Seriously. You never know when I will update my blog.

So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin. Which we all should know (by now) is a dangerous spot for me to be. I have had so much to write about lately, but honestly, have so little time to get into everything. You’ve heard it all before and I only really have a few minutes to make this short update – so let’s not waste any time.

I am still working on niteflirt. My hours right now are bizarro on account of this thing called school. And another thing called homework. I get so wrapped up in getting everything done, and we all know about my attention span (oh – wait – look at that chicken!). I am so afraid of multi tasking when it comes to homework and calls that I just don’t log in at all. I’ve tried scheduling. I’ve tried the 12 step program. I’ve tried prayer. I’ve tried …well you name it. With niteflirt’s schedule thingee not working that compounds things. And there is either “available” or “not”. Even alert me of calls would improve things slightly.

So then months go by. And I find myself only logging in (barely) on the weekends. And then letters begin (well not letters really – lol – but some notes of concern) and then I find myself in this familiar spot. That spot between do I make promises that I may not keep – or do I beg for forgiveness and hope I haven’t been replaced by some other equally adorable blonde brace face ‘teen’.

So just keep checking my tweet updates on the side over there >> and see if and when I’ll log in. I’ll try to at least keep that updated. I will let you know that I have been logging in more early mornings and later evenings for the past week. Mmmhm. It’s true. AND also I happen to be on spring break all this week. I susually find myself lgoging in later during the week because of spin classes. So for my early evening guys (Hi Michael ) I will try to get home at a time that still works out for you.

Enough of that. It makes me uncomfortable trying to keep up any sort of schedule with my track record. It’s time to do and not say I’ll do. Correct?

School is going fine. I am taking 3 classes this semester (math, anthropology and english 102) and that has proven to be a big huge fat challenge. I am still taking calls, though most of my customers now have caught on to the whole schedule in time and prearrange time with me thing. Yeah. Send me a note and I’ll explain how you can take advantage of that technique, too. I am still spinning away 3-4 times a week and practicing my pull ups. I can now successfully do one full pull up with out any assistance. I’m trying to work my way up to 5. Seriously. Upper body strength for girls isn’t a joke! I’ve discovered a few fetishes I’m lucky enough to share with 2 very special people and I’ve made peace with some of the kinkier sides of me. I’ve partly forgiven niteflirt and I’m trying to get my business back in line and I’m also writing A LOT. I wrote for our school publication and am waiting to hear back from them. If they like my stuff I’ll be published and will get the chance to read my stuff out loud. Um – yeah. It’s nothing like the stuff I write for you guys. Don’t get too excited. But it is writing. And I will consider it an honor to be selected. I’ve been really working on my writing lately. I think that there is a chance that I could really make something of myself with this writing stuff. Who knew. I know, I know. You all did.

Ok. I have to run. Spin class starts, I have to come home and do some math homework and then log in by 9:00PM. So look for me. And if you send me a message at 9:00PM and I’m not available (that means not on at all – not just ‘busy’ on another call) send me a message and I’ll send you a small gift for the inconvenience. Mmhm. Now we’re talking!

I am finally done with finals. I had to take a day to just sleep and breathe in and out for it to sink in. I am still thinking that there is something I should be preparing for. I have summer school coming up, a trip to plan for…actually 2 trips to plan for, and a few house keeping things to keep me busy — but finals are finally done with. Over. Finite. Is that how you spell it?

Can I just be real for a bit?
Thanks.

Typically I would sit and think about where this post was going, and then tie it all up at the end in a nice little package. Sometimes I don’t even try to do this at the end, but like Jerry Springer during his “final thoughts” segment, everything seems to come to some nice finish at the end. I find myself compartmentalizing things, discarding things that don’t belong in the post, thinking that I’ll have time to write it all down later. I rarely remember what I was going to write before. So. Just bear with me. This is going to get a little hard to follow – and it will sound a little manic at times. I do have a point. I’ll try to focus in on it every now and then.

