I could write a post about that. But I won’t. Although at this point, I’m sure many of you are just happy to be reading anything I write about!

What I want to say is that I’m knee deep in finals week. Today will be my very first final. And if you all could just take a moment out of your day and say a little prayer for me (Dionne Warrick style) around 1:00PM PST, I’d appreciate it. I’ll be attempting to write 3 short essays in about 80 minutes for my English Literature class. Hopefully I’ll be successful, but I’m not good at writing under pressure (obviously).

All in all, this semester of school has gone extremely well. I’m sitting on a 100 percent right now in Math class. Yeah. 100 percent. Which means on every test I’ve done I’ve gotten 100 percent on. Can I say that any more times? Meanwhile in my upper level English class I’ve received a B on my last essay. Which really isn’t THAT surprising considering I suck at essays. Well, I don’t suck, they just aren’t my ‘thing’. I’ve really enjoyed this class though, and I’d love to nail the final and walk out of the class with an A. I deserve it. And then there’s the Anthropology class, that even with an excellent tutor (thank you Dr. Benway!) I’m still struggling with all the terms and stuff I’m forced to learn. Axis. Coccyx, Tarsus, Occipital, Gracile, Robust, Sternum, Calcaneus, phalanges, metatarsals, temporal, deciduous… seriously. It’s a damn 1 credit lab class and I feel like I’m in medical school. Haven’t been surrounded by that many skeletons and skulls in – well, forever, really. When I’m done cramming all of this information into my head I’ll impress you with some of the things I’ve learned (do you know why your clavicle is S shaped? I do. ). It really is fascinating, this human body. And I am really (despite my bitching and complaining) so excited to be in a position to learn all about so many different things. Going to school is by far one of the smartest things I’ve ever done and I’m so absolutely blessed and thankful to have a ‘job’ that allows me to continue my educational goals. That was what I would have written in November. A big huge Thank You to all of my clients and friends.
But yeah… I didn’t.

So I’m almost done. And then I’m going to take a little bit of a vacation. Twice. But more on that later. For now know that I’m thinking of all of you, and even though my schedule is a bit fucked at the moment, it should get a bit clearer in less than a week. I am still logging on during the evenings, and lately I’ve been staying on overnight. I can’t promise I’ll hear the phone ring at 3:00AM, but I have been getting up regularly around 5:30 thanks to my alarm clock (wink wink nudge nudge to you know who for being my alarm clock every morning practically!) I’ll update some things around here after Thursday’s last final and settle down long enough to put up a working schedule. At least. I hope.

Oh, and Manic Make up Monday became more of a Manic Finals Mayhem. I’ll postpone that until maybe next Monday. Or not. It’s Christmas time, maybe I’ll have every Monday in December be Make Up Monday! ahaha. Remind me to tell you all about my massive makeup collection. I make it seem all innocent and cute and in some little make up case with a zipper, but in reality my make up collection takes up more drawers than my t-shirt, panty, bra and sock drawers combined. Some people collect cars, dolls, coins, stamps, or bones (that’s a small nod to my Anthropology Professor who I think has a crush on me. She’s a girl. More on that later!). I collect lipstick, nail polish, eyeshadows, and other stuff. *shrugs* What can I say?

I can say bye. That’s what I can say. Gotta run and prepare for my final, and go to my prep for my math final that I can fail and still get an A in the class. It’s the small light at the end of a long tunnel – like many of you have been these past few weeks of cramming and studying and crying and moaning and screaming and … oh – wait – that was my last call. My bad. But in all seriousness, thanks for all you have done to make this semester a great one. You’ve kept me sane. I’ll make you proud.

You’ve all made me a very, very happy girl.

Talk soon!

Can I just be real for a bit?
Thanks.

Typically I would sit and think about where this post was going, and then tie it all up at the end in a nice little package. Sometimes I don’t even try to do this at the end, but like Jerry Springer during his “final thoughts” segment, everything seems to come to some nice finish at the end. I find myself compartmentalizing things, discarding things that don’t belong in the post, thinking that I’ll have time to write it all down later. I rarely remember what I was going to write before. So. Just bear with me. This is going to get a little hard to follow – and it will sound a little manic at times. I do have a point. I’ll try to focus in on it every now and then.

