I just got done emailing some of my friends from my last writing class at school. I had to tell them I wouldn’t be returning to campus as a student. I’ll still be doing some volunteer work (because, hey, I need these things on my application for schools!), but I won’t be attending school there. I’ll be working on my math class. Trying to get the damn stuff done already. I have one final math class, and I’m taking it off campus with my tutor.

A few years ago, I came across this porn movie with Gauge in it. She’s this blonde that is exceptionally gifted at anal sex. Actually she stands on her head and gets fucked in the ass which, hats off to you, Gauge, is impressive! The movie I first saw her in had the title Bring em Young. They said it was a university, and I thought it was just a porn thing. Clever, too, I thought. Cuz it actually sounded like it could be a real school. BYU.

Imagine my surprise when my tutor enrolled me in an independent studies class at BYU – Brigham Young University. I told Sarah Nanette last night that I didn’t think it was a real school! As a result, I keep saying the name wrong. Bringum Young. Ugh. My tutor is going to think I’m a bigger freak than he realized.

It was super hard not signing up for any classes. But I don’t need them. I signed up for classes last semester because I needed them and they would count towards my major. But enough is enough. I gotta get out of the small college in this now small town and head for greener pastures. And it’s really scary. I didn’t realize before how much I was clinging to the school. I didn’t realize how it had become a crutch for me. And I didn’t realize how sometimes, when bad things happen, it kind of keeps you stuck. Even if you’re miserable, there is a safety in being miserable and stuck. There are tons of reasons why I want to continue taking classes at my old school, but none of them are healthy reasons, I’ve realized. So… I’m moving on.

What this means for niteflirt is, I’ll probably have better hours. I’ll be more flexible during the next few months. And I’ll be working more because BYU ain’t cheap, to be honest. One class is costing the same as 4 classes at my old school. And that’s not including the books that I’ll need. I’m reviewing a previous class at the moment so I’m covered, but by next month I want to be enrolled.

This is the most adult thing I’ve done in a long time.
And it feels good.

But I wanted to update everyone on the goings on of CeCe. I’m going to let you all in on a secret – but I am not looking for sympathy. Really. It’s just a heads up type of thing.

First week of classes kicked my ass. Turns out taking 5 classes (mostly literature) is pretty dang difficult. But REALLY fun. I mean REALLY fun. I’m having a wonderful time. Most of my classes are flowing into the other and I feel like I’m finally getting the whole college experience. There’s been several moments where I have been seriously ELATED to be learning. And I read some really incredible text – that was really difficult to read on a whole comprehension level, you know? And I aced my first quiz and could have written an A paper on everything I had read. I just “got” it. It all started to make sense. All the history and literature classes and PHILOSOPHY classes and Political Science classes – all those classes finally met at one point this semester and it’s like the planets all aligned. I don’t know if I’m making sense but it’s a great feeling to be able to use all this learnin’.

The result is – I’m still trying to figure out where study time goes and where play time goes. I figure it might be another week before I can put up a schedule. I know I haven’t had an up to date one since I was 18 (she says tongue in cheek).

This is what I’m going to do in the meantime: I’m going to log in when I get a chance. I don’t know how long I will last – but I will be sending you free minutes if I miss a call. and don’t go fibbing because I get a report of who calls and who doesn’t answer! So please don’t hesitate to call if you see me on. If I don’t answer I’m probably drooling on my pillow, in class and forgot to turn off my phone line, grabbing a quick bite to eat or something like that. Again – if I miss your call I WILL send you a couple of minutes for next time as an incentive to try me again the next time I’m on.

I got to lay down for a bit. This up at 7 and to bed at 2:00AM is beginning to take a toll on my eyes! But tomorrow today is my last day before the weekend so it’s going to be PARTY PLAY TIME at CeCe’s for sure, though!

Hope to talk/play soon!