So now that I’m done with school I’ve realized a few things. Ok – not DONE with school, but done with another semester of school. #1: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have time for everything that I want to do in my life. This past week I’ve taken a road trip and done some protesting at several rallies about the state. Yup. I feel so… liberal. I realized when I was chanting and raising my home made banner in the air for all to see, that I really want to be more involved in things outside more. This is a really exciting time for us – no matter what “side” you happen to be on. And for a lot of youth (said like Vinny in My Cousin Vinny), this is our most exciting time yet. It’s our Civil Rights Movement, our Vietnam, Our John F Kennedy/Camelot, our whatever. There are so many issues right now for people — young people particularly — to get involved in, it seems a shame to NOT get involved more. So I’ve joined a few things, and am working on getting myself on the school newspaper so I can try my hand at being a journalist. At first I was on a mission simply to be involved in more things because schools look at things like that when applying for scholarships. Which I didn’t get the ONE that I tried out for at my school. Which really was a kick in the throat. Worse than a kick in the stomach if you can imagine. But as I started thinking of things that I wanted to be involved in (community organizations, volunteer programs, school sororities for 3.0 GPA students that is transferrable to 4 year schools) I realized that I really ENJOYED these things, too. It wasn’t just for show or to get money for school, you know? So I’m doing more things outside of attending classes and work and gym. Which is exciting. #2: I’m beginning to realize that I really have 2, I mean 3, jobs. The other day I got the bestest book in the whole world from a client/friend of mine. This book is the bible for writers. It gives tips on submitting stories and preparing manuscripts, and applying for scholarships, and all kinds of other useful items. I somehow think of myself as this writer, but I don’t give myself the time every day to do it. And though I’ve been talking about doing this for the past 2 years it seems (maybe more?!) I have come to the decision that this 6th month (already!) of 2009 I am going to start doing the things I know i need to do. Some of my friends in my writing group tell me that they pay themselves to write every day. They consider it a job – and put in 4-8 hours of writing non stop, even if it’s junk, they just keep writing. For 4-8 hours. And at the end of that 4-8 hours they clock out and go do whatever else they have to accomplish for the day. They even pay themselves, even if it’s a dollar an hour. They don’t let anything disturb them. While I don’t have 4 hours to do this. Or even 3 hours. I do have 2 hours a day to start with. Plus, I don’t think I can afford to pay myself for more than 2 hours! So from now on I’m thinking of my writing, school and niteflirt as jobs. And I’ll be doing at least 2 of them every day until whenever I can afford to do only one. The last thing I’ve realized is that one really has to make conscious decisions on what to do with the other part of their day. For example, sometimes I really enjoy veggie in front of the television. I tell myself that I deserve to do it because of X, Y, and/or Z. And I think that sometimes that’s just cool to do that. But I think that I have to be conscious of the many things I do that don’t contribute to my goals for Niteflirt, School, or Writing. And those little time wasters I have to figure out a way in which to eliminate or at least limit them in my life so I can have time for everything else I want to do.

Now that Spring Semester is over, I have a little bit more flexibility with my schedule. I don’t as of yet have my fall schedule. But I am planning on taking a few more classes next semester, too. At least one more class. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m currently on my Mac and it’s difficult for me to get in to make these changes – so I’m announcing my new summer hours, here. Keep in mind I do have a few vacation times coming up, but I will update you to those times as the dates get closer. I have customers that like late night hours, and some that like afternoon and early evenings. There are some days that I could log in during the mornings, and other days that … well, you get the point. I have tried my best to provide hours that fit into all of my customer’s schedules, so that at least once a week they are able to get in touch with me. If you don’t see a time that works with your needs, please feel free to drop me a line and I’ll do my best to accommodate you.