So now that I’m done with school I’ve realized a few things. Ok – not DONE with school, but done with another semester of school. #1: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have time for everything that I want to do in my life. This past week I’ve taken a road trip and done some protesting at several rallies about the state. Yup. I feel so… liberal. I realized when I was chanting and raising my home made banner in the air for all to see, that I really want to be more involved in things outside more. This is a really exciting time for us – no matter what “side” you happen to be on. And for a lot of youth (said like Vinny in My Cousin Vinny), this is our most exciting time yet. It’s our Civil Rights Movement, our Vietnam, Our John F Kennedy/Camelot, our whatever. There are so many issues right now for people — young people particularly — to get involved in, it seems a shame to NOT get involved more. So I’ve joined a few things, and am working on getting myself on the school newspaper so I can try my hand at being a journalist. At first I was on a mission simply to be involved in more things because schools look at things like that when applying for scholarships. Which I didn’t get the ONE that I tried out for at my school. Which really was a kick in the throat. Worse than a kick in the stomach if you can imagine. But as I started thinking of things that I wanted to be involved in (community organizations, volunteer programs, school sororities for 3.0 GPA students that is transferrable to 4 year schools) I realized that I really ENJOYED these things, too. It wasn’t just for show or to get money for school, you know? So I’m doing more things outside of attending classes and work and gym. Which is exciting. #2: I’m beginning to realize that I really have 2, I mean 3, jobs. The other day I got the bestest book in the whole world from a client/friend of mine. This book is the bible for writers. It gives tips on submitting stories and preparing manuscripts, and applying for scholarships, and all kinds of other useful items. I somehow think of myself as this writer, but I don’t give myself the time every day to do it. And though I’ve been talking about doing this for the past 2 years it seems (maybe more?!) I have come to the decision that this 6th month (already!) of 2009 I am going to start doing the things I know i need to do. Some of my friends in my writing group tell me that they pay themselves to write every day. They consider it a job – and put in 4-8 hours of writing non stop, even if it’s junk, they just keep writing. For 4-8 hours. And at the end of that 4-8 hours they clock out and go do whatever else they have to accomplish for the day. They even pay themselves, even if it’s a dollar an hour. They don’t let anything disturb them. While I don’t have 4 hours to do this. Or even 3 hours. I do have 2 hours a day to start with. Plus, I don’t think I can afford to pay myself for more than 2 hours! So from now on I’m thinking of my writing, school and niteflirt as jobs. And I’ll be doing at least 2 of them every day until whenever I can afford to do only one. The last thing I’ve realized is that one really has to make conscious decisions on what to do with the other part of their day. For example, sometimes I really enjoy veggie in front of the television. I tell myself that I deserve to do it because of X, Y, and/or Z. And I think that sometimes that’s just cool to do that. But I think that I have to be conscious of the many things I do that don’t contribute to my goals for Niteflirt, School, or Writing. And those little time wasters I have to figure out a way in which to eliminate or at least limit them in my life so I can have time for everything else I want to do.

Now that Spring Semester is over, I have a little bit more flexibility with my schedule. I don’t as of yet have my fall schedule. But I am planning on taking a few more classes next semester, too. At least one more class. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m currently on my Mac and it’s difficult for me to get in to make these changes – so I’m announcing my new summer hours, here. Keep in mind I do have a few vacation times coming up, but I will update you to those times as the dates get closer. I have customers that like late night hours, and some that like afternoon and early evenings. There are some days that I could log in during the mornings, and other days that … well, you get the point. I have tried my best to provide hours that fit into all of my customer’s schedules, so that at least once a week they are able to get in touch with me. If you don’t see a time that works with your needs, please feel free to drop me a line and I’ll do my best to accommodate you.

So this is exciting, yes? Little CeCe is growing up. And while that means I won’t be hanging around here as much as I use to, I do think it means that the times that I do hang around, I will be at my best for you. I will have great, new, and exciting things to share with you, I’ll have more time to write about them, and I’ll have a more active imagination and things to bring into our fantasies and role plays. Growth is always a good thing. *wiggles eyebrows up and down*

Hope to speak to you all soon. Thanks for hanging in there with me during Finals week and the week leading up to finals. I got an A in my math class (applause applause) and I don’t know what I got in my philosophy class yet. I’ll let you know when I find out. That is a whole other story though. Maybe I’ll write it up and password protect it. You can all write to me for the password if you’re curious. Just don’t want the stuff cluttering up my page. Seriously – the guy was a real… work of art. A real… pain in the ass. A real…good argument for birth control. It was THAT bad. 2 semesters in a row of great teachers. I can’t tell you how badly I am looking forward to being able to transfer the hell out of this school/college/hell.

Enough. Here’s my schedule for the next few months (subject to change during vacation times):

*****

Monday 12:00PM – 4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Tuesday 8:00PM – 12:00PM
Wednesday 12:00-4:00PM, 10:00PM – MIDNIGHT
Thursday 11:00AM – 3:00PM (times available for appts after 11:30PM)
Friday (Earlier times available by appt) 10:00PM – 2:00AM
Saturday 11:00AM (earlier if possible) – 2:00PM 10PM – 1:00AM
Sunday 6:00PM – 11:00PM

******

As you can see, I’m working quite a few hours during summer break. This time will be spent on the phone with you all, hopefully, but I will also use this time to do any maintenance work that needs to be done around my website, niteflirt pages (I see that there are some pages that still show me as a 19 year old… and while that fits with my name, it’s not exactly accurate, is it? ), uploading YTWD RADIO segments, doing custom orders for mp3′s and updating and creating new picture packages. Also, any correspondence will be done during these times FOR SURE. I may be able to respond to a few emails as they come up outside of these hours, too, but you can definitely count on me responding during these times specifically. What I will not be doing during these times: watching television, disciplining Jackson, washing dishes, eating or preparing my meals, talking to family members, driving…you get the picture. This is so that you and I have time just for us, and you never get the feeling that you’re interrupting a good movie or anything like that. If I have things that I need to do, then I will definitely log off and do them, but hopefully I’ve made a schedule that will enable me to take care of business before pleasure. Let’s see how this works out and reevaluate at the end of a week or two, yes?

