So the gray skies really cleared up. Literally and figuratively! California’s “winter” consists of rain - and boy did it pour. Over the past few days (um - probably about 4 days in a row) California has been dowsed in a heavy duty layer of wet. If I was the kind of kid who believed that rain was God’s tears - I would seriously start packing up and contracting a local carpenter to build an ark. I’m not exactly sure how much rain actually fell on us - but it was significant. Jackson, now 89 percent potty trained (LOL! I like the looks of that - 89 percent…), suffered from a few set backs. One day I brought him inside with a towel draped over his head and his furry body tucked inside of my sweat shirt - placed him down on the floor for about 2 seconds too long and he proceeded to unleash a stream equal to the streams that gushed in the street gutters outside. Had he not peed this stream on a visitor I would have been impressed. Picking him up in mid-stream only soaked me and his little body and by the time I placed him on his potty pad reserved for rainy days - he was pretty empty and just looked up at me like - “um … was that really necessary?” The thunderstorms - or flood - or God’s tears - meant that Jackson would have to be entertained inside. It also meant no walks - no freedom - no smelling the pee and poo of other dogs in the neighborhood. It basically meant jail - and from that moment forth, Jackson organized and led his own revolt against the establishment (me.) He chewed thru an important media hub, he made a hole in his play pen, he barked and growled at my computer screen - especially when my browser pointed towards Niteflirt. He found a way to unzip (I’m not lying) his little bed I bought for him at Petsmart months ago - reach in with his little snout - and pull out every bit of foam in that “puppy” and distribute it all over my office floor. Not at all sated, Jackson then spent the remaining part of his sentence humping everything in site. Pillows, stuffed toys, my shoes, and his blankets were no longer safe and probably all have to attend some serious counseling to get over the trauma of a little furry marshmallow jack-hammering away. I’m sure if there was a tin cup around - Jackson would have found a way to run it across the “bars” of his prison cell…he was so not happy.

Jackson was not the only one who was suffering though. I found myself slowly slipping into this dreary rain induced coma. I had lots of projects to do - lots of new ideas to implement - but I could not find the energy to break thru the huge amount of code hell that poured down relentlessly around me. Um - not around me - ON me. With each project I felt that there was more and more and still more to accomplish. I was rowing along not so gently down the stream and I wasn’t getting anywhere. It wasn’t the type of depression really that I sometimes drift into around certain days - it was more about being frustrated. Overwhelmed. Fed - up.
So I called on a few people to help me out - some who were experiencing their own weather-causing hell - and some who really had no idea what to do to help me because I was so drenched I couldn’t even effectively communicate what exactly I needed! The AGONY!

A few days passed - and a few patches of sunlight managed to make an appearance before the rain proceeded - but I had some relief. But then before any rainbow could appear, the rains would come again.

Then Monday happened. Not a cloud in the sky. Blue skies - smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies. I don’t know what changed besides the weather - but I felt just the tiniest bit of … hope. I sat down - I discussed what I needed with SBJ, Tiffers, and Doc. I googled till I couldn’t google any more - and then I did something that amazes even me. I fuckin did it. Fuckin’ is so necessary right now. I downloaded the fuckin plug in - I uploaded the fuckin plug in - I read the directions backwards and forwards - promised endless blowjobs to Doc if he could help me figure out what the hell I was doing wrong to cause the damn fuckin thing to not load - and together we did it. We absolutely did it. I did it. It was my last minute ditch attempt to find a work around to something that hopefully eventually will be better - but for now it looks pretty damn good to me. This morning I woke up - ok, ok, ok - this AFTERNOON I woke up (I went to bed at 7:00AM - installing that fuckin plug in and talking to my callers in between - thank you ALL!!!) and sat down and started again. I found the damn RSS feed - though I am afraid to even mention it out of fear I’ll lose it again!, I found a website where I can upload my podcasts and where they will give my podcasts meaning (rss feeds, etc.), I uploaded and linked my voice samples to my listings (I maybe should have done 1 individual one per listing - but for now it’s set up as a play list - each time you push play it will cycle thru 3 voice samples… ), I worked out in between my accomplishments - took some more calls - redeemed 2 gift certificates for lovely presents on my wish list, received a pretty fricken terrific tribute from SBJ along with 3 cds (Free To Be You And Me, Carole King’s Tapestries, Carole King’s Greatest Hits), a dvd of FTBYAM, a book (FTBYAM), and a packet of about the loveliest pens EVER!, Vday chocolates and candy from Doc (he just knew I needed sustenance to continue on my hell-acious journey!) and several dozen calls from Tiffy (resulting in orgasmic bliss) to power me along. I realized as I jumped over hurdle after hurdle (once I got momentum that is) that I was actually now having a little bit of fun.

