It will be finals week on Tuesday. Luckily I should be done by Wednesday. It has been a very difficult semester for me. A lot of things have been going on and a lot of changes are happening in my life. What makes it difficult is that I have always been pretty forthcoming on the blog. Sure there are things (naturally) that I keep to myself for privacy reasons, but for the most part I’ve been uncomfortably (haha) open. When I feel that there is just too much going on and things that are just a bit too personal, I tend to – well, disappear. It might be my way of forcing some distance between me and my job. It’s an occupational hazard: remaining close enough for connection but distant enough for sanity. Some of you get what I’m talking about.

So with all that said, I’m still at a loss with how much to say and how much to keep close. What I know I can share is that this semester was by far the hardest semester I’ve ever dealt with. On top of that, I’ve gone through a very disappointing dissolving of a friendship that was completely unavoidable but nonetheless a heart break – especially after just now being able to breathe through a broken relationship almost exactly a year ago. ON top of the losses I’ve experienced, I’ve also experienced great beginnings of friendships. Not replacements to the losses, but definite blessings just when I needed them. I’ve recently experienced the joys of ‘cleansing’ and yeah, I’m still exercising – even planning on starting a running program once school ends. So yes – definite beginnings. But as I said earlier, I’ve also gone through one of the most difficult semesters of my life. I have to retake a math class I started because I just got so behind I wasn’t able to dig my way out of the hole. I’ve just about gotten to the point where I can not feel so ashamed about it, but failing/not completing things really breaks my heart. I really love school and love to learn. I love understanding how my brain works, but along with that I always have a struggle fitting into what the school system wants to pass off as education and teaching. I did manage to get high grades in both my upper level English and Anthropology class and am expecting to get high B’s (really I’m expecting to get A’s but I don’t want to jinx myself!) in both subjects.

I don’t know what this summer holds. I’m still trying to recover from this last semester. I will be thinking seriously about what will become of my life here on NF. I don’t know if I’ll venture into the “real” world and work or if I can somehow revamp my life here and make it fit into the kind of person I’m becoming. What I do know is that I have to do what feels right – and not something I feel I’m ‘suppose” to do because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. What I can promise is that I’ll keep you all abreast (I love that word!) as to what I’m going to do. You have all been so good to me over the years – and I consider many of you friends of mine who have supported me in my school work and my life’s goals with books, income, laughter, listening ears, etc. But this is not going to be that kind of a post. I’m not saying goodbye. I’m not even really saying “hello” – I’m just popping in to let you all know that I’m still here. I’m still thinking of many of you – and I’m trying my best to be on every now and then in between life that always has gotten in the way of my pleasure (haha).

Have a great weekend. I’ll check in later on tonight – and will probably be around tomorrow morning and evening for any of you wishing to work off your Memorial Day binges. Hugs and many kisses.

I have a major math test tomorrow – and 2 more chapters to “study” – so this really has to be just a quick note.

My spring break is officially over. I started off with a plan to do nothing but work and study, and that lasted for a bout a day. I did however manage to log in for at least 5 of the days (or maybe it was closer to 6?) and was able to talk to many of you who I haven’t had a chance to talk to in a long while. I thought that maybe after spring break I would be more able to determine a workable schedule for myself. What I learned during spring break is that my class load is so demanding this semester and unless I hold myself accountable to a set schedule to work/log in – it’s not going to happen. There is always going to be that paper I have to write, or the test I should study for or whatever. And I need to start giving myself set times to do the things I need to do every day. It’s difficult when you are like me and are use to shoving millions of things on your plate and then constantly juggling them , pretending the whole time that you have everything (crash!) under (crash!) control (shatter!).

So where was I before I decided to do sound affects? Oh yeah – holding myself to a set schedule.

I decided one day that I would play a sort of game with myself. I would say when I would log in – and then if I did not log in by that certain time and a caller (you) actually emailed me during the time I said I would be on but wasn’t, then I would reward that caller with a little incentive to call me back at a later date – with a free minute – or five – depending on the infraction. Pretty good, right?