So this is exciting, yes? Little CeCe is growing up. And while that means I won’t be hanging around here as much as I use to, I do think it means that the times that I do hang around, I will be at my best for you. I will have great, new, and exciting things to share with you, I’ll have more time to write about them, and I’ll have a more active imagination and things to bring into our fantasies and role plays. Growth is always a good thing. *wiggles eyebrows up and down*

Hope to speak to you all soon. Thanks for hanging in there with me during Finals week and the week leading up to finals. I got an A in my math class (applause applause) and I don’t know what I got in my philosophy class yet. I’ll let you know when I find out. That is a whole other story though. Maybe I’ll write it up and password protect it. You can all write to me for the password if you’re curious. Just don’t want the stuff cluttering up my page. Seriously – the guy was a real… work of art. A real… pain in the ass. A real…good argument for birth control. It was THAT bad. 2 semesters in a row of great teachers. I can’t tell you how badly I am looking forward to being able to transfer the hell out of this school/college/hell.

Enough. Here’s my schedule for the next few months (subject to change during vacation times):

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Monday 12:00PM – 4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Tuesday 8:00PM – 12:00PM
Wednesday 12:00-4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Thursday 11:00AM – 3:00PM (times available for appts after 11:30PM)
Friday (Earlier times available by appt) 10:00PM – 2:00AM
Saturday 11:00AM (earlier if possible) – 2:00PM 10PM – 1:00AM
Sunday 6:00PM – 11:00PM

******

As you can see, I’m working quite a few hours during summer break. This time will be spent on the phone with you all, hopefully, but I will also use this time to do any maintenance work that needs to be done around my website, niteflirt pages (I see that there are some pages that still show me as a 19 year old… and while that fits with my name, it’s not exactly accurate, is it? ), uploading YTWD RADIO segments, doing custom orders for mp3′s and updating and creating new picture packages. Also, any correspondence will be done during these times FOR SURE. I may be able to respond to a few emails as they come up outside of these hours, too, but you can definitely count on me responding during these times specifically. What I will not be doing during these times: watching television, disciplining Jackson, washing dishes, eating or preparing my meals, talking to family members, driving…you get the picture. This is so that you and I have time just for us, and you never get the feeling that you’re interrupting a good movie or anything like that. If I have things that I need to do, then I will definitely log off and do them, but hopefully I’ve made a schedule that will enable me to take care of business before pleasure. Let’s see how this works out and reevaluate at the end of a week or two, yes?

I will be logged in this evening for another hour, and then I will be heading on to bed. Tomorrow I’ll follow the schedule as posted: 12-4:00PM, then 10PM – Midnight. I have an appointment at 5:00PM tomorrow, so if I get an especially long call at 3:30PM, I’ll gently remind you that I’ll need to go at 4:30 if the call has continued. You may want to call me earlier in order to make sure we don’t run out of time.

Off to respond to a few emails and write up a few custom recording requests. Talk soon! and thanks again for hanging in there with me during the final hell week/s. We made it through, though! Finally!

So just a quick note to say – yeah, I’m still up. I’m writing a paper. I’m on page one. So I’m going to get back to that shortly. BUT – I couldn’t help but mention how blogging isn’t such a bad thing sometimes because it brings me that much closer to all of you. I have to talk about N. for a bit (I won’t use your whole name – don’t worry – and until I give you your own nickname – N. it is. ) So N. calls me up and tells me he’s been stalking me – waiting for a chance to talk to me. He shows me his CeCe collection that makes me blush. He has picture galleries, videos, and little voice samples – and direct quotes from my latest blog on sharing my bed. “have you kicked him off your bed yet?” he asks me during our conversation. It always takes me a second to realize that he’s actually talking about my journal and that this means that he has in fact read the whole bloody thing and remembered the important details. And then he tells me a few important details of his own. And so we talk about our pets – and then we have phone sex – and while he makes sure I’m going to be okay – we talk more about everything. Business and school and home and growing up and cats and dogs and mice and men. And then we have more phone sex. And before we leave we talk and cuddle some more. I feel fortunate that the “mundane” things that I feel I sometimes write about on here – are things that make me that much more endearing to all of you. I’m glad that you can get a glimpse into what type of person I am – and that you can use that glimpse to either wait for a time when we can talk, or move on to the less than mundane person down the block. I like that every now and then (more times than not!) I get a caller on the other end of the phone that has memorized the top 5 posts, knows the few who comment and doesn’t dare join in for fear of never leaving the comment section, and yeah, knows the name of my dog. I love that this freedom somehow lends itself to most of you having the freedom to share with me – your fantasies, your kinks, your plans for the day or a few laughs about …well, anything. So – yeah. Somebody’s watching me. I’m glad it’s you.

