I have so much to write about and nothing wants to come out. Or I won’t let it come out. Or something. I don’t know.

I feel that if I write anything right now it will truly be on some cryptic level, and there is nothing wrong with cryptic except everyone will wonder what exactly I’m talking about and it will seem like some juvenile cry for attention. Girls know what I am referring to. It’s that completely aggravating way some girls have of showing you they are distraught - the tears and sniffles and catches in their voice, but when you ask them what is wrong they look at you sideways and say so unconvincingly, “Nothing…” God - I wanna slap girls like that. Hard. I have no desire to be one of those cryptic losers - and yet I have nothing else inside of me that is fighting to get out right now except for that. And I can’t write a letter about it. I’ve done that. I can’t even vent to people about it because the people who I can vent to have already told me, in no uncertain terms, that I would be best to just let this all go and be happy.

And I am happy, by the way. Really happy. I have started school again, I am still smoke-free, I am so incredibly healthy and full of energy because of my pact to walk 10K miles every day (and yup - I did it! I actually averaged 11K steps last week. Go me!) and eat healthy, balanced, non processed meals. It’s a wonder how much better I feel after having started this new way of living. I also have been reading quite a few books about being present and living in the now which is a fancy way of saying don’t have regrets. All in all my life is going pretty damn good. I could complain, but what would be the point? Not to mention, I’m learning this year that nothing is perfect. You can never have a day that doesn’t hold some challenges - and life is all about how you deal with those challenges, those things that come up unexpectedly that threaten to steer you off course.

But I have a twinge of unhappiness. A lot of disappointment, actually. And I’m trying my best to figure out how to deal appropriately with it. I want to give myself permission to feel it, but I don’t want it to turn into bitterness and hatred as those things surprisingly do nothing to the person who you’re disappointed in - and do everything negative to you: tearing your insides up, keeping you up at night, giving you something to worry about, etc.

So that’s where I’m at on a personal level. Just thought I’d share.

In other news, Happy Birthday to Chris! I checked your comment to me and then looked back at my feedback and sure enough, there you were celebrating your birthday with me even back then. I’m happy to be one of your traditions. Have a very very happy birthday and good luck with that other thing that we were talking about. I’m sure you will have a lovely time (or else she’s a fool!)

I’m going to close up shop and head off to bed to write a bit of my story for writing group tomorrow. I will be on late tomorrow evening, but will do my best to log in a little bit before I leave for class. I have a lot of things to squeeze in before I leave for group, and it’s just nearing 3:00AM here now. Forgive me if I can’t log on any earlier than 11:30PM (or so). I’ll post a bit more about my schedule this weekend later today. Stay tuned.

Talk soon!

**Quick edit in regards to Saturday Schedule. Sorry - some unforeseen circumstances have occurred, causing my Saturday Evening Schedule to be delayed slightly. I will be logging in to work at 9:30PM. Talk soon!! **

Yeah. I completely noticed. A month and then some later, CeCe decides to post. If I had problems not knowing where to start/having too much to say and not being able to organize myself after a week, imagine how I must feel after a whole month!

Ricockulus.

So let me just start off with a schedule update for this weekend. Just in case anyone still comes by my blog to see what I’m up to! Hey, even though I haven’t blogged in like forever I still am logging in and taking calls on NF. For the past week or so I have been working late late late evening early morning hours. You know, those hours when the sun is barely waking up and everything is still and quiet and most of you are running in to take your morning showers and deal with your morning…

The good news is that I will be honestly changing my schedule yet again to something that is stable. School starts this upcoming week (I know. I’m sad about, too) and I will be taking some evening courses this semester. I’m more awake in the afternoons and I thought it would be better for me to attend classes when I’m alert and awake. I know, I’m amazed at my brilliance, too! So I will be having some late evening hours, but also will be changing things up and offering some late morning/afternoon hours, too. Look for the updated schedule announcement later on this weekend/beginning of the week. Oh, and for all you potential tutors out there, I’m taking Geography (I took a social Geography class that does not count for the science I need. *sigh*), Algebra, and a nice little class called English Composition II. Yeah baby! Taking applications for Algebra tutors now.

So back to the schedule update:

Well, it’s Monday and I will be working this evening. I’m actually done with everything that I need to do on the walking/eating/exercising/Jackson side of things and am free as a bird now. (I love planting music references in your brains…knowing that you’ll be singing that song all week and think fondly of me! *giggle* )

So - I’ll be working from 9:45pm (yeah the :45 is important here!!! lol!) and will be signing off around 2:00AM. Hopefully.

So I will talk with you then - and I may have somewhat of a post to write by that time, too. We’ll see.

Later, Gaters!

Ok all my loyal wet dreamers Hey - gotta use that somehow … that’s pretty catchy, right?

anyhowwww - this is CeCe signing in for the evening. Except I’m not actually signing in. I’m going to go take a shower having walked a few miles, went to the gym AND had dinner with a great friend. I’m somewhat sore - sweaty - and a little in need of some tender lovin care. Hopefully all the great sweet gentle men with nice strong hands will be around to give my body the tender lovin care it deserves. *grin*

I’ll be fine, sweeties! No massage needed - just a little bit of forgiveness for making you wait another 45 minutes for my arrival. I will be here all ready for you at 10:45. That leaves me a little under 42 minutes - so I best be running/limping to the shower.

Talk soon.

Yes. I am late. I of course don’t have any excuses really - I did one more thing - which led to ONE more thing - which then led to one more thing and pretty soon - it was no longer 5 more minutes before my shift started - it was 30 minutes AFTER it started. But I am here. And it is earlier than the 12 o’clock starts I’ve been fond of lately. Maybe tomorrow … nah. Sorry. LOL! I’ll probably be logging in around 10 tomorrow evening. I have a date (work out then dinner) with a few friends tomorrow evening. They have actual “real” jobs - so I have to go when they get off of work. Blame them. Wow - I’m really into the blame thing lately, aren’t I?

So … I’m about to start my entry that has been about 2 weeks coming. It’s about to happen. I’m sitting here right now - and it’s all coming together in my brain as I type. There are about 20 other things that are vying for my attention - but all those things can go to hell. I MAY get interrupted by a phone call but you shall never guess it as my prose will flow most eloquently with out so much of a hiccup. LOL!

See you in the next post…