I will be logged in this evening for another hour, and then I will be heading on to bed. Tomorrow I’ll follow the schedule as posted: 12-4:00PM, then 10PM – Midnight. I have an appointment at 5:00PM tomorrow, so if I get an especially long call at 3:30PM, I’ll gently remind you that I’ll need to go at 4:30 if the call has continued. You may want to call me earlier in order to make sure we don’t run out of time.

Off to respond to a few emails and write up a few custom recording requests. Talk soon! and thanks again for hanging in there with me during the final hell week/s. We made it through, though! Finally!

“Are you going up?” A kind older gentleman asked me from a elevator.

“Sure!” I said – lightly jogging to the doors, my computer bag thumping gently against my thighs.

“Floor?”

“Um – 5th, please.”

He pushed the button next to his 4 and the doors gently closed. I didn’t know what kind of room would greet me when I stepped off the elevator. Holding my card that would be the key I walked towards my room and stuck the card in the little slot. A red light blinked back at me and I jiggled the handle of the door. Turning the card over I tried again. Several times I wiggled and jiggled that card in the slot before finally glancing again at the door number. Walking down the corridor I tried again. Green light. Entrance was granted. Hopefully I didn’t freak out the person in the other room too badly. I hurried through the door of my room just in case.

To the left was the closet doors – a safe (If I had brought any porn or toys with me I would have stored it there. No one wants the maid to see their stash!)- hangers, coffee maker, iron board, ice thingee, cups, shelves. A bathroom, with a mirrored door capturing my amazement, was across from the closet. In it, a good size tub and a nice shower and the best part? Immaculate. The living area housed a Huge King Size Bed – with pillows galore, overstuffed chair in the corner – a big desk – a ginormous (that’s gigantic and enormous combined) television on top of a chest of drawers (2 bottled waters on top. $3.50 ea. Are you fuckin serious?!)Floor to ceiling drapes – one layer sheer, second layer heavy upholstery that can block out a fire storm. Behind the drapes? Sliding glass doors leading to a balcony over looking outside eating area, pool, and hot tub.

I dropped my bags (carefully) on the floor and ran and flung myself on the king size bed. “1 FULL NIGHT WITH ROOM SERVICE!!!”, I screamed into the pillow, hands and feet kicking, swimming, joyful. Lying on my back, I stared up at the ceiling, then took in the paintings on the wall, then noticed a package on the desk. Walking towards it cautiously, I noticed that it was addressed to me with the address of the hotel. “Eddie?” I’m sure he wasn’t in the room…but how did he plan all this? I opened up the package, read the note, leaned against the desk and looked at the gifts piled in the palm of my hand. This had to be a dream. If so, the ring of the phone didn’t wake me from it.

My phone call with Edward was filled with giggles and sighs and too many thank yous. “You don’t need to thank me.” He said with a smile in his voice. But I did. Because I have never had such an experience. Ever. And while I’ve had some really awesome gifts, this present was — unexpectedly sweet and romantic.

For a little more than 24 hours I lived in a clutter free, stress proofed, climate controlled, paradise. Everything was paid for, Eddie had told me, just tip well. I gave the waiter a 200% tip, partially because I didn’t have anything smaller, and partially because I didn’t notice the bill that clearly had a spot to put in the tip. Tips and room service would all be covered, billed to the room, picked up by him.

“Did I do something right?”

“What?” I asked the waiter.

“Did I do something right?” he repeated, holding up the bill I had given him.

“I guess we both did.” I told him, assuring him that the tip was, in fact, for him.

Word traveled fast. By that evening I was Miss CeCe. As in, Miss CeCe is everything ok?, Miss CeCe is there anything else we can get you?, Miss CeCe would you like this billed to your room? Miss CeCe…

I could write about this high for the rest of my life, and still I would miss some intricate detail, some look, some touch…one of my senses would be jealous of the other. I’m going to miss something. I’ve worked on this post now for 2 weeks, turning it over again and again in my mind, and I can still see the look on the waiter’s face when I gave him that tip. I still taste the french toast the next morning, and my legs still remember how they stretched across the king size bed with no puppy, lap top, or text books getting in the way of my stretch. My body still tingles from the bubble bath I took while speaking to him later that evening, I can still hear the complete joy in his voice knowing I was having a great time and the surprise the next morning when he completed the check out on line. “You practiced restraint” He had said. 1 movie, 2 meals, a few drinks for a girlfriend who came to visit, Internet Access…It seemed a lot on top of the gift, the room, the peace. You know, I might not have fully understood why he did it, had it not been for the waiter and the look of surprise on his face. “Did I do something right?” he had asked me when I gave him the 20 dollar bill for the 10 dollar cheeseburger with too little ketchup.

