I am finally done with finals. I had to take a day to just sleep and breathe in and out for it to sink in. I am still thinking that there is something I should be preparing for. I have summer school coming up, a trip to plan for…actually 2 trips to plan for, and a few house keeping things to keep me busy — but finals are finally done with. Over. Finite. Is that how you spell it?

Can I just be real for a bit?
Thanks.

Typically I would sit and think about where this post was going, and then tie it all up at the end in a nice little package. Sometimes I don’t even try to do this at the end, but like Jerry Springer during his “final thoughts” segment, everything seems to come to some nice finish at the end. I find myself compartmentalizing things, discarding things that don’t belong in the post, thinking that I’ll have time to write it all down later. I rarely remember what I was going to write before. So. Just bear with me. This is going to get a little hard to follow - and it will sound a little manic at times. I do have a point. I’ll try to focus in on it every now and then.

So now that I’m done with school I’ve realized a few things. Ok - not DONE with school, but done with another semester of school. #1: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have time for everything that I want to do in my life. This past week I’ve taken a road trip and done some protesting at several rallies about the state. Yup. I feel so… liberal. I realized when I was chanting and raising my home made banner in the air for all to see, that I really want to be more involved in things outside more. This is a really exciting time for us - no matter what “side” you happen to be on. And for a lot of youth (said like Vinny in My Cousin Vinny), this is our most exciting time yet. It’s our Civil Rights Movement, our Vietnam, Our John F Kennedy/Camelot, our whatever. There are so many issues right now for people — young people particularly — to get involved in, it seems a shame to NOT get involved more. So I’ve joined a few things, and am working on getting myself on the school newspaper so I can try my hand at being a journalist. At first I was on a mission simply to be involved in more things because schools look at things like that when applying for scholarships. Which I didn’t get the ONE that I tried out for at my school. Which really was a kick in the throat. Worse than a kick in the stomach if you can imagine. But as I started thinking of things that I wanted to be involved in (community organizations, volunteer programs, school sororities for 3.0 GPA students that is transferrable to 4 year schools) I realized that I really ENJOYED these things, too. It wasn’t just for show or to get money for school, you know? So I’m doing more things outside of attending classes and work and gym. Which is exciting. #2: I’m beginning to realize that I really have 2, I mean 3, jobs. The other day I got the bestest book in the whole world from a client/friend of mine. This book is the bible for writers. It gives tips on submitting stories and preparing manuscripts, and applying for scholarships, and all kinds of other useful items. I somehow think of myself as this writer, but I don’t give myself the time every day to do it. And though I’ve been talking about doing this for the past 2 years it seems (maybe more?!) I have come to the decision that this 6th month (already!) of 2009 I am going to start doing the things I know i need to do. Some of my friends in my writing group tell me that they pay themselves to write every day. They consider it a job - and put in 4-8 hours of writing non stop, even if it’s junk, they just keep writing. For 4-8 hours. And at the end of that 4-8 hours they clock out and go do whatever else they have to accomplish for the day. They even pay themselves, even if it’s a dollar an hour. They don’t let anything disturb them. While I don’t have 4 hours to do this. Or even 3 hours. I do have 2 hours a day to start with. Plus, I don’t think I can afford to pay myself for more than 2 hours! So from now on I’m thinking of my writing, school and niteflirt as jobs. And I’ll be doing at least 2 of them every day until whenever I can afford to do only one. The last thing I’ve realized is that one really has to make conscious decisions on what to do with the other part of their day. For example, sometimes I really enjoy veggie in front of the television. I tell myself that I deserve to do it because of X, Y, and/or Z. And I think that sometimes that’s just cool to do that. But I think that I have to be conscious of the many things I do that don’t contribute to my goals for Niteflirt, School, or Writing. And those little time wasters I have to figure out a way in which to eliminate or at least limit them in my life so I can have time for everything else I want to do.

Now that Spring Semester is over, I have a little bit more flexibility with my schedule. I don’t as of yet have my fall schedule. But I am planning on taking a few more classes next semester, too. At least one more class. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m currently on my Mac and it’s difficult for me to get in to make these changes - so I’m announcing my new summer hours, here. Keep in mind I do have a few vacation times coming up, but I will update you to those times as the dates get closer. I have customers that like late night hours, and some that like afternoon and early evenings. There are some days that I could log in during the mornings, and other days that … well, you get the point. I have tried my best to provide hours that fit into all of my customer’s schedules, so that at least once a week they are able to get in touch with me. If you don’t see a time that works with your needs, please feel free to drop me a line and I’ll do my best to accommodate you.

