses I’ve experienced, I’ve also experienced great beginnings of friendships. Not replacements to the losses, but definite blessings just when I needed them. I’ve recently experienced the joys of ‘cleansing’ and yeah, I’m still exercising – even planning on starting a running program once school ends. So yes – definite beginnings. But as I said earlier, I’ve also gone through one of the most difficult semesters of my life. I have to retake a math class I started because I just got so behind I wasn’t able to dig my way out of the hole. I’ve just about gotten to the point where I can not feel so ashamed about it, but failing/not completing things really breaks my heart. I really love school and love to learn. I love understanding how my brain works, but along with that I always have a struggle fitting into what the school system wants to pass off as education and teaching. I did manage to get high grades in both my upper level English and Anthropology class and am expecting to get high B’s (really I’m expecting to get A’s but I don’t want to jinx myself!) in both subjects.

I don’t know what this summer holds. I’m still trying to recover from this last semester. I will be thinking seriously about what will become of my life here on NF. I don’t know if I’ll venture into the “real” world and work or if I can somehow revamp my life here and make it fit into the kind of person I’m becoming. What I do know is that I have to do what feels right – and not something I feel I’m ‘suppose” to do because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. What I can promise is that I’ll keep you all abreast (I love that word!) as to what I’m going to do. You have all been so good to me over the years – and I consider many of you friends of mine who have supported me in my school work and my life’s goals with books, income, laughter, listening ears, etc. But this is not going to be that kind of a post. I’m not saying goodbye. I’m not even really saying “hello” – I’m just popping in to let you all know that I’m still here. I’m still thinking of many of you – and I’m trying my best to be on every now and then in between life that always has gotten in the way of my pleasure (haha).

Have a great weekend. I’ll check in later on tonight – and will probably be around tomorrow morning and evening for any of you wishing to work off your Memorial Day binges. Hugs and many kisses.

Seriously. You never know when I will update my blog.

So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin. Which we all should know (by now) is a dangerous spot for me to be. I have had so much to write about lately, but honestly, have so little time to get into everything. You’ve heard it all before and I only really have a few minutes to make this short update – so let’s not waste any time.

I am still working on niteflirt. My hours right now are bizarro on account of this thing called school. And another thing called homework. I get so wrapped up in getting everything done, and we all know about my attention span (oh – wait – look at that chicken!). I am so afraid of multi tasking when it comes to homework and calls that I just don’t log in at all. I’ve tried scheduling. I’ve tried the 12 step program. I’ve tried prayer. I’ve tried …well you name it. With niteflirt’s schedule thingee not working that compounds things. And there is either “available” or “not”. Even alert me of calls would improve things slightly.

So then months go by. And I find myself only logging in (barely) on the weekends. And then letters begin (well not letters really – lol – but some notes of concern) and then I find myself in this familiar spot. That spot between do I make promises that I may not keep – or do I beg for forgiveness and hope I haven’t been replaced by some other equally adorable blonde brace face ‘teen’.

So just keep checking my tweet updates on the side over there >> and see if and when I’ll log in. I’ll try to at least keep that updated. I will let you know that I have been logging in more early mornings and later evenings for the past week. Mmmhm. It’s true. AND also I happen to be on spring break all this week. I susually find myself lgoging in later during the week because of spin classes. So for my early evening guys (Hi Michael ) I will try to get home at a time that still works out for you.

Enough of that. It makes me uncomfortable trying to keep up any sort of schedule with my track record. It’s time to do and not say I’ll do. Correct?

School is going fine. I am taking 3 classes this semester (math, anthropology and english 102) and that has proven to be a big huge fat challenge. I am still taking calls, though most of my customers now have caught on to the whole schedule in time and prearrange time with me thing. Yeah. Send me a note and I’ll explain how you can take advantage of that technique, too. I am still spinning away 3-4 times a week and practicing my pull ups. I can now successfully do one full pull up with out any assistance. I’m trying to work my way up to 5. Seriously. Upper body strength for girls isn’t a joke! I’ve discovered a few fetishes I’m lucky enough to share with 2 very special people and I’ve made peace with some of the kinkier sides of me. I’ve partly forgiven niteflirt and I’m trying to get my business back in line and I’m also writing A LOT. I wrote for our school publication and am waiting to hear back from them. If they like my stuff I’ll be published and will get the chance to read my stuff out loud. Um – yeah. It’s nothing like the stuff I write for you guys. Don’t get too excited. But it is writing. And I will consider it an honor to be selected. I’ve been really working on my writing lately. I think that there is a chance that I could really make something of myself with this writing stuff. Who knew. I know, I know. You all did.