Seeing the joy on someone’s face from an act of pure generosity is amazing. Understanding that more than once I have been the one in the position of the waiter — that is, providing a service for someone and hoping that it is significant and pleasing. More times than not I am given 200 percent more than what I have given. But I have never been in the position of being able to be as generous as I was that day. I will not forget that feeling and because of it, I will more than likely find a way to have it happen again albeit on a smaller scale, like on the phone with you.

So there it is. My high. Floating down a little bit the past few weeks, but still there, happily floating along and thankful for the ones who see the right I do. Often.

I’m not sure what this weekend is going to hold – but it is going to be an adventure. One of my callers (He is going to be called Edward Lewis – I just NOW decided. He’ll know why) treated me SPECIFICALLY to a night in a rather upscale hotel with the only conditions being… I must first have hot phone sex with him from the hotel. Movies. Room service. Sauna. Pool. An evening away from home. I invited a friend for a bit – and she will more than likely stay for a long time. She hates hearing people breathing when she sleeps (omg – I have the quirkiest friends!) so she won’t stay the night because I do happen to breathe when I sleep. If she does spend the night, am I wrong to worry about my safety? Anyway, I decided that when she leaves, it might be a great time for me to either catch up on my sleep and take a long hot bath or watch some tv naked on the bed…OR… I could share part of the great time with all of you and log in on Saturday night and have some loud don’t need to hold anything back lets get a little crazy phone sex on Niteflirt. What do you think? Yeah. I decided it was too good an opportunity to not share with you all. So – I’ll know better what the time frame will be but more than likely I’ll sign in sometime around midnight ready to play. Check out time is 10am, isn’t it Edward? If so I’ll probably work 3 hours … 4 if I am able to… and then I will fall into bed, happy, content, and relaxed. Of course I’ll be on sometime tomorrow, too. After first taking a nap as it appears to be one of those all nighters for me. Let’s finish this up.

I got another 100 percent on my Math test today. I got 49 out of 56, but my homework points boosted my 49 to a 56. *whew* See? Why was I so worried. Can I just say that 3 of the questions I got wrong were completely stupid mistakes. I’m not saying I’m stupid, Tiffers, I’m just saying that I made some really careless mistakes. I need to watch those errors. Even my professor was surprised when I got 2 wrong on the first page. “CeCe – you got two wrong on the first page?!?” He said. I took my medicine. I don’t know what happened. So that’s done with. Later today I’ll get my philosophy test back. I’m hoping for a B.

I did have another test that I took. 4 hours of testing to see about my spatial and processing and memory skills. All my test scores came back above average except for my reading comprehension, writing, verbal, spelling (yeah – I’m laughing over that one, too) and … one other one I can’t remember (remember … aha. That will be funny in a few more sentences), in those areas I was far above average into the “gifted” realm. Yeah. Tiffy was fuckin right. I am brilliant. My memory and processing … a little below average. So you see. If I happen to forget who you are the next time you call, it’s not that I wasn’t paying attention, it’s that my memory really isn’t good! Ha! I have a very GOOD excuse/reason. Nah – it goes hand in hand with A.D.D. Bottom line? The Psychologist said I should aim to go to school and get my Master’s degree if I want. That I’m very capable and that I should have no problems with being a successful student. Even my Math competency was above average. yeah. Me and math – who woulda thunk.

So things are beginning to fall into place as far as my plan is concerned. I found out that I probably need to take a foreign language – and most English majors take Spanish for some reason. It’s recommended by one of the schools I’m considering – so… I also have a few more science classes that I need to complete along with my Math courses. Looks like another year and a half AT LEAST – probably 2 years due to the math requirement needed to transfer. Of course, I may get into the school with out having completed all of my math – but before I get a degree I gotta have it somewhere. I’m okay with the time frame. Slow and steady wins the race. Right?

So – I think I’ve pretty much caught everyone up on my life – and sufficiently dwindled more time away from having to write this essay that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not even an essay, really, because if it was, I’d be done with it already. It’s more of some kind of report. I don’t know what the bleep it is. It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. haha!

Spin tomorrow morning, then class, then training in the late afternoon with the Nazi. Will log in when I’m awake – hopefully before Midnight. Email me before then if you need to. Oh wait – I have an appointment with my D. before then – and THEN training at the gym, nap, then log in. One day I’ll update that schedule of mine. Just remember how you can legally stalk me on twitter and I’ll try to update my niteflirt plans as they become clearer to me.