So – I started school since the last post (I think. I mean I think I hadn’t posted since I started school, not I think I started school…). School is, once again, kicking my ass. But the good part about it is that, for the most part, I’m enjoying the ass kicking it provides. My sleep pattern is all messed up (um – it’s 4:00AM currently!) and I have homework up the arse, but I’m enjoying my classes (most of them) and enjoying my teachers even more. I’m taking an Anthropology lab, Algebra, and English Literature II. Thankfully I have tutors for Anthropology AND Algebra (Karl and Doc B.) so I just might pass those two subjects (haha!). Actually, let me stop pretending to be the typical “dumb blonde” and fess up. I’m smart. I’m not always LOGICAL, but I can apply myself to subjects I don’t excel in if I put in the time and effort, it’s easy for me to express myself so I do well in the humanities I also do well in English classes, I know how to apply my stubbornness and make it work for me, and I can charm the socks off of any professor if need be. I’m also learning to finally apply myself to things from the beginning instead of petering out towards the end when things get tedious and a bit boring. Sound familiar? I’m not always good at gauging how long a task will take, and so I’m often times overwhelmed by the amount of homework or reading I need to do, but I’m getting better at managing my time. Sometimes you just don’t have time to do EVERYTHING in your life, but I’m learning to make decisions I can live with. Like I said, I’m pretty smart. I get it.

So like I was saying before I side tracked myself, I started school. And with school comes schedule changes and messed up sleeping patterns, and later hours, and multi-tasking, and shortened patience and fuses, oh my. I can’t do it all so I’m not going to try. But I AM going to have a good year. I’m going to get A’s in all of my classes (yeah, even Algebra) and I’m going to enjoy my free time when I get it. So, give me a little bit of time (a week or so) to work out how everything is going to fit together. I need some time to know how many hours I need to complete my homework –especially my reading assignments (my English Lit class is no joke! I already read Huck Finn, 10 Emily D. poems, A Henry James short story, and my all time favorite poet Walt Whitman!, and it’s only the 4th week of classes!). I also totally believe that a social life is crucial for — well anyone with a pulse! All work and no play makes for a very dull and scripted phone sex girl. If I don’t go to the mall how else will you get the pleasure of hearing about my make up hauls? If I don’t ever go the DMV – how would you ever be blessed with my fantasies I create while waiting among California’s finest (ahah!). If I never go to a sing-a-long, how will you ever have the pleasure of hearing me sing Lonely Goatherd? All these things contribute to not only my sanity but your entertainment. Imagine how dull and boring I’d be if I never stepped out of the house or associated with the rest of the world? Yeah, I know, sex slave tied up in the basement sounds strangely erotic to me, too. But it can’t be. Yet. In a few weeks this schedule should be clearer to me and I’ll set times that you can definitely find me. For now – here’s the tentative schedule for the rest of the week. As always, if you happen to find me not on during these times, send me a message. There’s something in it for you if you do!

Wednesday: Noon-3:00PM. 10/10:30PM – 1:00AM (or so).
Thursday: 9PM-2/3:00AM (Earlier Evening Hours Available by request)
Friday: TBA. Will log in during the morning, and will log in during the evening hours as well. If you’d like to set up a specific appt, please email me and I’ll make arrangements to be on at a specific time for you.
Saturday: OFF Looks like I will be unavailable for all of Saturday. It’s possible that I’ll have a few hours in the later part of the morning (10:30AM/11:00AM – 2:00PM) but I’ll probably only be able to log in late Saturday night/early Sunday Morning…
Sunday: 1:00PM-10:00PM.

I have a busy weekend ahead of me and it looks like Saturday will more than likely be a day I take off completely. If you want to catch me this weekend you should aim for Sunday afternoon or Friday evening/early Saturday Morning.

Ok – this “quick update” ended up being a regular blog post. It’s 4:41AM and I should try to get a few minutes of sleep before I get up again and get ready for the school day. I am logged in now for some sleepy morning sex, but you better hurry while I’m still sort of coherent. Sleepy sex in person is pretty hot, but sleepy sex over the phone might be more of a study on dreams and sleep talking than getting any sort of sexual relief. Just sayin’.

I’m REALLY sorry I made this confusing. It sounded so good on paper, but executing it is a whole ‘nother story. Not sure if it’s just my hang over from Saturday haunting me or the fricken confusing way in which I explained these damn rules!

Forgive me and then give me a call. You’ll be glad you did!

So now I have a month off from school and I have ever intention of catching up on some things around here. Things are starting (finally) to look up around here, and I am proud to have not given in to the panic that surrounded me. I guess the paid mails are even working fine as of late. See? Patience IS a virtue!

Some of you remembered my birthday and thank you, but I’ve stopped celebrating them. If you call me, you’ll notice that I’m 19 again. I figure it’s a good year, and that way no one has to wonder why a 20 somethin’ year old is still going under “teenwetdream”. It will be our little secret. I still have my braces on, so as far as I’m concerned, I still look like a teen, and well, I’m still fighting to keep myself well with in your dreams. Yeah, I’m still corny.