Ok. I have to run. Spin class starts, I have to come home and do some math homework and then log in by 9:00PM. So look for me. And if you send me a message at 9:00PM and I’m not available (that means not on at all – not just ‘busy’ on another call) send me a message and I’ll send you a small gift for the inconvenience. Mmhm. Now we’re talking!

I don’t blame you if you don’t. Yes, it’s me, CeCe, signing in after MANY months. And though I know it would entertain you to hear all the excuses I could muster up, I’m just gonna stick with the boring details: I was knee deep in Algebra. yup. I was in math hell for many months and just as soon as I could get my head above water, that’s when the bridge would break and I’d be over my head in mathematical problems all over again. I was barely logged in, and when I was I was often times distracted or called away from business to tackle yet another ruthless word problem. This is the time that you should all start playing violins for me. Thank you.

So now I have a month off from school and I have ever intention of catching up on some things around here. Things are starting (finally) to look up around here, and I am proud to have not given in to the panic that surrounded me. I guess the paid mails are even working fine as of late. See? Patience IS a virtue!

Some of you remembered my birthday and thank you, but I’ve stopped celebrating them. If you call me, you’ll notice that I’m 19 again. I figure it’s a good year, and that way no one has to wonder why a 20 somethin’ year old is still going under “teenwetdream”. It will be our little secret. I still have my braces on, so as far as I’m concerned, I still look like a teen, and well, I’m still fighting to keep myself well with in your dreams. Yeah, I’m still corny.

So this is really just a quick update. If I make it too long it will be another 2 months before I post it. It is Monday, the 28th of December, and I will be logging in around 8:00PM this evening (that’s California Pacific time) and staying logged in until I can’t keep my eyes open. You should call me and say hi, if you haven’t had the chance. I definitely look forward to reconnecting with some of you AND meeting new and kinky/interesting men, too! Thank you for your patience these past few months, not only with niteflirt’s issues, but with my school schedule and stuff. I’m back. I promise.

Even though I knew that I was going on vacation, I still did not have the time to adequately prepare myself to leave! I had a list of all kinds of things I would do: blog, write emails to some of my clients letting them know when I would return, putting up a few recorded stories I had done to keep you all occupied while I was away, etc. etc. But as the day approached, I found more and more things to do that had to do with being gone for 8 days. Things like – finding a pet sitter for Jack, and packing enough clothes for unpredictable MN weather, and trying to finish my English class assignments. Things were piling up on me and I ran out of time to do the few things I thought of doing here on this blog. So please forgive me. Life just got a bit too full for me.

But I’m back now. Well rested – and starting a new fall semester of college! I am so excited! I have a Journalism class I’ll be taking, and I’m taking a foreign language because some of the colleges I want to transfer to require it, and then I’m taking Algebra. I will definitely be taking a math class every semester for the next year and then hopefully I will have enough math to fill my requirement. I’m hoping. So now that my fall semester is figured out, I have the following weeks to spend with you, doing all those things I promised I’d do, but ran out of time. I won’t list them all here as I don’t currently trust myself to complete them yet. I use to really love writing lists – long lists – of about 100 things I wanted to do and then post them here for the world to see. But failing at completing the list became a bit much. It’s kinda like setting yourself up to fail a little bit. I have a tentative list right here beside me of the things I’d like to do today. I’ll let you know how I do at the end of the day, how about that.

FOr now – one of the things I’m completing is – writing in this blog. I’ve neglected it for a bit, and I also lost a little direction in regards to what I wanted to write about. I’m forever doubting what I’m doing here on this blog — I need to just quit it already and resign myself to the fact that I am a writer – and my blogs are going to be a bit different than the blogs that other girls do. I’m introspective and touchy feel-y and I rarely talk about things that include the words pussy, cock, and cum. I figure *for me* that it’s just a cheap way to go. I’d rather work a bit more at my entries – and leave the easier playful things for our calls – if that’s what you want. Or a recording. Or a story. This blog is my little “get to know me more intimately” measure. I dunno. It’s not as confusing as it needs to be though – so I’m going to stop making an issue of it. We all know how I write by now … so … um … get over it and move on. So yeah – I was saying – I’m writing in my blog! (checks it off her list) Yay, CeCe! I know. You’re waiting for it, aren’t you? the promises to write more. The something that I put in writing that you can remind me of when I fail to do once again (haha). It’s not going to happen. This is the new CeCe. I have a goal in mind – I’ll let you know when I’ve reached it.