I’m not sure what this weekend is going to hold – but it is going to be an adventure. One of my callers (He is going to be called Edward Lewis – I just NOW decided. He’ll know why) treated me SPECIFICALLY to a night in a rather upscale hotel with the only conditions being… I must first have hot phone sex with him from the hotel. Movies. Room service. Sauna. Pool. An evening away from home. I invited a friend for a bit – and she will more than likely stay for a long time. She hates hearing people breathing when she sleeps (omg – I have the quirkiest friends!) so she won’t stay the night because I do happen to breathe when I sleep. If she does spend the night, am I wrong to worry about my safety? Anyway, I decided that when she leaves, it might be a great time for me to either catch up on my sleep and take a long hot bath or watch some tv naked on the bed…OR… I could share part of the great time with all of you and log in on Saturday night and have some loud don’t need to hold anything back lets get a little crazy phone sex on Niteflirt. What do you think? Yeah. I decided it was too good an opportunity to not share with you all. So – I’ll know better what the time frame will be but more than likely I’ll sign in sometime around midnight ready to play. Check out time is 10am, isn’t it Edward? If so I’ll probably work 3 hours … 4 if I am able to… and then I will fall into bed, happy, content, and relaxed. Of course I’ll be on sometime tomorrow, too. After first taking a nap as it appears to be one of those all nighters for me. Let’s finish this up.

I got another 100 percent on my Math test today. I got 49 out of 56, but my homework points boosted my 49 to a 56. *whew* See? Why was I so worried. Can I just say that 3 of the questions I got wrong were completely stupid mistakes. I’m not saying I’m stupid, Tiffers, I’m just saying that I made some really careless mistakes. I need to watch those errors. Even my professor was surprised when I got 2 wrong on the first page. “CeCe – you got two wrong on the first page?!?” He said. I took my medicine. I don’t know what happened. So that’s done with. Later today I’ll get my philosophy test back. I’m hoping for a B.

I did have another test that I took. 4 hours of testing to see about my spatial and processing and memory skills. All my test scores came back above average except for my reading comprehension, writing, verbal, spelling (yeah – I’m laughing over that one, too) and … one other one I can’t remember (remember … aha. That will be funny in a few more sentences), in those areas I was far above average into the “gifted” realm. Yeah. Tiffy was fuckin right. I am brilliant. My memory and processing … a little below average. So you see. If I happen to forget who you are the next time you call, it’s not that I wasn’t paying attention, it’s that my memory really isn’t good! Ha! I have a very GOOD excuse/reason. Nah – it goes hand in hand with A.D.D. Bottom line? The Psychologist said I should aim to go to school and get my Master’s degree if I want. That I’m very capable and that I should have no problems with being a successful student. Even my Math competency was above average. yeah. Me and math – who woulda thunk.

So things are beginning to fall into place as far as my plan is concerned. I found out that I probably need to take a foreign language – and most English majors take Spanish for some reason. It’s recommended by one of the schools I’m considering – so… I also have a few more science classes that I need to complete along with my Math courses. Looks like another year and a half AT LEAST – probably 2 years due to the math requirement needed to transfer. Of course, I may get into the school with out having completed all of my math – but before I get a degree I gotta have it somewhere. I’m okay with the time frame. Slow and steady wins the race. Right?