So I did this the first time and had one lucky winner. The second time I logged in on time. I did this actually 3 days last week (once I thought of the brilliant idea!) and only one person came a looking during that time. Lucky him! So – it was pretty successful. Especially today. I was coming home from the gym when suddenly I stopped off at CVS in order to pick up a few things. Suddenly I looked at my watch. OH MY GOSH – 8:54! I said I would log in at 9:00PM. I ran out of the store (after paying for my items, of course!), into my car, and down the street. Tick tock tick tock. Arriving on my street I found the only parking space in front of the house was maybe 2 feet longer than my car. Yeah. I had to parallel park. And yes, I have a toyota. But come on – the space was barely bigger than my car. I lined up and prayed, pulling the wheel to the left (or was it to the right) and then back to the right, pulling forward a smidge – then back a touch and TAH DAH! Perfect parking job. No time to admire my handiwork, I ran into the house, grabbed my lap top, logged in at 9:01 – and ran to my room to get my phone. I was 1 minute late. And NO ONE emailed me at 9:00PM to get their incentive minute/s. Maybe you’ll catch me next time, boys.

So for those of you who do not understand what is going on (CeCe – all I want you to do is moan a little for me and tell me how to stroke my cock – who cares about all this other stuff, you may be saying) here is the scoop: I will twitter my plans for my schedule on the day that I plan on working. All you need to do is look to the right under the little heart and twitter/stalk me, and you will read my plans for the evening. I’ll probably say something like – will be logging in by 8:45PM. or – Look for me at 9:00PM PST, boys! Something like that. At whatever time I have specified you, dear sweet caller, will go to my NF page and see if I’m AVAILABLE. While you’re checking, how about a call. Seriously. Ok – you’re all jazzed for a call but wait. I’m no where to be found. I’m probably parallel parking! So you email me something like – “It’s 8:50. Where are you?” and then I reward you by giving you something for your troubles. Pretty clear, yes? I’ll make it clearer. No more of this “around 9:30 ish” stuff from me. It will be exact minutes. No more “at the latest”, either. I will only say when I’ll be logging in from this moment on. And if I’m not logged in you must email me (so I know you were actually paying attention) and tell me when you came looking for me – and when I said I’d be there. And then you can throw in some other things in the email like how much you miss me and hope my math test goes well and how sexy I look in my yellow bikini and stuff like that. Then wait for the note in your inbox with your present and my deepest heart felt apologies. I am not the kind of flirt that gives away minutes for feedback, or bait (to call me). I believe that my services are competitive (maybe a bit on the low side) and I feel that I’m already priced at a bargain, basically. I don’t need to give out minutes to my callers. They dont expect minutes from me, except on rare instances where I suck (lol – it happens) or I have a bad phone connection or some other quality control type issue. And I feel that this free minute idea falls in line with quality control. I promise to be here at a certain time. You may have other obligations or family stuff that only allows you to be here at a certain time. You make allowances to call me, and what a drag when you do all that only to find I’m not here, right? So I am attempting to make it worth it for you to check my availability, and also worth it to try again if you see I am not available for you. It’s in my best interest to keep my schedule, which will result in all of you being able to find me more regularly and well – it’s a win win situation. So once again – I will post my schedule for that day on my twitter (celinawetdreams if you wanna follow me). My twitter update will appear on the page under twitter updates (smiles) on the right … over THERE (pointing to the right). You can then go to my page to see if I’ve kept my word and logged in at the set time. If I haven’t – you must email me and tell me what time you were looking for me and what time I was suppose to be there. Watch your inbox for your surprise. Pretty simple, right? Keep in mind that all times I post are PST time.

Any questions?

I had something else to say, but it will take longer than a minute and I really must go back to my studying and phone calls. I’ll only be on for a bit longer, and then I have an appt (smiles) but may log back in. Watch my twitter.

Have a great week! Talk soon…

Seriously. You never know when I will update my blog.

So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin. Which we all should know (by now) is a dangerous spot for me to be. I have had so much to write about lately, but honestly, have so little time to get into everything. You’ve heard it all before and I only really have a few minutes to make this short update – so let’s not waste any time.

