I don’t know if he likes me. He’s one of those guys (Engineer Major — doesn’t that say it all? Sorry to any of my callers who happen to be Engineer Majors. ) who doesn’t maintain eye contact for long. I don’t know what that’s about. He doesn’t really look at any one part of me; it’s not like he’s looking at my boobs or chin, or forehead or something. He kind of looks down at his paper. I don’t know why. Towards the end of our hour session (at $55.00/hr!) he started warming up a bit. He doesn’t seem to care that I have math anxiety, or that I have a learning disability (hey, I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth, damn it. Even if it’s the same disability that says I am gifted in other areas, and even though my disability didn’t stand in the way of me getting A’s in all the other math classes I decided to finish and not drop. But I digress…). He just teaches me these concepts in this dry but kind of interesting way, I suppose. I haven’t decided if I like him or not. I’ll wait until there’s a REALLY hard section that I can’t figure out, and I’ll see how he handles my tears of frustration when I can’t figure it out. That will be the REAL test. Oh, believe me, that time is fast approaching.

So today, so far, I’ve made it. I’m one day strong. 1/40. In case you were curious.

I noticed a few people tried to call me the last few days. I’ll be sending you all out a few vouchers for some minutes by tomorrow.

Gotta go and write before my group this evening. Yes, I’m going to group tonight. But I will log in this evening. Probably close to midnight so I’ll miss some of you early to bed-ers (Michael, Sarah Nanette) BUT – tomorrow evening will be an earlier one. As will Monday and Tuesday evenings. Creating a current schedule is on my list of things to do. Hey! No eye rolls. I’ve managed to blog 3 days in a row. Well, I blogged twice on one day, so I guess that’s not technically accurate. But it’s still impressive, yes? And entertaining? Talk soon!

I feel like I should be on a ship or something – commenting about the crew and the weather and potential issues with icebergs. What I meant to imply by the title, however, was that I’m experiencing something greater than a block and more the size of a large log. That weak attempt at a description can only make for a more convincing illustration of my problem. I simply can not write. All weekend long I couldn’t write. I worked a hell of a lot. I talked to most of you and did a pretty decent job. But writing? Didn’t write a lick. And I blame my teacher for it.

S.N. has heard all about this already and has given me some stellar advice. Which I might take eventually. Especially since my way of dealing with it went so well (end sarcasm). Basically what happened is that my Professor told me that I was brilliant and that a piece of my writing was the best piece of writing she had read in the 10 years of teaching. And then she said a whole bunch of other stuff – basically about my talent and that she hoped I was planning on being a poet/writer and blah blah blah. And then she assigned a poem. And it’s due on Thursday. And I haven’t written anything. Because I suck. Everything I write is coming out like the biggest lump of trite, sappy, cliche bullshit ever written. She said she’d take a look at whatever I had written today and yeah – I don’t have anything to show her. And what I could show her would really make me die of embarrassment. And instead of writing my way out of this block I just keep pissing and moaning about being called brilliant. Which is really all I ever wanted. Imagine wanting to do something so bad and only needing a word from someone whose opinion you value (is that who’s or whose? I fricken can never remember that rule for some reason. I think it’s whose, right? Cuz it’s not who is opinion – it’s whose….let me dictionary.com it.. yep – WHOSE). So you finally get that “yup – this is what you should do” word from a person who knows what the fuck she’s talking about … you – or I – should be relieved, right? Which basically brings me to the conclusion I’ve known for a long time: you really can’t satisfy me. I am unsatisfiable. insatiable. hard to please.

Ok – enough of that.

I’ll get over it. Pressure has always made me shine like a diamond – UGH – enough of the horrible cliched madness, CeCe!

In other news – I approached a guy in my writing class and practically begged him to let me be in his group. He told me that I was at the top of his list. That makes me happy because no one wants to throw themselves on someone who doesn’t want to be bothered and also – so incredibly happy that I’m on the top of someone’s list, too. Shit – I must have blown away some people during our first reading, huh? Sure wish I knew what the hell I wrote that was so impressive…

I actually have a funny story about every class I’m taking. But I have to save something for another day. Let me just say for now that my Poetry class is seriously hilarious to me. There is one girl in my class that will make her way into my novel as the obnoxious typical poet/writer wanna be girl. I just want to be careful because she just might surprise us all with an awesome poem on Thursday while my muddled mess will sound something like a beat up recycled Anne Sexton poem that will make everyone else want to slit their wrists.