So I’m good. I have miraculously (well - thru drive, tears, sweat and many long pm’s and emails from my support staff - lol!) installed a plug in that will allow you all to listen to my podcasts - right here on the diary. I have also signed up for half a dozen pod communities where my show - YTWD - Come Dream With Me - will air proud and strong every Monday - starting Wednesday (lmfao) January 30, 2008. I did purchase the domain: YTWD Radio, which is still in the works. Eventually that will be the home for my podcast - but it is no longer detrimental/crucial. It will happen when it happens…

I will post the podcast to this very post after I have completely edited it. It’s running a bit long at the moment - but it might be due to the fact that I had to use 5 minutes to explain a whole lot about NF - not everyone who hears it will be a customer of mine - but here’s hoping (with in reason and time restraints) that many will be. Thank you to EVERYONE for helping me endure this mighty huge hurdle. A lot of you shouldered a lot of my anger, frustration, tears and sweat and I’m so damned relieved that I have something to fuckin’ show for it! Thank you SBJ (for the books, mic, pens, cds, gifts, etc!), Tiffers (for the coding support, shoulder, ear, pm box, cheers of elation when I succeeded, and presents - you know the ones I’m referring to!), Doc (for the candy, chocolates, cds, reading the directions slowly and carefully and making suggestions even though I snapped at you plenty of times for giving them to me, and for finally stumbling on the message board/comments where we found the one who helped me the most. What is his name, again? And yeah - I know I owe you blow jobs and sex for the rest of my life.), and even Rolf who managed to call me from Spain for a few minutes and briefly listened while enduring food poisoning to my woes and tribulations. And thank you Mama Tee. Even though you push me endlessly to be more independent and rely a bit more on my own resources and reading comprehension - I never really understood (or appreciated) how that would be valuable to me at times like this - when life and other circumstances render you unable to be at my beck and call. I learned a lot - as painful as it was - and while there is still so much more to learn, I feel that I can handle it. I still need you, you know - but at least I have a great appreciation for the things you have done for me - and a greater appreciation for the things I can accomplish when I’m pushed to the limit. You’re still my bff and I love you.

So to everyone who helped me thru yet another CeCe drama… This podcast is for you.

Thought I would quickly make a brief post updating everyone on updates, ytwd radio, my schedule for this week, and Jackson.
Come on - you didn’t seriously think I didn’t realize that most of you are wondering about Jackson, did you? I know who carries this blog and holds all of your affections in his little dirty paw!

First things first. It’s taking me awhile to figure out this whole podcast thingee. Seems the most simple part was figuring out audacity and adding tracks and actually talking. LOL. There is quite a bit more that I need to do - and it seems I completely didn’t take all of those other factors into account. I apologize. While I could just throw up a link here and have you listen as you did to the introduction - I really don’t like doing things like that. It doesn’t look the way I want it to - and the other alternatives would take more effort than I currently have the time to take. There is a bday celebration that is due to start in about 2 hours, and I have been spending this entire weekend on this project. CeCe needs to buy a card, purchase a present, and be part of the family for the evening. At least for a few hours. So … sorry that I broke my promise of the YTWD Radio jumping off on Monday. While it will jump off sometime soon, I hope, this monday is not the “sometime” I had originally planned on. My apologies.

Which brings me to my schedule. I usually try to log in on Mondays by 8:00PM. Due to the aforementioned bday Celebration I will be logging in later. Probably around 11:00PM - though I could show up a tad bit earlier. Count on me by 11:00PM and no one will be disappointed, okay?

At the risk of sounding really …. emotional (?) let me just end this post. I’m so disappointed that I couldn’t follow through on this project. Even though I know that eventually I’ll be able to deliver it to you - I still feel like I’ve made yet one more promise that I haven’t followed through on. I hate that I have become that kind of a person to ‘you’.

I will be on tonight and ready to work. Don’t worry - I’ll be in a much more upbeat mood. LOL. Just having one of those moments - and felt that expressing it here so I could let it go would be appropriate.