I am still working on niteflirt. My hours right now are bizarro on account of this thing called school. And another thing called homework. I get so wrapped up in getting everything done, and we all know about my attention span (oh – wait – look at that chicken!). I am so afraid of multi tasking when it comes to homework and calls that I just don’t log in at all. I’ve tried scheduling. I’ve tried the 12 step program. I’ve tried prayer. I’ve tried …well you name it. With niteflirt’s schedule thingee not working that compounds things. And there is either “available” or “not”. Even alert me of calls would improve things slightly.

So then months go by. And I find myself only logging in (barely) on the weekends. And then letters begin (well not letters really – lol – but some notes of concern) and then I find myself in this familiar spot. That spot between do I make promises that I may not keep – or do I beg for forgiveness and hope I haven’t been replaced by some other equally adorable blonde brace face ‘teen’.

So just keep checking my tweet updates on the side over there >> and see if and when I’ll log in. I’ll try to at least keep that updated. I will let you know that I have been logging in more early mornings and later evenings for the past week. Mmmhm. It’s true. AND also I happen to be on spring break all this week. I susually find myself lgoging in later during the week because of spin classes. So for my early evening guys (Hi Michael ) I will try to get home at a time that still works out for you.

Enough of that. It makes me uncomfortable trying to keep up any sort of schedule with my track record. It’s time to do and not say I’ll do. Correct?

School is going fine. I am taking 3 classes this semester (math, anthropology and english 102) and that has proven to be a big huge fat challenge. I am still taking calls, though most of my customers now have caught on to the whole schedule in time and prearrange time with me thing. Yeah. Send me a note and I’ll explain how you can take advantage of that technique, too. I am still spinning away 3-4 times a week and practicing my pull ups. I can now successfully do one full pull up with out any assistance. I’m trying to work my way up to 5. Seriously. Upper body strength for girls isn’t a joke! I’ve discovered a few fetishes I’m lucky enough to share with 2 very special people and I’ve made peace with some of the kinkier sides of me. I’ve partly forgiven niteflirt and I’m trying to get my business back in line and I’m also writing A LOT. I wrote for our school publication and am waiting to hear back from them. If they like my stuff I’ll be published and will get the chance to read my stuff out loud. Um – yeah. It’s nothing like the stuff I write for you guys. Don’t get too excited. But it is writing. And I will consider it an honor to be selected. I’ve been really working on my writing lately. I think that there is a chance that I could really make something of myself with this writing stuff. Who knew. I know, I know. You all did.

Ok. I have to run. Spin class starts, I have to come home and do some math homework and then log in by 9:00PM. So look for me. And if you send me a message at 9:00PM and I’m not available (that means not on at all – not just ‘busy’ on another call) send me a message and I’ll send you a small gift for the inconvenience. Mmhm. Now we’re talking!

I am finally done with finals. I had to take a day to just sleep and breathe in and out for it to sink in. I am still thinking that there is something I should be preparing for. I have summer school coming up, a trip to plan for…actually 2 trips to plan for, and a few house keeping things to keep me busy — but finals are finally done with. Over. Finite. Is that how you spell it?

Can I just be real for a bit?
Thanks.

Typically I would sit and think about where this post was going, and then tie it all up at the end in a nice little package. Sometimes I don’t even try to do this at the end, but like Jerry Springer during his “final thoughts” segment, everything seems to come to some nice finish at the end. I find myself compartmentalizing things, discarding things that don’t belong in the post, thinking that I’ll have time to write it all down later. I rarely remember what I was going to write before. So. Just bear with me. This is going to get a little hard to follow – and it will sound a little manic at times. I do have a point. I’ll try to focus in on it every now and then.