More Later.

P.S. Sending out the minutes for missed calls this past week (or two) now. Also for feedback and generally putting up with my whining ass.

That’s all I got. A minute.

But I wanted to update everyone on the goings on of CeCe. I’m going to let you all in on a secret – but I am not looking for sympathy. Really. It’s just a heads up type of thing.

First week of classes kicked my ass. Turns out taking 5 classes (mostly literature) is pretty dang difficult. But REALLY fun. I mean REALLY fun. I’m having a wonderful time. Most of my classes are flowing into the other and I feel like I’m finally getting the whole college experience. There’s been several moments where I have been seriously ELATED to be learning. And I read some really incredible text – that was really difficult to read on a whole comprehension level, you know? And I aced my first quiz and could have written an A paper on everything I had read. I just “got” it. It all started to make sense. All the history and literature classes and PHILOSOPHY classes and Political Science classes – all those classes finally met at one point this semester and it’s like the planets all aligned. I don’t know if I’m making sense but it’s a great feeling to be able to use all this learnin’.

The result is – I’m still trying to figure out where study time goes and where play time goes. I figure it might be another week before I can put up a schedule. I know I haven’t had an up to date one since I was 18 (she says tongue in cheek).

This is what I’m going to do in the meantime: I’m going to log in when I get a chance. I don’t know how long I will last – but I will be sending you free minutes if I miss a call. and don’t go fibbing because I get a report of who calls and who doesn’t answer! So please don’t hesitate to call if you see me on. If I don’t answer I’m probably drooling on my pillow, in class and forgot to turn off my phone line, grabbing a quick bite to eat or something like that. Again – if I miss your call I WILL send you a couple of minutes for next time as an incentive to try me again the next time I’m on.

I got to lay down for a bit. This up at 7 and to bed at 2:00AM is beginning to take a toll on my eyes! But tomorrow today is my last day before the weekend so it’s going to be PARTY PLAY TIME at CeCe’s for sure, though!

Hope to talk/play soon!

I have been SO busy the past week. Finishing up with summer classes and getting prepared for a full load (of classes naughty boys!) in the Fall. I don’t know if I’m biting off more than I can chew or if I’m just eager to finish up but I’ll be taking 4 classes. One on line and the rest on campus. I am sure I’ll have tons of writing to do because 3 of the classes are literature classes. I’m a little bit nervous to tell you the truth, but I’m also really excited to spread my wings and fly in the areas I excel at. We’ll see how things go. I’ll keep you posted.

This is really just a quick little post in between things – I’m about to go to a meeting and before that I need to shower and change. My friend and I (who lives next door) have been increasing our exercise quite a bit. I want to walk a half marathon this winter and I’m trying to get prepared for that. We’re up to five miles right now so we have quite a bit of work to do! On the days we’re not training for our marathon we’re biking. I’m finally putting my pink bike to work – and with out the basket for Jackson. He has to wait until I’m finished with my ride before he gets one! We biked for 10 miles the other day and at first I was kind of laughing at how easy it was. But I ride a bike with no gears (it’s a pink cruiser) and there were quite a bit of hills along the way. I got home and I walked like I had been fucking all morning. Use your imagination to give you whatever visual works for you! My thighs are still a little sore today.

So I’ll be logging in after my meeting – probably will log in around 8:00PM – 8:30 at the latest. After my bike ride tomorrow I’ll be hanging out so I hope to speak with some of you then. I’m off and biking/walking by 7:00AM PST these days so I know I’ve missed quite few of my morning guys. I’ll try to make it up to you on the weekend!

Hope your summer is ending on a great note. Stay cool (or dry!) and try to stay out of trouble unless I’m on the phone!

Come dream with me … you’ll be glad you did!