Oh - wait - Jack. He’s fine. His stitches are still in - he’s chewed through 2 things of value so far (and counting) and is currently napping at my feet looking all innocent and white (though he hasn’t had a bath since the operation and can’t until the stitches “dissolve”) and reminding me how lucky I am to have him. He’s brought a lot of joy to my life - which is really much more valuable than anything his teeth find to destroy. At least that’s what I keep trying to tell myself. *wink*

I’m going ahead and taking the plunge. I’m writing now because I know that should I wait any longer to write this post - it will be the length of my screenplay I need to submit by semester’s end. That really isn’t much of a problem except that I have no idea how to pitch it to my class mates. *ahem* Yes, esteemed classmates and somewhat cute but slightly aggravating professor, I would like to pitch my blog - YOUR TEEN WET DREAM. Picture it: teen girl living with her family - father is a minister - she’s slightly on the innocent side with a slight open bite that is being corrected with braces. She stumbles upon Niteflirt - this on line community of sorts - where girls can advertise for stimulating sexual conversation. She starts with a flourish - taking calls as often as she is able to because, frankly, she enjoys the attention, sex play, and exploring the nasty side she has kept hidden for several years under the pretense of straight A student and virginal only daughter. Suddenly she receives THE call that changes her life forever and before long she is knee deep in … in… um… sin. She attempts to break free - to find some sort of balance between her life as a student, upstanding citizen, obedient daughter, and organist for her father’s church - and her life after dark where she masturbates frequently to the moans of her callers. But is it too late? Will she be able to regain some sense of “normal” or has she crossed the line of no return? Coming soon - to a theater near you….

See? just doesn’t quite work, does it? Though it does excite me to think about my professor’s comments and feedback. Wonder if he’ll put a new “spin” to it after class? *wink*

So here is the long awaited for blog entry. Hope I don’t disappoint. I’m a bit out of practice…

A few days ago I woke up to a series of Charlie Horses. First my left thigh was attacked. I’m usually not a baby when it comes to physical pain. I will cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to my feelings being hurt - but I’ve pierced my own ear for crying out loud (by pushing an earring thru it - I didn’t really think paying someone to push an earring through my ear was sensible when I knew I could do it myself…), stepped on a few nails, twisted my ankle I don’t know how many times, popped my knee out of the socket and had it pushed back in and finished the softball game I was in immediately afterwards, completed 50 ab throw downs at the gym with my personal trainer and lived to talk about it the next day - and through all of these physical tribulations I’ve never shed so much as one tear. I’m a tough girl - don’t let the appearance fool you. That is the rather lengthy “set up”. Here’s the point: When I woke up and was immediately attacked by Mr. Charlie Horse - I moaned so loud my family came to see if I was alright. I stood there perched on one leg like some drunk, sleepy stork while my family ran around me offering me advil, vitamins, hot pack, cold pack, and finally some spiritual laying of the hands ritual to ease my pain. Nothing worked. Finally I asked for some icewater - and either the shocking cold liquid at 6:00AM - or the 10 minutes that had passed - finally cured my spasm. I limped slowly to the couch stretched out a bit - and then was rewarded by another charlie horse in my calf. Serious pain - and not a kind way in which to greet the morning.

While I was recovering from my Charlie Horse Hell - I started to think about this schedule I’m on for school. I’m thinking I might have been a tad bit over zealous when I signed up for my classes. I’m literally exhausted. I spent all day today sitting in a chair in the living room watching old episodes of TOP CHEF. I have seen all the episodes of this season at least 50 times but I sat there and watched them anyway. Then I watched one of my favorite movies with my family - and I don’t watch movies with them often. My family (and I am included in this familiar trait) are talkers during films. That’s if we stay awake during them. We’re the annoying people in front of you at the theater who talks to the characters, solves the crime, tells the person who is being chased to watch out behind them, and names every movie the person on screen has been in. We’re truly annoying. Yes - I’m including myself in the annoying family trait category. To my credit, I did math homework while I watched - and I did complete another huge section of my Math homework. My point (damn I’m all over the place right now) is that I think I’m taking too many classes. I’m just a little bit overloaded. Parenthood, School, Work, and I think I have the beginnings of a social life, too. I’m exhausted - and it takes a lot for me to admit that - but there it is.

So until further notice - change the times I’m available at night to 8:00PM - Midnight - Mon-Thurs. and then Friday - well - I’ll try to log in but maybe you all wanna call me or set up an apointment if earlier times are needed. Saturday I’ll attempt to log on before 7:00PM, how about. And Sunday … let’s just play that by ear, k? I’m really sorry. I’m trying hard to settle into what my little tiffy correctly identified as “pattern”. There is a rhythm to my madness when I am in school and I’m desperately attempting to find it. I think it should be clearer in the next week or so once my first examinations are under my belt.