So now that I’m done with school I’ve realized a few things. Ok – not DONE with school, but done with another semester of school. #1: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have time for everything that I want to do in my life. This past week I’ve taken a road trip and done some protesting at several rallies about the state. Yup. I feel so… liberal. I realized when I was chanting and raising my home made banner in the air for all to see, that I really want to be more involved in things outside more. This is a really exciting time for us – no matter what “side” you happen to be on. And for a lot of youth (said like Vinny in My Cousin Vinny), this is our most exciting time yet. It’s our Civil Rights Movement, our Vietnam, Our John F Kennedy/Camelot, our whatever. There are so many issues right now for people — young people particularly — to get involved in, it seems a shame to NOT get involved more. So I’ve joined a few things, and am working on getting myself on the school newspaper so I can try my hand at being a journalist. At first I was on a mission simply to be involved in more things because schools look at things like that when applying for scholarships. Which I didn’t get the ONE that I tried out for at my school. Which really was a kick in the throat. Worse than a kick in the stomach if you can imagine. But as I started thinking of things that I wanted to be involved in (community organizations, volunteer programs, school sororities for 3.0 GPA students that is transferrable to 4 year schools) I realized that I really ENJOYED these things, too. It wasn’t just for show or to get money for school, you know? So I’m doing more things outside of attending classes and work and gym. Which is exciting. #2: I’m beginning to realize that I really have 2, I mean 3, jobs. The other day I got the bestest book in the whole world from a client/friend of mine. This book is the bible for writers. It gives tips on submitting stories and preparing manuscripts, and applying for scholarships, and all kinds of other useful items. I somehow think of myself as this writer, but I don’t give myself the time every day to do it. And though I’ve been talking about doing this for the past 2 years it seems (maybe more?!) I have come to the decision that this 6th month (already!) of 2009 I am going to start doing the things I know i need to do. Some of my friends in my writing group tell me that they pay themselves to write every day. They consider it a job – and put in 4-8 hours of writing non stop, even if it’s junk, they just keep writing. For 4-8 hours. And at the end of that 4-8 hours they clock out and go do whatever else they have to accomplish for the day. They even pay themselves, even if it’s a dollar an hour. They don’t let anything disturb them. While I don’t have 4 hours to do this. Or even 3 hours. I do have 2 hours a day to start with. Plus, I don’t think I can afford to pay myself for more than 2 hours! So from now on I’m thinking of my writing, school and niteflirt as jobs. And I’ll be doing at least 2 of them every day until whenever I can afford to do only one. The last thing I’ve realized is that one really has to make conscious decisions on what to do with the other part of their day. For example, sometimes I really enjoy veggie in front of the television. I tell myself that I deserve to do it because of X, Y, and/or Z. And I think that sometimes that’s just cool to do that. But I think that I have to be conscious of the many things I do that don’t contribute to my goals for Niteflirt, School, or Writing. And those little time wasters I have to figure out a way in which to eliminate or at least limit them in my life so I can have time for everything else I want to do.

Now that Spring Semester is over, I have a little bit more flexibility with my schedule. I don’t as of yet have my fall schedule. But I am planning on taking a few more classes next semester, too. At least one more class. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m currently on my Mac and it’s difficult for me to get in to make these changes – so I’m announcing my new summer hours, here. Keep in mind I do have a few vacation times coming up, but I will update you to those times as the dates get closer. I have customers that like late night hours, and some that like afternoon and early evenings. There are some days that I could log in during the mornings, and other days that … well, you get the point. I have tried my best to provide hours that fit into all of my customer’s schedules, so that at least once a week they are able to get in touch with me. If you don’t see a time that works with your needs, please feel free to drop me a line and I’ll do my best to accommodate you.

So this is exciting, yes? Little CeCe is growing up. And while that means I won’t be hanging around here as much as I use to, I do think it means that the times that I do hang around, I will be at my best for you. I will have great, new, and exciting things to share with you, I’ll have more time to write about them, and I’ll have a more active imagination and things to bring into our fantasies and role plays. Growth is always a good thing. *wiggles eyebrows up and down*

Hope to speak to you all soon. Thanks for hanging in there with me during Finals week and the week leading up to finals. I got an A in my math class (applause applause) and I don’t know what I got in my philosophy class yet. I’ll let you know when I find out. That is a whole other story though. Maybe I’ll write it up and password protect it. You can all write to me for the password if you’re curious. Just don’t want the stuff cluttering up my page. Seriously – the guy was a real… work of art. A real… pain in the ass. A real…good argument for birth control. It was THAT bad. 2 semesters in a row of great teachers. I can’t tell you how badly I am looking forward to being able to transfer the hell out of this school/college/hell.