So this is exciting, yes? Little CeCe is growing up. And while that means I won’t be hanging around here as much as I use to, I do think it means that the times that I do hang around, I will be at my best for you. I will have great, new, and exciting things to share with you, I’ll have more time to write about them, and I’ll have a more active imagination and things to bring into our fantasies and role plays. Growth is always a good thing. *wiggles eyebrows up and down*

Hope to speak to you all soon. Thanks for hanging in there with me during Finals week and the week leading up to finals. I got an A in my math class (applause applause) and I don’t know what I got in my philosophy class yet. I’ll let you know when I find out. That is a whole other story though. Maybe I’ll write it up and password protect it. You can all write to me for the password if you’re curious. Just don’t want the stuff cluttering up my page. Seriously - the guy was a real… work of art. A real… pain in the ass. A real…good argument for birth control. It was THAT bad. 2 semesters in a row of great teachers. I can’t tell you how badly I am looking forward to being able to transfer the hell out of this school/college/hell.

Enough. Here’s my schedule for the next few months (subject to change during vacation times):

*****

Monday 12:00PM - 4:00PM, 10:00PM - MIDNIGHT
Tuesday 8:00PM - 12:00PM
Wednesday 12:00-4:00PM, 10:00PM - MIDNIGHT
Thursday 11:00AM - 3:00PM (times available for appts after 11:30PM)
Friday (Earlier times available by appt) 10:00PM - 2:00AM
Saturday 11:00AM (earlier if possible) - 2:00PM 10PM - 1:00AM
Sunday 6:00PM - 11:00PM

******

As you can see, I’m working quite a few hours during summer break. This time will be spent on the phone with you all, hopefully, but I will also use this time to do any maintenance work that needs to be done around my website, niteflirt pages (I see that there are some pages that still show me as a 19 year old… and while that fits with my name, it’s not exactly accurate, is it? :)), uploading YTWD RADIO segments, doing custom orders for mp3’s and updating and creating new picture packages. Also, any correspondence will be done during these times FOR SURE. I may be able to respond to a few emails as they come up outside of these hours, too, but you can definitely count on me responding during these times specifically. What I will not be doing during these times: watching television, disciplining Jackson, washing dishes, eating or preparing my meals, talking to family members, driving…you get the picture. This is so that you and I have time just for us, and you never get the feeling that you’re interrupting a good movie or anything like that. If I have things that I need to do, then I will definitely log off and do them, but hopefully I’ve made a schedule that will enable me to take care of business before pleasure. Let’s see how this works out and reevaluate at the end of a week or two, yes?

I will be logged in this evening for another hour, and then I will be heading on to bed. Tomorrow I’ll follow the schedule as posted: 12-4:00PM, then 10PM - Midnight. I have an appointment at 5:00PM tomorrow, so if I get an especially long call at 3:30PM, I’ll gently remind you that I’ll need to go at 4:30 if the call has continued. You may want to call me earlier in order to make sure we don’t run out of time.

Off to respond to a few emails and write up a few custom recording requests. Talk soon! and thanks again for hanging in there with me during the final hell week/s. We made it through, though! Finally!