Talk soon – and thanks all – for the great chats/talks/emails. Mostly, thanks for keeping close watch. It feels good.

Even though I’ve continued going to school – and have managed 3 semesters with straight A’s — I need to step it up a little bit more and push myself just a little bit harder. I really don’t think that my philosophy teacher understands how unsatisfying a B is in PHILOSOPHY. I mean – seriously, dude. B’s are so not even last year for me. He thinks that 10 hours per paper is what is needed in order to squeeze an A out of him. I’m about to find 10 more hours to dedicate towards thinking and thinking and being confused which is basically, as I see it, the life of a philosopher. Move over How I Met Your Mother and make way for Hannah Arendt’s The Life of the Mind.

My friend recently alerted me to the fact that I don’t write about anything other than school, sleep, work, and my dog. I’m well aware that people my age should be out partying and having fun and living it up, etc., but as my callers know – I’m not typical. I don’t even pretend to be. I’m this ultra sensitive chick, that happens to enjoy listening to men cum, enjoys a great orgasm and some kinky age related, feminization, exchange of power, etc. play, loves a great book, a cool movie, and some sticky sweet soundtracks from some sickly sweet movie. I’m the girl who wears glasses, still has braces, adores Build A Bear Workshop, and still gets teary during the last chorus of Danny’s Song. The harmony is some of the best harmony ever, don’t front. You’ll get teary, too! I don’t care how that makes me look – it happens to be the truth! So sorry – I don’t have time to be typical right now. I have a plan. I gotta finish what I need to do — move on to a 4 year college – get done with what I need to do – and then go on to get my masters at a good graduate school. And time is a ticking. So what does this mean for you? You’ll be reading a little bit more because …well, I need to write more. I’ll probably be starting a new blog or at least adding a section to this blog for some of my extra writing things, AND – I’ll be heading back to work with my eye on the prize so to speak. No more time for moping this week, boys and girls. CeCe is on a mission!

My-Aunt-the-pharmacy has prescribed some heavy duty medicine for me the past few days to aid me with my sleeping issues – but I think I’m ready to try with out the aid. I’ll see ya tomorrow sometime. Until then … wish me luck. Keep me focused if you can. And if you aren’t able to do that, at least provide me with a great escape for as long as you are able (it will fuel my creativity, honest. )

P. S. Just so I won’t forget: A girl in my Math Class called me a “stupid bitch” today – and I was instantly thankful to my trainer. She could have called me a “fat” bitch – or a “stupid blonde bitch” – but she just went with the “dumb bitch” as she ran through the door of the classroom… which tells me that not only is she the stupid bitch ( I have the highest grade in the class – the Professor told me as we chatted in his office while he ran his hands up and down my toned, thin, calves) but she’s way out of shape if she had to run through the door so I wouldn’t catch her stupid bitch ass and beat her with all the anger and resentment and heartache I’m holding inside. LOL! Wow… I kinda just told the story, didn’t I? Oh well, remind me about it because the whole story IS rather funny if I do say so myself.

So as you can tell by this entry – I survived finals.  I tried to start early with my Geography Final – but I was still organizing my notes up until the moment I sat down to do the test.  I have this ritual, you see, of redoing all of my notes and reorganizing everything.  Before analysis (lol – doesn’t that sound so mature?!) I thought it was just another procrastination thing I did, but now that I’ve spoken to the good Dr for several months I realize that organizing and rewriting things is my way of remembering things.  The whole different color pens and pencils and illustrations and teaching other people about things I am learning, etc. is just my way of committing these things to my memory bank.  Apparently it works.  But not with out a whole lot of drama.  Because I am so visual with my learning, I made a trip to Office Depot, Staples less popular and rather geek-y younger brother.  Sorry, it’s true.  I walked into Office Depot because it was close to the gym I go to, with a goal in mind: Sticky notes.  50 dollars later I make my way to the counter where I start reassessing my purchases.  "Do you really need this, CeCe?  Nah.  Put it back.  What about these pens?  Yeah – definitely need to keep them.  But what about these?  Nah … put those back, too…"  So I set aside a few things and tell the Office Depot Clerk that I won’t be needing them but I’ll take the still substantial pile of things that looks like a good 40 bucks still, even after the "save".  This little clerk looks me in the eye, I kid you not!, and asks, "Can I ask you why you won’t be taking these items?"  …

"Pardon?!"

"Why don’t you want these?" He asks again, more boldly this time, his beady little cashier eyes burying their way into my very soul as if looking for the answer there.

…

…

Yeah.  That’s silence from me.  Because I can’t believe that in all my life I have never been questioned on my "go backs" before in a store, and I’m now considering whether or not this is a new practice in lieu of the "R" word (recession).

"Um.  It was an impulsive moment — and I realized I didn’t need those after all."