Enough. Here’s my schedule for the next few months (subject to change during vacation times):

*****

Monday 12:00PM – 4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Tuesday 8:00PM – 12:00PM
Wednesday 12:00-4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Thursday 11:00AM – 3:00PM (times available for appts after 11:30PM)
Friday (Earlier times available by appt) 10:00PM – 2:00AM
Saturday 11:00AM (earlier if possible) – 2:00PM 10PM – 1:00AM
Sunday 6:00PM – 11:00PM

******

As you can see, I’m working quite a few hours during summer break. This time will be spent on the phone with you all, hopefully, but I will also use this time to do any maintenance work that needs to be done around my website, niteflirt pages (I see that there are some pages that still show me as a 19 year old… and while that fits with my name, it’s not exactly accurate, is it? ), uploading YTWD RADIO segments, doing custom orders for mp3′s and updating and creating new picture packages. Also, any correspondence will be done during these times FOR SURE. I may be able to respond to a few emails as they come up outside of these hours, too, but you can definitely count on me responding during these times specifically. What I will not be doing during these times: watching television, disciplining Jackson, washing dishes, eating or preparing my meals, talking to family members, driving…you get the picture. This is so that you and I have time just for us, and you never get the feeling that you’re interrupting a good movie or anything like that. If I have things that I need to do, then I will definitely log off and do them, but hopefully I’ve made a schedule that will enable me to take care of business before pleasure. Let’s see how this works out and reevaluate at the end of a week or two, yes?

I will be logged in this evening for another hour, and then I will be heading on to bed. Tomorrow I’ll follow the schedule as posted: 12-4:00PM, then 10PM – Midnight. I have an appointment at 5:00PM tomorrow, so if I get an especially long call at 3:30PM, I’ll gently remind you that I’ll need to go at 4:30 if the call has continued. You may want to call me earlier in order to make sure we don’t run out of time.

Off to respond to a few emails and write up a few custom recording requests. Talk soon! and thanks again for hanging in there with me during the final hell week/s. We made it through, though! Finally!

So just a quick note to say – yeah, I’m still up. I’m writing a paper. I’m on page one. So I’m going to get back to that shortly. BUT – I couldn’t help but mention how blogging isn’t such a bad thing sometimes because it brings me that much closer to all of you. I have to talk about N. for a bit (I won’t use your whole name – don’t worry – and until I give you your own nickname – N. it is. ) So N. calls me up and tells me he’s been stalking me – waiting for a chance to talk to me. He shows me his CeCe collection that makes me blush. He has picture galleries, videos, and little voice samples – and direct quotes from my latest blog on sharing my bed. “have you kicked him off your bed yet?” he asks me during our conversation. It always takes me a second to realize that he’s actually talking about my journal and that this means that he has in fact read the whole bloody thing and remembered the important details. And then he tells me a few important details of his own. And so we talk about our pets – and then we have phone sex – and while he makes sure I’m going to be okay – we talk more about everything. Business and school and home and growing up and cats and dogs and mice and men. And then we have more phone sex. And before we leave we talk and cuddle some more. I feel fortunate that the “mundane” things that I feel I sometimes write about on here – are things that make me that much more endearing to all of you. I’m glad that you can get a glimpse into what type of person I am – and that you can use that glimpse to either wait for a time when we can talk, or move on to the less than mundane person down the block. I like that every now and then (more times than not!) I get a caller on the other end of the phone that has memorized the top 5 posts, knows the few who comment and doesn’t dare join in for fear of never leaving the comment section, and yeah, knows the name of my dog. I love that this freedom somehow lends itself to most of you having the freedom to share with me – your fantasies, your kinks, your plans for the day or a few laughs about …well, anything. So – yeah. Somebody’s watching me. I’m glad it’s you.