So this is really just a quick update. If I make it too long it will be another 2 months before I post it. It is Monday, the 28th of December, and I will be logging in around 8:00PM this evening (that’s California Pacific time) and staying logged in until I can’t keep my eyes open. You should call me and say hi, if you haven’t had the chance. I definitely look forward to reconnecting with some of you AND meeting new and kinky/interesting men, too! Thank you for your patience these past few months, not only with niteflirt’s issues, but with my school schedule and stuff. I’m back. I promise.

But I’m back now. Well rested – and starting a new fall semester of college! I am so excited! I have a Journalism class I’ll be taking, and I’m taking a foreign language because some of the colleges I want to transfer to require it, and then I’m taking Algebra. I will definitely be taking a math class every semester for the next year and then hopefully I will have enough math to fill my requirement. I’m hoping. So now that my fall semester is figured out, I have the following weeks to spend with you, doing all those things I promised I’d do, but ran out of time. I won’t list them all here as I don’t currently trust myself to complete them yet. I use to really love writing lists – long lists – of about 100 things I wanted to do and then post them here for the world to see. But failing at completing the list became a bit much. It’s kinda like setting yourself up to fail a little bit. I have a tentative list right here beside me of the things I’d like to do today. I’ll let you know how I do at the end of the day, how about that.

FOr now – one of the things I’m completing is – writing in this blog. I’ve neglected it for a bit, and I also lost a little direction in regards to what I wanted to write about. I’m forever doubting what I’m doing here on this blog — I need to just quit it already and resign myself to the fact that I am a writer – and my blogs are going to be a bit different than the blogs that other girls do. I’m introspective and touchy feel-y and I rarely talk about things that include the words pussy, cock, and cum. I figure *for me* that it’s just a cheap way to go. I’d rather work a bit more at my entries – and leave the easier playful things for our calls – if that’s what you want. Or a recording. Or a story. This blog is my little “get to know me more intimately” measure. I dunno. It’s not as confusing as it needs to be though – so I’m going to stop making an issue of it. We all know how I write by now … so … um … get over it and move on. So yeah – I was saying – I’m writing in my blog! (checks it off her list) Yay, CeCe! I know. You’re waiting for it, aren’t you? the promises to write more. The something that I put in writing that you can remind me of when I fail to do once again (haha). It’s not going to happen. This is the new CeCe. I have a goal in mind – I’ll let you know when I’ve reached it.

So I was on vacation. I was on vacation that I hadn’t even really planned on. I knew I was going, but I hadn’t made “a plan” – I just knew it had to happen so I packed and I went for it. And you know, I’m glad I didn’t plan for it. Of course, it would have been better if I would have had a bit more money saved up for the thing, and it would have been MUCH better had I made arrangements to let everyone here know I was going, etc. etc. but one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that the more I think about doing something, the less I do it. I just have to DO it and stop making plans to do it or writing lists to do it and blah blah blah. Sometimes my fixating on certain aspects makes me less active in actually doing the thing. Like Nike, right? So I just did vacation. I went to MN to visit my family I haven’t seen in a long time, and I basked in the sunshine and absorbed the green that only MN can give you. I know there are “green” places all over – but MN has a kind of lush green that no other place has. When you’re in Minnesota, you can practically hear the color green. You can taste the color green. Green sinks into your soul and makes everything mellow and safe and almost dream like. Had it not been for my assignments I still needed to get in, I would have risked being eaten alive by mosquitos and just rowed out into the middle of the lake with a great book and napped and read, dreaming of a few of you taking shifts to sit next to me for a bit and feed me grapes and cheddar cheese or something. !

When I lived in Minnesota, I thought that California was the greener side of the fence. When I moved to California, I did not notice, at first, the sprinklers working over time because rain doesn’t love California the way it loves Minnesota. I trained my tongue to flirt over my o’s and adopted a sort of “tv valley girl” speech – something more sophisticated than the mid west lilt I grew up with. I forced myself to think of myself as a city girl, pretended that skim milk was better than whole and that spending 100 bucks on a dress was sensible, even when a pretty one from old navy would do just fine. I taught myself to look at the yellow brown green and identify it with summer, trained my nose to take in the ocean as a suitable substitute for ten thousand lakes, said soda instead of pop. But ya know what? Flying into MN at 6:00 in the morning with barely enough sunlight to make out the squares of farms and the ink blots of lake after lake after lake can’t hide the green from your eyes. The green rises up to meet you. Beckons you to come in for a landing. Paves the way to pastures overflowing with life that will melt on your tongue. Minnesota is that greener side of the fence. I’m sure of it.