So just a quick note to say - yeah, I’m still up. I’m writing a paper. I’m on page one. So I’m going to get back to that shortly. BUT - I couldn’t help but mention how blogging isn’t such a bad thing sometimes because it brings me that much closer to all of you. I have to talk about N. for a bit (I won’t use your whole name - don’t worry - and until I give you your own nickname - N. it is. ) So N. calls me up and tells me he’s been stalking me - waiting for a chance to talk to me. He shows me his CeCe collection that makes me blush. He has picture galleries, videos, and little voice samples - and direct quotes from my latest blog on sharing my bed. “have you kicked him off your bed yet?” he asks me during our conversation. It always takes me a second to realize that he’s actually talking about my journal and that this means that he has in fact read the whole bloody thing and remembered the important details. And then he tells me a few important details of his own. And so we talk about our pets - and then we have phone sex - and while he makes sure I’m going to be okay - we talk more about everything. Business and school and home and growing up and cats and dogs and mice and men. And then we have more phone sex. And before we leave we talk and cuddle some more. I feel fortunate that the “mundane” things that I feel I sometimes write about on here - are things that make me that much more endearing to all of you. I’m glad that you can get a glimpse into what type of person I am - and that you can use that glimpse to either wait for a time when we can talk, or move on to the less than mundane person down the block. I like that every now and then (more times than not!) I get a caller on the other end of the phone that has memorized the top 5 posts, knows the few who comment and doesn’t dare join in for fear of never leaving the comment section, and yeah, knows the name of my dog. I love that this freedom somehow lends itself to most of you having the freedom to share with me - your fantasies, your kinks, your plans for the day or a few laughs about …well, anything. So - yeah. Somebody’s watching me. I’m glad it’s you.

I’m not sure what this weekend is going to hold - but it is going to be an adventure. One of my callers (He is going to be called Edward Lewis - I just NOW decided. He’ll know why) treated me SPECIFICALLY to a night in a rather upscale hotel with the only conditions being… I must first have hot phone sex with him from the hotel. Movies. Room service. Sauna. Pool. An evening away from home. I invited a friend for a bit - and she will more than likely stay for a long time. She hates hearing people breathing when she sleeps (omg - I have the quirkiest friends!) so she won’t stay the night because I do happen to breathe when I sleep. If she does spend the night, am I wrong to worry about my safety? Anyway, I decided that when she leaves, it might be a great time for me to either catch up on my sleep and take a long hot bath or watch some tv naked on the bed…OR… I could share part of the great time with all of you and log in on Saturday night and have some loud don’t need to hold anything back lets get a little crazy phone sex on Niteflirt. What do you think? Yeah. I decided it was too good an opportunity to not share with you all. So - I’ll know better what the time frame will be but more than likely I’ll sign in sometime around midnight ready to play. Check out time is 10am, isn’t it Edward? If so I’ll probably work 3 hours … 4 if I am able to… and then I will fall into bed, happy, content, and relaxed. Of course I’ll be on sometime tomorrow, too. After first taking a nap as it appears to be one of those all nighters for me. Let’s finish this up.

I got another 100 percent on my Math test today. I got 49 out of 56, but my homework points boosted my 49 to a 56. *whew* See? Why was I so worried. Can I just say that 3 of the questions I got wrong were completely stupid mistakes. I’m not saying I’m stupid, Tiffers, I’m just saying that I made some really careless mistakes. I need to watch those errors. Even my professor was surprised when I got 2 wrong on the first page. “CeCe - you got two wrong on the first page?!?” He said. I took my medicine. I don’t know what happened. So that’s done with. Later today I’ll get my philosophy test back. I’m hoping for a B.

I did have another test that I took. 4 hours of testing to see about my spatial and processing and memory skills. All my test scores came back above average except for my reading comprehension, writing, verbal, spelling (yeah - I’m laughing over that one, too) and … one other one I can’t remember (remember … aha. That will be funny in a few more sentences), in those areas I was far above average into the “gifted” realm. Yeah. Tiffy was fuckin right. I am brilliant. My memory and processing … a little below average. So you see. If I happen to forget who you are the next time you call, it’s not that I wasn’t paying attention, it’s that my memory really isn’t good! Ha! I have a very GOOD excuse/reason. Nah - it goes hand in hand with A.D.D. Bottom line? The Psychologist said I should aim to go to school and get my Master’s degree if I want. That I’m very capable and that I should have no problems with being a successful student. Even my Math competency was above average. yeah. Me and math - who woulda thunk.

So things are beginning to fall into place as far as my plan is concerned. I found out that I probably need to take a foreign language - and most English majors take Spanish for some reason. It’s recommended by one of the schools I’m considering - so… I also have a few more science classes that I need to complete along with my Math courses. Looks like another year and a half AT LEAST - probably 2 years due to the math requirement needed to transfer. Of course, I may get into the school with out having completed all of my math - but before I get a degree I gotta have it somewhere. I’m okay with the time frame. Slow and steady wins the race. Right?