"Oh."  He says, still looking me in the eye uncomfortably while making no move to ring up my purchases I DO want, "because I was going to offer you a discount."

It’s now apparent that we’re having a little stare down.  I uncomfortably hold his gaze.  I don’t say a word.  He hasn’t offered me a discount, I don’t think there is a discount that exists, truth be told, and if there is a discount, I should have been aware of it when I walked in the store.  I’m not buying a car, here, I’m fuckin buying sticky notes and note cards and pens!

I win. He breaks my gaze, needing both eyes to locate the scan gun and the bar codes on my items. "Okay," he says with a nervous laugh,"Your total is 40.03."

I couldn’t get the hell out of that store fast enough.  Later, at the gym, I tell my Nazi trainer what has happened and her eyes get as big as mine must have been as she wonders, too, what will happen when she goes shopping later that evening.  Her shopping experience has been, in a blink of an eye, altered.  Ruined. "It’s a different world out there."  I warn her looking at her ominously. "I would suggest hiding the things you don’t want and not bringing them to the cashier with you to be put in the ‘go backs.’"  I say "go backs" making the quotation marks in the air as if to suggest that "go backs" is a historical word like cassette tapes — something that exists only as a fond memory in the corner of your mind.

"Yeah."  She says in a quiet scared voice.  "I don’t know what to do…"

Today I was in the area and I glanced over at The Office Depot Store.  For a moment the thought of pens lined up in their little shiny plastic containers called to me and just as I found myself weakening and answering to the call of the pretty ink, I was snapped into reality by the windows covered in ugly brown paper.  STORE CLOSED was written in black sharpie on the paper.  Maybe the question was just a sign of desperation and not a new adopted method of cashiering as I had feared.  I felt a bit bad for Office Depot.  But I’d be lying if I wasn’t a little bit relieved, too.

I didn’t even use my supplies from the store.  I didn’t get to the note cards, I was still copying over my information onto my notebook paper.  I did look up my grades for both English and Geography, however, and I managed to get 2 A’s.    Yeah me.  Perverted English teacher and Wind Patterns, Wave formations, and currents couldn’t stop me from achieving my A’s I so desperately wanted!

I also survived Christmas.  I managed to survive not giving everyone everything they wanted for Christmas, and even though I still have a few presents left to mail (Hey – there ARE 12 days of Christmas, are there not?!) I didn’t do so bad.  I realized this year that I so badly wanted to show the people I love how much I really did love and care for them and sometimes you just can’t do it with money because even if you had all the money you wanted (this is a long ass sentence that is need of a comma somewhere but I’m out of school right now so I’m not gonna bother, k?) you still couldn’t show someone how much you cared and loved them with a present.  It’s just not possible.  I use to think it was.  But it isn’t.  I mean – I don’t think there is one thing on my wish list that anyone could buy that would tell me exactly how much I mean to them.  I’ve had some great presents, don’t get me wrong, but I think that presents don’t transform their way into a feeling easily.  I tried to give gifts that represented a little bit of what I felt and how the other person made me feel, but … it’s hard.  Tiffy had to remind me several times that it’s the THOUGHT really — knowing that you crossed someone’s mind on a special day — that matters most.  I thought Tiffy was full of shit — but then I started to think of the things you all have given me and the fact that no matter the size of the gift or the price of the gift – the fact that you thought enough to send me a word, picture, tribute, gift, or smile made a huge impact on my life and did my spirit wonders.   Believe that.  So thank you all for the tributes, gifts, notes, calls, and "business" this year.  You have impacted my life with things you have said, delighted me with secrets you’ve entrusted me with, cheered me with gifts of your friendship, lusts, and fantasies (giggles), and truly impressed me with your courage in trusting me to hold your secrets safe.  I hope you never have to say "Pardon" to me (wink); that you know you can always "go back" and try something different or not at all.  Most of all, I wish you a very safe and blessed New Year full of every delight you can ever imagine.  If I’m invited to be a part of that in some part next year – great – but if you discover and hold tight to the delights you receive …. all the better.

Happy New Year, Friends!

I have a killer bruise on my wrist. I’m not sure if it’s from the Nazi or what is going on. It hurts to type. It’s turning a really neat greenish blue color – with a hard tender spot in the middle of the bruise. It’s almost on the bone – but no worries. It’s not broken. Unless that would get me out of doing my Geography project.