So I’m thinking…I’d like to be that “greener side of the fence” for you. I’d like to be that one thing that fills up your senses, makes you know you’re undoubtedly talking to CeCe. I’d like to be the one who rains down on you just a little bit more frequently and is just a bit more taste-y, a bit more wholesome, a bit more fresh than anything else you’ve experienced. If I can do that during a call or two, I will be happy. You can have that one impromptu vacation day contained in how ever many minutes you have. Escape. Play. Dream with me. You’ll be glad you did!

My plan with this schedule is to work it religiously (and I’ve been really good so far, haven’t I? Even logging in a bit earlier than planned this evening, and staying a bit later both this afternoon and last night, too!) and then after a few weeks rethink things and maybe tweak hours as needed in order to ensure I’m working the best times for my customers. Thank you to those of you who put in your bids for times you’d like to see me on. I really do take that into account. There may be times that I don’t have the option of signing on for a full 2-3 hours, but may be able to log in for 30 minutes just for you, so your requests are not in vain. Let’s give this a whirl and see where we land, k?

So here is my realization. I realized a couple of things. One is with this new schedule and way of conducting my business. When I set aside time just to do business related things, then all of a sudden I’m ready to buckle in and have fun. My “work” doesn’t follow me into dinner time and school studying time and leisure time, etc. I feel fresh and renewed because I’m present and “with it”. It’s a really good thing. And what doesn’t get done during those hours, doesn’t get done during those hours. Maybe the following day I’ll adjust my schedule an hour to allow time to get caught up. But the secret I found is really setting aside the time and being kind to myself and as a result, I get to be good to you because I’m not frazzled and doing trillions of things at once. Just nod like you understand what I’m saying. lol!

Ok – the other realization has nothing to do with niteflirt. It happened a few nights ago. I was doing some research on this project I’m thinking about doing because I saw a need and I think that I need to fill that need. So I was checking on line to see what was available already and found myself looking through bumper stickers. Of course I ran to the Obama section where I found Pro Obama stickers and Anti Obama stickers. This was not the big surprise. The big surprise was, as I was reading through these bumper stickers, I couldn’t believe that there were people who felt so negative about something I felt so positive about. Ok – in telling this I’m aware that I’m sounding like a moron, but it’s deeper than just realizing that someone has a different opinion than you. It was like something clicked HARD for me. All of a sudden I got what people must be thinking of me when I’m so strongly FOR something that they are so AGAINST. “Is she out of her f’n mind?” “Is she an idiot? How the hell can’t she see what is happening?” “She always seemed like such a smart girl to me.” Etc. That’s what people who don’t think like me must be thinking of me. So it dawns on me the other day that wow. People might have just as much a right to their opinion (and I’m saying this with out paying them lip service, but actually meaning it…) as I do of mine. And maybe if I stop the criticism and judgment of people who think differently, I might be in a position of hearing what they are saying. And if I hear what they are saying (if they can say it in a way that would reflect their seeing my position as valid in the same way I would…) then maybe the attitudes and the ego and the whatever else would float away an there would be some, or we could maybe try to reach some, common ground.

Is it possible? Did I finally “get” something some of you have been alluding (I used it in the right place this time!!) to?

Anyway. Just some random things that go through CeCe’s mind in the middle of the night.

See you tomorrow. Remember– 3:00ish – till my evening appt shows up. Probably will be some time around 6:30/7:00 PM. I will try to log in after 11:00PM tomorrow, but I may be too exhausted to. I have writing group and sometimes I’m ready to just go to bed after and dream of phrases and clauses.

After my spin class I stopped by the bike store and picked up my first pair of bike shoes (I tried them out for the first time on Wednesday.  What a difference they make.  Of course I was immediately stuck on the pedals and couldn’t get unstuck for a minute which was embarrassing…).  As I was going home, I passed a dog care center and stopped in for a look.