So - I think I’ve pretty much caught everyone up on my life - and sufficiently dwindled more time away from having to write this essay that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not even an essay, really, because if it was, I’d be done with it already. It’s more of some kind of report. I don’t know what the bleep it is. It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. haha!

Spin tomorrow morning, then class, then training in the late afternoon with the Nazi. Will log in when I’m awake - hopefully before Midnight. Email me before then if you need to. Oh wait - I have an appointment with my D. before then - and THEN training at the gym, nap, then log in. One day I’ll update that schedule of mine. Just remember how you can legally stalk me on twitter and I’ll try to update my niteflirt plans as they become clearer to me.

Talk soon - and thanks all - for the great chats/talks/emails. Mostly, thanks for keeping close watch. It feels good.

Math has always been a bit difficult for me. I get to a certain place in math, and my anxiety takes over. So this year I’ve been really prepared, and go into class on hyper focus. I’m determined to get this math phobia behind me.

So determined am I, that I completely submerged myself in math this semester. I took my regular 5 credit math class, but in addition to that I also signed up for a Math Counseling Class to help me get rid of my math anxiety, and then signed up for a 2 credit class with a math tutor 3-4 hours every week. That’s just Math class. I do have other subjects I’m taking.

My Math Professor is really a great guy. He has this white, white beard and he wears these sandles that make him look like a cross between Jesus Christ himself and a hippy. He’s a gentle, sweet, kind older man who I immediately equate to a grandfather. He does math in his sleep, I think, and he’s always showing us shortcuts that make things even more difficult in the end, but I love him for trying.

My math class is filled with people who have math phobias, are unfamiliar with math, or just don’t give a flying fuck and feel that math is useless. I compete with the students who just don’t give a fuck every day it seems. They don’t even feign interest - they turn around in their chairs and start talking in outside voices (lol) and completely ignore our professor. I’ve played this type of musical chairs for 3 weeks now - attempting to find a spot in that classroom that will allow me to focus on what the teacher is saying. I have not been successful. Finally, I found a spot that seemed like it could work and settled in. For the first few days all was well - but towards the geometry portion of the math, the volume (and anxiety) started to rise. Exasperated, I finally turned around and said “Shhhh! Damn!!!!” to one girl in particular that was just out of control. Honestly. Talking and talking and getting louder as the teacher’s volume would rise. My sudden explosion seemed to work for minute, but then got louder as if to torment me further. I raised my hand - but by this time the professor had his back to the class and was too busy probably wishing he was anywhere but there. When the class finally dispersed the ring leader chick said to me, “Next time, don’t sit near us.” I said back to her with out pause, “Next time, don’t speak when the professor is speaking!” “Make me!” she countered with the maturity of a 5 year old. Stunned I stared back at her. “Stupid bitch…” she added as she practically ran out of the door.

I quickly told my grandfather hippy Jesus what the girl said to me, and he made a point to say something to the entire class the next day - but that didn’t seem to make me feel any better. And it may be the fact that I like to have people like me…a lot … but - I’ve been thinking to offer her an olive branch.

I’ve been on the other side of this equation. I’ve done things that make me not like myself at all. And I’ve secretly wished that someone would make it easy/easier for me to apologize - or make things right again. Feeling ashamed is really a shitty thing to feel. So I’ve been thinking honestly of just going over to her on Monday and saying that I’m sorry for “shhhhing” her like she was a child or something. I can honestly say I’m sorry for that. And I’d also like to tell her that I’d like to start over - and at least be amicable towards one another. Not that I need to be nice to her, but I think that she may need someone to be nice to her with out an invite, you know? I’d like to help her save face - at least with herself. Of course it could all backfire - but I’m prepared to shrug my shoulders, leave my branch on the desk in front of her (should she change her mind) and go on about my business. Dan says that that is sexy somehow. I think it’s just a little bit of a pay forward after a horribly difficult week. I don’t know if it will come back to me at all - but I’ll be able to sleep a little better knowing I took responsibility for my part of the problem. And from what I’m learning about math so far, understanding the problem and putting it into words that can be solved - is half the problem and in my professor’s eyes, worth at least half a point.

I’ll update later with my schedule. I’m on line for an hour and then I gotta try to get some rest. Will see you tomorrow….