Jackson is fine. He’s growing up into a rather attractive puppy. He is mostly sleeping through the night by my side - but he’ll wake up every now and then to pee a lake on his potty pad…and well - I have to wake up to escort him to it. He’s a good eater, loves his little chicken strips - and is hilarious when I bathe him. He also loves biting people on the fingers, toes, ankles - whatever he can grab on to with his razor sharp baby teeth. I wish he’d use it on his rope toys but he doesn’t find them half as appealing as human flesh. I’d be more worried except everyone (including his Vet - whom he adores!) tells me it’s just a stage. The other day I went to kiss him on his little puppy snout and he bit my lip - top one. It was just a little nip but those teeth penetrated a few layers of my skin with little to no effort. God it hurt. I teared up a bit and looked at my son and told him firmly, “no bite” and he got the cutest hurt look on his little puppy face. I stood my ground though and eyed him down. He finally looked away from me - whimpered - and then softly licked my cheek. Ask me if I’m still mad. Go ahead. How can I be mad at such a cute little boy doggy? He insists on being the alpha dog and ruling the home with his cute looks - but nah uh. I’m Mama… I wipe his ass and pick up his poop - I will be obeyed. If only in the fantasy version.

So again - I’m sorry for not being around as much as I had originally promised. I will eventually strike some sort of a balance and in the meantime I’ll try to at least be weekly in my entries (lol) and let you know here what my up coming schedule may be. Thanks for the patience, calls, letters, presents, tributes and well wishes. And to the comments I’ve received - I haven’t forgotten any of you and will be calling you out in later week/s - don’t worry.

wet, delicious, teeth free kisses,

So here is my new website/blog, etc. !! What do you think?

Now before I go any further I want to say that I am still the same fresh faced little teen that you have all grown to love, cherish and adore (lol!) - but I have grown up a bit and as time goes on I’m starting to settle into my own skin. “Whatever do you mean, CeCe?” you may be asking. Well, allow me to explain.

In the beginning I remember I felt a little intimidated by some of the girls who had been here (on Niteflirt) longer and knew the ropes of the business better than I. But I’m learning that what I don’t know business wise - I pick up quickly in regards to “customers”. Like, I know that it’s important to really have my heart in my work - and to really care about the customers that allow me to care about them. I know that part of my job is to make it not a “job” but more personal and um… maybe a labor of love (does that sound too contrived? I don’t mean it to…), but while not making it so much a JOB I also need to be dedicated and consistent in my work “habits”. So this site is more grow up for me because of that, too.

I also realized that I’m starting to really grow into my own. I’m making decisions that are best for me and not based so much on what others expect of me. I’m standing up for my decisions and also accepting that with that may come the need to apologize or do things in a different way. I guess I’m trying to say that I feel bold. I feel daring, and exciting, and as if I have a point of view that is not only worth expressing but also needs to be expressed.

So anyways - yes - this is a new look for me. Gone are the pinks and pastels and all the colors I love to wear and adorn myself in. In its place are colors like red, black and white. Strong forward colors that make no apology - and don’t even try to blend in. I think that this website best reflects where I’m at right now. Maybe at a later date I’ll return to a more traditional “barely legal” thing - but right now I’m enjoying the fact that I’m shaking things up a bit - and hope that you appreciate and love the new look, too.

:) Wow - that was very adult and professional explanation, huh?!

On a lighter note: YEAH!!! It’s finished - completed - and though there are a few little things that I need to do behind the scenes with my mama tee/designer - most of it is fit for human consumption - hence the grand opening here! Make sure you click on all the pretty little links above because there are some new things you may not have been aware of.

I have a gallery up, for example, and you can now actually see what you are buying. (blush). I know before with just random buttons you weren’t aware of what you were getting - but this way you can see what I’m wearing (for however a brief time!) and determine whether or not you have that set of pictures or not. I think you’ll appreciate the ease of the pictures much better this way. I know I do!!! I will have a story section up by the end of this week where you can get some custom made stories (if that suits you) or just some stories that have been invading my brain for a bit. You know I love writing - so if my writing brings you pleasure in the erotic sense, you’ll want to check out my stories for sure! I also will be adding additional recordings with some new software I found online - and I even created a short video clip that will be added sometime soon, too. I think when everything is set up my site will run so much more smoothly and will be an asset to my business - while making it easy for my customers to find out more about me or just get a CeCe fix.

Thanks for all the kind comments so far - and thanks again so so so much to my Designer/Bestest Friend Forever/2nd MaMa/Angel of Mercy (lol!) for doing this wonderful “re”(?)design for me. I can’t stop staring at it. I love you for all that you have done to create this, all you have “put up with” to make it happen, and beyond all that - your friendship. I know I’m not the easiest person all the time to befriend (Seriously - I’m not… I get hurt very easily - I tend to hold grudges when it’s not necessary - and I can be a bit “entitled” and take things/people for granted) - but I’m glad you’re able to let me know when I need to “grow” up - and love me INSPITE of all my shortcomings. You mean so much to me and I am truly BLESSED to have you as my friend.