Jackson will need to fill out an application (I mean I will have to fill out an application) and then go through a screen process (Jackson will – I am pretty sure I would be able to play nicely with others, even if they are dogs) and if accepted he will be allowed to play in the play group.  I’m thinking one day a week will be a good thing for him.  It’s about all I can afford at this point, and I just want him to get out some of his aggressions.  Oh … let me stop lying.  I seriously want Jackson to get his furry ass beat.  I think if Jackson gets beat a little bit he’ll understand he doesn’t rule the world as I have told him from day one.  *shrugs*  A nice ass beating is all anyone really needs when they get full of themselves is my theory.  Someone has to put his furry little ass in his place — towards the back of the line.  I’m by no means dominant, but even I have had better luck with turning men into submissive subjects than I have had with Jackson.  He’s determined to be the boss no matter what I say.  See if the great dane can teach Jackson a thing or two about being alpha dog.  Grabbing the application and a few brochures, I was pretty sure this was the place for Jackson and I.  Wait a second…

"Do you by any chance have training here?"  I asked the kind lady.

"Yes we do.  The owner is an excellent trainer.  She works with the clicker and uses praise and never raises a hand to the dogs."

Well… that will all change once they meet Jackson, I thought to myself.

"We also have dance class."

"Oh?"

"Yes.  Dance class with the dogs.  They have a great time and it’s really great exercise for dogs and their humans." 

Dear God. "Wow… that sounds…." 

"I know.. it seems silly." Silly was not the word I was thinking, but okay. Silly.  "But the dogs really like it.  The owner has won contests with her dog.  They are really quite good."

Heading out of the door with promises that I would be back with the application & bribe money attached to it, I caught a few of the pictures on the wall.  I didn’t see any dancing dogs, but I did see quite a few happy people with their dogs.  It seemed clean and Mr. Great Dane seemed to be telling me that he’d take REAL good care of Jackson.  In a non romantic sexual way.  Not that there would be anything wrong with that. 

With animals on the brain, I spoke to Mr. Location confused Karl.  Somehow the topic came to talking with the animals, as in ‘What, Lassie? Timmy’s stuck in the well?’ talk to the animals.  We started to name the animals that spoke to humans.  Flipper, Lassie, Gentle Ben, Skippy.  Skippy?  I asked, laughing.  Skippy, Karl insisted.  And together we looked up this Skippy and found him playing the drums, playing the piano, gnawing through rope and cracking the codes on safes.  A Kangaroo that gave kisses and wrapped his razor sharp claws around a poor unsuspecting child.  Everyone should know by now that I am deathly afraid of Kangaroos.  Skippy didn’t help.  Hopping around like some Acid Tripped out Rabbit.  Ugh.

Though I caught the repeats of most of the talk to the animal shows, I still tear up every time I see gentle ben and Grizzly Adams.  It may be the beard (have a thing for those, remember?) or it might just be the Maybe song.  Whatever it is … animals sure can cheer you up even as they frustrate the hell out you, can’t they?  So in the spirit of … I dunno…Jackson getting accepted into Doggy Day Care (hopefully) I thought I would share some of the animals that we can talk to, who get us out of the jams, warn us of children stuck in wells, and entertain us with their musical and dancing abilities.

I will be logged in during the early afternoon tomorrow… then going to writing class.  You can catch me on Friday Evening for sure.  If you have a specific time you’d like to talk to me and are wondering if I’ll be around, you can always set up an appointment and I will get back to you as soon as I can to confirm.

Talk soon!

P.S.  Mr. Counselor… thank you. I still can’t quite believe it. You understand. 

P.P.S.  Everyone else:  I’ll explain in 5-7 days.

P.P.P.S.  Happy Birthday to my best girlie friend in the world, Tee. I hate myself for loving you. It’s a strange kinky type of relationship.

Jackson was not the only one who was suffering though. I found myself slowly slipping into this dreary rain induced coma. I had lots of projects to do – lots of new ideas to implement – but I could not find the energy to break thru the huge amount of code hell that poured down relentlessly around me. Um – not around me – ON me. With each project I felt that there was more and more and still more to accomplish. I was rowing along not so gently down the stream and I wasn’t getting anywhere. It wasn’t the type of depression really that I sometimes drift into around certain days – it was more about being frustrated. Overwhelmed. Fed – up.
So I called on a few people to help me out – some who were experiencing their own weather-causing hell – and some who really had no idea what to do to help me because I was so drenched I couldn’t even effectively communicate what exactly I needed! The AGONY!