I am SO sorry for my lack of updates. It’s been busy over here and honestly, if I make it to the gym and get my math homework done (did I mention I got yet another 100 percent on my latest math test? yup. I rule!) and somewhat manage to make sense of my philosophy reading (I can read stuff 10 times and still wonder what the fuck these guys are talking about. Once I figure it out I can pretty much condense it into a short paragraph. Wordy Muth******, weren’t they?!) I’m having a good day. I should add onto that a few twitters and a journal entry every now and again. I honestly didn’t believe so much time had gone by.

So even though I really need to dress and get ready to go to spin class this morning - and then later run to my philosophy class - I’m taking a minute to update this blog with a hefty dose of “I’m so sorry it’s been this long!” and a promise to expand on everything I throw out in the next paragraph later this evening if at all possible. (!!)

I’m in the middle of the biggest creative writing exercise ever. Actually 2. I need to write a letter to the dean of students in regards to a past issue, I also need to somehow wrap up the past 2 years of my life into some package that will hopefully read “I deserve this scholarship - aren’t I amazing?” Short of joining a church so I can put that down (and yeah - I’m not denying it’s hilarious that a PK *Pastor’s Kid* would need to JOIN A CHURCH - but once I got the chance to not go it’s been quite easy. *shrugs*) I’m doing a lot of things before the deadline next month. One of my professors agreed to write a letter for me (actually said, “Of Course I will, CeCe! I’d be happy to!!!”) and she’s the head of her department who also gave me 2 A’s in her courses - so that will go far, I believe. But - leadership ability? Extra Curricular activities? Thank God my last job gave me a little bit of something to put down - but like I said, it will be creative writing at it’s finest.

In addition to that - my parents are still in town, my uncle is driving me crazy, and I have a lot of homework to do every day that keeps me at school from about 7am - 2:00PM 2 days out of the week, and 10:00am - 3:00am the other two days out of the week (Friday I only have one 3 hour class…) Which has led me to this conclusion (perhaps a bit belated): School is a damn job. A job where your boss has decided to pay you in 4 years for the work you put in. I enjoy it - but it’s time consuming and another reason for my late post. Are you forgiving me yet?

The good news? I’ve managed to gain a few new customers - and more than a few new friends in the process (if that wasn’t a hallmark sentence… ) One of my special CF (Customer Friends) sent me the most beautiful music just now with a fantasy all written out for us to enjoy the next time we talk. I’m spoiled. Another special CF sent me MORE music with a much appreciated tip on the side for good measure. A new CF of mine also sent me a much appreciated tip the other day and then proceeded to … well… I won’t air his business all over my blog but - I’m thinking about you, Lincoln. And I hope that you are doing what needs to be done so you can do what needs to be done. LOL. How cryptic was that? I’m well aware that I have been neglecting quite a few of my not so new steady and true CF’s (Tiffy - I’m REALLY sorry about that thing that I did that I didn’t mean to do…) and my schedule has a lot to do with that. So… (looks at time - and types faster) I am going to actually be logged in this evening. Last week I made it at 9:00PM - This week I probably can do the same. I’ve been having this little bit of a problem that I could use your help with. That’s all I’m going to say. LOL. It doesn’t happen often - but the last few days have been quite the marathon for me so — “step right up” sounds pretty crass, but… Step Right Up. I’ll also be logged in on Saturday off and on throughout the day/evening. We’ll catch up and you can forgive me individually - one at a time, please. Repenting on my knees is one of those things that never gets old, wouldn’t you agree?

Talk Soon!

I had philosophy class today.  I’m not sure about my professor.  He tends to really dig the guy students in class.  By now everyone should know I have this insane need to please men in positions of authority.  The fact that my teacher prefers male students, to the point that he often asks them (and there are more men in philosophy class than women - interesting?) more questions and has discussions with them about their reactions to our readings while the women sit around and … I don’t know, look cute?  It’s unsettling.  And for me, the one in our family most likely to argue anything to the point of fossilized horse - never mind dead horse - I find my teacher not asking me questions infuriating. To say the least.  So Philosophy class is my favorite class, but I enjoy my math class more.  Yeah.  I said it. 