So – I think I’ve pretty much caught everyone up on my life – and sufficiently dwindled more time away from having to write this essay that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not even an essay, really, because if it was, I’d be done with it already. It’s more of some kind of report. I don’t know what the bleep it is. It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. haha!

Spin tomorrow morning, then class, then training in the late afternoon with the Nazi. Will log in when I’m awake – hopefully before Midnight. Email me before then if you need to. Oh wait – I have an appointment with my D. before then – and THEN training at the gym, nap, then log in. One day I’ll update that schedule of mine. Just remember how you can legally stalk me on twitter and I’ll try to update my niteflirt plans as they become clearer to me.

Talk soon – and thanks all – for the great chats/talks/emails. Mostly, thanks for keeping close watch. It feels good.

Math has always been a bit difficult for me. I get to a certain place in math, and my anxiety takes over. So this year I’ve been really prepared, and go into class on hyper focus. I’m determined to get this math phobia behind me.

So determined am I, that I completely submerged myself in math this semester. I took my regular 5 credit math class, but in addition to that I also signed up for a Math Counseling Class to help me get rid of my math anxiety, and then signed up for a 2 credit class with a math tutor 3-4 hours every week. That’s just Math class. I do have other subjects I’m taking.

My Math Professor is really a great guy. He has this white, white beard and he wears these sandles that make him look like a cross between Jesus Christ himself and a hippy. He’s a gentle, sweet, kind older man who I immediately equate to a grandfather. He does math in his sleep, I think, and he’s always showing us shortcuts that make things even more difficult in the end, but I love him for trying.

My math class is filled with people who have math phobias, are unfamiliar with math, or just don’t give a flying fuck and feel that math is useless. I compete with the students who just don’t give a fuck every day it seems. They don’t even feign interest – they turn around in their chairs and start talking in outside voices (lol) and completely ignore our professor. I’ve played this type of musical chairs for 3 weeks now – attempting to find a spot in that classroom that will allow me to focus on what the teacher is saying. I have not been successful. Finally, I found a spot that seemed like it could work and settled in. For the first few days all was well – but towards the geometry portion of the math, the volume (and anxiety) started to rise. Exasperated, I finally turned around and said “Shhhh! Damn!!!!” to one girl in particular that was just out of control. Honestly. Talking and talking and getting louder as the teacher’s volume would rise. My sudden explosion seemed to work for minute, but then got louder as if to torment me further. I raised my hand – but by this time the professor had his back to the class and was too busy probably wishing he was anywhere but there. When the class finally dispersed the ring leader chick said to me, “Next time, don’t sit near us.” I said back to her with out pause, “Next time, don’t speak when the professor is speaking!” “Make me!” she countered with the maturity of a 5 year old. Stunned I stared back at her. “Stupid bitch…” she added as she practically ran out of the door.

I quickly told my grandfather hippy Jesus what the girl said to me, and he made a point to say something to the entire class the next day – but that didn’t seem to make me feel any better. And it may be the fact that I like to have people like me…a lot … but – I’ve been thinking to offer her an olive branch.

I’ve been on the other side of this equation. I’ve done things that make me not like myself at all. And I’ve secretly wished that someone would make it easy/easier for me to apologize – or make things right again. Feeling ashamed is really a shitty thing to feel. So I’ve been thinking honestly of just going over to her on Monday and saying that I’m sorry for “shhhhing” her like she was a child or something. I can honestly say I’m sorry for that. And I’d also like to tell her that I’d like to start over – and at least be amicable towards one another. Not that I need to be nice to her, but I think that she may need someone to be nice to her with out an invite, you know? I’d like to help her save face – at least with herself. Of course it could all backfire – but I’m prepared to shrug my shoulders, leave my branch on the desk in front of her (should she change her mind) and go on about my business. Dan says that that is sexy somehow. I think it’s just a little bit of a pay forward after a horribly difficult week. I don’t know if it will come back to me at all – but I’ll be able to sleep a little better knowing I took responsibility for my part of the problem. And from what I’m learning about math so far, understanding the problem and putting it into words that can be solved – is half the problem and in my professor’s eyes, worth at least half a point.