A few days passed – and a few patches of sunlight managed to make an appearance before the rain proceeded – but I had some relief. But then before any rainbow could appear, the rains would come again.

Then Monday happened. Not a cloud in the sky. Blue skies – smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies. I don’t know what changed besides the weather – but I felt just the tiniest bit of … hope. I sat down – I discussed what I needed with SBJ, Tiffers, and Doc. I googled till I couldn’t google any more – and then I did something that amazes even me. I fuckin did it. Fuckin’ is so necessary right now. I downloaded the fuckin plug in – I uploaded the fuckin plug in – I read the directions backwards and forwards – promised endless blowjobs to Doc if he could help me figure out what the hell I was doing wrong to cause the damn fuckin thing to not load – and together we did it. We absolutely did it. I did it. It was my last minute ditch attempt to find a work around to something that hopefully eventually will be better – but for now it looks pretty damn good to me. This morning I woke up – ok, ok, ok – this AFTERNOON I woke up (I went to bed at 7:00AM – installing that fuckin plug in and talking to my callers in between – thank you ALL!!!) and sat down and started again. I found the damn RSS feed – though I am afraid to even mention it out of fear I’ll lose it again!, I found a website where I can upload my podcasts and where they will give my podcasts meaning (rss feeds, etc.), I uploaded and linked my voice samples to my listings (I maybe should have done 1 individual one per listing – but for now it’s set up as a play list – each time you push play it will cycle thru 3 voice samples… ), I worked out in between my accomplishments – took some more calls – redeemed 2 gift certificates for lovely presents on my wish list, received a pretty fricken terrific tribute from SBJ along with 3 cds (Free To Be You And Me, Carole King’s Tapestries, Carole King’s Greatest Hits), a dvd of FTBYAM, a book (FTBYAM), and a packet of about the loveliest pens EVER!, Vday chocolates and candy from Doc (he just knew I needed sustenance to continue on my hell-acious journey!) and several dozen calls from Tiffy (resulting in orgasmic bliss) to power me along. I realized as I jumped over hurdle after hurdle (once I got momentum that is) that I was actually now having a little bit of fun.

So I’m good. I have miraculously (well – thru drive, tears, sweat and many long pm’s and emails from my support staff – lol!) installed a plug in that will allow you all to listen to my podcasts – right here on the diary. I have also signed up for half a dozen pod communities where my show – YTWD – Come Dream With Me – will air proud and strong every Monday – starting Wednesday (lmfao) January 30, 2008. I did purchase the domain: YTWD Radio, which is still in the works. Eventually that will be the home for my podcast – but it is no longer detrimental/crucial. It will happen when it happens…

I will post the podcast to this very post after I have completely edited it. It’s running a bit long at the moment – but it might be due to the fact that I had to use 5 minutes to explain a whole lot about NF – not everyone who hears it will be a customer of mine – but here’s hoping (with in reason and time restraints) that many will be. Thank you to EVERYONE for helping me endure this mighty huge hurdle. A lot of you shouldered a lot of my anger, frustration, tears and sweat and I’m so damned relieved that I have something to fuckin’ show for it! Thank you SBJ (for the books, mic, pens, cds, gifts, etc!), Tiffers (for the coding support, shoulder, ear, pm box, cheers of elation when I succeeded, and presents – you know the ones I’m referring to!), Doc (for the candy, chocolates, cds, reading the directions slowly and carefully and making suggestions even though I snapped at you plenty of times for giving them to me, and for finally stumbling on the message board/comments where we found the one who helped me the most. What is his name, again? And yeah – I know I owe you blow jobs and sex for the rest of my life.), and even Rolf who managed to call me from Spain for a few minutes and briefly listened while enduring food poisoning to my woes and tribulations. And thank you Mama Tee. Even though you push me endlessly to be more independent and rely a bit more on my own resources and reading comprehension – I never really understood (or appreciated) how that would be valuable to me at times like this – when life and other circumstances render you unable to be at my beck and call. I learned a lot – as painful as it was – and while there is still so much more to learn, I feel that I can handle it. I still need you, you know – but at least I have a great appreciation for the things you have done for me – and a greater appreciation for the things I can accomplish when I’m pushed to the limit. You’re still my bff and I love you.

So to everyone who helped me thru yet another CeCe drama… This podcast is for you.