I enjoy discussing things.  My blog should be proof of that, right?  But I enjoy answers.  I enjoy knowing the answers and I enjoy showing the person who dares to argue with me the error of his/her ways.  In philosophy there is no clear answer.  It seems like it’s really about a bunch of people - pardon me - MEN - sitting around with long white beards talking themselves into circles and in the end?  Everyone ends up having the satisfaction of telling the other person that their arguments, though worthy, mean nothing and they will continue believing what they want to!  It’s even different than literature in my opinion.  In literature there is always (most often) the author or notes from the author so that you have an idea of the interpretation.  There is also some connection to something that you have gone through - some human experience that binds us to the book that we can hold onto.  But philosophy?  “Is there a God.”  Well - damn.  How long have we been debating this idea?  “Is there such a thing as free will?”  Well - damn- if you convince me that there isn’t,  I’ll be reconsidering my whole life! Is there such a thing as Universal Good and Bad?  Are there things universally speaking that are bad no matter if you live in the suburbs of Southern California or in a village in the middle of the rain forest?  When I leave philosophy - I’m left with a list of books that I want to read - but no answers whatsoever.  Do people get paid for this?  Thinking?  Wait - let me rephrase that… Do people get paid for thinking and never coming up with any answer just more questions?  And people had a problem with my career choice to one day be a novelist!  So in case any one has some spare time on their hands and wants to know what I’m reading and maybe pick up a book or two or dust off the books on your shelves and take out some writings by Aristotle, here is the list of books SO FAR for my philosophy class.  I have about 1/3 of them so far with no time to read any of them.  Well, except for The Language of God by Francis Collins.  That book is really a great read.  I have a few C.S. Lewis books that are pretty fascinating, too: Mere Christianity, and Surprised By Joy.  My father dropped Aristotle’s Of Man & The Universe in my lap the other day.  I read the first page 10 times before I understood what the first paragraph was saying.  Some of these philosophers pack so many thoughts into one sentence it makes my head swim.  I’d like to pick up a book by Luann Brizendine that my teacher recommended called The Female Brain - which is suppose to be a good introduction to neuroscience.  I’d also like to pick up some Plato - with cliff notes.  We were talking about the stages of death today and I remembered in one of my classes discussing Elisabeth Kubler Ross who wrote On Death and Dying. And there are many more, but those are the books that stand out.  So my point?  How does anyone ever get a degree out there?  There are so many things to read - so many things to discover - so many things to figure out!  And once you take one class don’t you want to take another class?  I mean - now I want to take a religion class so I can figure out if I want to continue half way practicing my little rituals that my religion calls me to do - or if I just wanna trade it in for some cooler religion/spiritual practice like Buddhism.  The more you learn - the more you want to learn, don’t you?  I do.  The more I hear about a particular philosopher, the more I want to read about the people who influenced him.  The more I want to read about what he thought was important and the books that helped shape him (or her) - the more I want to read everything.  And who has time for all that?  All my classes have this hope that I’ll drop my plans on being whatever I thought I was going to be before I entered their class - and most of the time I consider it for a half a minute.  And I’m aware that school is all about trying to figure things out - but there is so much to figure out and so much to learn and know.  And there are only so many hours in a day.  And some of those hours I have to spend with you (smiles) and the other hours I need to spend spinning (LOL!)

Enough of that!  There are some things I’m working on that should be revealed sometime on Sunday as I’m still on schedule. annnnnd… it’s officially the weekend!  And while I have studying to do - I also can (if I let myself) sleep in tomorrow and lounge about, play with toys and you whenever I (and you) feel like it.  Tonight (Friday) I will be available till at least midnight.  I’ll play it by ear and let ya know via twitter.  Tomorrow I plan on having a little bit of time logged in during the day/early afternoon if possible.  For sure I’ll be logging in on Saturday from 10:00PM (maybe earlier if I’m around…) until 1:00/2:00 am.  Sunday I’d like to work early as I have to be in bed by 10:00PM at least so I’m up and alert by 6:00 to go to my spin class at school.  I also have a list of things to do that will keep me quite busy this weekend, in addition to my math homework I need to complete and some reading I need to do in philosophy.  Don’t let my schedule for school scare you, though.  I’ll have plenty of time to play - and actually require it.  It keeps me sane and relieves tension to masturbate, didn’t you know? hehe.

Have a great weekend - stay of trouble (or call me if you can’t help yourself! )  and take a look at the moon when you can (and it’s visible).  It’s pretty beautiful and more than romantic.   Speak to you soon!