*tosses the kleenex to the side*

Ok, then - back to business. I have so much to work on - but I also need to eat something. I’ve been up all morning and haven’t eaten a thing yet! Not a good thing. I know that a few of you may be wondering where the heck I am - now that I have no life for a few weeks - and the answer is: I’m doing stuff. (lol). I’ll be back on probably early evening for a bit. Not sure what plans I have tonight or if I’m up for anything other than getting some sleep and curling up and reading one of my new books.

I just had to give my heart (Tee) her own little “shout out”. You don’t really have to kiss her ass or anything - but a nice “congrats” on a great design would do wonders. (don’t take it too personally, Tee, if you don’t get many people saying anything. My readers mostly call to tell me their reactions to posts and don’t like putting themselves out there - so whatever comments I get I’ll just pass them on to you verbally. Yeah - that means you’ll have to answer your phone and take my calls for a LITTLE bit longer. hahaha!)

Oh my goodness - it has been a BUSY last few days around here! Not only have I had calls galore (and again - new calls as well as repeat callers! *waves*) but have also had tons and tons of FUN doing the calls. The day has been hot! (107 degrees hot). Serious. California is burning up and I’m beyond over it.

As much as I would like to talk about all the great and interesting and truly exciting calls I’ve gotten over the past few hours - I have to mention something extremely exciting to match all that excitement! And that is… MY WEBSITE IS COMING!!!! Oh my goodness! I am so excited I can’t hardly contain myself. Remember the post before this where I was talking about Christmas being my least favorite holiday? Well - IF Christmas was my favorite-est holiday - today would be like Christmas. My super duper crazy best friend forever, Tashia (aka BSP) has made me the Website of my dreams. Or I should say is MAKING me (as I type) the website of my dreams. She has already shown me the first page of the main site and it is absolutely adorable and wonderful beyond my imaginations. I feel like an absolute doofus - designing the little that I have so far on my listings and site here after seeing the magic she has spun over there with her photoshop. She is truly gifted when it comes to things like these.

She’ll probably be making an appearance over here once it launches so you all can pat her on the back and kiss her butt the way she is accustomed to - but just so you know - I have known Tashia/Tee/BSP longer than I’ve had some undies in my drawers. Wait - that doesn’t sound so cute now that it’s out… Basically T. and I met through blogging awhile ago and she took me under her wing and tried to get me to act right. It was terribly clicky back then (this is when there was moveable type and greymatter instead of wordpress…) but Tee (the popular girl) kinda adopted me and taught me so much about everything. We’ve been friends ever since. I guess she’s had this idea now to make this site for me as a belated 18th bday gift since I’ve grown up so nicely - and the other day she gave me a little peek into what she had in store for me. What she has done is short of miraculous. I know I’m really bigging her up - but you have to believe me when I say - she is muy talented-o, and as much as I’m so proud of the website that will be mine - I’m even MORE proud of the fact that I, in all my brattiness, could retain (hold onto) such a wonderful, creative, generous, and absolutely beautiful person like her. *tear*.

I will definitely link her as a “friend” somewhere on here - because I’m aware that I have some callers who may be in need of some designing services - OR in need of some humiliation services. yup. That’s my friend. And you should be scared. I’ve been scared of her for the past 5 years, I think. Not that I’m complaining - I might be pregnant and giving away free shows on yahoo if I wasn’t scared of her threats that I behave and act right. Thanks “mama” Tee. I love you - even more than your work…so you know that’s oodles and oodles, yes?

So I’ll check in a bit later maybe (in a day?) and talk about some of the more interesting calls I’ve gotten today. Since it has been a while since I mentioned him, I need to say a special “hi” to my Uncle Randy. Or is that RALPH? J/K. He was the first to spoil me rotten - so you can all blame him for my temperment and bad teeth (from all the candy). He was also the first to really care about my educational goals, contributing much more than he probably could afford just to see that I continue with school and make something of myself (not like being a FLIRT isn’t “something of myself” but you know what I’m saying…). He called me today and made sure that he pleased me totally before even grabbing a minute of satisfaction for himself. And when we were “done” - he gently reminded me to come to him if I needed anything. I find his generosity almost overwhelming. He truly wants nothing from me but happiness and a shared smile now and again - and so I had to quickly thank him- for not only his friendship but also for his love and support (and I mean that in a nice way, UR. )

I got some work to do before the website is revealed so I have to cut this short(er) than usual. I’ll be on off and on tonight - to catch up with anyone I didn’t catch earlier this morning or this afternoon. Till then….