So I was on vacation. I was on vacation that I hadn’t even really planned on. I knew I was going, but I hadn’t made “a plan” – I just knew it had to happen so I packed and I went for it. And you know, I’m glad I didn’t plan for it. Of course, it would have been better if I would have had a bit more money saved up for the thing, and it would have been MUCH better had I made arrangements to let everyone here know I was going, etc. etc. but one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that the more I think about doing something, the less I do it. I just have to DO it and stop making plans to do it or writing lists to do it and blah blah blah. Sometimes my fixating on certain aspects makes me less active in actually doing the thing. Like Nike, right? So I just did vacation. I went to MN to visit my family I haven’t seen in a long time, and I basked in the sunshine and absorbed the green that only MN can give you. I know there are “green” places all over – but MN has a kind of lush green that no other place has. When you’re in Minnesota, you can practically hear the color green. You can taste the color green. Green sinks into your soul and makes everything mellow and safe and almost dream like. Had it not been for my assignments I still needed to get in, I would have risked being eaten alive by mosquitos and just rowed out into the middle of the lake with a great book and napped and read, dreaming of a few of you taking shifts to sit next to me for a bit and feed me grapes and cheddar cheese or something. !

When I lived in Minnesota, I thought that California was the greener side of the fence. When I moved to California, I did not notice, at first, the sprinklers working over time because rain doesn’t love California the way it loves Minnesota. I trained my tongue to flirt over my o’s and adopted a sort of “tv valley girl” speech – something more sophisticated than the mid west lilt I grew up with. I forced myself to think of myself as a city girl, pretended that skim milk was better than whole and that spending 100 bucks on a dress was sensible, even when a pretty one from old navy would do just fine. I taught myself to look at the yellow brown green and identify it with summer, trained my nose to take in the ocean as a suitable substitute for ten thousand lakes, said soda instead of pop. But ya know what? Flying into MN at 6:00 in the morning with barely enough sunlight to make out the squares of farms and the ink blots of lake after lake after lake can’t hide the green from your eyes. The green rises up to meet you. Beckons you to come in for a landing. Paves the way to pastures overflowing with life that will melt on your tongue. Minnesota is that greener side of the fence. I’m sure of it.

So I’m thinking…I’d like to be that “greener side of the fence” for you. I’d like to be that one thing that fills up your senses, makes you know you’re undoubtedly talking to CeCe. I’d like to be the one who rains down on you just a little bit more frequently and is just a bit more taste-y, a bit more wholesome, a bit more fresh than anything else you’ve experienced. If I can do that during a call or two, I will be happy. You can have that one impromptu vacation day contained in how ever many minutes you have. Escape. Play. Dream with me. You’ll be glad you did!

Driving to the location of the castle took far less time than I had anticipated. Carrying only my book bag and computer bag (I would go back to my car to pick up my overnight bag) I walked towards the door where the doorman eagerly opened up the door for me. I couldn’t help the smile that came over my face. I know in NYC doormen are common – but in Los Angeles, or at least where I hang out, doormen are as common as carpoolers. I walked through the door, laughing at the automatic doors that slid open grandly. If you listened closely you could hear Bach’s Fugue playing in the background. Teasing. But it was dramatic. To the front desk I announced who I was – a few clicks of the computer and the studious, business face turned into a welcoming host. “Miss CeCe” he said smiling, and “Welcome…” With the key in my hand I walked to the elevators, growing a bit dizzy from the carpet pattern, slight cigar smoke drifting through the halls from the patio across from the bar, and pure excitement.

“Are you going up?” A kind older gentleman asked me from a elevator.

“Sure!” I said – lightly jogging to the doors, my computer bag thumping gently against my thighs.

“Floor?”

“Um – 5th, please.”

He pushed the button next to his 4 and the doors gently closed. I didn’t know what kind of room would greet me when I stepped off the elevator. Holding my card that would be the key I walked towards my room and stuck the card in the little slot. A red light blinked back at me and I jiggled the handle of the door. Turning the card over I tried again. Several times I wiggled and jiggled that card in the slot before finally glancing again at the door number. Walking down the corridor I tried again. Green light. Entrance was granted. Hopefully I didn’t freak out the person in the other room too badly. I hurried through the door of my room just in case.

(Read on …)