Oh! Do you know what today is? It’s my anniversary!! 2 years ago I started on NF. I should see who my oldest customer is (who still calls me. I had the whole new girl on the site popularity for about 2 weeks and I have not seen nor heard from those who stole my cherry since. They just came – (literally) threw me down on the bed – had their way with me – left me a few gold stars – and never looked back. *sniff* I was so nervous. And my braces were just new, too. I was lisping really horribly and I was so nervous that no one would understand me because I had recently had an expander put in that made me sound like I belonged on a special yellow bus. Tiffy — you’ve been around since almost the beginning, haven’t you? You were here before Rolf, that much I know. Joe was pretty new, too but he’s MIA. (watch him make an appearance now that I’ve mentioned his name. Silly Joe) And GreenLattern. He’s been around since my pre braces days. Kidding. Though I do have pictures of me before braces. I may put them up for all my guys who are mourning the passing of TEEN CeCe. These pictures will definitely put ya all in the mood. Crooked Teeth and all. You can practically smell the “Teen” on me! *wink* So yeah . 2 years. And it’s been a great time. I’ve met a whole lot of people and taken I think at last count – over 3000 calls total on all my listings. That’s a whole lotta “Oh God I’m Cummmmming!”s!!

I know you wanted some wine and crackers and a real hot naughty fantasy and stuff on our special day — but it’s going to have to wait until after this horrible project I’m knee deep in. I swear – if anyone wants to go from the southernmost tip of South America to the Baffin Islands – and need a few places along the way to site see and shit – let me know. I have about 13 places for you all mapped out. I can tell you how to dress for it, what parks are in the area, and what the topography is. And some day when I’m even OLDER than I am now – I will put all this to use, more than likely during dinner parties, where I will be rubbing my toes in my dinner date’s lap – giggling as he gets harder and harder and tries to cover up his excitement by clearing his throat.
730 days and 3000 calls later… I’m still enjoying what I do. It’s been a great ride — and I’m not getting off (the ride!) any time soon. No worries. This isn’t a good bye speech. It’s just a … Good God I’ve been around for a bit, haven’t I? speech.

More later. Wish me luck. And someone look up the biome of Topeka Kansas, please? I’m busy trying to figure out what mighty wind is blowing on La Serena Chile. And after I figure that out I have to solve World Peace via a few virtual hand jobs and slurps.
Hey… we all do our part.

But this year it was really one of those things I did not want to mention on here because I knew that if I announced it, I would have to figure out what I was going to do about the big departure from TEEN wet dream into the world of just wet dreams. I thought for awhile that I would retire once I reached the point where I could no longer call myself a teen. And I’m aware of the fact that there are some characters on Niteflirt who never age, and no one really cares … but just as my braces will eventually come off (less than a year and counting) so must I lose the “teen” in my name. How will it sound when someone calls me up and asks me how old I am, and I say “twenty.”? *click* I figured that retirement was as good an option as any. I wasn’t going to go suddenly. I would have had a party. Balloons, ice cream cake, a big candle in the shape of a penis. You know the kind. *wink* But yeah, I figured turning twenty was a sign to hang up my phone and headset and go into retirement.

I’m not going to retire. Come on. I’m not even done with school now, and there is a recession going on out there — and retail is not having a great time. Retail is what I’m best suited for, being a ‘young adult’ and all. So I’m going to sit still for a bit longer. I may change over to a different domain, but more than likely that will happen once my braces come off and I’ll turn into a young adult and leave the teen thing behind me. Even Peter Pan had to face growing up , you know.

So school is going. I got a perfect score on my Geography Map Quiz by the way. Ask me where the Canary Islands are. Go ahead, ask me! Geography is about to hit an intense level. We’re learning all about currents and wind patterns and other stuff I can’t even repeat…that’s how lost I am. But as lost as I am, I’m still getting a solid B+ in that class. After our field trip this weekend, I’m sure I’m getting an A+. We went to see the butterfly um .. what is it called? Farm? Reserve? and it was by far the prettiest thing I had ever seen. Then we went and looked at wave patterns on the beach. I’m not lying. We looked at wave patterns and then we also picked up rocks and tried to figure out what caused what topography. I kept on looking around this certain bend after hearing that that is where Santa Barbara University was. Can you imagine going to school on the damn beach? Come ON! Is it possible to get any work done at all? I saw quite a few students out tanning and surfing that day and also quite a few walking through the forests where the Butterflies hung in their little pods from the Eucalyptus trees. I have to go back there with Jackson. He’d freak out over the waves, but he’d really dig the Monarch butterflies, and the hike would wear his ass out big time!