I’m pretty sure that I went an entire month with out writing on my blog. An. Entire. Month. That’s just shocking. Seriously. I LOVE writing. I love writing so much that I’m intending on making a career of it. But yet I have not written in a simple blog for an entire month. Longer, actually. But no post whatsoever for the month of November. Which happened to be my birthday month even. But since I’m no longer getting older in the magic world we call “Niteflirt”, not calling attention to my birthday actually worked in my favor. Yup. I’m STILL barely legal and still just 18! Tah Dah!

I could write a post about that. But I won’t. Although at this point, I’m sure many of you are just happy to be reading anything I write about!

What I want to say is that I’m knee deep in finals week. Today will be my very first final. And if you all could just take a moment out of your day and say a little prayer for me (Dionne Warrick style) around 1:00PM PST, I’d appreciate it. I’ll be attempting to write 3 short essays in about 80 minutes for my English Literature class. Hopefully I’ll be successful, but I’m not good at writing under pressure (obviously).

All in all, this semester of school has gone extremely well. I’m sitting on a 100 percent right now in Math class. Yeah. 100 percent. Which means on every test I’ve done I’ve gotten 100 percent on. Can I say that any more times? Meanwhile in my upper level English class I’ve received a B on my last essay. Which really isn’t THAT surprising considering I suck at essays. Well, I don’t suck, they just aren’t my ‘thing’. I’ve really enjoyed this class though, and I’d love to nail the final and walk out of the class with an A. I deserve it. And then there’s the Anthropology class, that even with an excellent tutor (thank you Dr. Benway!) I’m still struggling with all the terms and stuff I’m forced to learn. Axis. Coccyx, Tarsus, Occipital, Gracile, Robust, Sternum, Calcaneus, phalanges, metatarsals, temporal, deciduous… seriously. It’s a damn 1 credit lab class and I feel like I’m in medical school. Haven’t been surrounded by that many skeletons and skulls in – well, forever, really. When I’m done cramming all of this information into my head I’ll impress you with some of the things I’ve learned (do you know why your clavicle is S shaped? I do. ). It really is fascinating, this human body. And I am really (despite my bitching and complaining) so excited to be in a position to learn all about so many different things. Going to school is by far one of the smartest things I’ve ever done and I’m so absolutely blessed and thankful to have a ‘job’ that allows me to continue my educational goals. That was what I would have written in November. A big huge Thank You to all of my clients and friends.
But yeah… I didn’t.

So I’m almost done. And then I’m going to take a little bit of a vacation. Twice. But more on that later. For now know that I’m thinking of all of you, and even though my schedule is a bit fucked at the moment, it should get a bit clearer in less than a week. I am still logging on during the evenings, and lately I’ve been staying on overnight. I can’t promise I’ll hear the phone ring at 3:00AM, but I have been getting up regularly around 5:30 thanks to my alarm clock (wink wink nudge nudge to you know who for being my alarm clock every morning practically!) I’ll update some things around here after Thursday’s last final and settle down long enough to put up a working schedule. At least. I hope.

Oh, and Manic Make up Monday became more of a Manic Finals Mayhem. I’ll postpone that until maybe next Monday. Or not. It’s Christmas time, maybe I’ll have every Monday in December be Make Up Monday! ahaha. Remind me to tell you all about my massive makeup collection. I make it seem all innocent and cute and in some little make up case with a zipper, but in reality my make up collection takes up more drawers than my t-shirt, panty, bra and sock drawers combined. Some people collect cars, dolls, coins, stamps, or bones (that’s a small nod to my Anthropology Professor who I think has a crush on me. She’s a girl. More on that later!). I collect lipstick, nail polish, eyeshadows, and other stuff. *shrugs* What can I say?

I can say bye. That’s what I can say. Gotta run and prepare for my final, and go to my prep for my math final that I can fail and still get an A in the class. It’s the small light at the end of a long tunnel – like many of you have been these past few weeks of cramming and studying and crying and moaning and screaming and … oh – wait – that was my last call. My bad. But in all seriousness, thanks for all you have done to make this semester a great one. You’ve kept me sane. I’ll make you proud.