I’ll update later with my schedule. I’m on line for an hour and then I gotta try to get some rest. Will see you tomorrow….

I am SO sorry for my lack of updates. It’s been busy over here and honestly, if I make it to the gym and get my math homework done (did I mention I got yet another 100 percent on my latest math test? yup. I rule!) and somewhat manage to make sense of my philosophy reading (I can read stuff 10 times and still wonder what the fuck these guys are talking about. Once I figure it out I can pretty much condense it into a short paragraph. Wordy Muth******, weren’t they?!) I’m having a good day. I should add onto that a few twitters and a journal entry every now and again. I honestly didn’t believe so much time had gone by.

So even though I really need to dress and get ready to go to spin class this morning – and then later run to my philosophy class – I’m taking a minute to update this blog with a hefty dose of “I’m so sorry it’s been this long!” and a promise to expand on everything I throw out in the next paragraph later this evening if at all possible. (!!)

I’m in the middle of the biggest creative writing exercise ever. Actually 2. I need to write a letter to the dean of students in regards to a past issue, I also need to somehow wrap up the past 2 years of my life into some package that will hopefully read “I deserve this scholarship – aren’t I amazing?” Short of joining a church so I can put that down (and yeah – I’m not denying it’s hilarious that a PK *Pastor’s Kid* would need to JOIN A CHURCH – but once I got the chance to not go it’s been quite easy. *shrugs*) I’m doing a lot of things before the deadline next month. One of my professors agreed to write a letter for me (actually said, “Of Course I will, CeCe! I’d be happy to!!!”) and she’s the head of her department who also gave me 2 A’s in her courses – so that will go far, I believe. But – leadership ability? Extra Curricular activities? Thank God my last job gave me a little bit of something to put down – but like I said, it will be creative writing at it’s finest.

In addition to that – my parents are still in town, my uncle is driving me crazy, and I have a lot of homework to do every day that keeps me at school from about 7am – 2:00PM 2 days out of the week, and 10:00am – 3:00am the other two days out of the week (Friday I only have one 3 hour class…) Which has led me to this conclusion (perhaps a bit belated): School is a damn job. A job where your boss has decided to pay you in 4 years for the work you put in. I enjoy it – but it’s time consuming and another reason for my late post. Are you forgiving me yet?

The good news? I’ve managed to gain a few new customers – and more than a few new friends in the process (if that wasn’t a hallmark sentence… ) One of my special CF (Customer Friends) sent me the most beautiful music just now with a fantasy all written out for us to enjoy the next time we talk. I’m spoiled. Another special CF sent me MORE music with a much appreciated tip on the side for good measure. A new CF of mine also sent me a much appreciated tip the other day and then proceeded to … well… I won’t air his business all over my blog but – I’m thinking about you, Lincoln. And I hope that you are doing what needs to be done so you can do what needs to be done. LOL. How cryptic was that? I’m well aware that I have been neglecting quite a few of my not so new steady and true CF’s (Tiffy – I’m REALLY sorry about that thing that I did that I didn’t mean to do…) and my schedule has a lot to do with that. So… (looks at time – and types faster) I am going to actually be logged in this evening. Last week I made it at 9:00PM – This week I probably can do the same. I’ve been having this little bit of a problem that I could use your help with. That’s all I’m going to say. LOL. It doesn’t happen often – but the last few days have been quite the marathon for me so — “step right up” sounds pretty crass, but… Step Right Up. I’ll also be logged in on Saturday off and on throughout the day/evening. We’ll catch up and you can forgive me individually – one at a time, please. Repenting on my knees is one of those things that never gets old, wouldn’t you agree?

Talk Soon!