English is a joke. I had mentioned once that I loved my teacher, but that love has quickly turned into a hate I can’t even express. I’m going to mention something in here now knowing that my readers will be sensitive and not ask me to do some sort of warped fantasy. I can do a fantasy about any other kinky freaky professor except for this guy – because it’s just too real to the truth. This is what happened. I wrote a paper about milk and how it’s not a good thing to drink. It’s an argumentative paper, I’m not going to get into it because I’m bored with it already. It’s a good paper but … yeah. Anyway – so I’m talking about milk and the milk commercials and I mention that it’s kind of sexual in nature, the whole milk above the lip thing and sexy models in these tank tops and fit bodies drinking it and blah blah blah. I don’t mean anything other than “sexual” in a very LOOSE term. Why the fuck did my teacher write on my paper “some people call it cum shots?” ???!!! Why???!!! Can anyone tell me in what world is that appropriate? I’m so not even lying. Not only did he write this on my paper, but then he announced it in my class that he wrote it on my paper too. While I was busy trying to figure out why the fuck he felt he could write something on my paper like that (to my knowledge he is not a caller!) I started to feel the eyes of every fuckin male student in my class looking at me wondering what it is that I knew that made the teacher write something like that on my paper. Seriously, I could feel them assessing me – checking me out in a very uncomfortable fashion. There are fantasies and then there are realities, and this, my friends, is a most creepy and gross reality. Before that gross comment my teacher has had other stupid things to say, too. About the Holocaust: “Get over it – lots of people have suffered.” About Koreans, “I didn’t know my son was mine … he ate so much rice I thought my wife had an affair with the postman … he’s Korean.” About Black people, “I told my friend once – hey – at least I can change color!” you get the picture. I was getting a C+ in my English class after I got straight B’s on my papers and Essay – but then I missed handing in a paper and got a C+. I handed in my paper last week though and I got a A- on it, but got counted down to a B+ due to it being late. Hey – I’ll fuckin take it. But I won’t take comments of cum shots on my paper. I still feel dirty – and I have done/talked about far more dirtier things in my life, trust me. Just somethin’ about a comment like that outside of niteflirt makes me way uneasy. Strange, huh?

In order to process all this stress of school and work and life and the uncertainty of our futures – I’ve taken my stress to the gym. I hired a nazi, let’s call her Elsa, and she kicks my ass 2 -3 times a week. I went to see her today and my finger tips hurt. I stepped up and down on a platform holding on to a weight that made me immediately decide against breast implants. My goodness – I practically tipped over holding onto 10 pound wheel of a weight. How ever do you big titty women keep your balance? Elsa says things to me like, “Do you want the easy way to do this next exercise, or are you ready for a challenge?” Damn her. How quickly she learns. All you have to do is put “easy” in front of something and “challenge” in front of the other choice – and you know I will do it. “So CeCe – do you want to deep throat me on your knees which is the easy way? Or do you want the challenge? You’ll be on the bed – on your back – with your head over the edge – and I’ll lower my 10 inches down your throat and you try not to gag. Which way do you want?” Shit! 10 inches of course!!! lol. In all honesty, though, I’m competitive as hell. It’s a good thing most of the time, but often I just set myself up for pain. Which I am experiencing now. But I love it. I absolutely love it. I love lifting weights, and doing girl pull ups, and doing balance work and core work and going 4.2 MPH on the treatmill on a 6.0 incline for 45 minutes. I enjoy sweating like a pig – walking out of the gym past all the muscle dudes, and knowing that I kicked my own ass and that I’m strong and capable and sweaty! It’s a great, great feeling. It’s also a great way to release a whole lot of worry, anger, grief, pain, etc. with out hurting anyone!

There are so many ways that we can deal with discomfort, hurt, stress, anger – and most of these ways that we use to cope will land us in the hospital soon enough. Cigarettes, overeating, stress, tempers, destructive lifestyles, not asking for help (or directions), etc. are just really counter-productive. One of the ladies I met while working at the gym a few years ago was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. I house sat for her – and she was so alive and energetic and … I can not even bear to call her up and talk with her. But I know I need to because she’s not going to be here for long. I promised myself that I would not be one of those x-smokers who nagged people to quit, and I’ve really kept that promise. But today I’m just going to end my long waited for post by saying that there are other ways to relieve stress. You could go look at some monarch butterflies or take a walk on the beach if you live in sunny southern California. You could join a gym – all the money you’d spend on cigs will surely pay for a membership, won’t it? You could also masturbate to a favorite movie or pictures (I will be updating my galleries very soon!!! I mean it this time!!!) or even call me for some release. However you decide to release some stress – I hope that you are able to release some so that you are more able to enjoy this holiday season coming up. You’ve all been such great gifts to me this year and I appreciate each and every one of you. Even calls that weren’t “perfect” or “five star” quality taught me a lot about myself and helped me to grow into the mature 20 year old I am today. Happy Holidays!! May your days and nights be Merry & Bright!

Tuesday: 11:00AM – 3:00PM, MIDNIGHT – 3:00AM – (later if needed)
Wednesday: 12:00PM – 3:00PM, off and on Wednesday evening – Thanksgiving preparations under way.
Thursday: Will try to log in once everyone passes out from the Turkey – but no promises. If I can make it it will be after 7:00PM PST.
Friday: TBA
Saturday: TBA
Sunday: TBA
*Feel free to make an appointment or email me if you need me to be available during a specific time for you. I will do my best to accommodate. *

Update to schedule: 11/26/08 — my late nites and school is catchin up with me! I’m actually going to take a nap. Yeah. A nap. It does a body good! I will be logging in and out intermittently throughout the next few days – but will try to keep you abreast of my comings and goings. How much innuendo can I use in a sentence?