I’m not sure what this weekend is going to hold – but it is going to be an adventure. One of my callers (He is going to be called Edward Lewis – I just NOW decided. He’ll know why) treated me SPECIFICALLY to a night in a rather upscale hotel with the only conditions being… I must first have hot phone sex with him from the hotel. Movies. Room service. Sauna. Pool. An evening away from home. I invited a friend for a bit – and she will more than likely stay for a long time. She hates hearing people breathing when she sleeps (omg – I have the quirkiest friends!) so she won’t stay the night because I do happen to breathe when I sleep. If she does spend the night, am I wrong to worry about my safety? Anyway, I decided that when she leaves, it might be a great time for me to either catch up on my sleep and take a long hot bath or watch some tv naked on the bed…OR… I could share part of the great time with all of you and log in on Saturday night and have some loud don’t need to hold anything back lets get a little crazy phone sex on Niteflirt. What do you think? Yeah. I decided it was too good an opportunity to not share with you all. So – I’ll know better what the time frame will be but more than likely I’ll sign in sometime around midnight ready to play. Check out time is 10am, isn’t it Edward? If so I’ll probably work 3 hours … 4 if I am able to… and then I will fall into bed, happy, content, and relaxed. Of course I’ll be on sometime tomorrow, too. After first taking a nap as it appears to be one of those all nighters for me. Let’s finish this up.

I got another 100 percent on my Math test today. I got 49 out of 56, but my homework points boosted my 49 to a 56. *whew* See? Why was I so worried. Can I just say that 3 of the questions I got wrong were completely stupid mistakes. I’m not saying I’m stupid, Tiffers, I’m just saying that I made some really careless mistakes. I need to watch those errors. Even my professor was surprised when I got 2 wrong on the first page. “CeCe – you got two wrong on the first page?!?” He said. I took my medicine. I don’t know what happened. So that’s done with. Later today I’ll get my philosophy test back. I’m hoping for a B.

I did have another test that I took. 4 hours of testing to see about my spatial and processing and memory skills. All my test scores came back above average except for my reading comprehension, writing, verbal, spelling (yeah – I’m laughing over that one, too) and … one other one I can’t remember (remember … aha. That will be funny in a few more sentences), in those areas I was far above average into the “gifted” realm. Yeah. Tiffy was fuckin right. I am brilliant. My memory and processing … a little below average. So you see. If I happen to forget who you are the next time you call, it’s not that I wasn’t paying attention, it’s that my memory really isn’t good! Ha! I have a very GOOD excuse/reason. Nah – it goes hand in hand with A.D.D. Bottom line? The Psychologist said I should aim to go to school and get my Master’s degree if I want. That I’m very capable and that I should have no problems with being a successful student. Even my Math competency was above average. yeah. Me and math – who woulda thunk.

So things are beginning to fall into place as far as my plan is concerned. I found out that I probably need to take a foreign language – and most English majors take Spanish for some reason. It’s recommended by one of the schools I’m considering – so… I also have a few more science classes that I need to complete along with my Math courses. Looks like another year and a half AT LEAST – probably 2 years due to the math requirement needed to transfer. Of course, I may get into the school with out having completed all of my math – but before I get a degree I gotta have it somewhere. I’m okay with the time frame. Slow and steady wins the race. Right?

So – I think I’ve pretty much caught everyone up on my life – and sufficiently dwindled more time away from having to write this essay that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not even an essay, really, because if it was, I’d be done with it already. It’s more of some kind of report. I don’t know what the bleep it is. It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. haha!

Spin tomorrow morning, then class, then training in the late afternoon with the Nazi. Will log in when I’m awake – hopefully before Midnight. Email me before then if you need to. Oh wait – I have an appointment with my D. before then – and THEN training at the gym, nap, then log in. One day I’ll update that schedule of mine. Just remember how you can legally stalk me on twitter and I’ll try to update my niteflirt plans as they become clearer to me.

Talk soon – and thanks all – for the great chats/talks/emails. Mostly, thanks for keeping close watch. It feels good.